hurtfull words

kit kat
kit kat Member Posts: 56

Durning a sonogram at the gyn office ,by the Tech. I was crushed by what she said. The is what she asked , "What kind Of breast cancer did you have?", I said" 1st stage'. Then she said," Well that's like not even having" Cancer" at all. I still can't believe this even happened to me after 3 years of cruling treatments, and attepted suicide.etc. My life and body will never be the same I told the doctor.  I cry oncve again.

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Comments

  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    Ritzy said:

    I apologize for the ignorance

    I apologize for the ignorance of that tech.  I would like to slap her up side the head personally!  Sorry, but that is such a dumb and insensitive remark she made.

    Breast cancer is horrible!  It doesn't matter what stage or grade you are, it is all breast cancer and it is a life changing disease that we have to fight with every part of our being.  Even if we no longer are having active treatment, we still have the dreaded tests and the anticipation of the results for the rest of our lives to go through.  It isn't a competition, or, it shouldn't be,  "as to I have it worse than you because..... "  None of it is easy and it should never be talked about so lightly as she did.  She is just dumb and I guess we should pity her.

    Please don't cry.  Don't let someone who is stupid damper one second of your life!  You are a survivor, a warrior, a pink sister with an army of people that understand and love you right here! 

    I hope that by coming here and telling us that it will make you feel better.  Move past the imbecile's remark and enjoy your day!  Don't let her steal your joy! 

    Sue :)

    I agree with Ritzy!

    I hope she never gets bc.  If she ever does, I think she will change her tune.  We are all sensitive to remarks about bc because we've ALL had a hard time, so, you aren't alone.  I am sure every one of us have had something dumb like this said to us, most without the people saying them even realizing what they are actually saying. 

    Try to move past this and vent here when you need to, just like today. 

    Sending you a big hug,

    Diane

  • kmenurse
    kmenurse Member Posts: 217
    You took the words right out

    You took the words right out of my mouth Sue.... That tech needs a lesson in "Bed Side Manners" Or maybe even find another profession…

  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
    kmenurse said:

    You took the words right out

    You took the words right out of my mouth Sue.... That tech needs a lesson in "Bed Side Manners" Or maybe even find another profession…

    Mine too, except mine would be a bit stronger LOL

    I don't know if you'd feel comfortable doing this, but if this had been me, I would tell her supervisor or the doctor she works for.  They really should know that she is making stupid and hurtful remarks to bc survivors and it is so wrong.  Or, if you don't want to tell them in person, write them a letter.  Seriously, they should know and hopefully stop her, I should say it lol, from voicing this to another woman.

    Big hugs,

    Leeza

  • Double Whammy
    Double Whammy Member Posts: 2,832 Member
    jnl said:

    Mine too, except mine would be a bit stronger LOL

    I don't know if you'd feel comfortable doing this, but if this had been me, I would tell her supervisor or the doctor she works for.  They really should know that she is making stupid and hurtful remarks to bc survivors and it is so wrong.  Or, if you don't want to tell them in person, write them a letter.  Seriously, they should know and hopefully stop her, I should say it lol, from voicing this to another woman.

    Big hugs,

    Leeza

    Stage 1

    It most certainly IS like having "cancer" because it IS cancer!  And if they left it alone (like you woud if you didn't have cancer), all of us Stage 1 people would not be here very long. The cells would do their thing and grow and travel and you know the rest of the story.   What a stupid remark.  Stage 1 certainly has a good prognosis after treatment, but it is NOT like not even having cancer at all.  Glad you told the doc.  Health professionals should know better.  Some of our friends make remarks like that in an attempt to make us feel better and I want to slap them, but thre is simply no excuse for our caregivers to say things like that.   I've seen lots of folks at all capacities since my diagnosis and each and every one of them takes their role and cancer seriously.

    May you continue to do well and I hope her comments did not upset you for very long.  It's not ok to upset patients and I hope you can let this go now that you've reported her to the doc.  You may not be the first complaint.

    Suzanne

  • camul
    camul Member Posts: 2,537
    Another stupid remark.

    I certainly wish that were the truth!  Then I would be in a different position.  I certainly wouldn't let that twit ruin my day, and it certainly wouldn't warrant tears from me.  That is just another ignorant remark.  I think if every person who made these remarks had to endure, one chemo treatment they would certainly change thier tune!  lol wouldn't that be something!!

    Go on with your day and don't look back, not worth the effort.  The effect of cancer regardless if it is stage I or stage IV is reflected not only in our bodies, but also in our whole outlook.  I really do hope you can look pass this and just celebrate that you are here 3 years later.  One thing we all learn when going through this God-awful disease, is that every day is precious, as are our family and friends. 

     

     

  • cinnamonsmile
    cinnamonsmile Member Posts: 1,187 Member
    Ritzy said:

    I apologize for the ignorance

    I apologize for the ignorance of that tech.  I would like to slap her up side the head personally!  Sorry, but that is such a dumb and insensitive remark she made.

