FEELING REALLY DEPRESSED
Comments
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there is a lot to process when handed this diagnosis
and sonit is no wonder you are depressed. However, you are headed in the right direction, and have every reason to think you ar,
e going to makemit through this battle. Depression doesnt help you. Neither does it help your family. I hope you discuss this with your health care providers. Yiu should get this treated right along with the rest of things. the sooner the better. Many have found that it helpsto participate here, ornin other related functions. Anything you can do to distract yourself, or to feel good about is helpful.
Pat0 -
Fight of your life!
Hey Matt, there is nothing that we can say that will take the pain away right now; let the flood gates loose my friend and cry as much a you need! You are at the beginning of a very traumatic journey; this will be the hardest thing you have ever had to do; but it's do able. Utilize all your support systems; including this great group of people on this board. Get a referral to a social worker/support group/anti-depressants if needed; also I used some ativan through my treatments. If you are religious utilize your church in this great time of prayer. Go on the oral cancer foundation website as well; you will also get good information there.
Yes it sucks, I still get mad at times and ask why me, why now; I would have traded anything to put this cancer off another 10-20 years like most on here or better yet never gotten it. But it is what it is; life sucks; life isn't fair! But you will survive and we will help you through this and meet you on the other side!!!
Big Huggs!!
Charles0 -
Then cry Matt....
I'm not much of a crier, either...but have shed a few tears in the last couple months...anger and saddness are emotions, and all emotions are legitamate. For someone as young as yourself, I'm sure the unfairness of it all may seem overwhelming...don't bottle it up! There are social workers you can talk to, and the nurses...even your Dr...all willing to talk, and knowledgable as to the emotional toll a diagnosis like this can do to people.
Ok...your teeth have got to go, that is the decision made due to the shape your teeth are in...talk to the dentist about getting dentures right away (they help the healing when they are placed immediately after pulling teeth). You may not be able to wear them all thru treatment, but on the other hand, you may not have any problems with your gums. Just so you know, one of my biggest fears since I found out that I had cancer, is that I may have to go without my dentures at some time....vain, I know....but I don't care, I'm hanging on to them till I can't stand to have them in my mouth.
You will be ok...all that you're going thru are honest predictable emotions...at the other side of them is acceptance, and the knowledge that you want to fight for your life, your new baby, and your wife...
p0 -
Hey Matt
You know what my friend - you have every right to be depressed, angry, feeling unfairly treated.
MEC hit me 8 months ago at 33 years old. I have a 3 year old and an 18 month old, married to my wife who I love dearly for nearly 5 years. I'd been the healthiest person you could ever imagine, 10 years without so much as a single trip to the GP then this! Talk about a shock - I had the double shock of being told I had a branchial cyst for 6 months - I even had a clear PET scan. Then when the cyst came our it was sent to the labs - surprise, it's cancer.
Know what my friend, everything you are feeling is totally justified - but at the end of the day, completely pointless. Anger will work you up, depression will get you down and none of it will help. I know it's easier said than done, but you need to channel your anger not at God or a higher being, not at anyone else around or life in general - aim it at the cancer. If you feel angry turn that into determination.
Tell yourself this isn't going to beat you and steel yourself for whatever it's got to give. You obviously love your wife and child very much, you obviously love your life very much - you need to tell that little b*stard that it's not going to beat you, that whatever it takes you will win. Punching a wall is a futile self damaging way of letting that anger out. You need to take all that justified indignant rage and use it to inspire you to fight.
You have the biggest motivation anyone could have, seeing your little boy grow up. The day I got diagnosed I said I didn't care how bad it was, nothing will stop md giving away my daughter on her wedding day. Tommyodavey came out with a fantastic phrase on here which I took for my motto - 'don't give up fighting until God has his arms wrapped around you'.
That's what we're going to do Matt, we are going to see our kids grow up and this won't stop us. Forget the wall - think about beating the cancer, and every step along the treatment road however hard is one step towards it - towards victory. You are young and strong and you will win this fight - that's a fact until anyone tells you otherwise. Be positive, don't let futile anger get the best of you.
I know it's incredibly hard to deal with but you must keep looking forward not back. It's here now, and it's not about why it's about getting to the point where you win the battle.
Keep fighting Matt, do it for the family - make them proud. If you give in to those feelings you give yourself a bigger mountain to climb.
