Sick and tired of being sick and tired!

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EZLiving66
EZLiving66 Member Posts: 1,482 Member
in Uterine/Endometrial Cancer #1

I have been trying, for a WEEK, to get my Christmas decorations up.  My husband and son have both been trying to help but they don't know where things go so, I have to, at least, be on hand to direct them.  I work for 15-30 minutes and I'm beat!!

I know I need the rest because of this dang port infection and chemo but I feel like I'm carrying around the weight of the world on my back.  This has been my "good" week too!  Ok, done whining!!

I'm lucky my cancer was caught early, I'm lucky I have an extremely supportative husband and family, I'm lucky I can pay the bills insurance doesn't, I'm lucky to have so many friends, I'm lucky I live so near a cancer center, I'm lucky I have my little Spunky boy to keep me company, I'm LUCKY!!!!

Back to work!  I want to finish before my chemo tomorrow.

Take care,

Eldri Elizabeth

Comments

  • TeddyandBears_Mom
    TeddyandBears_Mom Member Posts: 1,811 Member
    #2
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    Eldri

    I suspect like many of us.... You are a type A.... hard to give up control. And, hard to not expect the same level of work out of yourself. As others reminded me very recently, we are putting our bodies through so much. I truly get your frustration. I just went through that myself with round 5. Got tired of laying around doing nothing for days and days. In the overall scheme of things, the decorations will look good regardless. Because they bring joy to your room(s).  This is the best place to vent. Glad you did. Cancer sucks. And Chemo is our lifeline even if it is a hard one to hold onto. I hope you see the beauty in your decorations once all is said and done. AND, maybe you will get that steroid boost after chemo you need to finish them.

    I'm opting to not do decorations this year. My husband and I talked about getting a small, already decorated tree just to have something. I just don't have the energy or interest to do more. And, we are not having any family here so it will be A-OK.  My last infusion is scheduled for 12/21 so my bad days will hit at Christmas. Regardless, I'll be celebrating life and hopefully saying goodbye to chemo forever!

    Take care of yourself Eldri. Rest often. Find the ability to accept your physical limitations and remember .... It is TEMPORARY.

    Love and Hugs,

    Cindi

  • Editgrl
    Editgrl Member Posts: 903 Member
    #3
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    It's tough to realize

    that during chemo our bodies aren't same as they used to be , especially if we've had few health problems before cancer.  In a sense, we don't know how to be "sick" or "not well."  It's hard to listen to your body when it's telling you it wants to rest after just 30 minutes when you are used to being a "go go" kind of person.

    I think it's doubly hard during the holidays when we have so many traditions and expectations of how our homes are supposed to look and there are so many things to be done.  It very pointedly makes us realize that things are not normal.  

    Hang in there, Eldri. Try to allow your body to rest when it needs to and your mind to accept these temporary limitations. And if you need to scream in frustration, we're here to listen and hear you.

    Chris

     

  • EZLiving66
    EZLiving66 Member Posts: 1,482 Member
    #4
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    TeddyandBears_Mom said:

    Eldri

    I suspect like many of us.... You are a type A.... hard to give up control. And, hard to not expect the same level of work out of yourself. As others reminded me very recently, we are putting our bodies through so much. I truly get your frustration. I just went through that myself with round 5. Got tired of laying around doing nothing for days and days. In the overall scheme of things, the decorations will look good regardless. Because they bring joy to your room(s).  This is the best place to vent. Glad you did. Cancer sucks. And Chemo is our lifeline even if it is a hard one to hold onto. I hope you see the beauty in your decorations once all is said and done. AND, maybe you will get that steroid boost after chemo you need to finish them.

    I'm opting to not do decorations this year. My husband and I talked about getting a small, already decorated tree just to have something. I just don't have the energy or interest to do more. And, we are not having any family here so it will be A-OK.  My last infusion is scheduled for 12/21 so my bad days will hit at Christmas. Regardless, I'll be celebrating life and hopefully saying goodbye to chemo forever!

