officially on leave....why am I so sad?

stayingstrongfortoday
stayingstrongfortoday Member Posts: 116
in Breast Cancer #1
I am officially on short term disability. I am at my desk crying. I feel like I am being pushed out of my job when I want to work 1/2 days. I am so frustrated and scared. I am going to miss my students so much and I "promised" one today that I would be back and then I just froze. I can't make those kind of promises, no one can. I know this is for my health and to rest but I don't want to sit around and prepare to die. Please tell me that is NOT what I am doing....my doctor said I could WORK, my job won't let me. I feel it is SO PERSONAL. I am a good teacher, I just feel pushed out. UGH. I guess a break will do me good, too bad it's not to have a baby or something fun...nope just cancer.

Comments

  • camul
    camul Member Posts: 2,537
    #2
    You are not just sitting
    You are not just sitting around waiting to die. You are giving your body a chance to heal to give yourself more time to live! Wrapping my head around that one took me a little time! But finally it all made sense. At first I had a really hard time of it.

    I was not crazy about my job, but some of my co-workers are great. I wanted to go back, but was a mgr that was a friend told me to stay on disability. After 12 years, I missed my numbers Sept 2010 by less than half a percentage point, and they knew that I was sick. I only worked 36 hours for the month, and they could count it if I worked over 35 and my director said he would count it! So in hindsight, It worked out for the best as the chemo has been very hard physically and mentally. Best of all, this has given me time with my boys and sisters that I never would have had.

    Hopefully you can put the personnal way you have been treated away, and thank your lovely principal for giving you this much needed time with your family! They can never take away the memories you are making for your own kids!

    Best to you,
    Carol
  • dyaneb123
    dyaneb123 Member Posts: 950
    #3
    camul said:

    You are not just sitting
    You are not just sitting around waiting to die. You are giving your body a chance to heal to give yourself more time to live! Wrapping my head around that one took me a little time! But finally it all made sense. At first I had a really hard time of it.

    I was not crazy about my job, but some of my co-workers are great. I wanted to go back, but was a mgr that was a friend told me to stay on disability. After 12 years, I missed my numbers Sept 2010 by less than half a percentage point, and they knew that I was sick. I only worked 36 hours for the month, and they could count it if I worked over 35 and my director said he would count it! So in hindsight, It worked out for the best as the chemo has been very hard physically and mentally. Best of all, this has given me time with my boys and sisters that I never would have had.

    Hopefully you can put the personnal way you have been treated away, and thank your lovely principal for giving you this much needed time with your family! They can never take away the memories you are making for your own kids!

    Best to you,
    Carol

    I'm so sorry they are making you feel this way
    How long will you be off with short term? I am a teacher too, but I managed to avoid having to take a leave of absence by making sure I didn't miss more then 20 days consecutivly at any one stage of treatment. In our system after 20 days they have to get a certified teacher to take the class, so that's always the issue.But if you miss 20 days and come back to work for 2 or 3 days, then you can miss another 20. We have a sick bank that provides needed days to anyone who needs them. Lots of our ladies here work through chemo and rads. If your Onc. says you can, and that's what you want to do, then I hope you will be able to work it out. If not, then try to think of the time off as paid vaycay and try to concentrate on healing yourself. I never for one minute believed that I was going to die from this nasty disease and I still don't! Nope! Not gonna happen.
    You are not going home to die, you are going home to heal yourself so you can teach for many more years to come! Then you'll be like I am now and counting the days til retirement!
    I'm so sorry that you are feeling sad about leaving your class, but they want you to get well too.
    Hugs!
    Dee
  • atiredparent
    atiredparent Member Posts: 45
    #4
    It seems you have a couple
    It seems you have a couple of choices. You can try and fight it, but I wonder if that is the best place to focus your energy or you can accept it and use it to your advantage. I am learning through my chemo ordeal that the more rest I get the better I am doing. I have no choice but to work. I hope you find peace and resolution about this. I know it is very hard to keep losing things to cancer.
  • Tux
    Tux Member Posts: 544
    #5
    atiredparent said:

    It seems you have a couple
    It seems you have a couple of choices. You can try and fight it, but I wonder if that is the best place to focus your energy or you can accept it and use it to your advantage. I am learning through my chemo ordeal that the more rest I get the better I am doing. I have no choice but to work. I hope you find peace and resolution about this. I know it is very hard to keep losing things to cancer.

