boyfriend wants me as his caregiver

Caregiving

While I can't talk to your situation personally, I am the caregiver to my husband, and personally I think that your boyfriend is expecting too much from you.  Caregiving is very hard and emotionally draining.  My husband has been fighting cancer since 2010 and is now on in-home hospice and deteroriating daily and it is hard both physically and emotionally.  But then again my situation is different than yours.

If he is expecting you to care for him but not to have you handle anything else then there are serious questions regarding your relationship.  If he expects you to pay the rent, utilities, food, etc. than that is wrong and inconsiderate of him.  Yes treatment will be expensive and hopefully he has health insurance that will cover the majority of his expenses for treatment.  I know that treating lukemia in grown-ups is harder than when children are treatment and there is more chance of survival, but long term side effects, for children.  I've known several children (neighbors and cousins) who have survived childhood lukemia.  It is a long treatment plan and very hard.

If you feel you are being used and if you feel you are not up to being your boyfriend's caregiver, then you need to walk away now as hard as it will be.  Now would be better than say in 2-3 months time.  If it was be in your shoes and I had these questions and feelings, I would have to really think hard about being the caregiver.  These are things you need to discuss with your boyfriend too.  Once someone is diagnosed with cancer, their outlook changes drastically and some a lot worse than others.  Also treatment, any type of treatment, is very hard for both the patient and the caregiver.  Chemo is a poison that is being put in their bodies and there are many side effects both present and long term.  No one is the same in how they respond to treatment.  After my husband went thru radiation, chemo, surgery and then having been diagnosed with a second primary, another round of chemo and radiation, and then a reoccurrence he said no more.  In fact we were told up front that the cancer couldn't be cured, that chemo would only prolong and could possibly hasten his time.  

When you talk about financially, does he expect you to stop working and take care of him without compensating you?  There are a lot of questions that you need to answer for yourself and you need to really discuss your concerns with your boyfriend.   

 

 

twinkletoes123 said:

I am not sure , I felt like

I am not sure , I felt like we were pretty solid and that he wanted to spend the rest of his percieved life with me. We had/have plans to travel and stay together for the long run , but when it comes to who is his beneficiary on his insurance(that came up in this situation) it is not me. He expects me to spend every bit of my free time caring for him. I have so far. He has some issues right now that has caused him to be house ridden if not bed ridden at times. I don't go anywhere unless to get him medicine or to feed him , bring medicine etc. but if anything were to happen to him then I am left with the full responsibility for the bills. This sounds a bit selfish on my part but I am questioning my value in his life and thinking it is not that high , if he could expect me to do all this and not make sure I am ok if he passes away. I guess I feel that I would make sure for him. and I have unfortunately known others in this situation and the gf/bf alwyas made sure the other was taken care of. I just can't see myself depleting all my energy , resources , emotions and then be left devastated/ alone and broke financially and emotionally. That is a lot to ask someone. and the people he wants to make his beneficiary do not live in the same state and are incapable of helping him. It does not seem to make sense to me. I am thinking that if this is his thought now it will never change and I will be better off leaving before things get worse. IE chemo. and besies if I am a little old lady and he leaves me this way what would I do . part of being in a realtionship is being able to depend on each other , this whole thing is a bit one sided.He is able to depend on me but I can't depend on him and I can't help but think if it were the other way around if I would be getting as much help from him. It is incredibly sad for me and not an easy thing to face. I would love to be able to care for my partner with all my heart but as it is my heart is not into it and I fear I will only become damaged from it. So far I feel I cannot trust him I feel unsafe , uncared for . it feels like crap and I feel like a jerk. Reality is reality ,you can't just take and never give. unfortunatley I know too many people like this who could do this sort of thing with a clear mind and never see what is wrong with the picture. I feel like a jerk, I really do .

 

Analogy to a Diode

When you have true love and a full loving relationship it works both ways . A Diode is a semiconductor device with two terminals allowing the flow of current in one direction only. I was caregiver to my lifetime  soulmate and had no problems as it was love ( current ) flowed both ways. To take care of someone who has cancer and needs is not always easy, but when you care for your loved one no obstacle will stop you from giving your all. I will not even suggest what you should decide , I'm just trying to say go in with your eyes wide open and your heart will guide you.

SOUL-MATE