Sep 28, 2011 - 9:45 am
Well this was expected...not wanted but expected. My husband Mark is now mad at me for "telling on him" with the hospice nurses. He is in so much pain and taking the liquid morphine two ml every two hours like clock work. He tells the nurse on the phone that he is doing that because that is what the instructions say (or as need be) well he needs it. Yesterday he complained to me that he was in pain and wanted to take it an hour before it was time. I don't want him overdosing. I told him yesterday that I was going to call the nurse to see if we could find an alternative. The alternatives are a synthetic heroin (a pill that he doesn't want to take cause he has a hard time swallowing) or a pick line/port to administer other pain meds (he doesn't want because it will depress him even more). He agreed that I call the nurse's but now that I have and told them that he was looking for his morphine prior to his two hours being up yesterday and he went through a whole bottle in less than 16 hours. That sad part is that he agreed for me to call the nurse's and now he is mad at me because they are writing up the order for the pill to start tomorrow. He told the nurse on the phone, "well I am taking it like it is perscribed and when my two hours is up I am on the verge of getting the pain back".
He got up at 2:10 am this morning to take morphine...he has never done that. I have been up since then but went back to bed with my husband. He says that he is taking the morphine whether he needs it or not which I think is a lie, especially when he is asking me for some when he just took some an hour ago. Sorry I am rambling and repeating but I am upset that I am trying to help him be pain free (and I told him this) and he would rather be in pain?!? He said he has been stressed out the past couple of days because of this....what???? OMG this was just one day and yesterday.
Well right now I am letting him have his space. Not going to go to him when it is time for his morphine until at least a half an hour to an hour past his time. Unless he gets there first which is likely. As long as he writes it down like we have been. All I want him to be is comfortable (as I told him in a stern voice) and this may be the answer.
Okay now I am at a loss for words...you all wouldn't believe what just happened when I went to turn on the a/c (I am in Florida and it is hot still) and ask him when he would like to take his shower. My husband asked me when was the next time he gets to take morphine????? OMG....This Cancer really SUCKS the big one!!! Oh well guess the "bad guy" is not so bad after all now, could of fooled me an hour ago!
Thanks for letting me vent and listening!