    Breast cancer is horrible!  It doesn't matter what stage or grade you are, it is all breast cancer and it is a life changing disease that we have to fight with every part of our being.  Even if we no longer are having active treatment, we still have the dreaded tests and the anticipation of the results for the rest of our lives to go through.  It isn't a competition, or, it shouldn't be,  "as to I have it worse than you because..... "  None of it is easy and it should never be talked about so lightly as she did.  She is just dumb and I guess we should pity her.

    Please don't cry.  Don't let someone who is stupid damper one second of your life!  You are a survivor, a warrior, a pink sister with an army of people that understand and love you right here! 

    I hope that by coming here and telling us that it will make you feel better.  Move past the imbecile's remark and enjoy your day!  Don't let her steal your joy! 

    Sue :)

    I would report her to her

    I would report her to her boss. That is inexcusable to do that to a cancer patient. I learned that things can change when you report things like that to the head of the departments (I have had a couple exceptions). You can also request to NOT ever have her at future appointments, but I would definitely tell her boss. Personally, I would also confront her either face to face or in a letter. I also learned that when revealing sub standard care my medical staff, that it helps not to sound emotional. You can state how it makes you feel without sounding all up in arms.

    I agree that cancer is cancer. I am sure if she had stage 1 and had treatments she would be singing a different tune.

    I just don't accept behavior from medical (un)professionals anymore.

    I am so sorry it happened to you.

  • Lynn Smith
    Lynn Smith Member Posts: 1,264 Member
    camul said:

    Another stupid remark.

    I certainly wish that were the truth!  Then I would be in a different position.  I certainly wouldn't let that twit ruin my day, and it certainly wouldn't warrant tears from me.  That is just another ignorant remark.  I think if every person who made these remarks had to endure, one chemo treatment they would certainly change thier tune!  lol wouldn't that be something!!

    Go on with your day and don't look back, not worth the effort.  The effect of cancer regardless if it is stage I or stage IV is reflected not only in our bodies, but also in our whole outlook.  I really do hope you can look pass this and just celebrate that you are here 3 years later.  One thing we all learn when going through this God-awful disease, is that every day is precious, as are our family and friends. 

     

     

    This would be upsetting

    This would be upsetting.I was Stage 0 non invasive.My doctor said this cancer won't spread but I can get other cancers. Since my dx almost 4 year ago  my lumpectomy 1 benign tumor was found as I was getting prepped,3 weeks later with my check margin surgery I found another tumor 2 days before that surgery and my 2 year mammo a benign tumor was found. I'm Stage 0 but I'm still am bothered by the benign tumors. That last one is watched.It was a fibroid tumor.

    I know how you feel and wish you the best.

    Lynn Smith

  • RozHopkins
    RozHopkins Member Posts: 578 Member
    She is in the wrong job.

    She is in the wrong job.  Perhaps a prison officer!!!!  Thank goodness there are a lot of thoughtfull, well trained, sympathetic medical staff out there to make up for the bad eggs.  I agree someone should have a strong word with her and extra training on the subject.  Disgraceful.

  • Pink Rose
    Pink Rose Member Posts: 493

    This would be upsetting

    This would be upsetting.I was Stage 0 non invasive.My doctor said this cancer won't spread but I can get other cancers. Since my dx almost 4 year ago  my lumpectomy 1 benign tumor was found as I was getting prepped,3 weeks later with my check margin surgery I found another tumor 2 days before that surgery and my 2 year mammo a benign tumor was found. I'm Stage 0 but I'm still am bothered by the benign tumors. That last one is watched.It was a fibroid tumor.

    I know how you feel and wish you the best.

    Lynn Smith

    Cancer is cancer!  I hope her

    Cancer is cancer!  I hope her boss talks to her and talks to her very firmly.  I'm sending a big hug to you!

     

  • flatpikr
    flatpikr Member Posts: 11
    In the club

    A lady in my local support group said to us early stagers "As soon as you hear the word "cancer" in your diagnosis, you're in the club" and it doesn't matter if you have DCIS or stage IV.  I agree with the others above that you should say something to this technician's supervisor so she will be more aware of patient's feelings in the future.  And she owes you an apology.

  • mom62
    mom62 Member Posts: 604 Member
    Ignorance

    Hi,

    Don't let someones ignorance get you down.  She obviously has no clue.  Maybe you could have said, well all the treatments I had sure made it feel like cancer.  I hope you never have to go through it.  That would have put an end to that conversation.  It may have caught you off guard but don't be afraid to speak up for yourself and correct her.  It doesn't matter what stage, cancer is cancer is cancer. 

    ((hugs) Terry

  • Lynne P
    Lynne P Member Posts: 165
    flatpikr said:

    In the club

    A lady in my local support group said to us early stagers "As soon as you hear the word "cancer" in your diagnosis, you're in the club" and it doesn't matter if you have DCIS or stage IV.  I agree with the others above that you should say something to this technician's supervisor so she will be more aware of patient's feelings in the future.  And she owes you an apology.

    I hope you get an apology

    I hope you get an apology from her.  You deserve one.  Like someone wrote, don't let her stupidity get you down. 