    Take care of yourself Eldri. Rest often. Find the ability to accept your physical limitations and remember .... It is TEMPORARY.

    Love and Hugs,

    Cindi

    Thank you, Cindi!  Reading

    Thank you, Cindi!  Reading what you wrote made me cry.  You are right.  I am the center of our family and I just can't do it.  It's hard for my family to understand that although I know they try.  I am so sorry your chemo is 12-21 - that REALLY sucks to be that sick for Christmas.  I have two chemos in December but they're the 8th and the 29th so I should be fine for our daughter's college graduation on the 19th and for Christmas week when daughter #2, her fiance (he may already be husband #3 for all I know) and her three kids come.  

    Love,

    Eldri

  • EZLiving66
    EZLiving66 Member Posts: 1,482 Member
    #5
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    Editgrl said:

    It's tough to realize

    that during chemo our bodies aren't same as they used to be , especially if we've had few health problems before cancer.  In a sense, we don't know how to be "sick" or "not well."  It's hard to listen to your body when it's telling you it wants to rest after just 30 minutes when you are used to being a "go go" kind of person.

    I think it's doubly hard during the holidays when we have so many traditions and expectations of how our homes are supposed to look and there are so many things to be done.  It very pointedly makes us realize that things are not normal.  

    Hang in there, Eldri. Try to allow your body to rest when it needs to and your mind to accept these temporary limitations. And if you need to scream in frustration, we're here to listen and hear you.

    Chris

     

    Thank you, Chris!  I think I

    Thank you, Chris!  I think I really need "permission" to be sick as weird as that sounds.  I don't hardly ever even get a cold.  In a way, I'm glad my sister is in China.  She is the most like me and is the hardest on me.  Maybe she's just so scared, she just doesn't want to accept that I really am sick and this could have an outcome she doesn't want.  I'm over 14 years older than her and was more like her mother than her older sister.  Our mother wasn't much of a mother and our grandma took care of us most of the time.  

    Maybe I need to make myself a big sign that says "IT'S OK TO BE SICK, ELDRI!"  

    I had my little Spunky outside tonight and we were kind of running up and down the front path and playing and I thought next week at this time, I will have to sit on a chair outside because just walking out on the porch will tire me out so much I'll have to rest.....and it just makes me so dang mad!!

    Love,

    Eldri

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    #6
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    Great post, Eldri

    Thanks to the Creator for half full cups, it's good to be grateful. You'll get the decorations done , one day at a time.

    Moli, grateful too.

  • giggs100
    giggs100 Member Posts: 91 Member
    #7
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    Glad to see you venting out here

    Eldri I look forward to reading your messages as my chemo days are somewhat the same as yours only I am just starting with my applications.  I am so glad for this site so that I can glean information from all you lovely ladies as to what to expect and to know their are others in this world that has the same troubles as I do and how to handle it. I have been debating for over a week now as to whether to put up my BIG tree or my little Charlie Brown tree (that has lights and ornaments already on it).  Up until a couple of years ago it use to take me 3-1/2 full days to put up all my decorations but as of last year I cut waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back and only put up my BIG tree.  It hard to think of Xmas with out all those things but as I get older I just don't have the energy to do it anymore.  Soooooo my delimea this year is do I put up the BIG tree yet or do I go with my small Charlie Brown tree.  Good grief what a foolish thought when I am now fighting for my life.

     

    Jerri

  • TeddyandBears_Mom
    TeddyandBears_Mom Member Posts: 1,811 Member
    #8
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    giggs100 said:

    Glad to see you venting out here

    Eldri I look forward to reading your messages as my chemo days are somewhat the same as yours only I am just starting with my applications.  I am so glad for this site so that I can glean information from all you lovely ladies as to what to expect and to know their are others in this world that has the same troubles as I do and how to handle it. I have been debating for over a week now as to whether to put up my BIG tree or my little Charlie Brown tree (that has lights and ornaments already on it).  Up until a couple of years ago it use to take me 3-1/2 full days to put up all my decorations but as of last year I cut waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back and only put up my BIG tree.  It hard to think of Xmas with out all those things but as I get older I just don't have the energy to do it anymore.  Soooooo my delimea this year is do I put up the BIG tree yet or do I go with my small Charlie Brown tree.  Good grief what a foolish thought when I am now fighting for my life.

