If anyone can help?

Sundanceh said:

Lorikat
Hi Lori

My dad is in failing health as well...we've been between ICU and nursing facilities for the past 3 months....the bills are staggering...his is not cancer related, just old age, he's 83.

Your right about private nursing about $20 per hour...that would break us and him very quickly and it leaves someone in the home who would have access to the house while the patient was bedridden and loved ones were home sleeping. You would worry constantly.

Dad's insurance is not very good, so we are forced to pay out of pocket to the tune of $4500 for nursing/rehab facilities until his "rehab" runs out in the next two months...then it's full private pay with NO rehab (he's not doing it anyway.)

At that rate, one could blow through a whole life of savings in very short order. He's got to have full time care as well. I don't have an answer either, but letting you know that someone is in similar shoes with you right now.

We're trying to determine how much his insurance covers....we got a bill for one week's stay in ICU for $67,000 dollars....and are trying to determine how much of that is on his end (co-pay)....and along with all of that is the mental and emotional toll.

My wife and I are exhausted too...we work full time and spend the rest of the evenings and all w/ends trying to manage his affairs....I'm on my way now back to the facility to see how he's doing and take care of some more of his stuff.

I feel for you - and wish I knew something more...

I was so tired this morning, I forgot to say, my wife got another test back that had indications of thyroid cancer...biopsy scheduled....and I might get my 4th recurrence confirmed in about 6-weeks...and if we're both in treatment, taking care of the both of us and our affairs, along with my dad's health and all of his affairs.....

Yep, I sure get it, Lori...and we've got no one to help us....it sure gives one something to think about....

And we just found yet a couple of minutes ago....that dad has been moved back to ICU again...so we're switching gears from the nursing home to the ICU...

I wish you the best...if you need to talk.....you can:)

I don't have magic answers, but I've got a trickle of what you are facing.

-Craig

Minnesotagirl said:

Medical Assistance
Dear oh dear, you are having a terrible time. Something similar but of course not the same.

We had put my mom in a assisted living about 1 year ago and then 3 months ago we had to move her to full nursing care at the nursing home. Have you contacted your county about applying for medical assistance. I live in Minnesota, and I had to handle this with my mother-in-laws affairs. When she ran out of money, which my mother in law and mother both did...medical assistance kicked in and allowed them both to stay at medical assistance approved nursing homes and /or assisted living homes. My mom is now considered a hospice patient with her final stages of COPD. My mother-in-law continues to live in assisted living.

If you haven't already, contact the county social services that your mother lives in and see if they can help you begin the process...

Maybe you have already tried this road but if not...certainly worth a try.
Blessings to you from Minnesota!

"Minnie"

joemetz said:

Share a story... might help
I was given the colon cancer with mets to the liver news in Novermber 2011.
My mom and dad (who were in super excellent health and living in Florida) both we SO upset that their youngest son has cancer... again.

this is my second round... 23 years ago, I had Non-Hodgkins lymphoma. (stay with me here, as i'm setting a foundation for this story and hopefully help for you)

six years ago, my oldest brother died of melenoma that went to the lungs and brain.
a parent should NEVER have to burry a child, and us kids never want to lose our parents.

But, the fact remains... none of us, absolutely none of us get out of this life alive.
we all pass on and hopefully we all get to Heaven.
and, when the time comes that we lose someone who is so important in our lives, we wish we had just ONE MORE day. but, on the other hand... would we want to deprive a loved one of one day in Heaven???

back to my parents... my dad, who I worked for, for 19 years prior to buying the family business... is one of my very best friends, my hero and my mentor.
He was so upset about me getting cancer, that he told me many times... I'd rather take this bullet for you. I hated hearing it, as I am in this battle and i wouldn't want my kids, my wife or my parents to have this. It's way to hard, and I'm stronger than each of them... so this is my fight and i tackle it.

well... fast forward to 3 weeks ago.
my mom and dad went for a 3 mile walk, (they are 79 years old) and they got back to their home to watch some college basketball... which is usual for their retirement years. and my dad had a major stroke.

He had brain surgery and ended up in ICU for a couple weeks... before i had to meet with doctors to tell them all to stop being hero;s. My dad's living will, and his wishes were to never be on life support. he had major brain damage from the stroke and became very sick with 5 other major problems. The Nurses faces told me that these doctors would try to keep him alive as long as they could... but the fact remains, he would never recover to a "normal life' that he would have wanted.
fast forward to March 13th and 14th which were may dad's last two days... in Hospice.

He took his last breath on the 14th. I hated this so much, but my dad's voice kept playing in my head... "If I can't live and dance, I don't want to live"
"life is for living, and if I'm not living... don't let them keep me alive and don't allow your mom to suffer with me being sick.

well, it was hard for my sisters and brother as well as my mom. they were married for 59 years... and had an awesome life.

but, when it comes to death... which is so much more scary for us who survive... as none of us want to die. But, when my dad reached his last week here in this life, i could tell that he was prepared. we know he was prepared to enter into Heaven. He personall prepared for his next life in Heaven. but, none of us were ready to lose him. We will miss him so much... but he truly is in a better place today and no more suffering for him.

so... the expense part. My dad served in the Korean war, and your mom has benefits from teh VA hospitals as well as VA (Verterens Association) health care places. You should not have to be spending your personal retirement savings on your parents care.

I am not sure if you have a financial advisor or not, but you should call one and get a meeting. You should also look into the VA hospitals and into medicare and medicaid. Make some phone calls or check into some online web sites looking for healthcare for retired people and for verterans.

You need help, and the money cannot be your stoper. there is help out there, and I'm certain that after a few phone calls and pusing for more information that you'll find the needed help.

and, I completely understand your personal emotions and love for your mom. It's admireable.
she has been lucky to have you by her side, as you sound like an awesome person.

but the truth is... she needs help from someone else now, and YOU must focus on your own fight. stress and tention is something you do NOT need right now.

next, if you are not on any meds to deal with the emotional side of all this... you should call your onc and ask for something. I started Zoloft to deal with my extreme emotions over my cancer fight and the fact that my first doctor told me to "get my affiars in order" and i have four kids and a wife who is a stay at home mom. So, my stress began to really get to me. so, i encourage you to reduce your stress, as for meds to help you... and look for financial help to help the care for your mom.

you don't need to be weathly to ask for help from a financial advisor. they are there for free advice and one day down the line, they will help you to recover your retirement savings that you feel is depleting.

I hope my ramble has been someone helpful.
it helped me to share and type this all out... i hope something in here is helpful to you.

many blessings and prayers are being sent your way, from Ohio!

my best to you

Joe