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What does it feel like to die?
 |
Mar 14, 2015 - 9:23 pm
is this wha I'm feeling? Are these my last days? cant even watch tv now barely listen....can't est just water. we changed from morphine making me very sick... Now I've dilaudid drip at high dose and just can't cut the pain. anywsy love you all no matter.....don't think I can get to surgeon consult...they may have waited too late... -Craig |
Joined: Feb 2015
Prayers And Thoughts With You
Be well... you are a very strong person. All your words that I have seen reflect strength, hope and grace. I am new to this game, just barely two months into this. Had the surgery a month ago, a port last week and chemo starting next week. And what I have found here through so many already has made my journey so much less alone....
Joined: Jan 2013
Dear Craig
Such a hard post to read.
Twice in my life I have been in so much pain I have wanted to die; neither were Cancer related. I remember thinknig that I had had enough and just wanted all of the pain to end. I wanted to slip away.
I think there may come a time when we have to decide to end the fight, and indeed, slip away.
I can't help thinking about our dear NanaB. At the end she knew that she had had enough and allowed herself go. She had come to a place of peace, which must make it easier.
I pray that you will come to a place of peace if it is your time. But only you know that. You are a fighter, and you will know if you have more fight in you.
We want you here. Your wife wants you here. Your family and friends want you here, but at this point, do you want to be here?
May you be blessed with the strength you need to fight, is my prayer.
Sue - Trubrit
Joined: Jan 2010
Dearest Craig
Love you too, always will.
I firmly beleive that dying is not an end, it is just a beginning of another chapter which we here on earth do not see.
I wish you peace of mind, and freedom from pain, whether these be the last days or just a lull before another rally.
Hugs and love,
Marie who loves kitties (and especially The Texas Lion)
Joined: Mar 2009
Bro
Ok first off it might be the fact you were so severely constipated that caused an infection in your body, and you are fighting that.
Until that dog of yours decides not to leave your side, part of me is hoping it's that. If your body is ready to go, then I have to be at peace at that for you. You have been through so much. God damn it's 4.09am over here, really want to talk to you on the phone :,( love you.
Joined: Apr 2010
Dear Craig
Do you remember when we first met here all those years ago?? I was Johnny come lately to the party by a few months, but you and Jennie and the rest of the "gang" let me in and welcomed me. Such fun times of humor, joy and commoderie between us.
We're getting down in numbers now, you, me, Marie, Sonia. I can't bear to think of you being gone, so if possible,I'd like Big Bad Billy, my Lion and my Craig to survive this moutain climb, I'd like to cheerlead you on saying you can do this and make it.
But, my friend, if you just can't get that toe hold or grab that life line I'll be there in spirit, sitting by your side, waiting for the pain to leave your body and for you to continue your journey without us.
But if you can get better and stay, well, I'd sure love that better.
My love to you my dear friend,
Winter Marie
Joined: May 2013
Craig,
I don't know you as well as the others but I can see the love they have for you. Much respect for the way you carried yourself through thick and thin and I see courage and grace in the face of the unknown. For what it's worth, I think the big show is just beginning for you, pain free and at peace, I think it's going to be glorious : )
Easyflip/Richard
Joined: Feb 2008
Is it time?
My dear Craig,
You know I love you and have cherished getting to know you here. You have been such a major force in our little family. I don't want you to go. I would miss you so much, even though we haven't been able to communicate as much lately. But you told me once you would let me know if you thought it was time to go to "Paris." If it really is, praying for a peaceful journey for you, my friend. You have fought so hard, and if this is the only way for you to be pain free, then how can I deny you that blessed relief? Praying for relief for you and hoping with all I have that the relief will come on this side of the veil.
Love you!
*hugs*
Gail
Joined: Jun 2009
Ran out of medicine
emergency nurse called to bring new med bag.....really thoughtless mistake on their part
and...I'm not ready to go yet
just my body feels funny and it makes uou wonder if this is it or not
more physical not mental right now
hopee they get here soon
Joined: Apr 2010
Mental
Betting drugs may have a lot to do with this. Keep up the good fight then my friend!!
Winter Marie
Joined: Oct 2013
If it's all right, I'll just
If it's all right, I'll just sit beside you with the shield and the sword and keep the dark at bay until you can stand on your own.
XOXO
Joined: May 2011
Blessings, Strength, Courage
Blessings, Strength, Courage our friend. I am sure that your body and spirit are weary...all with good reason. You have overcome many a setback. If this, be that, may you keep on, keeping on. If your time here is coming to an end, may deep peace and a felt knowledge of how deeply you are loved be with you every step of the way. Your latest post sounds like there is more resilience left in you; if so, we are all with you!
Hugs,
CW
Joined: Feb 2008
Whew!
Hang on!!!
Love you!
*hugs*
Gail
Joined: Oct 2011
I love you Craig and my heart
I love you Craig and my heart is broken in half reaxing your post. Your a great man and warrior. I pray to God everyday that he would ease your suffering. You helped me so much a few years ago during oe of my diffacult times. I just wish there was some way I could return the favor.
Joined: Jun 2009
Here is sending you a warm
Here is sending you a warm hug to help you get through the difficult time. I keep praying for you, and hoping the pain will be under control soon. You always have my love, care and best wishes. Hang on there!