     

    Jerri

    that is good Giggs!

    Not a foolish thought at all.  While we are fighting for our lives.... We still need to keep LIVING. We need to do the things that make us happy and make us feel as normal as possible.

    There are going to be down days and good days. We need those good days to get us through our treatments.

    If using the Charlie Brown tree will still give you the joy you seek for Christmas... Well... that means you won't have to find the energy to take the big one down. :-)

    I hope your journey is as easy as possible.  And, if not.... Come bace here with questions and vent sessions. We are here for each other.

    Love and Hugs,

    Cindi

  • ConnieSW
    ConnieSW Member Posts: 1,678 Member
    #9
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    TeddyandBears_Mom said:

    that is good Giggs!

    Not a foolish thought at all.  While we are fighting for our lives.... We still need to keep LIVING. We need to do the things that make us happy and make us feel as normal as possible.

    There are going to be down days and good days. We need those good days to get us through our treatments.

    If using the Charlie Brown tree will still give you the joy you seek for Christmas... Well... that means you won't have to find the energy to take the big one down. :-)

    I hope your journey is as easy as possible.  And, if not.... Come bace here with questions and vent sessions. We are here for each other.

    Love and Hugs,

    Cindi

    I'm with Cindy

    enjoy the Charlie Brown tree this year and save your energy for other Christmas things.

  • Editgrl
    Editgrl Member Posts: 903 Member
    #10
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    giggs100 said:

    Glad to see you venting out here

    Eldri I look forward to reading your messages as my chemo days are somewhat the same as yours only I am just starting with my applications.  I am so glad for this site so that I can glean information from all you lovely ladies as to what to expect and to know their are others in this world that has the same troubles as I do and how to handle it. I have been debating for over a week now as to whether to put up my BIG tree or my little Charlie Brown tree (that has lights and ornaments already on it).  Up until a couple of years ago it use to take me 3-1/2 full days to put up all my decorations but as of last year I cut waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back and only put up my BIG tree.  It hard to think of Xmas with out all those things but as I get older I just don't have the energy to do it anymore.  Soooooo my delimea this year is do I put up the BIG tree yet or do I go with my small Charlie Brown tree.  Good grief what a foolish thought when I am now fighting for my life.

     

    Jerri

    Another vote for the Charlie Brown tree

    I'm all for conserving energy when and where you can.  At least you will have a tree, and the energy that you would have spent on the big tree you can spend on something else.

    Chris

  • EZLiving66
    EZLiving66 Member Posts: 1,482 Member
    #11
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    giggs100 said:

    Glad to see you venting out here

    Eldri I look forward to reading your messages as my chemo days are somewhat the same as yours only I am just starting with my applications.  I am so glad for this site so that I can glean information from all you lovely ladies as to what to expect and to know their are others in this world that has the same troubles as I do and how to handle it. I have been debating for over a week now as to whether to put up my BIG tree or my little Charlie Brown tree (that has lights and ornaments already on it).  Up until a couple of years ago it use to take me 3-1/2 full days to put up all my decorations but as of last year I cut waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back and only put up my BIG tree.  It hard to think of Xmas with out all those things but as I get older I just don't have the energy to do it anymore.  Soooooo my delimea this year is do I put up the BIG tree yet or do I go with my small Charlie Brown tree.  Good grief what a foolish thought when I am now fighting for my life.

     

    Jerri

    I agree with the other

    I agree with the other ladies!  I have my little tree up and it looks quite nice.  I cleaned out boxes and boxes of ornaments and gave them to one of our daughters.  I pretty much only put out snowmen decorations so I can keep them up until spring.  I did the majority of my shopping online which is good since I am currently under "house arrest" because I'm not getting the Neulasta shot.  I am trying to stay as stress-free as possible even though it's a very busy time at work getting out all our 2016 bids.  I'll go into work the days I can (with my bottle of chlorox bleach) and work from home when I can't make it in.  I'm going to miss our youngest daughter's graduation from college on the 19th and the grandkids' winter concerts but it can't be helped.  I can't afford to get an infection or flu.

