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I've been reflecting and thinking a lot sorry its long!

teresa41's picture
Posts: 468
Joined: Jun 2009

I've been thinking and reflecting a lot maybe this will help me just telling it here. It has been over 4 years since diagnosed the first time over three years since the second time. It has been 2 1/2 years since my fiancé died in a fishing accident he drowned   I think of him daily  i also have dreams a few times a week of him my day is usually very sad from the dreams . it seems like I'm stuck In my life sometimes I think maybe try and meet someone again then I think no I'm ok and  i can't get hurt anymore alone .plus having had breast cancer makes it harder. I have gained so much weight after he passed I'm taking tamoxifen and celexa for depression that hasn't helped with the weight. I  Went to my primary Dr last week he  jumped all over me because I told him my lower back hurts well he says get some weight off then I told him I eat one meal a day walk my dogs daily and I clean houses for a living . He said well for one walking isn't excercise oh ok I thought . and told me well if you want to stay fat that's your choice . So I replied back to him google the medicine I am on . He says well you half to take the medicine.  And you do go to the store dont you ? are you reading labels ? yes i read labels and i write down what i eat for dinner one meal is dinner daily.So I left in tears and really don't think I will go back.  I see my oncoligist in october he will bring up my weight but he wont be rude about it at least i hope not! I do not like the weight and I have no clue what to do. I joined weight watchers lost a few pounds that was that. I have no family here or friends to talk to or for support so maybe me writing this here will help. I know I should not say this but somedays I wonder why God took Larry and not me I ask that a lot I'm sorry my dogs keep me going i want to make sure they are ok and taken care of . I don't have kids either. i know someone posted about being positive I'm sorry to be a Debby' downer but I haven't felt positive in a while!


thanks In advance!


Pink Rose
Posts: 493
Joined: Nov 2012

I am sending you the biggest cyber hug ever!



Hugs, Rose

coco2008's picture
Posts: 420
Joined: May 2013

If I were you I would be looking for a new Primary.  Did I understand right that he wanted you to cut back on yur Tamoxifen?  If so, he's not playing on your team.

You seem to be especially concerned with weight issus.  I have diabetes to go along with BC, so I am familiar with weight issues.  Eating one meal a day will not help you lose weight.   When you body does not get food at various times each day, it increases fat tissue to carry your system through during the long intervals without food.  You are better off eating many small meals (4-6) during the day.   

This sounded like an awful lot of work, but I finally figured out a system.  I make a regular sized meal and put half in frig for later (or next day), and do this for all three meals.  OR  I have a small bowl of cereal in the morning and fruit mid-morning; then half sandwich for lunch and then carrots and celery mid-afternoon.  I make a small dinner and have the meat/poultry part for supper with small amount of rice or potatoes and then fruit or veggies later in the evening.  By spreading it out, your body will use what you eat as you eat it rather than storing it as fat for later. 

The weight will start dropping off at a moderate rate which is good.  If you lose it too rapidly, you are probably depriving yourself which increases the likelyhood of gaining it back.

Also, increasing water intake, choosing diet over high octane drinks, replacing sugar with a substitute (I like Splenda, but there are many that disagree with me) is a big help, and fresh fruit is better than juice (which is ver high in sugar and has no fiber to speak of).

Most important! I find if I give myself a treat once a week (small slice if cake or dish of ice cream) I am encouraged to continue.  I've lost 30 lbs in the last 6 months.

THIS IS ONLY A SUGGESTION AND SHOULD BE DISCUSSED WITH YOUR ONCO FIRST.  Depending on your insurance, your onco may be able to refer you to a dietician.

You have been through a lot.  Discuss your low moods AND your Primary's comments with your onco.  He is there to help you through treatments, their side effects and you emotional well being, but he can't help you if you don't tell him.

You don't have to suffer through and you are not alone.  Feel free to come on this site and share what is on your heart or ask questions.  We are here for you.  Let us know how you are doing.

Hope these suggestions help you.

Hugs and prayers,


sweetvickid's picture
Posts: 459
Joined: Nov 2009

You have went thru a lot.  I would find a support group that deals with grief.

Studies have shown one meal a deal makes your body think it is in starvation mode.  That means it stores more fat and burns muscle.  One meal a day lowers your metabolism, low metabolism adds to depression.

Walking is exercise but a casual walk with the dogs does not burn a lot of calories. A brisk quick paced walk burns calories.  My mother uses Curves for exercise and is doing really good.  My two sister-in-laws joined weight watchers and one did really well and the other just lost a few pounds.  You may have to try a different plan to find the one that works for you.  Maybe your oncologist could send you to a nutritionist.

