please tell me that I am paranoid-or what to expect round II

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cindybob
cindybob Member Posts: 61
in Colorectal Cancer #1
Hi everyone! I will write forever unless I simply make a list, so please bare (sp?) with me for a moment.
1. First DX 2004-surgery
2. Mostly healthy since.
3. Positive for Lynch Syndrome-makes me statistically much higher risk of developing a second primary cancer.
I have had several surgeries since DX of Lynch to stay ahead of possibility of cancer. Everything that I don't "need" is gone.
4. Had to skip this year's colonoscopy.
5. MONEY is a huge issue. I am insured but owe money to every medical establishment associated with my doctors. (A LOT OF MONEY)
6. Going to Doctor (oncologist) on Friday-he will make me schedule the colonoscopy-but in the meantime-tell me it's nothing, please.
7. I can't eat. I lost my appetite a month or so ago. I get hungry sometimes and try to eat as much as I can when I get that feeling, but it is fleeting and then I become nauseous.
8. I've lost 20-25 lbs. Significant in a person my size. I maintained 110-115 for years. Now I weigh less than my even tinier 16 year old. I put away the scales when I hit 88.
9. First time around my bowel movements were mostly normal. Now, RARELY. But, not having my gall bladder can make for tricky digestion.
10. I'm not anemic right now and I feel fine-energy wise. In fact, better than normal.
11. Other than the weight loss, I "look" good. Last time around I looked bad before the DX.
12. I keep talking like it's already a new DX of disease. Please give me a list of all the other reasons that I would loose 20 lbs in a few weeks time.
13. The first time around, I knew that everything was going to be okay eventually. Now, all I can do is go to the worst case scenario. I can't afford to be sick. I have two teenagers. I work 60+ hours a week. I teach. I have so many kids dependant on me.
14. I'm so scared.

Comments

  • neons356
    neons356 Member Posts: 57 Member
    #2
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    Yes, you're paranoid. Just kidding
    Hey Cindi,
    1. If you didn't have many of those feelings you'd be super human.
    2. 8 years since first surgery, and many since. Your gut has never had a chance to heal and get back to normal.
    3. I don't have Lynch, but if I did I think I'd probably worry every single day that reoccurance was always around the corner. Heck, I'm 18 years cancer free and Istill worry at every ache and pain or upset stomach that the beast is back.
    4. Had to skip colonoscopy. I can understand why but that certainly doesn't help to not worry.
    5. Money. I can relate to that. The beast changed my life in that respect. I've been on the brink of disaster ever since. If this might help dissuade one of your worries, my oncologist was nice enough to tell me that the ins. co. only pays them a portion of what they bill,so they send you a bill for the differance. But they really don't expect you to pay it, that way they can write it off as a loss against their taxes, which saves them a bunch of money. Believe me, they're not going to take you to court, they're making a bunch of money.
    6. Precolostomy jitters. I doubt there's a person on this board that doesn't worry about it. If they say they don't they're fibbing.
    7. Can't eat. With all that's on your plate it's no wonder you don't feel like eating. Some do the opposite and overeat, so you just might be better off, but with all your responsibilities you've got to try to do better or your health could suffer.
    8. Sounds like you are getting a bit skinny. Try Ensure, the meal in a bottle. It helped me enormously.
    9. Your body hasn't had the time to become 'normal'with all you've been through.

    Add to everything else the stress of the holidays, worrying about your kids, overwork, little time for yourself, feeling isolated, being broke, bless you for not going totally bonkers.
    I can't tell you not to be scared, no one can tell you that. But try to take a deep breath, be here now, and let tomorrow take care of itself. You sound like an extremely strong woman and you'll deal with whatever you have to. Hug you kids, tell them you love them, and maybe tell them a little bit of how you're feeling right now. They'll help you through it.
    Happy holidays,.....Carl
  • cindybob
    cindybob Member Posts: 61
    #3
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    neons356 said:

    Yes, you're paranoid. Just kidding
    Hey Cindi,
    1. If you didn't have many of those feelings you'd be super human.
    2. 8 years since first surgery, and many since. Your gut has never had a chance to heal and get back to normal.
    3. I don't have Lynch, but if I did I think I'd probably worry every single day that reoccurance was always around the corner. Heck, I'm 18 years cancer free and Istill worry at every ache and pain or upset stomach that the beast is back.
    4. Had to skip colonoscopy. I can understand why but that certainly doesn't help to not worry.
    5. Money. I can relate to that. The beast changed my life in that respect. I've been on the brink of disaster ever since. If this might help dissuade one of your worries, my oncologist was nice enough to tell me that the ins. co. only pays them a portion of what they bill,so they send you a bill for the differance. But they really don't expect you to pay it, that way they can write it off as a loss against their taxes, which saves them a bunch of money. Believe me, they're not going to take you to court, they're making a bunch of money.
    6. Precolostomy jitters. I doubt there's a person on this board that doesn't worry about it. If they say they don't they're fibbing.
    7. Can't eat. With all that's on your plate it's no wonder you don't feel like eating. Some do the opposite and overeat, so you just might be better off, but with all your responsibilities you've got to try to do better or your health could suffer.
    8. Sounds like you are getting a bit skinny. Try Ensure, the meal in a bottle. It helped me enormously.
    9. Your body hasn't had the time to become 'normal'with all you've been through.

    Add to everything else the stress of the holidays, worrying about your kids, overwork, little time for yourself, feeling isolated, being broke, bless you for not going totally bonkers.
    I can't tell you not to be scared, no one can tell you that. But try to take a deep breath, be here now, and let tomorrow take care of itself. You sound like an extremely strong woman and you'll deal with whatever you have to. Hug you kids, tell them you love them, and maybe tell them a little bit of how you're feeling right now. They'll help you through it.
    Happy holidays,.....Carl

    Thank you!
    Dear Carl,
    I certainly had a melt down today. Thank you so much for your reply. You said exactly what I needed to hear and you made me laugh. I feel so much better. I am a little embarrassed at my paranoia and have realized that I have just focused all of my nervousnous/anxiety/ negativity on the POSSIBLILTY of a reoccurance. After a good cry I have realized that worrying about cancer was really just easier than focusing on everything else I am worried about in my life. And you are so rigth about the Ensure. It was a part of my diet for at least a year after my first two surgeries. I just needed a little logic knocked back into me. Thank you so much for being logical for me. And very kind words. Again, exactly what I needed to hear.
    Also, I guess the holidays, watching my kids grow up, just everything came together at once and I fell apart. For a while. I'm smiling again!
    So, again, THANK YOU SO MUCH!
    Sincerely,
    Cindy Bob

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