All the best
Leo0 -
Just take a deep breath and
Just take a deep breath and think positive thoughts, like how you are going to get through this unfortunate crisis for the benefit of those that you love. Believe it or not worse things could happen. This is not a death sentence but merely a wake up call. There is obviously a very good reason for the teeth being extracted which has been explained to you. I personally did not have to go through that but in the scheme of things it would have been just another bump. Some of us who may have to have teeth extracted in the future could face a worse fate, like ORN. I am an old guy but this is increasing;y becoming a young persons disease with the HPV connection. You will get through this and hopefully be an inspiration to other young people who will need your advice and direction. Good luck and stay connected to this site for support, we have all either had to go through this or are going through it. Best to you and your family.
John0 -
Cryingphrannie51 said:Then cry Matt....
I'm not much of a crier, either...but have shed a few tears in the last couple months...anger and saddness are emotions, and all emotions are legitamate. For someone as young as yourself, I'm sure the unfairness of it all may seem overwhelming...don't bottle it up! There are social workers you can talk to, and the nurses...even your Dr...all willing to talk, and knowledgable as to the emotional toll a diagnosis like this can do to people.
Ok...your teeth have got to go, that is the decision made due to the shape your teeth are in...talk to the dentist about getting dentures right away (they help the healing when they are placed immediately after pulling teeth). You may not be able to wear them all thru treatment, but on the other hand, you may not have any problems with your gums. Just so you know, one of my biggest fears since I found out that I had cancer, is that I may have to go without my dentures at some time....vain, I know....but I don't care, I'm hanging on to them till I can't stand to have them in my mouth.
You will be ok...all that you're going thru are honest predictable emotions...at the other side of them is acceptance, and the knowledge that you want to fight for your life, your new baby, and your wife...
p
I had a little sob when I told my Dad. He and my mum split when I was young and I don't see my Mum much - me and my Dad have always been best of friends, he is the best Dad anyone could have and it broke my heart having to give him the news because I knew it would break his.
Plus through my cyst diagnosis when I was saying something was really wrong, he kept telling me to stop being so daft and I knew he'd feel guilty about that.
As it turns out he has been incredibly strong throughout, just being normal and keeping me grounded. No big deal - I'll beat it; I guess those were wasted tears - he's stronger than me! But you need to let it out somehow and move on, crying is understandable do what you've got to do but then you have to try to find determination from the deepest depths of your soul.
Nobody should have to be that tough at 29, but you will be.
Good luck Matt
Leo0 -
Cryingphrannie51 said:Then cry Matt....
I'm not much of a crier, either...but have shed a few tears in the last couple months...anger and saddness are emotions, and all emotions are legitamate. For someone as young as yourself, I'm sure the unfairness of it all may seem overwhelming...don't bottle it up! There are social workers you can talk to, and the nurses...even your Dr...all willing to talk, and knowledgable as to the emotional toll a diagnosis like this can do to people.
Ok...your teeth have got to go, that is the decision made due to the shape your teeth are in...talk to the dentist about getting dentures right away (they help the healing when they are placed immediately after pulling teeth). You may not be able to wear them all thru treatment, but on the other hand, you may not have any problems with your gums. Just so you know, one of my biggest fears since I found out that I had cancer, is that I may have to go without my dentures at some time....vain, I know....but I don't care, I'm hanging on to them till I can't stand to have them in my mouth.
You will be ok...all that you're going thru are honest predictable emotions...at the other side of them is acceptance, and the knowledge that you want to fight for your life, your new baby, and your wife...
p
I had a little sob when I told my Dad. He and my mum split when I was young and I don't see my Mum much - me and my Dad have always been best of friends, he is the best Dad anyone could have and it broke my heart having to give him the news because I knew it would break his.
Plus through my cyst diagnosis when I was saying something was really wrong, he kept telling me to stop being so daft and I knew he'd feel guilty about that.
As it turns out he has been incredibly strong throughout, just being normal and keeping me grounded. No big deal - I'll beat it; I guess those were wasted tears - he's stronger than me! But you need to let it out somehow and move on, crying is understandable do what you've got to do but then you have to try to find determination from the deepest depths of your soul.
Nobody should have to be that tough at 29, but you will be.
Good luck Matt
Leo0 -
anti anxiety medsjtl said:Just take a deep breath and
Just take a deep breath and think positive thoughts, like how you are going to get through this unfortunate crisis for the benefit of those that you love. Believe it or not worse things could happen. This is not a death sentence but merely a wake up call. There is obviously a very good reason for the teeth being extracted which has been explained to you. I personally did not have to go through that but in the scheme of things it would have been just another bump. Some of us who may have to have teeth extracted in the future could face a worse fate, like ORN. I am an old guy but this is increasing;y becoming a young persons disease with the HPV connection. You will get through this and hopefully be an inspiration to other young people who will need your advice and direction. Good luck and stay connected to this site for support, we have all either had to go through this or are going through it. Best to you and your family.
