Sorry I don't usually rant on the boards but I need to get this out.

ohhhh!  I feel like I had

ohhhh!  I feel like I had been slapped across the face with that response.  That wasn't very nice of your friend - maybe she was drinking?!   I don't blame you for being upset.  It's so hard to trust people.   It's funny how the support never seems to come from where you expect it to....at least in my case.  People I thought I could depend on are not there and others have been a pleasant surprise.

We get you...we are proud of you and we are happy to share your accomplishments.  

As far as the organic thing, I'm not sure either.  In our own garden we are organic.  We have not used chemicals on our lawn or yard in at least 15 years.   But I don't typically buy organic fruits and veggies.

Lovekitties said:

So very sorry

So very sorry that you have had this experience, just know that it is not unusual and not particular to those you counted as friends.

Cancer scares people who have never had it and really scares people who have.

Unless you have been in the fight, you can't understand that having no evidence of disease does not always mean cured forever.  Some are lucky and never have a recurrance, but the fear and doubt about it never coming back only fades...never goes away.

It is also not unusual for those who are truely supportive of others to come out on the short end of the stick when they need support.  Why?  Again it comes down to if someone as strong as you are has fears, concerns, doubts...where does that leave those of them who are always in need?

You may have be-friended this person, but it is obvious that she does not have the same definition of friend as you.  True friendship is a two way street, with no one keeping track of who is the better friend.  Being there through the tough times, being there to just listen, being there to offer a hand in support...that is true friendship.  You know that because that is what you have been to these people in their times of need.

Cancer, as well as other life changing events, has a way of bringing out the best and the worst in the people in our lives.  Unfortunate, but true.

While it is unfortunate that you have lost these friends, look at it as the opportunity to have time for making new ones, ones who "get" where you are and who you are.

Always know too, that even if we only share your cyber world, we are your friends...always willing to lend an ear, always understanding your fears and your hopes, always just a screen away.

Hugs,

Marie who loves kitties

Helen

I am simply sending you a great big hug with a special "atta girl" attached. How very rude & insensitive coming from a "friend"! As Marie said, maybe she was hitting the sauce at the time, but still no excuse for her behavior. I know this must be hurtful.

I too, am a sugar freak, plus I don't eat healthy. Do what you feel is RIGHT for you! WE are proud of you.

Luv,

Wolfen

 

They just don't think

I believe that sometimes people just don't think about what they are saying, and the impact it has on a person.  Surely your 'friend' could not have though that her words were what you needed to hear. 

You have every right to feel hurt and frustrated with her.  Does she even know half of what you have to deal with? I know its easy to not have to tell (and re-tell) people what our 'issues' are as 'survivors' of this disease, but sometimes I think they really need to know. 

Does your friend know you daily physical and emotional needs? Maybe you should tell her, and tell her how being NED doesn't mean being cured. 

I have two freinds who never wanted to deal with the fact that I had cancer and  was going through treatment. One, in England, quit writing to me, the other, who I email daily, would never comment on my email gripes about how the chemo or raditaion was affecting me. It hurt, but I know that they loved me still, just couldn't deal with the fact that I had/have cancer. Thankfully, neither treated me the way your friend has treated you. 

I know you're loved and respected here on the fourms, but I also know that friends that you can assosiate with in the 'real world' are an important part of living. I pray that you can help your friend understand you physical and emotional needs. 

And yes, we're here for all of your rants. 

 

 

Oh yes, I agree, she was very

Oh yes, I agree, she was very insensitive, and you certainly deserve a good rant for that one.    And I completely understand your hurt; especially when it involves a close friend.  I lost eight friends that I had since college many moons ago.  I truly thought that they would all rally around to support Rick and me.  I didn’t want much; just a call, a friendly email or an occasional visit - but I got absolutely nothing.  One would send a joke e-mails on occasion, but I was just part of her spam list of e-mail buddies, it was nothing personal.  Then one day after I got yet another joke e-mail, I decided that after three years of not hearing from her or the other “friends”, I would tell her off – via e-mail.  I never felt better.  After everything that Rick and I had been through, the last thing I needed was more emotional baggage from these false friends.  I guess Rick and I weren’t fun anymore, we couldn’t go out to dinner or visit for parties, so we were simply ignored.  And it hurt.  I now have new friends at work who stepped up and did whatever they could for us.   Even just a, “Hey, how’s Rick doing, do you guys need anything?” was enough to show that they cared.  One even sent us balloons every so often.  J   Nice people, ones that I know I can depend on, and they know that they can depend on me too. 

Good luck with your friend, I hope it goes better for you than it did for me.

