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Getting outside

VivianLee5689's picture
Posts: 546
Joined: Aug 2012

I finally left the hospital for a few hours today. I am sitting at home just trying to chill out and find some peace. I love David with all my heart, but 19 days straight in the hospital is making me a little stir crazy. Not to mention how much pain my neck and shoulder is in. We talked with the social worker today and she said she wasn't sure David would leave the hospital before his next chemo and when he does he will be going to an acute long term care hospital. She told me long term means at least 25 days as defined by my insurance. I am going to have to go back to work in January so my mother-in-law will sit with him during the day and I will go to work, drop by the house take a shower and change (because I will be around germ filled kids all day) and then head to the hospital. This is definitely a test of endurance on both of our parts. I just pray he lives to come home. The longer they keep him away from home the more fear I have that he will never return here. Oh yeah and we will be celebrating Christmas in a hospital. Well on the bright side at least I will be with my husband.

ToBeGolden's picture
Posts: 695
Joined: Aug 2010

I'm thankful the Lord has provided you with a few moments to recoup your energy. R&R is a necessary part of the battle.

Hint: When I'm in the hospital in a bad way (like my week in the ICU), the television I liked the most:
1) anything with a lot of laughter,
2) pleasant scenery/travel.

I really couldn't follow any program. And what I put the TV channel to was not what I usually view at home. I kept the sound at a low level. Just a suggestion to experiment with what is on TV. Maybe I'm in left field once again. Rick.

patricke's picture
Posts: 498
Joined: Aug 2006

Hey Vivian, I'm glad to hear that you took some time off to recharge, which is good for both of you; you need to do it on a regular basis, to prevent burning out. As they say, it is important to take care of yourself, in order to effectively take care of others, so keep that in mind as you continue on your inpatient marathon with David. As in any marathon rest and recovery periods are essential for going the distance. I too agree with the importance of humorous movies, TV shows, etc., and other diversions that you and David find enjoyable to help provide some much needed levity at any time, but especially during this very challenging time. Keep your heads in the positive zone, and as I am want to say, that my favorite mantra which gets me through my toughest challenges is "I can do this!" My hopes and wishes are with you that David has a successful response to the treatment and is able to return home for additional treatment, if needed, and then on to recovery. Hanng in there.


Pam M's picture
Pam M
Posts: 2196
Joined: Nov 2009

Amazing how very important a small amount of time can be. Just hanging in to get over "this hump" can make an amazing difference. So can just sitting in your own home, just for a little while.

I spent Christmas in the hospital in 2009 (neutropenic fevers of unknown origin/PEG installation - 9 day stay). I didn't mind much, because I felt bad, and didn't want to saddle my family members with me on the holiday. (Truth is, they would have still had fun - I just convinced myself I'd take away from their joy.) The next year, I got out of the hospital on Christmas Eve (Modified Radical Neck Dissection).

Being in the hospital for me was much easier than I think it will be on you. I wasn't fearful for a loved one. Since I was the patient, I spent a good deal of time sleeping, thanks to what I still suspect to be more meds than I needed. For the first few days (also thanks to the generous amount of pain and anti nausea meds) I was not able to hold onto any thoughts for an extended period of time, so not a lot of fretting going on.

I also did best with short, funny shows on TV, and lovely nature scenes with music.

phrannie51's picture
Posts: 4673
Joined: Mar 2012

it's good to fill the reserve...breath a little...I know you won't leave David for any length of time, but doing what you did today...say every other day...allows you to refill your energies.

Sometimes we just gotta dig around and be grateful for what we have, even when it seems unfair that we can't just be grateful without having to dig for it. Christmas at the hospital won't be so bad...you'll be with David, and maybe his mom will be there...and you'll all be together.

One day at a time, hon...one foot in front of the other...is all you can do. Don't beat yourself up for the things that you can't do at this time.


ooo's picture
Posts: 107
Joined: Mar 2012


there is so much love between you and David that my eyes always tear up when I read your posts. You're a truly inspirational figure and I really hope that things will be reasonably smooth for you in the coming weeks.


cureitall66's picture
Posts: 912
Joined: Aug 2012

Yes, it's time to recharge those batteries. Refocus again for the next segment. As afraid as you are to make that next change, having some bit of normal back in your life (such as work & a little home life)we be good for you. The first few days of getting back to work and leaving David will be hard, but know he's in good hands while you are away. You can do this. Be strong my friend, be strong for you and for David.

God Bless,


VivianLee5689's picture
Posts: 546
Joined: Aug 2012

As hard is it is for me to admit, it was really nice to get away. Sure I missed David and texted him and called his mother several times, but I enjoyed sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee, a fire going and a little tv for a change. It made me feel less stress than I have had in quite a while. My next mission needs to be to spend a little time with others. I have really isolated myself. Mostly due to David not being able to have visitors, but some is just I haven't been prepared to try to converse in person. Every time I get to talking about this awful disease I get all choked up and the tears flow freely. I guess what I need is to go outside and do something normal and not talk about the cancer for a while with someone. Just be able to share some joy filled time. I can't believe Christmas is right around the corner and I haven't bought one gift.

Mrs. Sarge
Posts: 206
Joined: Apr 2012

I went on your blog and looked at your pictures and just wanted to tell you how beautiful you are and how handsome your David is! I read these boards several times a day and always checking up on you guys! Just know some lurkers are still remembering you and hoping for better days ahead! (and yes, it's an awful disease!!) My love to you both!

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