Having a bad day!

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Pam5
Pam5 Member Posts: 232
in Breast Cancer #1
I seem to be having a bad day today. Most days I stay pretty calm. I keep saying I've been given a lot of grace with this disease but today I am feeling some fear. I don't think the tumor is shrinking. If it isn't, I'll have to go back to the surgeon sooner rather than later. The larger the tumor the more radical the mastectomy will be. I think I'm also nervous about some cells escaping into my lungs since the tumor is sitting on the chest wall. I'm almost willing to go back to the chemo and try it using steroids before I even start and staying on maybe 40 mgs the whole time I'm on chemo. I see the onco the 18th and we'll have to talk about it and also with my lung doc. I don't want to get that terrible pneumonia again or do any more damage to my lungs - they're damaged enough. It's a lot to think about. I'll turn it over and put it in my God Box and hope the next step becomes clear. In the meantime, I need to stay in the present moment - today was beautiful, I had a client, which is always good, and everybody in my family is doing well, including Andrea although her job is really tough. Thanks for listening everybody.

Love,
Pam
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Comments

  • dbhadra
    dbhadra Member Posts: 344 Member
    #2
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    Staying in the present moment
    Sorry to hear you are having a bad day.

    Staying in the present moment for me, does wonders to reduce my anxieties about what may be in the future. Easier saud than done at times though. So much uncertainty goes with this disease that it's hard not to wonder "what if"...I love your god box idea..I also have one!

    Laura
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #3
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    so sorry...I"LL be sending
    so sorry...I"LL be sending good thoughts your way...

    Denise
  • Vigee
    Vigee Member Posts: 66
    #4
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    To Pam
    I am so sorry you are having a bad day. We all have them. Yes, I love your idea of your God Box. I think I will use that too if it is okay?!

    I had a large tumor on my chest wall and it did not spread to my lungs, so take heart.

    Yes, try to stay in the moment, although that can be hard.

    Don't be afraid to take a long bath and cry, cry, cry to get it out.

    Be kind and gentle with yourself.

    <3 V
  • Alexis F
    Alexis F Member Posts: 3,598
    #5
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    disneyfan2008 said:

    so sorry...I"LL be sending
    so sorry...I"LL be sending good thoughts your way...

    Denise

    I will be praying for you
    I will be praying for you Pam.


    Hugs, Lex
  • gami43
    gami43 Member Posts: 281
    #6
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    Vigee said:

    To Pam
    I am so sorry you are having a bad day. We all have them. Yes, I love your idea of your God Box. I think I will use that too if it is okay?!

    I had a large tumor on my chest wall and it did not spread to my lungs, so take heart.

    Yes, try to stay in the moment, although that can be hard.

    Don't be afraid to take a long bath and cry, cry, cry to get it out.

    Be kind and gentle with yourself.

    <3 V</p>

    Pam - sometimes it is just
    Pam - sometimes it is just plain overwhelming, isn't it? I like
    Vigee's idea of a long bath and letting the tears flow until you're
    dry. I also have a lung condition and it just adds to whatever else
    might be going on with my body. I understand your fear of pneumonia.
    You are in my prayers. God bless you.

    Luv, Teresa
  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    #7
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    Vigee said:

    To Pam
    I am so sorry you are having a bad day. We all have them. Yes, I love your idea of your God Box. I think I will use that too if it is okay?!

    I had a large tumor on my chest wall and it did not spread to my lungs, so take heart.

    Yes, try to stay in the moment, although that can be hard.

    Don't be afraid to take a long bath and cry, cry, cry to get it out.

    Be kind and gentle with yourself.

    <3 V</p>

    Sending lots of hugs,
    Sending lots of hugs, prayers and strength.


    Sue :)
  • Ticky
    Ticky Member Posts: 117
    #8
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    Ritzy said:

    Sending lots of hugs,
    Sending lots of hugs, prayers and strength.


    Sue :)

    Prayers for a better day.
    I hope tomorrow is better for you.

    Prayers & Hugs
  • Pam5
    Pam5 Member Posts: 232
    #9
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    Ticky said:

    Prayers for a better day.
    I hope tomorrow is better for you.

    Prayers & Hugs

    Thank you all so much for
    Thank you all so much for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. They mean so much to me. I am a little better today. I haven't been able to cry about this since I was diagnosed. I don't understand why not - maybe that will change now. I am so grateful for this board and all of you.

    Much love,
    Pam
  • mamolady
    mamolady Member Posts: 796 Member
    #10
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    Pam5 said:

    Thank you all so much for
    Thank you all so much for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. They mean so much to me. I am a little better today. I haven't been able to cry about this since I was diagnosed. I don't understand why not - maybe that will change now. I am so grateful for this board and all of you.

    Much love,
    Pam

    once the fight is done
    Pam,
    I found that I was able to finally start to "deal" with the diagnosis after I was done with the fighting part. When I was doing chemo and then the mastectomy then rads I was too busy to take the time to fall apart! (That and normal life stuff doesn't stop.) Now I am finding I am able figure out what having cancer means for me now and in the future.
    All the best with the surgery. My tumors were close to the chest wall and my lungs are clear!

    Cindy
  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    #11
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    Pam5 said:

    Thank you all so much for
    Thank you all so much for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. They mean so much to me. I am a little better today. I haven't been able to cry about this since I was diagnosed. I don't understand why not - maybe that will change now. I am so grateful for this board and all of you.