Cyn

LivinginNH said:

Oh yes, I agree, she was very

Oh yes, I agree, she was very insensitive, and you certainly deserve a good rant for that one.    And I completely understand your hurt; especially when it involves a close friend.  I lost eight friends that I had since college many moons ago.  I truly thought that they would all rally around to support Rick and me.  I didn’t want much; just a call, a friendly email or an occasional visit - but I got absolutely nothing.  One would send a joke e-mails on occasion, but I was just part of her spam list of e-mail buddies, it was nothing personal.  Then one day after I got yet another joke e-mail, I decided that after three years of not hearing from her or the other “friends”, I would tell her off – via e-mail.  I never felt better.  After everything that Rick and I had been through, the last thing I needed was more emotional baggage from these false friends.  I guess Rick and I weren’t fun anymore, we couldn’t go out to dinner or visit for parties, so we were simply ignored.  And it hurt.  I now have new friends at work who stepped up and did whatever they could for us.   Even just a, “Hey, how’s Rick doing, do you guys need anything?” was enough to show that they cared.  One even sent us balloons every so often.  J   Nice people, ones that I know I can depend on, and they know that they can depend on me too. 

Good luck with your friend, I hope it goes better for you than it did for me.

Cyn

friends

We often call associates. neighbors, co workers "friends". The title really doesn't fit.  Other than relatives( children and the like) I have only a few friends.  But then I have an unusual defination of "friends"  If I were to call one of my friends and say I needed $1,000 desperately.  I would probably receicve $3,000 by return mail or by wire.  They know I would do such for them!!! People I have just met are not friends.  The ones I refer to I have known somewhere between 15 and 60 years.  I hope all of you also have some true friends!!!

Lovekitties said:

So very sorry

So very sorry that you have had this experience, just know that it is not unusual and not particular to those you counted as friends.

Cancer scares people who have never had it and really scares people who have.

Unless you have been in the fight, you can't understand that having no evidence of disease does not always mean cured forever.  Some are lucky and never have a recurrance, but the fear and doubt about it never coming back only fades...never goes away.

It is also not unusual for those who are truely supportive of others to come out on the short end of the stick when they need support.  Why?  Again it comes down to if someone as strong as you are has fears, concerns, doubts...where does that leave those of them who are always in need?

You may have be-friended this person, but it is obvious that she does not have the same definition of friend as you.  True friendship is a two way street, with no one keeping track of who is the better friend.  Being there through the tough times, being there to just listen, being there to offer a hand in support...that is true friendship.  You know that because that is what you have been to these people in their times of need.

Cancer, as well as other life changing events, has a way of bringing out the best and the worst in the people in our lives.  Unfortunate, but true.

While it is unfortunate that you have lost these friends, look at it as the opportunity to have time for making new ones, ones who "get" where you are and who you are.

Always know too, that even if we only share your cyber world, we are your friends...always willing to lend an ear, always understanding your fears and your hopes, always just a screen away.

Hugs,

Marie who loves kitties

Insight

Marie, you always know what to say to help someone through a tough situation.  I take your words to heart.  You hit the nail on the head.  I have recently been ignored by a friend who I really considered a good friend, but looking back, I was the good friend to her.  I watched her children, loaned her money, helped her through a divorce, took her out when she had no money, etc.  I didn't keep score until I looked back over the years and any time when I have needed her.  Well, I realized I never needed her until recently when my husband's diagnosis went to stage IV.  I reached out to her and got nothing in return.  I have been composing a letter to her in my mind or she just may catch me on a bad day when I will not be so kind.  I understand that some people just don't know how to act or know what to say, but that excuse only goes so far with people we think know more.

Thanks for your nice words, I apprecaite them.

Linda

Totally agree with Danker

I've been burnt by people I thought were friends.  Makes me realize, they are not friends, but rather aqueintances.  I have a handful of "friends".... and they know I'm such to them too.  You can call them at 2am just to chat or maybe to ask for a favor (or they can call me) and we know we'll be there for the other no matter what.

When I told my sister-in-law about my cancer, she pretended to cry and throw up....  when she asked about details, I started to tell her, and she interrupted to ask my husband if he was wearing new shoes. Then later proceeded to tell me about her close calls with what she thought may be cancer, etc.   Needless to say she has blown off several marriages and boyfriends.  The one and only reason I talk to her is because she's family. 

Friends are supposed to make you feel good, and they feel good with you.  Someone who says things like what she's said, she's simply not a friend.  Surround yourself with positive people.  You said something reallly true: Someone who needs to talk about herself and then doesn't listen to you, is just too self centered to ever have friends (or relationships).

