I could use some guidance outside the cancer arena

GOOFYLADIE Member Posts: 232
edited July 2013 in Colorectal Cancer #1

Hi, I am struggling in my personal life right now and as I sit here alone, I am truly scared.  I have tried to work thru the issues with my spouse,.  I have been telling myself and family that even if I divorce my spouse the problems will still be there, only doubled because I know without hesitation he will return to drinking  he doesn't  do well with stress which until recently I have managed. 

Now it is taking a toll on my health.  What I could use from the the board is any information that can be given to me about Divorce and the things I am able to ask for after 23 years.  I am broke and sit here with 124.00 in my bank account and my spouse has run home to his mom.  Again even thru cancer, my spouse's alcolholism and fling with prescription meds, I have to pull my 'Billy' out as Sundance says to move forward.  I am lost as where and who I should see and talk to since my funds to see an Attorney will have left to be on a credit card if the charge is not to outragous

We have looked into chapter 7 and were sent to a chapter 13 attorney and they said no, but I dont know if believe it or not.  They were attorneys used by my husbands work. But we were told we couldnt go chapter 7 or chapter 13 when trying to get finances in order.  What do I do now, my doctors are saying I need to get rid of the stress, it literally killing me. Does anyone have information on Attornies  on the Central Coast or information about Divorce in CA. I am so disapponted in letting things go this far, I have no one behind me.  I have my 3 boys who are college age but they dont need to know specifics and I have basically abandoned my cousins and friends because its so embarrassing all the things I  have had to go thru with my husband being an alcoholic. I let my guard down and let it define me. In all of this, I lost me, my curiosity that killed the cat, that I always had to know if I could do this or that, or if someone said I could not do this because females couldn't or shouldnt I was first on the list to show I can. It may not have been perfect, pretty or great but I did it. 

Now I just want to sit and let it all cave in, Ive become over the top bashful I only go to a store to grocery shop, the shame of things getting this screwed ovewhelms me. My mom came to visit my boys who are home during school break and she left after 1 1/2 days  because of the atmosphere here.  How does she think I feel?

Please give me some enlightenment. I will PUSH (Pray Until Something Happens) and I will  get thru this someway, somehow.

I always promised my dad I would be an open book, because he told me people dont know if you dont ask questions to find the answers..  This open book policy is humbling, maybe someone will show or tell me the correct questions to ask!

Thank you Semi (HEMI) Colons-

Goofyladie (Cass)






  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624
    Dear Cass

    So sorry you are going through this.  I understand the unhappiness and feeling all alone with an alcoholic husband, the embarrassment of taking them out in public or having others see them stumble and mumble, living that life right now myself.

    I'll PM you the number of a bankruptcy attorney here in Santa Cruz, he's very reasonable, depending on your finances he will lower his price etc., he's wonderful and human and if you need it will probably know a divorce attorney.

    This is California which is a community property state, so half is his, half is yours.

    Wishing you the best dear. You are not alone, nor the first person this has happened to.

    Winter Marie

  • Dyanclark
    Dyanclark Member Posts: 296

    I worked as legal secretary for 20 years, and spent a short time working for divorce attorney  in calif and Nevada.  I divorced my womanizing husband after over 30 years of marriage And have been happily married 7 years to my present husband.  

    Can you and your husband talk out a settlement and then start the divorce?  I was able to do my own divorce because we were in agreement on a settlement. Our children were grown And we agreed on property split.  I don't recommend this but if you can settle things before going to a lawyer it will save you a lot of money.    I would say get out of your horrible situation, once you have you will wonder why you put up with a bad marriage so long.  You can get thru it.

    hugs, George & Diane Clark



  • lp1964
    lp1964 Member Posts: 1,239 Member
    Dear Friend,

    I experienced most things you talked about.

    It's never too late to turn off of the wrong road. The reason we don't change things, because we anticippate what's gonna happen after we make the change. Now our anticippation has nothing to do with reality, it is just the product of your imagination distorted by the unknown and mainly by fear.

    If someone told me that I will be living happy days with the cancer I'm having now, I would have said: "you are out of your mind." What I anticippated when I found out that I have a very bad cancer and what it will take just to have a chance to survive it is completely different and reality is a million times better than what I anticippated.

    Same thing with my divorce. I wanted to divorce for years, but I couldn't, because I didn't want to hurt my child. Finally my wife had the strength to file. We lost eveything we gained with 20 years of hard work, but my life is a million times better than it was and what I anticippated.

    Don't be affraid to change, because you know it very well, that if you don't change things, things won't change for the better, but they will change for the worse.

    Start with physical changes: rearrange your home, make yourself look and feel attractive every day, do something fun every single day to balance out the crap in your life. Bad things will always find you. It's your job to find the good things.

    I hope this makes sense and that it will hepl.


    GOOFYLADIE Member Posts: 232
    Thank you,

    Thank you for your comments- I know I things dont have to be this way , I just havent found the energy to take it on.  But I'm tired of being miserable. 

    I have calls in for  an attorney they take your information and call you back with a match up of somekind, Winter Marie I will be calling the number you offered because we were told since we dont have assets other than vehicles we couldnt go chapter 11.  So I am checking further,


    Thanks again for sharing and anyother comments would be greatly appreciated.

    Goofyladie  15 year Stage IIIC  survivor free and clear

  • taraHK
    taraHK Member Posts: 1,952
    Hope not out of line

    I hope this isn't out of line, but have you considered Al-Anon? May give you some emotional support, as you are struggling through the financial struggles...I wish you all the best.