A great depression buster for me is to do volunteer work.  You get to met new people and it makes you feel good to help those less fortunate.

teresa41's picture
Posts: 468
Joined: Jun 2009

I also forgot to mention my primary also said no fruits or vegetables they are full of carbs never heard that before. I start my day with coffee use Splenda the coffee kills my appetite. Then I drink water all day then with dinner I have 1 diet soda or skim milk. He told me to cut carbs and raise protein coco he does not want to cut the tamoxifen I half to stay on it another 6 years oncologist wants me on it 10 years! 

Thank you

Posts: 1522
Joined: Jan 2010

Get a new PCP. Find someone who you feel a connection with. And you need to eat more than once a day. Walking IS excercising. Be kind to yourself.


Maybe your Onc can recommend someone.


Very big bear hugs,




Lynne P
Posts: 165
Joined: May 2013

I agree in finding a new doctor.  I wouldn't put up with his crap.  You deserve better treatment. 

Hugs to you,


Posts: 6587
Joined: Oct 2010

So sorry to hear of your lose. Try to KEEP the GOOD memories and not dwell on what you dont' have. That is what I did when my dad died when I was a teen and it helped me.


I would look for another Dr with better bedside manner-that just sounds mean and uncompassionate.


Candi Cane
Posts: 161
Joined: May 2013

Hoping you take our advice and get a new doctor.  Yours is mean and not the least bit professional.

Hugs, Candi

andi44's picture
Posts: 196
Joined: Jun 2013


I'm stretching out my long arms - trying to reach out to you to give you a huge bear hug....You have every right to feel any particular way that you want to...sounds like you've been thru too much in your life already...like other sisters have said - Find a New Doctor...there are many out there to choose from...you need to feel comfortable with your medical team.  My suggestion to you is: just keep looking at your babies (dogs) - they make me feel better - I just love dogs !!! ...

Andi Smile


DebbyM's picture
Posts: 3293
Joined: Oct 2009

Sending lots of hugs!

mommaellen's picture
Posts: 195
Joined: Nov 2012

Sending you a big hug.



jnl's picture
Posts: 3873
Joined: May 2009

Sending lots more big hugs!


GrandmaJ's picture
Posts: 209
Joined: Nov 2009

I rarely post, but I had to answer your last note.  IT is a known fact that the one cancer that leaves us getting fatter is breast cancer.  I have gained 25 lbs since my diagnosis 4 years ago.  I have tried WW, exercise and dieting.  Nothing works.  How dare your PCP say that to you.  I'd surely get rid of him. 

 I talk to my oncologist all the time about the weight and how depressing it is.  He tells me that being on Femara and Lexapro its almost impossible to lose weight and to just concentrate on staying well and try to eat lots of fruit and vegetables.  But it is hard.  Who doesn't want to have a pizza or pasta now and then.    People who have not gone through breast cancer have no understanding of what is all about, the worries about recurrence, the fatigue, sleep problems, weight gain, etc.   It is a lifelong battle. 

I wish you well and try not to worry about the weight.  My doctor assures me I'll be skinny once I stop taking Femara.  That's very funny, as I've never been "skinny". !!!

carkris's picture
Posts: 4554
Joined: Aug 2009

I alo dont eata tn but have issues with weght, you doc is FOS and you should kick him tothe curb. frits and veggies are important nutrients.i do agree wit eating more frequently. i find that difficult as I dont care to eat that much. I am sorry you are feeling this way you have had a lot and it is understandable. Big Big hugs

Pink Rose
Posts: 493
Joined: Nov 2012

Teresa, are you considering seeing a new doctor?  I think it would be good if you could. 

Hugs, Rose

Megan M's picture
Megan M
Posts: 3001
Joined: Dec 2009

Sending you a big cyber hug and asking that you find a new doctor. 

Hugs, Megan

Jobi's picture
Posts: 211
Joined: Jan 2012

No doctor has a right to talk to you like that.  I would recommend getting another PCP immediately.  I am so sorry that you have to go through this.  I was extremely depressed as I went through chemo, and almost took my life.  My friends saved me, and I am glad they did because God clearly had a plan for me. 

Please, please, please hang in there.  Counseling also helped me a great deal.  I still go. 

Hugs and prayers.



Posts: 259
Joined: Apr 2013

You really need to look into getting a new doctor.  No one should talk to anyone like that.  I am so sorry that he did.  I am glad you felt you could come here as this is a really great place.

You might also want to look into antidepressants or some sort of counseling, even thru your church.

Wishing you the best,


teresa41's picture
Posts: 468
Joined: Jun 2009

Thank you all! I have fired my primary Dr  I see my oncologist in October so I will talk to him about finding another primary Dr  for me !




New Flower
Posts: 4299
Joined: Aug 2009

I do not think you need to wait until October.If can ask for reference before your appointment. Ask your insurance plan if they cover nutritionist or have a health / wellness coach program. Many emploers reducing premiums for participation in such programs.

Keep us posted

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