Vent away, and hugs to you,

Hopeful

Fitness

My husband is the one with cancer.  I am his care giver.   

Here is something that works so well for weight control.  it's a free app called MY FITNESS PAL, it helped me lose 10 lbs.  You log in what you eat everyday.  If you can just do 30 minutes of exercise a day you will get plenty to eat.  I don't eat any diet food, and I stop eating at 6pm.  This is so easy and you adjust to eating smaller portions.  If I eat a sandwich I just eat half.   I have rice, potato, fresh strawberry shortcake with whip cream.  

For example I eat Sara Lee pound cake.  It is in frozen food section with cake cut into 160 calorie portions, fresh strawberries, and whip cream (not many calories in whip cream).

Hugs from George & Diane

Dyanclark said:

Fitness

My husband is the one with cancer.  I am his care giver.   

Here is something that works so well for weight control.  it's a free app called MY FITNESS PAL, it helped me lose 10 lbs.  You log in what you eat everyday.  If you can just do 30 minutes of exercise a day you will get plenty to eat.  I don't eat any diet food, and I stop eating at 6pm.  This is so easy and you adjust to eating smaller portions.  If I eat a sandwich I just eat half.   I have rice, potato, fresh strawberry shortcake with whip cream.  

For example I eat Sara Lee pound cake.  It is in frozen food section with cake cut into 160 calorie portions, fresh strawberries, and whip cream (not many calories in whip cream).

Hugs from George & Diane

Have you tried Stevia as a

Have you tried Stevia as a sugar replacement?  I also weighed 180 but when I started my smoothies I lost 30 lbs in a couple months. How about some berries with whip cream  My ONC says everything in moderation. When I want an Oreo, I had One. Of course,  it's not that frequent but I did indulge here and there.  I buy organic berries, other fruit if it has a peel I don't bother. I buy organic meat, but I didn't really eat meat. I also buy organic eggs.   I could not lose the weight and I have always eaten pretty well.  On chemo only smoothies tasted good.   I didn't deprive, I can cook some mean veggies. Love them.  Cancer back in 2008, had me craving sugar, I would put a bowl of MMs in front if me and eat them all.  I have never, ever had a sweet tooth.  No yearning. Then one day I caught myself. No more candy. Prior to cancer, Oreo with milk once  a year, a banana royal once a year. I didn't and don't eat my own birthday cake,  but the Cancer had me indulging In candy. 

 

Today, I found out my tumors are growing so I am going to go raw with some grilled fish now and then.   Taking all the supplements I did my first round of chemo. I need to get serious again.   Luckily, I don't have a sweet tooth but I did like my daily glass of wine.  My husband would say, while on remission, I don't know why you can't lose weight, you don't eat much. Strange. 

 

As for your friend, I would not even give it another thought, (try), we really can't. We need to focus on us. A racehorse has blinders for a reason, concentrate on their own run. I do the same.  People just can't walk in our shoes, we know it, as much as they like to give input, they just don't know.  If they don't have anything nice to say, they can at least listen.   

 

If you need someone to talk to now and then, pm me and I will send you my phone number.  

 

Take care and we do need to change our way of eating, and indulge in moderation.   I stopped what I was doing after my first run, while in remission, would eat meat, Mexican food, until my CEA started going up, but still I wasn't that serious.   I still had a glass of wine and ate too many carbs.   

 

Big hug. 

 

Blurry vision, excuse typos. This IPAD is hard to use, keys are sensitive. 

thxmiker said:

We all need a place to rant.

We all need a place to rant.  This forum s a good venue because we all share such a similar journey. 

 

Everyone needs support!  This is why we have friends, Facebook, etc....  We need this support to help us through our demons.  When our support system is not working, we need to adjust to a group that will add support.  We all need positive people around us. When people start to be negative to much, I ask questions, trying to add my support to them, and then I contact a little less frequent until they get in a better place.

 

My food advice is to start eating FRESH food,  If you want to go organic, then do that. We eat probably 50/50 organic. So, we did not go crazy about it.  We still like our juicing, and cage free eggs, etc...  We switched to mollases 3 years ago.  If we bake or need sweetner in our coffee etc....  We use a lot less mollasses, it does add earthy sweet flavor, and we lost our sweet tooth.  I make Ice Cream with Heavy Cream, 1 egg, Mollasses, vanilla and berries.  It is sooooo good!  Our friends ask me to make ice cream for them to take home. lol  With these simple adjustments to our diet, we got healthier.  We exercise more, we just feel better.

 

I will start putting recipes together for all.

Best Always, mike

'Like'

Recipes, oh yes. Thank you!