John
Matt, they have pain meds and meds for nausea, and meds for sleeping, and medication for what you are feeling, that will let you at least cope with it. The stuff works, and works almost instantly, ask any of your doctors for a prescription today, tell them you are coming to pick it up. I took anti anxiety stuff from the beginning through about a year and a half. This is hard stuff to get your head around. I then needed two frigging psychologists to sort things out. This is not the time to sort it out. This is get well enough to fight, period. You can't fight if you are depressed.0 -
We've all been where you are...jtl said:Just take a deep breath and
Just take a deep breath and think positive thoughts, like how you are going to get through this unfortunate crisis for the benefit of those that you love. Believe it or not worse things could happen. This is not a death sentence but merely a wake up call. There is obviously a very good reason for the teeth being extracted which has been explained to you. I personally did not have to go through that but in the scheme of things it would have been just another bump. Some of us who may have to have teeth extracted in the future could face a worse fate, like ORN. I am an old guy but this is increasing;y becoming a young persons disease with the HPV connection. You will get through this and hopefully be an inspiration to other young people who will need your advice and direction. Good luck and stay connected to this site for support, we have all either had to go through this or are going through it. Best to you and your family.
John
...in one way or another. Like everyone is saying, take a deep breath and try to start from square 1: HPV positive is a GREAT sign and it means GREAT things for your prognosis and response to treatment. Focus on that positive even when everything else seems bleak. When I was diagnosed, I focused on the fact that two of my doctors said this isn't just treatable--it's CURABLE.
Your age will make this easier for you. I believe my age is, and I'm 47 (on the young side for throat cancer). Believe that you will make it through this, because you will. The treatment will NOT kill you. It may make you miserable or it may not, but you'll get through it, get to the other side, and it will be behind you.
Don't hesitate to get a second opinion on ANYTHING. If you don't want to lose your teeth, get a second opinion. It may be the same opinion and you may end up losing them anyway, but then you have the mental peace of knowing you did your due diligence.
You can do this. There are a couple of us here going through the middle stages of treatment, and we're posting frequently. Everyone on the board is here for you! No question is too small, too strange, or too dark for us to answer. We'll all get through this together.0 -
Matt
You are where we've all been, and for me the toughest part was before the tx started. As noted, there's people who should be available to talk to if it's gotten emotionally too much- typical your Onco office has someone they use for such, or maybe even your regular Dr. You would not be the first man to seek such help, so don't fret about that.
Thing is, Matt- this is the big C, and it's gonna kill you if you don't go thru treatment, and H&N is not a good way to die. And if you go thru tx- survival rates are over the top great for H&N. So, it's a no-brainer: go thru the treatment and live to see your baby grow-up. Everyone is different, and your experience might not be nearly as bad as you are imagining it will be. Yes, most of us do go thru some bad times, but there's meds to help with that, and it is very doable. Just keep the Drs in the Loop as to how you are really doing, physically, and they will help with to deal with the physical.
You are gonna survive this, Matt. That's just the way it is in 2012. Just accept the fact that you have C, and will survive it by going thru treatment. That is fact. First you accept it, and what you must do. Then, focus on doing it by keeping it all in the Positive-centered around that single little fact- that you will survive this, and it's all gonna turn out okay. And, yes, as I like to say- you are gonna survive this, so get used to it! And, Matt-
Believe
kcass0 -
Rant - Vent
Matt ,
Been there, done that...do what ever it takes...but when your done, take a deep breath, and know that this a journey you can handle, with the love of a wonderful wife and the knowledge you have a baby that you will see grow each day. This is a great support group, ask whatever you need to know, someone somwhere has been or is going thru what you will. I had a tonsil cancer stage 4 diagnosis last June, finsished all treatments this past Dec. I'm doing great...and so will you.
Blessings,
Linda0 -
We are with you Mattosmotar said:Rant - Vent
Matt ,
Been there, done that...do what ever it takes...but when your done, take a deep breath, and know that this a journey you can handle, with the love of a wonderful wife and the knowledge you have a baby that you will see grow each day. This is a great support group, ask whatever you need to know, someone somwhere has been or is going thru what you will. I had a tonsil cancer stage 4 diagnosis last June, finsished all treatments this past Dec. I'm doing great...and so will you.
Blessings,
Linda
Hey Matt, like all the others on here have said ....we know, we truly know how you feel and we care. I was 48 when diagnosed...but I have the perfect wife of 17 years (my first and only wife I might add) and I also had five children ...all mine and my wife's
Here are there ages ...22 months, 5 years, 8 years, 11 years, and my only girl in the bunch 13 years. You bet I did not want this for me or them .....
