I have Big Dreams
So this required looking into my soul, asking why I'm going to college, asking who am I to take FASFA funding that could go to a young person who has a full life ahead of them. Who am I to dare to dream of a life being cancer free? Who am I to want to fulfill a desire since I was in my teens? I'm old, I could have a bad turn and die and in that case why am I wasting the time of my professors and fellow students with my presence?
I've thought long and hard about this, had a tear or two (actually many) questioning myself, the seed was planted, the seed of doubt and it started to grow, from a tiny little seedling almost to redwood size making me doubt my "long term" plans. Who am I to stare fate in the face and say "No, I don't think so, I'm going to make it."
Well, I finally came to a decision, I decided why, who, where and what.
Why do I do this, because I have goals, long term goals, goals that I determine means I will get through this, I will Live past this.
Who am I to think I will succeed? I am a person of hope, dreams, fantasies, but mostly I am a person that wants a future.
Where? Where will I go with this dream of getting a college education? I will go where I always wanted to be, someone that could say finally, "Daddy, I did it" (never mind my daddy passed away in 1991) I will be proud to look up to the skies and know at that moment, my dreams realized, feeling the pride I know my Daddy would have felt had he been alive.
@ itself, that we will win, maybe not always, but we will win against it, each in our own small way.
I do this because I think we all deserve a future, that cancer should not take away our dreams, that we should live not only for today, but for our tomorrows.
May we all have many more tomorrows and our dreams of our children's weddings, graduations, grandbabies, our weddings, our graduations, will happen, that our dreams as much as we can be there for are lived out.
I am not the only college "child" here, there are many others, we should be proud of ourselves, proud of finally accomplishing our dreams. And the person that is weak from their chemo who gets out of bed each morning is accomplishing so much, and the person that preservers through so much travesty (the being told you have cancer, the chemos, the radiation, the loss of family or friends through fear) should be proud of themselves, you have accomplished the will to live each day. And those that do not make it, our friends that do not survive, the ones that spoke to us each step of their way through their cancer journeys, the plowed paths for us, they showed us bravery, they showed us dignity, they showed us love, their families should be proud of them.
Winter Marie
Comments
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Winter
This is beautiful. Never let anyone dash your hopes or try to take away your dreams. My son, the late starter in college and also with a very high average as you have, said to me the other day, "Mom, even if I'm unable to get a high paying job after all this, just think of all the knowledge I will have gained". His dream is to work in forestry or some type of environmental job. I would never try to destroy his dream even though he'll never be a millionaire. So you go right ahead and fulfill that dream. After all, it's yours and very important to your happiness.
Luv Ya,
Wolfen0 -
winter mariewolfen said:Winter
This is beautiful. Never let anyone dash your hopes or try to take away your dreams. My son, the late starter in college and also with a very high average as you have, said to me the other day, "Mom, even if I'm unable to get a high paying job after all this, just think of all the knowledge I will have gained". His dream is to work in forestry or some type of environmental job. I would never try to destroy his dream even though he'll never be a millionaire. So you go right ahead and fulfill that dream. After all, it's yours and very important to your happiness.
Luv Ya,
Wolfen
you have made my day, i will be off to go get chemo in about an hour.when you first posted you were going to college you became one of my inspirations on this board.you go ahead and live that dream because you give hope to many of us who can only live one day.one treatment at a time.....Godbless....johnnybegood0 -
Get that degree!
Greetings
I'm new to this, as i was became CRC stage IV with mets to the liver in late November 2011.
had colostomy surgery in December and have had 8 weeks of treatments.
no one has ever said how "long" i might have... and after reading your profile, I see you were told some pretty bad stuff.
well, its 2 years later and you've beat the doctors predictions. Good work.
back when the doctors said that stuff... at first you said the "oh ****"... but at what point did you say... Hey, I'm going to prove them wrong?
well... compare that to whoever told you that you should go to college.
why shouldn't you go? Screw them. You proved your doctors wrong, now prove this other person or people wrong and go get your goal.
my prayers and thoughts are with you.
Joe0 -
That was beautiful!! Youjoemetz said:Get that degree!