    On leave
    So sorry that you have such sadness at being on leave. I was a teacher for 41 years;
    it was the only job I ever wanted to have. However, the earlier posters have a good point
    when they say that you need this time to heal. So, make the best of the time away from the students and come back even stronger than before. You can set a good example & be an inspiration to them when you return. Good luck in your treatment!
  • sinee
    sinee Member Posts: 196 Member
    #6
    germs
    I know this sounds out there to you right now. But the best thing you can do is to be away for children and all those germs. I am just now getting back to work with the children, I feel rested, refreshed and ready to ward off germs now. Before I felt so rundown and ready to have any germ reak havoc on my weak immune system. Believe me, it is for the best right now...and no, you are not sitting around waiting to die, you are doing the opposite, healing yourself, taking care of you, perhaps for the first time in your life~Think of it as an extended vacation~relax yourself into it~you are not being punished, you are being cared for. I do know the feelings that you are having, and all I can say is they will diminish, you will gain your strength back, cancer will go away, and you will go back to teaching~Change the way to look at things and the things you look at change~you will be ok, you will get through this just like the other 200,000 women who are diagnosed this year...we are all here for you to. Hang in there, it will end, you will get back to work~I am now working 2 days, 3 hours each day, and I come home and nap..so not 100%, but easing back into it all...give yourself some time my dear...and every change can make you sad~it is sad, you can feel sad~it's ok. Sinee
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    #7
    I am so sorry about how you
    I am so sorry about how you feel. I just changed jobs; today I cleaned out my old room and felt so sad. I will miss so much about the old job. People don't understand how attached we get to our kids! Would volunteering help you to feel better? Volunteers are ALWAYS needed! xoxoxo Lynn
  • MAJW
    MAJW Member Posts: 2,510 Member
    #8
    lynn1950 said:

    I am so sorry about how you
    I am so sorry about how you feel. I just changed jobs; today I cleaned out my old room and felt so sad. I will miss so much about the old job. People don't understand how attached we get to our kids! Would volunteering help you to feel better? Volunteers are ALWAYS needed! xoxoxo Lynn

    Stay strong.
    Stay strong for yourself! This stinking disease affects every aspect of our lives....I would bet you are a fantastic teacher....as others have said, use the time for rest and healing...and less stress.....you deserve it....
    Wishing you peaceful days....
    Hugs, Nancy
  • CarolleeLouise
    CarolleeLouise Member Posts: 10
    #9
    Hang in there!
    I agree with Carol, you need time to let your body heal. I am a teacher too and our district allowed me to take 6 weeks of short term leave. It really helped & I truly needed the time off but I was happy to get back to my kiddoes, I know what you are saying. Children lift the spirit! It is a drag that your district is not allowing you to teach part time.
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #10
    CarolleeLouise said:

    Hang in there!
    I agree with Carol, you need time to let your body heal. I am a teacher too and our district allowed me to take 6 weeks of short term leave. It really helped & I truly needed the time off but I was happy to get back to my kiddoes, I know what you are saying. Children lift the spirit! It is a drag that your district is not allowing you to teach part time.

    I know how you feel. when I
    I know how you feel. when I went back to work I was not yet up to the physical demands of floor nursing. I love the contact with patients and families and am now doing a desk job. I guess I should feel good they chose to keep me, but I felt almost punished and that I couldnt measure up to their standards as I could not extend form 8 hours to 12 hour shifts. When I was there I did the full work. Its also that it wasnt my choice and to my mind a departure form my life that I had to leave. and a job I loved and was good at. I am slowly resolving this and trying to turn lemons into lemonade and see what is next. I was angry because my body would not do what I wanted it do and that they didnt understand that I needed time. It has recently come to light that some people didnt like that I looked tired. I guess I should have taken a break to apply makeup. Anyway, our bodies have been good to us, helped us to fight off a disease and we have have to be good to it, help it heal. I have to say when I went to the desk job, it was in many a ways a huge relief, I was spending an inordinate amount of time, just trying to maintain. When you stop you will sigh with relief as this is a tough journey. I am very stubborn and dont like anything to be"the boss of me". But cancer isnt winning, and you will return to your job, you just need the energy to kick cancer's **** and you will. I hope this long ramble helps. This process isnt easy taking a side road. But you can do it.
  • jamiegww
    jamiegww Member Posts: 384
    #11
    lynn1950 said:

    I am so sorry about how you
    I am so sorry about how you feel. I just changed jobs; today I cleaned out my old room and felt so sad. I will miss so much about the old job. People don't understand how attached we get to our kids! Would volunteering help you to feel better? Volunteers are ALWAYS needed! xoxoxo Lynn

    Volunteering is an excellent idea for now.
    If you feel up to it, talk to them about volunteering once or twice a week for a few hours.

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