    Hugs, Lynne

  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    mom62 said:

    Ignorance

    Hi,

    Don't let someones ignorance get you down.  She obviously has no clue.  Maybe you could have said, well all the treatments I had sure made it feel like cancer.  I hope you never have to go through it.  That would have put an end to that conversation.  It may have caught you off guard but don't be afraid to speak up for yourself and correct her.  It doesn't matter what stage, cancer is cancer is cancer. 

    ((hugs) Terry

    Stupid is as stupid does and

    Stupid is as stupid does and she is certainly stupid!  I agree with everyone here that cancer is cancer.  It doesn't matter what stage it is.  I hope you read these posts and realize that she is the one that is so wrong here. 

    Hugs, Diane

  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000

    She is in the wrong job.

    She is in the wrong job.  Perhaps a prison officer!!!!  Thank goodness there are a lot of thoughtfull, well trained, sympathetic medical staff out there to make up for the bad eggs.  I agree someone should have a strong word with her and extra training on the subject.  Disgraceful.

    Like Ritzy, I'd like to knock

    Like Ritzy, I'd like to knock some sense in to her too.  She is in the wrong job, that's for sure, saying something like that.  Ignore her comment and don't let it bother you anymore.  She's a fool! 

    Lots of hug,

    Megan

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    wow...sorry to hear such an

    wow...sorry to hear such an uncaring person (AND IN THE medical field)

     

    ONE nurse did say to me some years back..OH YOU ONLY had surgery and radiation..then quickly said sorry I didnt' mean it like that...

     

    I never thought of myself as a survior until i joined this site...since I had surgery and 8 wks radiation-but I FOUND OUT "I AM"

    Thinking of you..

    Denise

  • Noel
    Noel Member Posts: 3,095 Member

    She is in the wrong job.

    She is in the wrong job.  Perhaps a prison officer!!!!  Thank goodness there are a lot of thoughtfull, well trained, sympathetic medical staff out there to make up for the bad eggs.  I agree someone should have a strong word with her and extra training on the subject.  Disgraceful.

    Don't cry over someone that

    Don't cry over someone that obviously knows nothing.  I can't believe she is even in this field as she doesn't seem to have much knowledge or any compassion.  We are all in agreement as to how stupid she is.  I hope that you're feeling better, have dried your eyes and realize you are stronger, smarter and loved by all of us.

     

  • Barb A
    Barb A Member Posts: 123
    I heard that too!

    KitKat, I had an oncologist tell me that my first go around with cancer. I was stage 0, with widespread DCIS. I had to have a mastectomy with reconstruction because a lumpectomy would have left me disfigured. I was shocked when he said it and I never went back to him. He's lucky I didn't take his little bow-tie and tie it a little tighter.

    As others have said, once you are told you have cancer, no matter what stage or grade, you are in that club. You know what you have gone through and you are a true warrior and survivor. We all are! Just remember how far you have come, how much you have overcome and learned in these last few years. My guess is, you have also helped plenty of other people who have received a similar diagnosis.

    Just because some people don't "get it" doesn't diminish what you have conquered.

    Barb A

     

     

  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member

    wow...sorry to hear such an

    wow...sorry to hear such an uncaring person (AND IN THE medical field)

     

    ONE nurse did say to me some years back..OH YOU ONLY had surgery and radiation..then quickly said sorry I didnt' mean it like that...

     

    I never thought of myself as a survior until i joined this site...since I had surgery and 8 wks radiation-but I FOUND OUT "I AM"

    Thinking of you..

    Denise

    How are you doing Kit Kat?  I

    How are you doing Kit Kat?  I hope you will come back and read all of the supportive posts.

    Take care,

    Sue :)

  • TexasCharlie
    TexasCharlie Member Posts: 76
    If you ever have to deal with

    If you ever have to deal with her again ask her, " Have you ever had to deal with cancer personally yourself?" I am betting she hasn't. If the answer is no, then you tell her that she isn't qualified to make any statement about the severity of any cancer. If the answer is yes then I would ask her," why, having been through it herself, she would make such an insensitive and cruel comment?". At any rate, as was stated before, I would report her to her supervisor. At the very least she needs some sensitivity training.

    God Bless You and yours.

  • Kristin N
    Kristin N Member Posts: 1,968 Member

    If you ever have to deal with

    If you ever have to deal with her again ask her, " Have you ever had to deal with cancer personally yourself?" I am betting she hasn't. If the answer is no, then you tell her that she isn't qualified to make any statement about the severity of any cancer. If the answer is yes then I would ask her," why, having been through it herself, she would make such an insensitive and cruel comment?". At any rate, as was stated before, I would report her to her supervisor. At the very least she needs some sensitivity training.

    God Bless You and yours.

    Yes, if you ever, which I

    Yes, if you ever, which I hope you don't, see her again, ask her what Charlie wrote.  She couldn't have had bc or she wouldn't be so insensitive.

    Anyway, put her remark in the past and move forward. 

    Hugs!