How do you REALLY--- I MEAN REALLY ---FEEL---I MEAN REALLY FEEL two (2) years POST-DIAGNOSIS?

Hi Tracy, Of course I
Hi Tracy, Of course I remember you! I was still pretty much a basket case at two years post-diagnosis, feeling all the things that you mention. I am now 3 1/2 years out and life is really, really good. I still know that I am a cancer survivor, meaning that I wonder if an ache or a pain may be more than just what it is - but mostly I am just loving being a new grandma, being back teaching at a school I love, and feeling good. xoxoxoxo Lynn

Nice to see you!
Hi Tracy, of course we remember you....we never forget a fellow survivor! I am currently 4 years out from my last cancer battle. I can tell you that it does get easier but my personal expeirence (sister and mom had cancer as well) is that we never quite get over the hmmmm is that ache just an ache or is it cancer syndrome. I think once we have cancer we are left kind of shell shocked. It is not totally a bad thing, it keeps us on our toes and aware of our bodies and it makes us go to the doctor sooner rather than later. Trust me though as time passes it will ease a bit. I agree with New Flower, tell your doctor how you feel don't hold back tell them you need something to help you deal with the emotional part of cancer there is no shame in that. Happy to see you again Tracy!

Hugs,

RE

I KNOW
Tracy, I am 2 years out and still struggle at times. I have side effects from tamoxifen, so that is the cause of some of it, but there is always the "what if". I do have down days, but I have learned that this is normal and we all recover in our own time. It's so hard sometimes, but I try to talk to someone when I am down. Please don't be hard on yourself,

Jean

jphilpo said:

I KNOW
Tracy, I am 2 years out and still struggle at times. I have side effects from tamoxifen, so that is the cause of some of it, but there is always the "what if". I do have down days, but I have learned that this is normal and we all recover in our own time. It's so hard sometimes, but I try to talk to someone when I am down. Please don't be hard on yourself,

Jean

I feel like you do
Tracy, I feel like you do. I'm about 2 years out and sometimes I feel absolutely great, like the only thing I have to do is keep 6 mo appointment and take my anastrozole every day. Other times I'm scared to death. Once a "what if" comes in, thousands of them come rushing in.

I'm sorry that I'm not being very helpful, but maybe it'll help knowing you're not alone.

marge

GreeneyedGirl said:

Hi Tracy~
I remember you, and like someone said above, we usually do not forget each other here on the boards.
I am 5 years out from original diagnosis, and 3 years out from a recurrence. I am seeing my doctor in 2 weeks (my yearly) and am going to ask about something to help me get thru the emotional side of this disease.
It seems that for 3 years as I went thru surgery and treatment, then reconstruction I may have suppressed some emotions. Just focusing on getting thru the season at hand was where my energy went at the time.
Now, I am peri~menopausal, and feeling insecure in a few areas, grumpy, and always wondering about the little aches and what those things may be.
It is so reassuring to know that we can share these intimate details of our emotions here, and find solace in knowing we are not alone~
As Mrs. Doubtfire says...."Help is on the way!".
Hang in there~
Melanie

Hi Tracy
Nov. 17th will mark 2 years since my diagnosis. It's funny--you're so busy and intermittently feeling crappy during the year+ of treatment that I think, at least for me, your mind is in a sort of idle mode. I was so focused on getting through it and doing what all my healthcare professionals told me to do, I didn't have much time to think about it.

It's different now--I do think about it--a lot. I call it the "Anvil over my head" syndrome! I do have lots of good days--but that anvil always seems to be there. Sometimes I'm just more aware of it. I hope that changes in time--and I hope it does for all of us.

Hugs, Renee

crselby said:

Hi Tracy, I remember you
Hi Tracy,
I remember you well. I always liked your picture/avatar! I'm 2 years out from treatment for DCIS. It was small and I had lumpectomy, then radiation, but that left a funny lump below the scar. I have brought it up to every doctor, even my gynocologist and they all say it is just the fat necrosis from the radiation. It still shows as a fluid filled sac (the lumpectomy site gurgled after surgery because it was filled with fluid). I've been told the ache and fluid will probably be there all my life.

Tamoxifen was not kind to me; I had uterine polyps twice in less than two years, so on the advice of all the docs, I stopped taking it 3 months ago.

Just today I noticed that my nipple on the affected side kind of puckers when I raise that arm. I have not seen that before. I have bi-lat mammos scheduled Sept. 19th. I have kept up with them, and sometimes ultrasounds or MRIs, and all has been OK.

Praying that this will turn out to be nothing. Just another stage of healing.

I still take extra Vit D and avoid sugar as much as my cravings will let me. So there are positive changes that remind me that I had cancer. Not taking 'anti-estrogen' drugs is nice but I worry that I am not doing enough to keep it from coming back. It seems like the difference in my breast sizes is more noticeable as time goes by. Mostly the lump and soreness below the scar area is the major reminder that I had cancer.

Mostly my self image is of how I was before cancer, but every now and then I am reminded of it. Like when I see someone I haven't seen in a while and they ask me how my breast cancer is doing. It's a slap in the face kind of reminder. I feel so confident that it is gone for good that going to the various doctors is like just going through the motions.