    Much love,
    Pam

    I am so glad Pam that today
    I am so glad Pam that today was better for you! We are here for you anytime you need to vent, cry or just get a cyber hug.


    Hugs, Diane
  • Different Ballgame
    Different Ballgame Member Posts: 868
    #12
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    Sometimes we need to have a bad day
    Pam,

    Sometimes we need to have a bad day. Hopefully, the bad day is just one day at a time and the bad days don't run consecutively. Then, when we get the good day, that day is fantastic. Happy to hear that you got a good day today. I never heard of a God Box. I like what you said about it and I will remember it.

    Lots of Hugs,
    Janelle
  • laughs_a_lot
    laughs_a_lot Member Posts: 1,368 Member
    #13
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    Bad day
    Remember that though you start out with a bad day you can make the rest of your moments in that day better. The "what if's" can get your head spinning and send you down a path that may never be. Try to stay in the moment as much as possible and notice the sun shine or a some of the wild life if you live in the country. If you live in the city and you hear an ambulance go by, then pray for the person who the ambulance was called for.
  • smalldoggroomer
    smalldoggroomer Member Posts: 1,184
    #14
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    Hi Pam, I know what you mean
    Hi Pam, I know what you mean about bad days. I been having them myself lately. I love your God box idea I will adopt that my self if its OK? You are in my prayers always. And we are all with you, know that you are never alone. I hope today is better for you.
    Take care Sweetheart Kay,
  • skipper54
    skipper54 Member Posts: 936 Member
    #15
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    smalldoggroomer said:

    Hi Pam, I know what you mean
    Hi Pam, I know what you mean about bad days. I been having them myself lately. I love your God box idea I will adopt that my self if its OK? You are in my prayers always. And we are all with you, know that you are never alone. I hope today is better for you.
    Take care Sweetheart Kay,

    Sending hugs and prayers!
    Bad days hit all of us sometimes. Some more than others. Use your God box and enjoy a nice long bubble bath.
  • Noel
    Noel Member Posts: 3,095 Member
    #16
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    Different Ballgame said:

    Sometimes we need to have a bad day
    Pam,

    Sometimes we need to have a bad day. Hopefully, the bad day is just one day at a time and the bad days don't run consecutively. Then, when we get the good day, that day is fantastic. Happy to hear that you got a good day today. I never heard of a God Box. I like what you said about it and I will remember it.

    Lots of Hugs,
    Janelle

    I agree with Janelle.
    I agree with Janelle. Sometimes we all need to just have a bad day, but, to realize that tomorrow will be better. We are certainly entitled to it.

    I pray that your days will be better and brighter!
  • mariam_11_09
    mariam_11_09 Member Posts: 691
    #17
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    This too shall pass! As
    This too shall pass! As Janelle said, it is alright to have a bad day or to feel overwhelmed or anxious or whatever. It is just what is happening right now and you are dealing with a great deal. Be kind to yourself.

    I like the idea of the 'God Box' , just surrendering it to God. As we say N'Shallah - God Willing.

    Take care and much love to you.
  • Angie2U
    Angie2U Member Posts: 2,991
    #18
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    Pam5 said:

    Thank you all so much for
    Thank you all so much for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. They mean so much to me. I am a little better today. I haven't been able to cry about this since I was diagnosed. I don't understand why not - maybe that will change now. I am so grateful for this board and all of you.

    Much love,
    Pam

    Sending a gentle hug and
    Sending a gentle hug and lots of positive thoughts your way Pam.


    Hugs, Angie
  • survivorbc09
    survivorbc09 Member Posts: 4,374 Member
    #19
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    skipper54 said:

    Sending hugs and prayers!
    Bad days hit all of us sometimes. Some more than others. Use your God box and enjoy a nice long bubble bath.

    I'm adding lots of hugs and
    I'm adding lots of hugs and prayers for you also Pam!


    Hugs, Jan
  • Double Whammy
    Double Whammy Member Posts: 2,832 Member
    #20
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    mariam_11_09 said:

    This too shall pass! As
    This too shall pass! As Janelle said, it is alright to have a bad day or to feel overwhelmed or anxious or whatever. It is just what is happening right now and you are dealing with a great deal. Be kind to yourself.

    I like the idea of the 'God Box' , just surrendering it to God. As we say N'Shallah - God Willing.

    Take care and much love to you.

    5 more days
    until your appointment. I was going to suggest maybe you could get an earlier appointment, but tomorrow's Friday and then there's the weekend and there really isn't that much difference between Monday or Tuesday, is there? So sorry you're having a tough time. Even my little mind sometimes wanders to the dark side and it really sucks. Put all our prayers in your God box, too. There's bound to be an answer with all that in there.

    Hugs,
    Suzanne
  • DebbyM
    DebbyM Member Posts: 3,289 Member
    #21
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    Double Whammy said:

    5 more days
    until your appointment. I was going to suggest maybe you could get an earlier appointment, but tomorrow's Friday and then there's the weekend and there really isn't that much difference between Monday or Tuesday, is there? So sorry you're having a tough time. Even my little mind sometimes wanders to the dark side and it really sucks. Put all our prayers in your God box, too. There's bound to be an answer with all that in there.

    Hugs,
    Suzanne

    Thinking of you Pam!Hugs,
    Thinking of you Pam!


    Hugs, Debby

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