My confidence is in the toliet, I hate chemo side effects.....
Again I just want to scream. My last treatment was Wed. I should be past this stupid feeling by now!
Comments
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Taxol Side Effects
You loaded the dishwasher? Congratulations! When I was on Taxotere I would not have been able to even attempt that chore. I was having a good day when I could undress myself to take a shower, take the shower and get dressed again. That was enough for me for the day. I had 4 rounds of A/C (2 weeks apart) followed by 12 rounds of Taxotere (weekly). As to slowing down your friends when you go out, so what if you do? I doubt they expect to do anything with you that requires moving at much of a pace. They just want to support you and spend some time with you. Would it be better if you just had a friend over to your house for a cup of coffee? Maybe someone could even bring in the coffee. Would one of these people be OK with doing your grocery shopping for you or with you? I am lucky in that my daughter was 16 years old and could drive when I was in treatment. She made innumerable trips to the pharmacy and grocery store for me. I had a friend who brought over head scarves when I shaved my hair off. People often don't know how to respond when you have cancer. Let them know what they can do that will make your life easier. Also, what makes you believe that you "should be past this stupid feeling by now?" Did someone tell you that? You are entitled to feel what you are feeling. Chemo is not an easy thing. Don't be so down on yourself.
Come here often.
IRENE0 -
So sorry you are going through this
My Taxol was every 3 weeks and except for the bone pain I found it easier than the epirubicin/cytoxin I did prior to it. Yes, there was fatigue and a daily nap helped a lot, yes there was some decision-making difficulty...still is, yes I had/have a lack of motivation (or just plain laziness). You have got to be on systems overload, give yourself a break...how quickly do your work decisions have to be made? Can you get some housekeeping help from your spouse or a neighbor kid who works cheap so that you can get those chores off your mind? Can you ignore the housework and buy a giant pack of paper plates, etc to tide you over until you get more energy? Go with your friends if you feel like it, just let them know in advance that your energy doesn't last long, (it will build back up again) and maybe some plan modifications can be made so you can have some fun too.
Go ahead and scream, it will probably do you some good...Lord knows we can only cry so much, and I have a feeling after your work situation is clearer everything else will be too.
Positive thoughts and prayers headed your way,
Jennifer0 -
It's truegrams2jc said:So sorry you are going through this
My Taxol was every 3 weeks and except for the bone pain I found it easier than the epirubicin/cytoxin I did prior to it. Yes, there was fatigue and a daily nap helped a lot, yes there was some decision-making difficulty...still is, yes I had/have a lack of motivation (or just plain laziness). You have got to be on systems overload, give yourself a break...how quickly do your work decisions have to be made? Can you get some housekeeping help from your spouse or a neighbor kid who works cheap so that you can get those chores off your mind? Can you ignore the housework and buy a giant pack of paper plates, etc to tide you over until you get more energy? Go with your friends if you feel like it, just let them know in advance that your energy doesn't last long, (it will build back up again) and maybe some plan modifications can be made so you can have some fun too.
Go ahead and scream, it will probably do you some good...Lord knows we can only cry so much, and I have a feeling after your work situation is clearer everything else will be too.
Positive thoughts and prayers headed your way,
Jennifer
You can only cry so much. I want to scream on here and not at anyone in particular just scream....I HATE THIS, it's the weekend and I am sitting on my couch staring out the window. Lord knows I don't want to be dead I just want to feel good enough to go see a movie or go school shopping with my kids. My son will be 14 on Monday. I have done NOTHING for his birthday, no gift, no idea what he wants, so out of it this year. My family is wonderful and I do have a daughter old enough to drive (if I'd let her), my 3 year old keeps me smiling but I don't want to just drift through in some chemo daze and heck I haven't even experienced the pain that is suppose to happen with Taxol. Yippee. Then the work thing hanging over my head....I have a few days to figure that out. I remember chemo in the past when I did it every 3 weeks, I would have a couple days of feeling bad and then I would perk up and this crap is just holding me down and then it's time to do it again 0 -
Get outside when you canstayingstrongfortoday said:It's true
You can only cry so much. I want to scream on here and not at anyone in particular just scream....I HATE THIS, it's the weekend and I am sitting on my couch staring out the window. Lord knows I don't want to be dead I just want to feel good enough to go see a movie or go school shopping with my kids. My son will be 14 on Monday. I have done NOTHING for his birthday, no gift, no idea what he wants, so out of it this year. My family is wonderful and I do have a daughter old enough to drive (if I'd let her), my 3 year old keeps me smiling but I don't want to just drift through in some chemo daze and heck I haven't even experienced the pain that is suppose to happen with Taxol. Yippee. Then the work thing hanging over my head....I have a few days to figure that out. I remember chemo in the past when I did it every 3 weeks, I would have a couple days of feeling bad and then I would perk up and this crap is just holding me down and then it's time to do it again
Just to see the sun. It will help you not sink to far. Be happy you can do the little things. This is tough. By the time I got to taxol I was just so tired. I had trouble with the house stuff. By the time I had the surgery, I hired some one to do the bathrooms and kitchen.