    Fighting for your life does put a different spin on things, but life goes on.  Best of luck, my friend!

    Love,

    Eldri

  • giggs100
    giggs100 Member Posts: 91 Member
    #12
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    OKglad you all helped me decide

    Yup it is the Charlie Brown tree for sure.  It is sitting right in front of my front window.  The only thing I have to get out will be the wreath for the front door.  Each of you were totally right as savig my energy for other fun things as long as I am satisfied with the tree and I AM !!!  Today was my third day of application number 1 of chemo so the first total 3 day application is under my belt.  All went well all three days which I am happy with so far.   Tomorrow is my first Neulesta shot so again it is a wait and see how it will effect me.  Hopefully doesn't go to bad.  The nurse said I probably will see the effect 2 to 3 days afterwards.

  • Lou Ann M
    Lou Ann M Member Posts: 996 Member
    #13
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    EZLiving66 said:

    I agree with the other

    I agree with the other ladies!  I have my little tree up and it looks quite nice.  I cleaned out boxes and boxes of ornaments and gave them to one of our daughters.  I pretty much only put out snowmen decorations so I can keep them up until spring.  I did the majority of my shopping online which is good since I am currently under "house arrest" because I'm not getting the Neulasta shot.  I am trying to stay as stress-free as possible even though it's a very busy time at work getting out all our 2016 bids.  I'll go into work the days I can (with my bottle of chlorox bleach) and work from home when I can't make it in.  I'm going to miss our youngest daughter's graduation from college on the 19th and the grandkids' winter concerts but it can't be helped.  I can't afford to get an infection or flu.

    Fighting for your life does put a different spin on things, but life goes on.  Best of luck, my friend!

    Love,

    Eldri

    Love the picture.  Lou Ann

    Love the picture.  Lou Ann

  • Sandy3185
    Sandy3185 Member Posts: 229 Member
    #14
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    EZLiving66 said:

    I agree with the other

    I agree with the other ladies!  I have my little tree up and it looks quite nice.  I cleaned out boxes and boxes of ornaments and gave them to one of our daughters.  I pretty much only put out snowmen decorations so I can keep them up until spring.  I did the majority of my shopping online which is good since I am currently under "house arrest" because I'm not getting the Neulasta shot.  I am trying to stay as stress-free as possible even though it's a very busy time at work getting out all our 2016 bids.  I'll go into work the days I can (with my bottle of chlorox bleach) and work from home when I can't make it in.  I'm going to miss our youngest daughter's graduation from college on the 19th and the grandkids' winter concerts but it can't be helped.  I can't afford to get an infection or flu.

    Fighting for your life does put a different spin on things, but life goes on.  Best of luck, my friend!

    Love,

    Eldri

    Eldri, I love your new picture!

    So nice to put a face to the name and persona. It's funny how we all come to know each other so intimately yet we could pass on the street and never know! Sandy

  • EZLiving66
    EZLiving66 Member Posts: 1,482 Member
    #15
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    Sandy3185 said:

    Eldri, I love your new picture!

    So nice to put a face to the name and persona. It's funny how we all come to know each other so intimately yet we could pass on the street and never know! Sandy

    I took this picture with my

    I took this picture with my cell phone at the hospital while getting chemo last Tuesday.  Really tired today and don't plan to go to work tomorrow - just stay home and rest.  Still have an infected port so I'm taking antibiotics for the next seven days and then my doctor is going to clean out the port and put in a few stitches on the 22nd, a week before my next chemo.....so, they should be able to use it for the 29th chemo.  My doctor also started me on probiotics today.  As of tonight, I'm taking 18 pills a day!!  LOL, I rattle when I walk!!

