Dad newly diagnosed, searching for other daughter caregivers

ATBrady
ATBrady Member Posts: 5
in Caregivers #1

Hello community, 

My dad was recently diagnoised with stage 4 lung cancer. He will begin his chemotherapy this upcoming Monday and I've been an emotional wreck. I am his primary caregiver and it hasn't been easy processing everything. Although I have a lot of support from my family and friends, I feel very isolated and loney in my experience. I am looking for other "daddy's girls" to talk to. Any words of encouragement, resources, and help is greatly appreciate it. 

Thank you.

Comments

  • Brooke279
    Brooke279 Member Posts: 1
    #2
    I'm here for you

    I Am here for you, going through the same struggles. I was just informed that my dad has made the decision to withhold this next round of treatment. Us children are not clear as to what stage he is on, but he's been battling for years. I'm seeking for support as well. My family members are just now starting to receive word of his decision and some how it is not me that they going after. I hate how death brings the worst out of people.

     

  • ATBrady
    ATBrady Member Posts: 5
    #3
    Brooke279 said:

    I'm here for you

    I Am here for you, going through the same struggles. I was just informed that my dad has made the decision to withhold this next round of treatment. Us children are not clear as to what stage he is on, but he's been battling for years. I'm seeking for support as well. My family members are just now starting to receive word of his decision and some how it is not me that they going after. I hate how death brings the worst out of people.

     

    Thank you

    Thank you @Brooke279 for your reply. I have so many questions and I'm really thankful for discussion boards like this.

    May I ask how you processed everything when you first learned about your dad's diagnosis? How has it been since given that he's been battling it for years? We learned about my dad's cancer mid May and I feel like everything's moving at a very rapid pace. His doctors moved forward with testing and treatment plan within a few weeks and I feel like I haven't had a moment to take a deep breath and fully process what's happening. It feels like a dream or more like a nightmare and I can't seem to grasp reality.

    My dad is very independent person and although he's open to treatment, I fear that he will also make the decision to stop treatment in the future. How are you taking your dad's decision? Did your dad inform your entire family when he was diagnoised? My dad is asking my brother and I to not disclose his diagnosis to the rest of the family. This is a very difficult request to honor given that my brother are not in the position to care for him full time. He is 1 of 9 children and we can certainly use all the extra help we can get. 

    I apologize for so many questions. This is very new to me. Thank you for your replies. 

  • caretothepeople
    caretothepeople Member Posts: 18
    #4
    Hugs

    I'm so sorry you're going through this. The news can come as a shock and it can be an up and down rollercoaster of emotions. One thing that may help is finding a local support group where you could connect with other caregivers in person too, or maybe working with a therapist for emotional support. being a caregiver is difficult and your wellbeing matters too.

  • Jamma
    Jamma Member Posts: 7
    #5
    You just found out, give

    You just found out, give yourself time. Remember to not let the idea of cancer take over, my mom gets tired of everyone focusing on it so much. When her friends visit in the hospital, they sometimes ask too many questions instead of distracting her. Other people can be annoying this way, but we do have to let others in to help. Me and my grandma visit my mom I the hospital everyday when she's there, but you run out of things to say. 

    Just know that you are not alone. I hope your Dad has a good Doc and great nurses.

  • Caity_Mae
    Caity_Mae Member Posts: 5
    edited August 2016 #6
    :)

    My dad was diagnosed over 6 years ago. He is doing OK but sometimes I wonder if he just feels like he has to act strong. I feel where you are coming from but if you need someone to talk to I feel like we share similar situations. Maybe not but it is always good to reach out for help if you think you need it, if only to feel like you have help and make you feel stronger...

  • Caity_Mae
    Caity_Mae Member Posts: 5
    #7
    Jamma said:

    You just found out, give

    You just found out, give yourself time. Remember to not let the idea of cancer take over, my mom gets tired of everyone focusing on it so much. When her friends visit in the hospital, they sometimes ask too many questions instead of distracting her. Other people can be annoying this way, but we do have to let others in to help. Me and my grandma visit my mom I the hospital everyday when she's there, but you run out of things to say. 

    Just know that you are not alone. I hope your Dad has a good Doc and great nurses.

    Good Advice

    Thank You Jamma for the good advice. Sometimes it is hard to remember that it's not about us it's about them and being there for them and to remember to breathe. I know in the beginning I acted really selfish. Now I try to distract my dad rather than make him feel like he is sick, maybe so he will forget he is and then

    IDK how helpful positive thinking really is but it seems to help me be more supportive anyways :) 

    I hope everything is going alright with your mother. Keep us updated on how she is doing :)

     

  • WV_Farmgirl
    WV_Farmgirl Member Posts: 6
    edited August 2016 #8
    It's different when it's Dad

    I've been a caregiver for my mother, my father, and now my husband (ovarian, lung, and multiple myeloma (blood) cancers).  In some ways, taking care of my Dad was the hardest because he was the man who had once been the strongest man in the world.  When I was little, I thought he was like Superman, just a little stronger!  Hearing the news about your dad changes all the underpinnings of who you are in the world.  Give yourself time to adjust and forgive yourself if you didn't take the news well, weren't as supportive as you think you should have been, etc.  No one gets a playbook for this game.  Just do the best you can.

    Caregiving is hard and one of the reasons that it is hard is because it is all about the patient.  Take care of yourself first.  My newest image, thanks to the counselor I am seeing, is that taking care of myself is like stopping to fill up the gas tank.  You wouldn't try to drive across the country without stopping for gas.  Don't try to take care of someone through the entirety of their illness without stopping to fill up your gas tank.  For me, that means taking time for walks and for "unnecessary" art projects even when the dishes need to be washed, the laundry is piled up, the lawn needs to be mowed, the house needs to be cleaned, etc. etc.

    WV_Farmgirl

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