Recovering and misunderstood

mart62
mart62 Member Posts: 31 Member
in Head and Neck Cancer #1

10 months out from chemo and radiation. On the outside everything looks good, but inside things are a mess. I find that friends, family, my therapist all expect more out of me, they just dont get it. Having trouble finding a good primary care physician and dentist. I am alittle down right now.

Comments

  • Kritter
    Kritter Member Posts: 147
    #2
    Down

    First, congrats on being 10 months out. Second, it's okay to be down , I think it is all a part of the schedule. I am that way at times, so frustrated that I am not doing better or up to their standards, then I just decide I am me and when things happen they will. And I ignore them. Take things at your own pace. That is all you can do. They will understand in time, but it is your peace of mind that is important. Sounds selfish doesn't it. But they don't walk in our shoes.

    I hope you find a good Doc that can help you. And a dentist, I am looking for one myself, in my state seems hard to find. Take one day at a time and try to do your best. Kritter

  • wmc
    wmc Member Posts: 1,804
    #3
    Welcome to the H&N Group

    First let me say Welcome to the group, and also sorry you need to be here. Being 10 months is good. What you are doing by writing down how you feel is a very good thing. It is good to vent and you won't find a better place to do it. We do understand. What you are going through is part of accepting the "New Normal" The old you is gone and this is the New you. Beleive the New you can even be a better you, but it will take some time. I always liked it when someone would say, I can imagene how you feel. Now no disrespect ment but, they have no Idea unless they have walked in your shoes. I can imagene what you are going through, I will answer, thank you, and I will think you have no idea. Everyone on this site has one thing in common. We all had cancer of our loved one did. We all had other medical conditions and our treatment is tailerd to each individual person. Some have it much easyer and others just had a very hard time with it. Recovery can be very slow for so many. You will notice how some of your friends just seem to disapear. Most people can't handle a person who is sick or has this. They don't mean anything and in no way do they want to hurt you or lose your friendship. They just can't deal with it. So for those when they ask, How you doing, [they do not mean it] just say, I'm doing good, and leave it at that. You will push yourself and work on the things that give you the hardest time. When you feel down just come here and write it down. Now remember to come and write down when you feel good and if you acomplish any of your golds, no matter how small you might think they are. They are BIG to you. We're open 24/7.

    Bill

  • MrsBD
    MrsBD Member Posts: 615 Member
    #4

    Sometimes we just need a little private pity party. Today I'm sitting here with an ice pack on my chest where they removed my port. It's a great step toward being normal again, but it's just another thing that hurts!  So many people will see you and say, "You look great!", but because we aren't made of glass, they can't see what is still going on inside. They expect since we look good, we feel fine. We ladies have just gotten better at putting on makeup! It really has surprised me how long it takes to recover from H&N treatment. We're all uniquely created and we heal at different rates. I'm so happy to have support from everyone on this site. They help turn the pity party into good advice, extra prayers, and even some humor. We'll get through this together.

  • mart62
    mart62 Member Posts: 31 Member
    #5
    MrsBD said:

    Sometimes we just need a little private pity party. Today I'm sitting here with an ice pack on my chest where they removed my port. It's a great step toward being normal again, but it's just another thing that hurts!  So many people will see you and say, "You look great!", but because we aren't made of glass, they can't see what is still going on inside. They expect since we look good, we feel fine. We ladies have just gotten better at putting on makeup! It really has surprised me how long it takes to recover from H&N treatment. We're all uniquely created and we heal at different rates. I'm so happy to have support from everyone on this site. They help turn the pity party into good advice, extra prayers, and even some humor. We'll get through this together.

    Two primary cancers at the same time

    I just feel overwhelmed sometimes especially since the dust has settled and cancer free as of my last pet in Nov 2014. I had 2 primary cancers at the same time. First lymphoma stage 2,and the lump in my neck turned out to be base of tongue stage4. I was treated for lymphoma with r-chop first, in Feb 2014, then in July 2014 I started 35 radiation treatments. I had a mild heart attack from the chemo, not cisplatin something else because my white count was low. The r-chop made the lymph nodes in my neck disapear, which was not expected and they continued with the radiation.During the middle of this my sister died from thyroid cancer, we were both patients together on the same floor. My neck had an open wound but I finished all 35 treatments in a wheel chair. I also found out my husband was cheating . I called the woman from my hospital bed which ended that situation. Now for the good part! I am a survivor!!! I have four grown daughters and 8 grand kids!!! all living near by. I am retired now, footloose and fancy free. Thinking about volunteer work. Thanks for letting me vent!

  • wmc
    wmc Member Posts: 1,804
    #6
    mart62 said:

    Two primary cancers at the same time

    I just feel overwhelmed sometimes especially since the dust has settled and cancer free as of my last pet in Nov 2014. I had 2 primary cancers at the same time. First lymphoma stage 2,and the lump in my neck turned out to be base of tongue stage4. I was treated for lymphoma with r-chop first, in Feb 2014, then in July 2014 I started 35 radiation treatments. I had a mild heart attack from the chemo, not cisplatin something else because my white count was low. The r-chop made the lymph nodes in my neck disapear, which was not expected and they continued with the radiation.During the middle of this my sister died from thyroid cancer, we were both patients together on the same floor. My neck had an open wound but I finished all 35 treatments in a wheel chair. I also found out my husband was cheating . I called the woman from my hospital bed which ended that situation. Now for the good part! I am a survivor!!! I have four grown daughters and 8 grand kids!!! all living near by. I am retired now, footloose and fancy free. Thinking about volunteer work. Thanks for letting me vent!

    Venting is good & Volunteering is even better.

    I found that the volunteering is good for me. I think I get as much, or more from that, than I give.

    Have a good day............

    Bill

  • Duggie88
    Duggie88 Member Posts: 760 Member
    #7
    Mart

    Fighting cancer is hard to comunicate to someone who has never had to engage in the battle including the professionals who treat it. They are on the ouside speculating what is within but at the same time they are only trying to help. The battle alone can get you down don't allow this to sink you deeper. Stay positive and focused it does get better but not overnight.

    Heal on and Live on

          Jeff

  • jim and i
    jim and i Member Posts: 1,788 Member
    #8
    They haven't a clue

    Until they walk in your shoes.  My husband had Brain surgery and surgery to remove part of his small and large bowel, all in 4 months time. His PC told him he needed to exercise more! They have no idea of the exhaustion you are feeling. Sometimes I think they say that out of habit. We got to the point where we didn't try to explain, just shook our head and went on.

    My husband conserved what energy he had to do the one thing he loved everyday. Go fishing. My mom who is fighting Eye and Lung cancer as we speak saves hers for bingo. My recommendation is, do what brings you joy when you feel like you have tthe energy. That is the best medicine. Praying your energy returns quickly.

    Debbie

  • debbiejeanne
    debbiejeanne Member Posts: 3,102 Member
    #9
    Mart, unfortunately, until

    Mart, unfortunately, until they walk in our shoes, they have no idea what we go through to survive this nasty disease.  Yeah, we may look good on the outside but our body has been to hell and back and therefore, they can't see what's going on inside.  try not to let that get to you and just concentrate on healing and living again, when YOU feel you're ready.  try not to get mad at them, as I said, they have no idea.  you know what you are able to do and don't do more than you feel you can.  you are the one who went through it, still going through it and you know your body.  best wishes for you.

    God bless you,

    dj

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