wife is at end of her rope caring for her very difficult mother

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stynda208
stynda208 Member Posts: 1
in Emotional Support #1

 My mother-in-law, was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. my wife is losing it as her mom is quite difficult, very negative, selfish ungratefu,l which has pretty much always been the case but now its a little magnified. my wife is constantly breaking down. I want to get her help so she can learn some coping skills. thank you for any advise

                                                                                                                                                                                                       Steve

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  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #2
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    help for your wife

    Contact your local American Cancer Society for a start and explain the situation and what you are looking for.  You don't say if hospice is involved but it is not just for end of life care and can provide essential support for the family.  Your wife is going to have to accept respite care for her mother and walk away from time to time.

  • Ladylacy
    Ladylacy Member Posts: 773 Member
    #3
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    Hospice

    Hospice is definitely not only for end of life and what a great help they are.  My husband has been on hospice since September 2013.  They have asked me several times about respite care but so far I haven't done that because he is not demanding and is able to care for himself to a degree.  Your wife should check it out.  The doctor would have to recommend hospice and if your mother-in-law is on Medicare, there is no cost.  There is for respite care but it is very reasonable although only for a week.

    Being a caregiver is hard but as a caregiver you need to take care of yourself too.

    Wishing you peace and comfort

  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #4
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    Caregiving

    caregiving is hard, and the hardest part is caring for yourself. First you have to accept that you need help. As others have said, hospice is very good. They are there for the whole family and often have volunteer visitors who can relieve the caregiver for an hour or so. The American Cancer Society can give you access to help as well. Your wife can inquire at the doctor's office about what is available in your area. It is really good that she has you to support her. Also, it is ok for her to break down  She may need that release. Remember that women often just need someone to share their feelings with. Men want to solve everything. Sadly, some things are beyond our control. you can help by researching services. You can help just by being there for her when she breaks down. Encourage her to take care of herself, take walks, get a cup of coffee with a friend, whatever helps her muddle through one day or even one hour or minute at a time. Fay

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