I hope it stays that way! But the most scary thing to read on these boards is that someone has had a relapse. Every one of those women hoped/thought that it wouldn't happen to her. Just like I think.
~~Connie~~

I am one year out from
I am one year out from active treatment. I still take tamoixifen and get zometa twice a year. since this is my second diagnosis I have the tools I have used to get through my first one in 1994. (most of the time)
I worry but have learned my mantras, the two week rule, it is what it is, i am not dying of cancer today. I dont project too much in the future but i dont rule it out either. I just had a family picture done, I make sure people know how I appreciate and love them. Even so these are things we should all do.
I have gotten to the point that I sometimes, think"oooh maybe i should go to the doctor for this" perhaps these leg aches arent the tamoxifen. I have played a game with my mind so long it gets auto matic. One curse and one blessing is how much I love and appreciate so many things and I do feel sad sometimes that I may lose them sooner than I want to. I have some really bad days, and have a hard time dealing with being upset about things and wondering where I can make a difference, and become impatient with BS. I am still mourning the path my life took, but its not active thoughts its more fleeting and much easier to deal with.
I sometimes wonder if its my age and stage of life coupled with cancer that I feel and think these things too.

And welcome back, i certainly remember you and so glad you are doing well!!!

crselby said:

Hi Tracy, I remember you
Hi Tracy,
I remember you well. I always liked your picture/avatar! I'm 2 years out from treatment for DCIS. It was small and I had lumpectomy, then radiation, but that left a funny lump below the scar. I have brought it up to every doctor, even my gynocologist and they all say it is just the fat necrosis from the radiation. It still shows as a fluid filled sac (the lumpectomy site gurgled after surgery because it was filled with fluid). I've been told the ache and fluid will probably be there all my life.

Tamoxifen was not kind to me; I had uterine polyps twice in less than two years, so on the advice of all the docs, I stopped taking it 3 months ago.

Just today I noticed that my nipple on the affected side kind of puckers when I raise that arm. I have not seen that before. I have bi-lat mammos scheduled Sept. 19th. I have kept up with them, and sometimes ultrasounds or MRIs, and all has been OK.

Praying that this will turn out to be nothing. Just another stage of healing.

I still take extra Vit D and avoid sugar as much as my cravings will let me. So there are positive changes that remind me that I had cancer. Not taking 'anti-estrogen' drugs is nice but I worry that I am not doing enough to keep it from coming back. It seems like the difference in my breast sizes is more noticeable as time goes by. Mostly the lump and soreness below the scar area is the major reminder that I had cancer.

Mostly my self image is of how I was before cancer, but every now and then I am reminded of it. Like when I see someone I haven't seen in a while and they ask me how my breast cancer is doing. It's a slap in the face kind of reminder. I feel so confident that it is gone for good that going to the various doctors is like just going through the motions.

I hope it stays that way! But the most scary thing to read on these boards is that someone has had a relapse. Every one of those women hoped/thought that it wouldn't happen to her. Just like I think.
~~Connie~~

@connie: off tamoxifen what
@connie: off tamoxifen what next? they took me off-side effects still there so did total hysterectomy in May 2011! I was having internal ultra sounds followed by D & C @ 6mths.-also started bleeding after 4+ yrs meno..i am back on Tamox now...

Denise

(thickening of uterus too)

What if???
Dear Tracy,

I also remember you. You posted more in 2010. I think a live breast support group could be of help to you. Are there any in your area? One way to find them is through American Cancer Society. That is how I found my two breast support groups. I started with them after I had finished treatment with the recurrence. I had a strong desire to communicate with another breast cancer woman. i find both groups extremely helpful to me and I plan on being with them for many years to come.

If you can't find a live group, then come back to this group and continue to post what you are feeling. I am pretty sure that there are may silent sisters on this board who have finished their treatments. Maybe one or more would respond to your posting. I certainly will respond to you.

Don't waste your energies in trying to figure out if you beat it. Instead, count each day that you are healthy as a precious gift and look forward to the next day. What I am trying to say is enjoy the moment.

If an ache or pain is bothering you Don't worry about it Go to the doctor and get it checked. Peace of mind is priceless, so check it out quickly. Attitude should be that you want confirmation that it is nothing. I have done that. Insisted on having a biopsy right away. Told them to humor an old woman by having the growth removed immediately. They did it and it was nothing. And...I did not feel bad about insisting on the biopsy. I valued my peace of mind.

You say that you are mildly depressed. Tell your doctor who should be able to prescribe something for you. If the medication is not working, tell your doctor. Don't wait. No sense in not seeking help, whether it is from your doctor, family, friends, or sisters.

As far as how you are going to care for yourself. You take good care of yourself by eating healthy, doing a little (or more) exercise, enjoying what pleasures give you joy...gardening, painting, reading, music, theatre, movies, etc. , etc, etc. You live your life to the fullest. Make sure you go to the dentist, have your eyes checked by opthalmalogist (because we are older), see your internist for a yearly exam, see your gyne for a yearly examine if you still have your uterus, etc. You had radiation, how many years does that doctor want to see you.

You are in the 40-49 age group. As we age expect some aches and pains. Just don't ignore them. Tell your doctor. Aches and pains come with age. Start reading and learning how to take care of your body in a healthy way. Join a tai chi group or any other exercise group. If you like to cook, check out cooking classes. If you like to read, join a book club at library. Good luck and continue to tell us how you are doing. We care!!!!!

Lots of Hugs,
Janelle