You can do this! Just remember that. You are not alone,
Cindy0 -
sunrise and sunset, a beautiful song, great painting, moviestayingstrongfortoday said:It's true
You can only cry so much. I want to scream on here and not at anyone in particular just scream....I HATE THIS, it's the weekend and I am sitting on my couch staring out the window. Lord knows I don't want to be dead I just want to feel good enough to go see a movie or go school shopping with my kids. My son will be 14 on Monday. I have done NOTHING for his birthday, no gift, no idea what he wants, so out of it this year. My family is wonderful and I do have a daughter old enough to drive (if I'd let her), my 3 year old keeps me smiling but I don't want to just drift through in some chemo daze and heck I haven't even experienced the pain that is suppose to happen with Taxol. Yippee. Then the work thing hanging over my head....I have a few days to figure that out. I remember chemo in the past when I did it every 3 weeks, I would have a couple days of feeling bad and then I would perk up and this crap is just holding me down and then it's time to do it again
I think you need to let it go...you will come back after you finish your Chemo treatment. Do not focus on your past, and on "what you cannot do". You still can do a lot, so do what you CAN. You can still play and talk to your kids, watch movie at home together, laugh and help with a school project, fix breakfast, or be driven to places. Let people help you, relax at home, sit in the chair on your backyard. There is a sunrise and sunset, a beautiful song and great painting, movie which you always wanted to see, but never have had time, meal you wanted to eat, or book to read.
Hugs0 -
Had my last Taxol yesterday
I am happy to report that it does end. I am looking forward to having my side effects recede. I didn't have to deal too much with fatigue, since the dexamethasone gave me a steroid-fueled energy. Sometimes I would desperately want to sleep because of Taxol-induced fatigue, but the steroid caused sleeplessness. Once when I was finally able to take a nap I almost bit my husband's head off when he woke me. I have to say the steroid side effects were worse for me than the Taxol side effects, which mostly seemed to accumulate late in the process. I am looking forward to eliminating my nighttime drug cocktail. which is aimed at letting me get a little sleep.
Good luck to you. Look to the end, which is only a couple of months away, right? Take care of yourself, and indulge yourself. I have a rule that I don't go out in the evening, which I have broken only for work obligations. My friends understand. Ask your friends for help -- they are always asking what they can do, right? Maybe one of them can shop for your son's birthday and drop off a gift. Or tell your son you will celebrate his birthday late this year, then do it up right on his quarter-birthday or whenever. And talk to your chemo nurse about how you are feeling. They may be able to do something to help.
Hang in there. It does end.0 -
I am so sorry you arestayingstrongfortoday said:It's true
You can only cry so much. I want to scream on here and not at anyone in particular just scream....I HATE THIS, it's the weekend and I am sitting on my couch staring out the window. Lord knows I don't want to be dead I just want to feel good enough to go see a movie or go school shopping with my kids. My son will be 14 on Monday. I have done NOTHING for his birthday, no gift, no idea what he wants, so out of it this year. My family is wonderful and I do have a daughter old enough to drive (if I'd let her), my 3 year old keeps me smiling but I don't want to just drift through in some chemo daze and heck I haven't even experienced the pain that is suppose to happen with Taxol. Yippee. Then the work thing hanging over my head....I have a few days to figure that out. I remember chemo in the past when I did it every 3 weeks, I would have a couple days of feeling bad and then I would perk up and this crap is just holding me down and then it's time to do it again
I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. As I replied to your other post I hadn't understood that you were receiving Taxol EVERY week. Wow. Leave and a new assignment later seem a lot more practical. On this trip we're on, I think uncertainty is as terrible as the cancer. I also think some screaming and Xanax are definitely in order. It sounds like it's time for baby steps. xoxoxoxo Lynn0 -
I know, I know.....mollieb said:Had my last Taxol yesterday
I am happy to report that it does end. I am looking forward to having my side effects recede. I didn't have to deal too much with fatigue, since the dexamethasone gave me a steroid-fueled energy. Sometimes I would desperately want to sleep because of Taxol-induced fatigue, but the steroid caused sleeplessness. Once when I was finally able to take a nap I almost bit my husband's head off when he woke me. I have to say the steroid side effects were worse for me than the Taxol side effects, which mostly seemed to accumulate late in the process. I am looking forward to eliminating my nighttime drug cocktail. which is aimed at letting me get a little sleep.
