I am dying
Options
LeeinLondon
Member Posts: 103
To all my special csn friends and especially my csn brother Eric;
I've been basically told today that my treatment options have come down to pain relief and waiting, and that I've come to the end of my life.
I intend to write more when I can about the medical details, but currently I can't really walk as my legs and abdomen are so swollen with fluid that it's ridiculous. My liver is not functionioning well at all. Stent is holding steady but pain is very high, patch is increased to 75 mcg daily. Its just a matter of time until blood overwhelms my system or I have a catastrophic bleedout.
My time "here" has been a blessing in understanding this demon inside me, and learning of your failures and successes. I thank you for that.
There are now decisions to be made about going home, home nursing options, etc so I'll keep you abreast.
After almost a year of minor triumphs and spectacular failures, grim reality has arrived at our door, and all the dreams and wishes in the world cannot help the terror I am feeling. Eric we will be speaking on the phone soon. Love you man.
You all have touched our lives from afar, and all for the better. Never forget that.
Love from Lee in London (Lee Mashinter).
I've been basically told today that my treatment options have come down to pain relief and waiting, and that I've come to the end of my life.
I intend to write more when I can about the medical details, but currently I can't really walk as my legs and abdomen are so swollen with fluid that it's ridiculous. My liver is not functionioning well at all. Stent is holding steady but pain is very high, patch is increased to 75 mcg daily. Its just a matter of time until blood overwhelms my system or I have a catastrophic bleedout.
My time "here" has been a blessing in understanding this demon inside me, and learning of your failures and successes. I thank you for that.
There are now decisions to be made about going home, home nursing options, etc so I'll keep you abreast.
After almost a year of minor triumphs and spectacular failures, grim reality has arrived at our door, and all the dreams and wishes in the world cannot help the terror I am feeling. Eric we will be speaking on the phone soon. Love you man.
You all have touched our lives from afar, and all for the better. Never forget that.
Love from Lee in London (Lee Mashinter).
0
Comments
-
So Sorry
Lee and Chantal, Melinda and I are so sorry to hear about your situation. Melinda has come to feel close to you both as she has followed your battle and cheered for you. She's too upset to write this herself, so I am writing it for her. She wants you to know she is still cheering and praying for you.
You both are in our thoughts.
Melinda and Vaughn (caregiver)0 -
Lee,
Your words are
Lee,
Your words are inspiring and will help us all. There is no demon inside - only goodness and it shows. God is with you and you will find peace and comfort in Him; now and later. Know that you will never be forgotten as you walk this road. You are surrounded by love especially from Chantal. And we will all be here for her too. You will remain in my prayers continuously for strength and courage and peace.
May God bless you and shine His perpetual light on you.
Ginny0 -
You have touched our lives
Lee & Chantal,
I am overwhelmed with sadness at this news. I had such hopes for more time, more healing, more everything for you both.
Thank you for all you have shared here, Lee. Your frank words of your journey helped us through ours.
Praying for peace and painfree time for you. With great love and much sadness.
Terry0 -
Lee, I don't know what to sayGinny_B said:Lee,
Your words are
Lee,
Your words are inspiring and will help us all. There is no demon inside - only goodness and it shows. God is with you and you will find peace and comfort in Him; now and later. Know that you will never be forgotten as you walk this road. You are surrounded by love especially from Chantal. And we will all be here for her too. You will remain in my prayers continuously for strength and courage and peace.
May God bless you and shine His perpetual light on you.
Ginny
Only that you have been a real source of strength for me as I am pretty much on my own. I can't take in, really what you have said. I will be praying for you and Chantel and pray that you will both find peace in the middle of this storm. Thank you for who you are, Sam0 -
New here, but I've been
New here, but I've been reading voraciously as where you are, I soon may be. Lee, we don't know each other, but as with Eric, we are brothers. As I said to him... "Bare is the back without brother behind it". Also... Joy shared is joy doubled, and pain shared is pain halved.
Take care, and may you control well those thing you can control. Sadness and condolences go with you.
--Jerry0 -
Saddenedunknown said:This comment has been removed by the Moderator
Lee and Chantal,
I am so sorry to hear this news. You both have been and continue to be such a source of inspiration and courage as we all travel this difficult road. I am praying for peace, strength and pain free time ahead.
With much love,
Laura0 -
Very Sorry to hear this news
Lee,
I am very sad to hear that your medical team feels you are reaching the end of your journey. Like all cancer patients, I know my time is limited, but to have your doctor tell you that all reasonable medical options have been exhausted and time is short must be very difficult to hear.
May God grant you peace during this very difficult time.
Sadly,
Paul Adams
McCormick, South Carolina0 -
Dearest Lee and Chantal
I can only offer you from my experience that you will find your peace when you need it.
We are not meant to live forever, any of us, yet how sad when a good life is cut too short.
The universe can be an unfair place, yet we all find beauty and love with one another here together with our time on earth. I am privileged to have shared a small part of your lives through this board. I am keeping you both close in my heart as you take this journey together.