Greetings
I'm new to this, as i was became CRC stage IV with mets to the liver in late November 2011.
had colostomy surgery in December and have had 8 weeks of treatments.
no one has ever said how "long" i might have... and after reading your profile, I see you were told some pretty bad stuff.
well, its 2 years later and you've beat the doctors predictions. Good work.
back when the doctors said that stuff... at first you said the "oh ****"... but at what point did you say... Hey, I'm going to prove them wrong?
well... compare that to whoever told you that you should go to college.
why shouldn't you go? Screw them. You proved your doctors wrong, now prove this other person or people wrong and go get your goal.
my prayers and thoughts are with you.
Joe
That was beautiful!! You also made my day!! I have so many changes that I would love to make since being diagnosed with cancer I'm just not a strong enough person.0 -
What a simply lovely post,
What a simply lovely post, it really made me smile this morning.
You go girl - reach for the stars! :-)0 -
you are an inspiration winter marie, lovelly post
I need to take a leaf out of your book and set some long term goals, its about that time.
I wanted to go and study medicine, but my intravenous vitamin c schedule conflicts with the uni timetable.
Hope is such a wonderful thing, your post is so uplifting.
god bless you.
hugs,
pete
ps i will be celebrating when you graduate.0 -
Proud of you
Wow,
I am proud of you...not only being a survivor, but being a woman too! You go girl and keep that attitude~ show 'us what you are made of~
Minnesotagirl0 -
"To thine own self be true".....Minnesotagirl said:Proud of you
Wow,
I am proud of you...not only being a survivor, but being a woman too! You go girl and keep that attitude~ show 'us what you are made of~
Minnesotagirl
don't remember who first said something like this but never feel the need to justify yourself to anyone butt yourself; you live with yourself first and foremost.....And one of the best ways to fight this "emperor of all maladies" is to get on with your life to the greatest extent that you can at that moment...0 -
You go girl!
Winter Marie,
I completely support your desire to earn your college degree. In fact, I think it is so important to plan for the future and have goals to focus on so we don't let cancer take away our joy in living. I struggle with that everyday and think I spend too much time thinking about cancer and the fear of death. Cancer can really mess with our minds and take away the happiness that we deserve to enjoy. I know fellow stage 4 cancer survivors that have made big plans and accomplished major goals after they were told they had a limited amount of time. And some of these people are now NED and have been for many years. I am so glad that you are living your life and accomplishing your dreams. Don't ever stop...
Hugs,
Sara0 -
Wonderful!!!
Winter Marie - this is wonderful! Well said!!! What is life without goals and dreams? Go for it. I think it's great. No one is ever too old to learn or ever too old to get an education. If you sit around and wait for the other shoe to drop - that's just asking for it. And if there are people who want to do that (there are), let them. YOU are too busy living your life and reaching your goals to be bothered by what others think.
Heck, look at Herman Cain - stage IV colon cancer, grim prognosis, liver full of tumors - here he is five years later, well and cancer free and (was) campaigning to be President of the USA! Plan your future and make it happen! Good for you!!!
I LOVED reading this wonderful and inspirational message the day before my daughter goes in for her colon resection with her own stage IV diagnosis. How uplifting you are!!! You go girl!0 -
RIGHT ON DIZZ!!!!!Varmint5 said:Wonderful!!!
Winter Marie - this is wonderful! Well said!!! What is life without goals and dreams? Go for it. I think it's great. No one is ever too old to learn or ever too old to get an education. If you sit around and wait for the other shoe to drop - that's just asking for it. And if there are people who want to do that (there are), let them. YOU are too busy living your life and reaching your goals to be bothered by what others think.
Heck, look at Herman Cain - stage IV colon cancer, grim prognosis, liver full of tumors - here he is five years later, well and cancer free and (was) campaigning to be President of the USA! Plan your future and make it happen! Good for you!!!
I LOVED reading this wonderful and inspirational message the day before my daughter goes in for her colon resection with her own stage IV diagnosis. How uplifting you are!!! You go girl!
You tell em girl! You got your priorities straight....your head squarely on your shoulders...THAT'S WHATS UP!!!! Love ya my friend...
Jennie0 -
You Go!
When one stops learning they start to die. Never stop learning!
I have a friend Conley Graves, the great jazz pianist. He was amazing and has played with every Jazz legend from the late 1940's on. He is exceptionally humble, and is always on the prowl for something to learn.