Good luck to you. Look to the end, which is only a couple of months away, right? Take care of yourself, and indulge yourself. I have a rule that I don't go out in the evening, which I have broken only for work obligations. My friends understand. Ask your friends for help -- they are always asking what they can do, right? Maybe one of them can shop for your son's birthday and drop off a gift. Or tell your son you will celebrate his birthday late this year, then do it up right on his quarter-birthday or whenever. And talk to your chemo nurse about how you are feeling. They may be able to do something to help.
Hang in there. It does end.
4 weeks ago my nightmare started also. OMG, I can empathize with you 110%. I hate what I've become. I started this with a positive attitute but....really....it went in the toilet. I know exactly what you are saying. I wish I could offer you a positive upbeat response, but chemo brain took all my spunk and sense. I find comfort here in seeing I am not alone in with my feelings.
My husband and I are fighting awfully. I don't even know why I am arguing. He's got plenty to say about what I am not doing. I don't even know why I even crawl out of bed. I feel so out of sorts. Why doesn't he see this. He wants me to be the same. I have no confidence. I want to scream!!!!
It's a miserable, cloudy, damp, overcast morning here. That feels like my life. We need sunshine, warmth, and happiness. I know we can get thru this. It just takes time. Wishing you a brighter forecast for better days with no SE's.
Hugs, pp0 -
My heart goes out to you aspinkpalette said:I know, I know.....
4 weeks ago my nightmare started also. OMG, I can empathize with you 110%. I hate what I've become. I started this with a positive attitute but....really....it went in the toilet. I know exactly what you are saying. I wish I could offer you a positive upbeat response, but chemo brain took all my spunk and sense. I find comfort here in seeing I am not alone in with my feelings.
My husband and I are fighting awfully. I don't even know why I am arguing. He's got plenty to say about what I am not doing. I don't even know why I even crawl out of bed. I feel so out of sorts. Why doesn't he see this. He wants me to be the same. I have no confidence. I want to scream!!!!
It's a miserable, cloudy, damp, overcast morning here. That feels like my life. We need sunshine, warmth, and happiness. I know we can get thru this. It just takes time. Wishing you a brighter forecast for better days with no SE's.
Hugs, pp
My heart goes out to you as you're going thru all this funk. I took cytoxan and taxotere every week for 12 weeks, with so many side effects. At one point my hands hurt so bad, burned and peeled, with huge hunks of skin hanging off. I couldn't talk to anyone on the phone and wouldn't let anyone come near me, even my husband. I just stayed in bed most of the time feeling like someone threw me against the wall and I had slid down and just laid there. I was dxed at near 70 years of age, had heart blockage, diabetes, asthma and other health issues. In other words I was a huge mess. I learned to take one minute at a time, then one hour, one day, etc. As they added up, I was finally able to crawl out of it and after 35 rad treatments, reached the finish line. All my family along with the loving women here were there for me, cheering me on. You have so much on your plate, with your young children, work, treatments. Ask for help from friends, family, maybe someone can take your family out for your son's bd, even if you can't go. Or order a pizza in, have someone get cake and icecream. I wished some of us lived close so we could be there for you. Your son and I share the same birthday date, and I wish him a great birthday. I am sure celebrating this year. You will get thru this and be able to do all those normal things again soon. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, Sunrae0 -
So SorrySunrae said:My heart goes out to you as
My heart goes out to you as you're going thru all this funk. I took cytoxan and taxotere every week for 12 weeks, with so many side effects. At one point my hands hurt so bad, burned and peeled, with huge hunks of skin hanging off. I couldn't talk to anyone on the phone and wouldn't let anyone come near me, even my husband. I just stayed in bed most of the time feeling like someone threw me against the wall and I had slid down and just laid there. I was dxed at near 70 years of age, had heart blockage, diabetes, asthma and other health issues. In other words I was a huge mess. I learned to take one minute at a time, then one hour, one day, etc. As they added up, I was finally able to crawl out of it and after 35 rad treatments, reached the finish line. All my family along with the loving women here were there for me, cheering me on. You have so much on your plate, with your young children, work, treatments. Ask for help from friends, family, maybe someone can take your family out for your son's bd, even if you can't go. Or order a pizza in, have someone get cake and icecream. I wished some of us lived close so we could be there for you. Your son and I share the same birthday date, and I wish him a great birthday. I am sure celebrating this year. You will get thru this and be able to do all those normal things again soon. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, Sunrae
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Just wanted to let you know you are in my prayers.