I find great comfort in the following quotes:
"Death is not too high a price for having lived"
and
"Grief is not too high a price for having loved"
Peace to you both in the coming days,
Warmest regards,
Jo-Ann0 -
My prayers are ongoing
Lee and Chantal,
My prayers are ongoing for you both. This is a journey you both will share. As one who just lost my loving husband, Bill, just 3 weeks ago, I know how hard this is for you. No words can really say what we all feel for you at a time like this. Know that you are loved.
Peace and prayers,
Kateel0 -
Lee
It has been an honour
Lee
It has been an honour and priviledge to have known you, you have made me laugh when laughter was so far away, your knowledge and insights have helped me through this journey, my heart breaks for you and Chantal, may you find peace and know that my prayers are with you and Chantal.
Ann0 -
Dear Lee and Chantal
I cannot tell you how bad I feel after reading your post. I've followed your jouney and am hopeful that you get the most from the rest of your time here. Controlling the pain and discomfort is a high priority so you can spend as much time as possible with your loved ones. Both you and Chantal are in my thoughts and prayers and you will not be forgotten.
Jim0 -
What to do....
Lee,
You know I am here. Now you are on the same ride AND road I have been on....My medical team explained to me in June what I could do medically. The options I had to pick from, for me, were what you have now; Pain management and waiting. As a result, I feel closer to you now that ever before.
I want for you not to suffer so please scream if things hurt. SCREAM. Sometimes you have too. I have been there and they absolutely HATE it when a patient is screaming. It works GREAT. NO PAIN is where you should be, non-stop. If not, have them fix it.
As for the waiting, they can drain some fluid I hope, and it sounds like you may have tho option to move to another facility? I will await your call and talk to you. I prefer that anyway.
Chantal,
WE are here for you. Just call. Michelle would love to talk if you want to, as would many others here.
You are two of the most interesting and special people I have had the privilege of meeting in 43 years. We aren't done yet either. Lee and I have business on the other side as well anyway so I look forward to that, too. Don't ask.
Hang in there Lee. I await God's decisions right along with you...
I will save further comments for their proper time.
I love you both,
Eric0 -
Knowing you
Dear Lee and Chantal,
This is my first post to this family, I mostly post to the lymphoma and thyroid. I feel the time is right to say hello.
I have come to know you both since your arrival on CSN. I have been following your journey and all the others since early summer. My cancer has spread again.
There may be many others who just "lurk" in the background, like me.
I want you to know how touched I am and how blessed I feel to know you. Thank you for sharing yourselves with me.
I have had cancer in my life for a long time and my journey is so very different from yours.
I thought that I knew most all there was to know about having cancer in ones life. I am humbled to have learned from you both.
As a former nurse, and recent caregiver and current fighter, I saw the signs that you speak of today. I could not bring myself to share what I knew, as I had never introduced myself and did not wish to intrude.
I am so saddened by your post.
You are so full of strength and honesty. Thank you for sharing yourselves so openly.
I wish you both many special days ahead.
My prayers are for complete pain relief at all times, the calm comfort of your home and the peaceful transition you so deserve.
(((Hugs)))
Lisha0 -
Lee and Chantalforme said:Knowing you
Dear Lee and Chantal,
This is my first post to this family, I mostly post to the lymphoma and thyroid. I feel the time is right to say hello.
I have come to know you both since your arrival on CSN. I have been following your journey and all the others since early summer. My cancer has spread again.
There may be many others who just "lurk" in the background, like me.
I want you to know how touched I am and how blessed I feel to know you. Thank you for sharing yourselves with me.
I have had cancer in my life for a long time and my journey is so very different from yours.
I thought that I knew most all there was to know about having cancer in ones life. I am humbled to have learned from you both.
As a former nurse, and recent caregiver and current fighter, I saw the signs that you speak of today. I could not bring myself to share what I knew, as I had never introduced myself and did not wish to intrude.
I am so saddened by your post.
You are so full of strength and honesty. Thank you for sharing yourselves so openly.
I wish you both many special days ahead.
My prayers are for complete pain relief at all times, the calm comfort of your home and the peaceful transition you so deserve.
(((Hugs)))
Lisha
Lee and Chantal,
you have both been a wonderful inspiration to everyone here and have left us with a lifetime of memories, even though we never meet in person. Your little banters and jokes with Eric over the past few months has shown us we can still laugh and have fun at the little things in life. May God give you as much pain free and comfortable time as you have left here. Hold hands and just be close to each other. We all love you both to bits. Thank you for being the wonderful and open person that you are.
Danielle0 -
Lee
Lee, my prayers are with you and your loved ones. We are facing the same thing. Don is in a lot of pain too. He is on 75Mg patch too and Oxicodone. It is hard to see how much he suffers, but I do know that he is soon going to be with the Lord in a far better place and no more pain.
Reba0 -
HOME
LEE, THIS POST IS FOR YOU. THEREFORE IT IS ALL IN CAPS.
PLEASE DO ALL YOU CAN TO TRY AND GET HOME SO YOU CAN HAVE THAT PEACE.
THAT IS ALL. THINKING OF YOU AND SITTING HERE WITH MICHELLE CRYING.
JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT.
I HUG YOU,
ERIC0
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