At age 85 he started to learn Spanish and was not learning it fast enough for his satisfaction and purchased Rosetta Stone software. Conley always amazes me! Conley is 88 and still going and bound and determined to be fluent in spanish. When ever I am down I make a date to have lunch with Conley.
Keep Learning and Keep growing!
Best Always, mike
PS I now have another person whom inspires me!0 -
Follow your heartthxmiker said:You Go!
When one stops learning they start to die. Never stop learning!
I have a friend Conley Graves, the great jazz pianist. He was amazing and has played with every Jazz legend from the late 1940's on. He is exceptionally humble, and is always on the prowl for something to learn.
At age 85 he started to learn Spanish and was not learning it fast enough for his satisfaction and purchased Rosetta Stone software. Conley always amazes me! Conley is 88 and still going and bound and determined to be fluent in spanish. When ever I am down I make a date to have lunch with Conley.
Keep Learning and Keep growing!
Best Always, mike
PS I now have another person whom inspires me!
Winter Marie, Follow your heart and your dreams, without dreams we are nothing.
Having cancer does not mean we have to stop living and dreaming.
Why would you NOT go to college. Young kids can go to colleged and die in a car crash, so why not you and the young age of 52. Education is for everybody. My stepdad was 85 when he went back to school and took a course in french to be followed two years later in Italian. Now he is 95 and still up to date via the computer on anything.
I am 66 and always taking a course in something and learning. Always looking forward and having dreams. Is that not our life path, is that not what we are suppose to do.
No rocking chair for this chick, then alone with a good book when I have a sleepness night.
GO MARIE GO
You will do great, we are all rooting for you on the side lines. You can do this.
Hugs Marjan0 -
Who said it first? W.S. didcoloCan said:"To thine own self be true".....
don't remember who first said something like this but never feel the need to justify yourself to anyone butt yourself; you live with yourself first and foremost.....And one of the best ways to fight this "emperor of all maladies" is to get on with your life to the greatest extent that you can at that moment...
That's from William Shakespeare's play Hamlet. I wear a silver ring with that quote on it as my wedding ring -- instead of traditional diamonds I used to wear. No one should ever have to do anything that is not true to their own soul and self. Took me many years as a classic female people-pleaser to learn that.
The rings are sold at the Folger Shakespeare Library in Washington, D.C. should anyone be interested (along with several other rings with quotes from other William Shakespeare plays).
It's really not about the degree, but the journey of enlightenment along the way. Learning is a lifelong process and has no age limits. It's never too late to educate yourself. When you first start to college as a mature adult, it seems high stress and that cobwebs are in your brain, but if you stick with it these disappear and you feel more confident (saying this not to Winter Marie, who has obviously already progressed beyond the first semester jitters, but anyone else contemplating going back to school.) You will find that you are not only older but much wiser and more disciplined than many "traditional" aged college students.
I do not know what unenlightened person said such a thing to you Marie (I never saw it or would have spoken up immediately), but you can be sure it reflects on some frustration that person has and not upon you. What a waste of your precious tears -- you need to save them for real tragedies, not insensitive and uninformed people.
I think one of the hardest things about coping with cancer is deciding how you want to spend your time and what goals you want to accomplish with the time you have left, without knowing how much time that actually is (we all die eventually whether from cancer or old age or some other cause). I congratulate you on figuring this out for yourself, what your dream is. Some of us are still contemplating that for post treatment reality. My dreams and goals are not the same as they were before cancer (I am also your same age), but I'm still working on the what the new ones for the future will be.
K10 -
Been Awhile Winter
Haven't talked in a long time girl!
When we all start this awful journey, we learn to take things a day at a time in order to cope and not get overwhelmed by the big picture and possible senarios. NOW you dare to look into a future and create long term goals!!!!! Isn't that the greatest hurdle ever?!?!?!?! So happy for you.
How's your garden?0 -
A touching Posttufi000 said:Been Awhile Winter
Haven't talked in a long time girl!
When we all start this awful journey, we learn to take things a day at a time in order to cope and not get overwhelmed by the big picture and possible senarios. NOW you dare to look into a future and create long term goals!!!!! Isn't that the greatest hurdle ever?!?!?!?! So happy for you.
How's your garden?
That was a very touching post winter thanks for sharing.
I'd like to get my hands on the guy from the other thread, ooh boy I otta!!!
Good Job congrats
Tom0
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