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Dennis Update and my funk...

Brenda Bricco
Posts: 579
Joined: Aug 2011

Dennis is two weeks and two days out from liver resection... He is still moving very slow but did go to the barn today to brush his horse and then to the local tavern for lunch.
The main nurse from UW Madison called all excited to say that his labs that were drawn last week were excellent (CEA that was 44 is now 18) which they did not expect. They are so impressed with his bodies ability to come out of a 65% resection with normal liver panels and barely be anemic. This is a very long tough road but I am so thankful to be on it (that he was able to have surgery).
As for the caregiver... I am really feeling the effects of all the stress. It took two horse back rides today to feel okay (usually takes one). I can really feel the depression trying to pull me down but I recognize it and try to do what I know helps. Somebody in an earlier post mentioned that no matter how this turns out, whether we get a cure or not we will never be the same as before all of this. I was so surprised when read that post because that is exactly what I have been thinking lately. I want so much to leave this cancer behind us but I know we never really will. :( The peaks and valleys really take a toll on a person). I know that we are so fortunate to be where we are and I think of Carl and Renee often and pray that Carl gets turned around and headed in the healing direction. I feel a little ridiculous to even say that I am struggling when Renee has been fighting just to get Carl home. Hang in there Renee, I hope it helps to know that someone is thinking and praying for you everyday.
One of the things I told the nurse today was that if she ever sees anyone that is struggling and in need of support that she direct them here. I don't even like to imagine how lonely cancer was before the internet and this group. You have all been so supportive and caring. I have been reading most of the posts but pretty much been lurking while in this funk. I worry that I may not be the source of support that I want to be but I will never stop trying.
Thanks guys, you are all my heroes and truly a gift from GOD. :)

steveandnat's picture
steveandnat
Posts: 887
Joined: Sep 2011

Sounds so good with the recovery. You are so strong being there every step of the way. As a cancer patient I dont think we can express how much a caregivers means. Sometimes the caregiver is the only one we can really tell everything to which has to so hard on the caregiver. God bless you and all you caregivers you help so much.

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 3372
Joined: Jan 2010

You are not alone in your feelings...in fact if you weren't experiencing them I would believe you were in denial.

Neither patient nor caregiver can ever return to what life was before cancer, and that is a tough reality to get your mind around.

I can't speak for others, but for me cancer has given me a better perspective on how life should be lived. Before cancer, I would never have shared my life experiences with others with the idea of bringing them information or caring. I wasn't a selfish person, just didn't reach out. Before cancer, I didn't appreciate nearly enough the small experiences in life...now everything is more important. Before cancer, I didn't give a thought as to how family or others would remember me...now I want to make those memories special.

I guess the bottom line is that along with the concerns about "what next" in the cancer journey, I have received an appreciation for what I can share and give to others.

May your and your DH continue to have brighter days, and blessings to all here who reach out to shore us up when we need it.

Hugs,

Marie who loves kitties

ketziah35
Posts: 1154
Joined: Jun 2010

I am so sorry for your challenges. There is a post on the caregivers board labled caregivers depression. You may want to read that. A lot of caregivers are seeing therapists and taking antidepressants and Xanax to help with there journey with their patient's. Is there someone you can call to give you a break? Don't be afaraid to ask for help!

Ketz

smokeyjoe
Posts: 1428
Joined: Feb 2011

Brenda, it's good to see you post. Just going out and brushing my mares can take my mind away from cancer. I can't ride mine, the girls are just too old now...

buckeye2
Posts: 428
Joined: Jul 2011

I can so relate to your post. Finding joy in life is difficult under these circumstances but I continue to search. Each setback brings with it depression but so far have always managed to find my way back. I sang a song on my way to work this week. I realized that this is a sign that the depression is lifting. I sometimes believe that this journey is my life test of whether or not I lived a successful and meaningful life. I want to pass this test and be proud of how I handled it. Somedays I am better at it than others. Lisa

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