    Love,

    Eldri

     

  • EZLiving66
    EZLiving66 Member Posts: 1,482 Member
    #16
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    giggs100 said:

    OKglad you all helped me decide

    Yup it is the Charlie Brown tree for sure.  It is sitting right in front of my front window.  The only thing I have to get out will be the wreath for the front door.  Each of you were totally right as savig my energy for other fun things as long as I am satisfied with the tree and I AM !!!  Today was my third day of application number 1 of chemo so the first total 3 day application is under my belt.  All went well all three days which I am happy with so far.   Tomorrow is my first Neulesta shot so again it is a wait and see how it will effect me.  Hopefully doesn't go to bad.  The nurse said I probably will see the effect 2 to 3 days afterwards.

    Good luck with the

    Good luck with the Neulasta!!

    Love,

    Eldri

  • giggs100
    giggs100 Member Posts: 91 Member
    #17
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    Thanks

    By the way what a great picture of you !!!!

  • Lou Ann M
    Lou Ann M Member Posts: 996 Member
    #18
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    EZLiving66 said:

    I agree with the other

    I agree with the other ladies!  I have my little tree up and it looks quite nice.  I cleaned out boxes and boxes of ornaments and gave them to one of our daughters.  I pretty much only put out snowmen decorations so I can keep them up until spring.  I did the majority of my shopping online which is good since I am currently under "house arrest" because I'm not getting the Neulasta shot.  I am trying to stay as stress-free as possible even though it's a very busy time at work getting out all our 2016 bids.  I'll go into work the days I can (with my bottle of chlorox bleach) and work from home when I can't make it in.  I'm going to miss our youngest daughter's graduation from college on the 19th and the grandkids' winter concerts but it can't be helped.  I can't afford to get an infection or flu.

    Fighting for your life does put a different spin on things, but life goes on.  Best of luck, my friend!

    Love,

    Eldri

    Sorry that you will miss the

    Sorry that you will miss the graduation and concerts, but you do have o take care of yourself. Hopefully someone will take lots of pictures or even FaceTime some of he events so you can be part of them.

    I went with my big tree, but thankgoodness it has all the lights on it.  All I had to do was throw a few decorations on it.  I do worry about taking it down.  It may be setting in our living room in June.

    I hope your port finally heals, that is really worrisome.  Do you have any idea how it got infected.  I like to sit in my hot tub, but do worry about picking up germs.

    Hugs and prayers, Lou Ann

  • EZLiving66
    EZLiving66 Member Posts: 1,482 Member
    #19
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    Lou Ann M said:

    Sorry that you will miss the

    Sorry that you will miss the graduation and concerts, but you do have o take care of yourself. Hopefully someone will take lots of pictures or even FaceTime some of he events so you can be part of them.

    I went with my big tree, but thankgoodness it has all the lights on it.  All I had to do was throw a few decorations on it.  I do worry about taking it down.  It may be setting in our living room in June.

    I hope your port finally heals, that is really worrisome.  Do you have any idea how it got infected.  I like to sit in my hot tub, but do worry about picking up germs.

    Hugs and prayers, Lou Ann

    Apparently the port healed

    Apparently the port healed from the outside in and there was some fluid in there that started to grow some ratty little bug.  I'm back on antibiotics for seven days and then will have minor surgery on the 22nd to clean it up and stitch it up.  I have a hole where the port is and you can actually see it - crazy, huh?  

    I'm bummed about the concert and graduation but...I am following my doctor's orders.  Today is my first day of exhaustion after my chemo on Tuesday.  My little Spunky dog and I are just taking it easy.  I took a morning nap after breakfast - just making myself an omelet wiped me out.  I'm going to have a little lunch and go back to bed.  Hopefully, by Monday I'll be back to my old self again!!  Nothing tastes good but my PA said to think of food as medicine and just swallow it.  

    I had to laugh about the tree up to June.  I was hoping to get mine down by March or April - LOL!  Maybe we'll have to have a contest to see who keeps theirs up the longest!!

    Love,

    Eldri

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