Sending extra hugs your way~
Debi0 -
Taxol
It's OK, you are not alone. The side effects are under rated by the oncologist. I felt like I was a baby and because I was a nurse did not tell the team at the cancer center how horrible I was feeling. Ended up in the hospital twice for dehydration. Lost 30 lbs(good part). I truly felt like I was going to die. I skipped one treatment because I was so sick. I was still made to feel like I was the problem. I took short term leave from work for 6 months. I am so glad I did. Do it for yourself if you have to. This is your life you are talking about. You are young. I am 64 so I started collecting social security and pay 1000.00 a month for COBRA insurance. Unbelievable. Honey you have a lot of living to do....You need to take this time for you and beat this damn disease. Never feel guilt for anything. Be Better...It will come slowly. Love Kaycee470 -
CryingKaycee47 said:Taxol
It's OK, you are not alone. The side effects are under rated by the oncologist. I felt like I was a baby and because I was a nurse did not tell the team at the cancer center how horrible I was feeling. Ended up in the hospital twice for dehydration. Lost 30 lbs(good part). I truly felt like I was going to die. I skipped one treatment because I was so sick. I was still made to feel like I was the problem. I took short term leave from work for 6 months. I am so glad I did. Do it for yourself if you have to. This is your life you are talking about. You are young. I am 64 so I started collecting social security and pay 1000.00 a month for COBRA insurance. Unbelievable. Honey you have a lot of living to do....You need to take this time for you and beat this damn disease. Never feel guilt for anything. Be Better...It will come slowly. Love Kaycee47
Thank you! I, too, am a nurse. My oncologist told me pre-chemo that I'd still be able to work. I was an oncology nurse 20 years ago. (many other fields of nursing since) Nothing has changed....well, much has changed, but not the side effects. I only started last week, on Tuesday, with 5FU/epirubicin/Cytoxan, and Neulasta next day. I have been sick since the evening of the Neulasta, with a myriad of symptoms. Mostly, I am having fatigue, acid indigestion, nausea and diarrhea. The severe muscle/bone pain left by Friday evening. I feel like such a baby. I sleep a lot, or try to sit upright to avoid acid reflux. I feel like my great "positive" attitude has gone into the toilet. And, needless to say, there is no way I can work. I will be 62 next month, so applied for early retirement. I feel so low, and the anti-nausea med makes me so sleepy. I feel like a "whiner", and that is sooooo not me! I remember how sick my patients got, back in the day. Now I understand. I never took meds because they react on me so different than the norm. I am getting depressed that if I am so sick after just a week, what will the next 6 months (+) be?! Anyway, it feels good getting this off my chest. Will call my onc. nurse tomorrow, and talk with her. Thanks Kaycee47...and all the others here. You are going to be my life line!!0 -
I was so sick for over 12 months --Nocmom61 said:Crying
Thank you! I, too, am a nurse. My oncologist told me pre-chemo that I'd still be able to work. I was an oncology nurse 20 years ago. (many other fields of nursing since) Nothing has changed....well, much has changed, but not the side effects. I only started last week, on Tuesday, with 5FU/epirubicin/Cytoxan, and Neulasta next day. I have been sick since the evening of the Neulasta, with a myriad of symptoms. Mostly, I am having fatigue, acid indigestion, nausea and diarrhea. The severe muscle/bone pain left by Friday evening. I feel like such a baby. I sleep a lot, or try to sit upright to avoid acid reflux. I feel like my great "positive" attitude has gone into the toilet. And, needless to say, there is no way I can work. I will be 62 next month, so applied for early retirement. I feel so low, and the anti-nausea med makes me so sleepy. I feel like a "whiner", and that is sooooo not me! I remember how sick my patients got, back in the day. Now I understand. I never took meds because they react on me so different than the norm. I am getting depressed that if I am so sick after just a week, what will the next 6 months (+) be?! Anyway, it feels good getting this off my chest. Will call my onc. nurse tomorrow, and talk with her. Thanks Kaycee47...and all the others here. You are going to be my life line!!
Continued with chronic fatigue to this day -- My symptoms were off the 'Bell Standard Charts' according to my Oncologist -- while witnessing me faint (in his office), coming to ER -- on 3 separate occasion to see my 'off the chart' side efforts -- which included dehydration, blood from my nose and eye .. rapid heart beats and lifeless body.
