"Happy Holidays" to old and new members

Hi to all: I just got on this forum and read about the man who died of this horrible cancer at age 37 with two young children. My heart is broken-this cancer is such a beast that tears lives apart. I lost my husband, age 56, a year ago and it still boggles my mind as to how these people are diagnosed with stage four right from the beginning without any big signs other than maybe a swollowing issue, such as Ed's. There needs to be more information on this cancer, doctor's need to do more screening and there needs to be a cure!!!!! Too many families are suffering from this cancer and it is so devastating. Holiday times are especially hard, we just we through my daughters 24th birthday without her Dad, a horrible and sad time for her as well as the holidays coming up within a week. It surely is never the same, as I tried to explain to her the other day on her birthday, her Dad will always be with her and in her heart, but as a young adult, I don't think she really gets it other than the fact he is not with us now. I cannot exlain how much saddness I felt for her, missing her Dad, her being the only child, and me left to deal with all this agony. It is just not fair-that's all I can think. I have no good words to make her feel better and as a parent, this just plain stinks. I also lost my Mom nine days after losing my husband so I am still grieving over both of them. It is not easy. I get mad still. I get terrified of what is my life going to be like without them in it. I am better than a year ago but I still have a long way to go. I just wanted to say to everyone that I am still reading these posts and it breaks my heart to read the ones that have lost somebody. I, personally, know exactly how they feel, what fears they may have and just want them to know that there are people, out there, like me, that wish them some sort of peace. Although we hate to see they die, in our hearts, after watching them suffer so much, we know they are going to a better place and be out of their pain. This is probably the only thing that kept me sane, knowing that Ed was with my mother, and not in his pain, phsically or mentally.

Please know that I admire all of you who are suffering with this disease and all the loved ones dealing with it. It is not an easy journey.

Happy holidays to all of you and wishing you health and happiness in the upcoming year.

Linda