Joined: Apr 2010
My dearest Craig, I'm so
My dearest Craig, I'm so sorry that you're in this state, and I wish they could have at least gotten the pain under control. You know how much you mean to me, and I'll always hold your spirit warmly in my heart. You've proved time and time again how strong and courageous you are, and your writing continues to show your determination and will to survive, even through the horrendous pain. You will forever have my admiration and love my friend, you are certainly one very special guy. I hope that you can feel the love and support from all of your friends here as we hold you warmly in our thoughts and prayers.
Love you buddy, my dear friend.
Cynthia
Joined: Oct 2011
Dear heart
we all come to the clearing at the end of the path, and then the sun shines on our faces, and we can see the sky, bright and blue.
We are all walking this path with you. Can you feel us holding you up? I hope so.
Lots o' love, hugs, and hope for strength from your librarian pal.
Joined: Jun 2009
Hey
made it thru the night...
Joined: Feb 2015
And You Will Have More
Thoughts with you
Joined: Oct 2011
YAY!
Keep on walking, buddy. And keep talking to us, please.
Joined: Jul 2007
much love to you
Craig - You've been an awesome warrior. To see you posting, sad that you're in so much pain still. I hope they find the right pain meds to grant you some relief. You have been an awesome support of folks on this board, thanks for being the inspiration that you are. Love and peace to you, Traci
Joined: Apr 2010
There you go
and then tonight and then next. One day at a time, one night at a time :).
Winter Marie
Joined: Oct 2011
Keep fighting brotber.
Keep fighting brotber.
Joined: Jul 2011
prayers, love and soft
prayers, love and soft feelings being sent your way....
Joined: Mar 2010
thinking of you
Craig, thinking of you and wishing you comfort and relief; Freedom from pain. And thanking you for your friendship and support, both to me and everyone else who has found this forum. You are a treasure, loved by all who have encountered you.
Alice
Joined: Nov 2014
Dear sweet Craig
Daisy13 wants you to know that your old friend Devotion10 is wrapping her arms around you. You rest easy, breathe gently, try to be calm. You are surrounded in the warmth of all our love. ~ Peace.
Joined: Jun 2009
Thanks everyone
don't think I can make implant surgeon visit at this point....will try but so long trip and hard on me....would still have a ct to do for placement as well.....another long trip and difficult procedure as well....then the surger...would I even be strong enough For surgery?
damn it all.....things can turn on such a short time we never know....the lion does not feel very strong right now.......just wish I could get through this stage. My mind is racing with living and closing thoughts of all kinds...even doing battle with each other.
i had one more post I was planning to write on outliving cancer by outliving our choices...
even surrounded by by friends I still feel a little alone if you can understand this at all what I'm trying to tell you......a little scary I must say. It's a strange feeling I must say.
you know I love you all and want the best for you....I will keep going for now but I will miss so many things and folks because that's all I've ever known. The future and unknown are just plain scary right now.
Alice thank you for what you said:)
i had hoped for so much more with this last fight.....maybe I still got one left....know you're worried but I'll let you off the hook because I've drained you...I can tell from some of you...I'm sorry.
goodnight and well hope for another one or two. Thanks for writing to me:)
its funny how things seem important.....yet really are not...
-Craig
Joined: Aug 2012
hope you are finding some joy
hope you are finding some joy in every day.
you know we are all pulling for you and wish we could ease your pain.
Joined: Jun 2009
Jen
yep...but joy has left the bldg but we all know that all too well...
youre sweet Jen thx for msg d again...know words are hard right now for you...it's ok:)
Joined: Aug 2012
Yup finding the words is
Yup finding the words is hard. I'm sad and angry for you and for all of us dealing with this garbage. but it's never hard to talk to you or hear from you, so keep on talking to us my friend.
I know that you've done some looking towards religion, not sure if you are still doing so, but I like to take comfort in the readings that say those who suffer on earth will get glory in Heaven. You are due lots of glory, but let's not rush to get you there.
This song is going through my head for you this morning
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OORsz2d1H7s
Joined: May 2012
One night Barb (Barbebarb)
One night Barb (Barbebarb) sent me a message that she had decided to stop treatment. I was crying very hard and I wanted to beg her to continue but I didn't. She said it was a "peace". She had made her decision and was okay with it. She said you just can't understand until you are the one. I don't think any of us can truly understand what you are going through. If you are at peace, let yourself be at peace but if you need to keep fighting, see if you can get to that surgeon consult via ambulance/ heck maybe even by facechat on the phone. My current insurance supports that, maybe your does too. Whatever your decision, we're all thinking about you. Helen
Joined: Apr 2012
Sending you Love and Prayers
Craig,
I am sending you lots of Love and Prayers. I pray for pain-free, peaceful, and joy-filled days for you, your wife, friends, and family.
You are a hero to me. You exemplify how to fight this beast. And you have given me much inspiration.
I hope you will be blessed today! And that the pain will subside. Calling for a cease-fire day for Craig!!!
Love,
Phil
Joined: Apr 2011
Dear Craig
Dear Craig,
only you know when it is your time. So sorry about your pain, that makes it all so much harder. You are such an inspiration to all who love you and care about you. And that are many. You are often in my thoughts.
hugs dear friend, Marjan
Joined: Feb 2009
Prayers
I'm so sorry to see this post from you as I'd never thought that you could possibly not be here anymore. Only you will know when your journey will be close, but I'm still hearin the fight and roar in you. I'm praying that your suffering is minimal and you can be at peace with everything. May God Bless you and keep you near. I'm so glad that you are still a part of this board as long as you are able.
Kim