I don't write this often, as it will scared the hellll out of many warriors .. we are different, and we react differently from chemo .. I just happen to be 1 of the few that suffered endlessly -- and to the very extreme. DO NOT allow any Doctor to brush off your symptoms!!!
I equate my breast cancer journey, much like a roller coast ride! So many highs, so many lows!! Emotions all over the map, changing by the hour.
As a 2010 survivor of chemo, please be assure that it is doable. While there is plenty to be scared about with any cancer diagnosis, try not to be scared -- and the more positive and relaxed you can be, the better all your surgery and treatments may go. Many knowledgeable people have been involved in helping determine the right treatment for each of us, because we are all different, and new treatments and studies are coming out regularly.
My suggestion ... Information and foreign jargon is talked about during chemo sessions, and most Oncologist will see you, after your infusion has finished .. if not him/her then the PA -A tape record comes in handy .. record the conversation, so you can use it as a reference. Notebook for taking notes .. and writing down all questions you may have -- plus you have concerns, please write them down and address them during your Oncology appointment.
Information/Research and side efforts associated with your particular chemo - please check out chemocare.com
With all chemo therapy infused drugs .. there are side efforts, and many of us WARRIORS .. suffer from 1 or 2, while others suffer a great deal.
I had taxotere, carboplatin, and herceptin ... I did suffer with mouth and throat sores (Tom Natural toothpaste helped); the steroids and other meds helped with my nauseated before and during chemo .. after chemo infusions -- nausea plagued me for several days (everybody is different -- just my case, and my body) I did suffer with fatigue and bouts and constipation issues - please do not hesitate to call your Oncologist in attempts to find relief.
Hydrate, rest, and hydrate some more. Small meals can often help with nausea. I also splashed / flavored my never ending water consumptions with crystal light, lemonade, cranberry juice or apple juice. Herbal tea worked in the evenings, for me. .. drinking plain water endlessly, got a little boring for me.
Lastly, please put your Oncologist telephone on speed dial .. and call when any and all concerns - regardless of time of day or night!
Strength, Courage and Hope.
Vicki Sam0 -
vent awayBMS said:So normal
Cronic fatigue is so normal. I had to lay down after showering. Lay down after dressing. Lay down after feeding to dog. You get the picture. Let others do what they can for you.
Bonnie
That's what we're here for. We understand. My side effects were taken seriously by both my oncologist and my primary care physician. I learned that it was more convenient for me to see my primary care physician (both geographically and emotionally) and she always dropped everything to see me. My oncologist was just unavailable a lot of the time and my primary care physician knew me and my other health issues well and I trusted that if she couldn't handle something, she'd make sure someone would.
Your comments regarding your emotional issues bring back a lot of not so pleasant memories for me. I hate your chemo side effects for you and hate what you're going through, too. We're here to help you get through any and all of it.
Suzanne0 -
I'm so sorry you are havingmamolady said:Get outside when you can
Just to see the sun. It will help you not sink to far. Be happy you can do the little things. This is tough. By the time I got to taxol I was just so tired. I had trouble with the house stuff. By the time I had the surgery, I hired some one to do the bathrooms and kitchen.
You can do this! Just remember that. You are not alone,
Cindy
I'm so sorry you are having so much trouble. I pray you will start to feel better very soon.
Hugs, Megan0 -
double postmamolady said:Get outside when you can
Just to see the sun. It will help you not sink to far. Be happy you can do the little things. This is tough. By the time I got to taxol I was just so tired. I had trouble with the house stuff. By the time I had the surgery, I hired some one to do the bathrooms and kitchen.
You can do this! Just remember that. You are not alone,
Cindy
sorry0 -
I am so very sorry also. Idebi.18 said:So Sorry
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Just wanted to let you know you are in my prayers.
Sending extra hugs your way~
Debi
I am so very sorry also. I am sending you big cyber hugs and keeping you in my prayers.
♠♣ Love, Susie ♠♣0 -
I would have
I would have taken 20 more rounds of adrymiacin (the red devil) rather than the 12 weekly taxols I had.
I HATED, HATED, HATED that drug. It was horrible. Loading the dishwasher would have been a feat that deserved a front page headline in the national news.
I used to have to tell myself that I could do 12, 11, 10 etc of anything, except gun shots to the head in order to convince myself to go thru it. Sometimes the gun shots to the head really sounded preferable.
The point is you can get thru it. It's awful, I know. I have some people in my life that I have some very negative feelings about and I wouldn't wish this on them, but you will one day be looking back, and believe it or not you will even begin to forget some of the horrible things you're feeling right now.
marge0
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