I love the suggestion above of turning the energy on the cancer ....your wife and baby girl are all the reason you need to do it!!
I don't know where you fall on the "prayer" scale....but I have added you to my nightly prayer list (yep, I really do keep on right by my bed)....I don't say that to offend, everybody on here has their thing and I don't push mine on anybody...it's just my way of saying it's the only way I know of to help in addition to posting on this site.
So I (we) are all with you Mat. Hey, I met a guy via phone today named Erict Statler who is on the board of the Oral Cancer Foundation. Turns out he lives in Idaho just 3 hours north of me! He is a four year survivor of stage IV ...had cancer of the jaw and many lymph nodes removed ...this guy was a great inspiration to me ....
So do check out the Oral Cancer Foundation online and sign up and get engaged ....as well as check back on this board.
I cried many a times ..mostly when I thought of my kids and wife ...it's normal and shows your a good husband and dad....
We will see you on the other side when you beat this cancer Mat!!!!
Tim /Idaho
timcogdill@yahoo.com
208.630.4842 cell0 -
Its my party I will cry if I want to
and I have. Matt yes 29 is young, but this cancer thing has no respect for age. Im a partner with St Jude Hospital and each month I get a childs picture and information about that child ages generally 1 thru 7. I placed each picture next to an Angel in a book shelf I have and would include them in my prayers. But it never quite hit me what these children were going thru until I got cancer. My point is this sucks and I have cried / been fussy you name it. But with the help of these folks I have met on line I have additional strength and you can to. I also try to remind myself if these children at St Jude were dealt these cards then why not us. Now lets do our best to KicK Cancers Butt, and remember we will come out the other side, but as these folks have been telling me, it wont be easy...but it is doable...0 -
Hi Matt
I too tend to still get a little depressed at times but then I look at all the good things cancer did for me. I am closer to Jesus now than ever before, I have 3 times the friends now than before I had cancer, I am more respectful of others now than before. And when I am feeling down I now sing “one day at a times sweet Jesus. Yes it is hard to go through but the new normal just makes me a better person.
God bless you my friend
Hondo0 -
Hi Matt,
I was diagnosed
Hi Matt,
I was diagnosed with tongue cancer a couple of weeks before my 31st birthday. I was scared, I did cry, and sometimes I still do. It's ok.
Today I had radiation session #11.
Soon after the diagnosis it's normal to feel overwhelmed by the future. But one step after another, we all can go a long way. Right now just focus on eating well, after Monday you'll focus on a quick recovery from the extraction, then again on eating well, then on surviving day 1 of chemo/radiation, then day 2, then day 3,.. Each single step is doable, and the amazing people on this board are here to prove it.
You are not your tonsils and you are not your teeth. You are a big heart who's fighting for his wife and his baby. And I'm fighting next to you, my friend.0 -
16 years
16 years post treatment and have had so many wonderful blessings since treatments. I too was so depressed (we all get that way at some point)but when I looked around I realized that there were many much worse off. Go ahead and cry...then shake it off and get read to battle the beast.0 -
Hey Matt!!!!!Greend said:16 years
16 years post treatment and have had so many wonderful blessings since treatments. I too was so depressed (we all get that way at some point)but when I looked around I realized that there were many much worse off. Go ahead and cry...then shake it off and get read to battle the beast.
I can't say anything that has not already been said eccept,
"KEEP CALM and CARRY ON "
God bless
Tonsil Dad,
Dan.0 -
Matt, For the first time, in
Matt, For the first time, in my 66 years on earth, I came up against a foe I didn't know how to fight. I asked my Doc for some anti-depressants ( which I'd never taken ), anyway, they made a huge difference.
I was blessed with Grandsons ( 3 ) late in life and I'm determined to see them grown...each day gets easier and life is sweet.
Don't be ashamed to ask for help~~~Peace0 -
Look at light at the end of the tunnelGrandmax4 said:Matt, For the first time, in
Matt, For the first time, in my 66 years on earth, I came up against a foe I didn't know how to fight. I asked my Doc for some anti-depressants ( which I'd never taken ), anyway, they made a huge difference.
I was blessed with Grandsons ( 3 ) late in life and I'm determined to see them grown...each day gets easier and life is sweet.
Don't be ashamed to ask for help~~~Peace
Hi Matt,
I have yet to begin my toughest journey and do get depressed at time. What is helping is to read experiences of people who have already gone thru this and enjoying fairly good qwality of life. Yes the journey is very tough, but just keep thinking, it will end one day and you will go back to normal life and leave this all behind you. That day has come for many folks on this board and will come for us too!
I begin my radiation next week.
Sam0
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