CSN Login
Members Online: 6

You are here

How do you learn to live with this?

Chestnut51
Posts: 16
Joined: Jul 2011

I made it through my CT scan. How do you really learn to live with with. I am falling apart.
Sandy

norma2's picture
norma2
Posts: 486
Joined: Aug 2009

I remember the first CAT scans. It is just so scary. When they did the ultrasound to see the size of my uterus the technician just kept making noises. She was so worried about me. If finally told her it was ok. I am sure I have a big old cancer in there, and your job is to get it out so I can go on with my life. She cracked up laughing. But, I really meant it. And they did. They got it all out.

I know you are so scared. I think we all are in the beginning. Sometimes I wake at night and still am so afraid. It does get better. I guess we all develop coping techniques. Some of the others here have some really good ideas about how they cope.

upsofloating's picture
upsofloating
Posts: 473
Joined: Dec 2009

You are experiencing the most difficult part of this cancer diagnosis at this time - fear, fear of the unknown, of what lies ahead, the treatments, how it will affect your life, etc. It's like your life's path has led you to the edge of an abyss, there is no way to turn back, the only option is forward. Right now you cannot see the other side. But believe me, it is there. You can barely see the next step in front of you, but as you bravely put a foot forward, the next step will appear. Keep taking one step at a time and you will reach the other side. The most important thing now is to focus on your next step and not worry about the one after - it will appear as you move forward. We're here to help keep you moving ahead. Managing each step is empowering in itself. You'll discover how strong you really are.
Annie

jazzy1's picture
jazzy1
Posts: 1385
Joined: Mar 2010

You're hearing what I agree with from Norma and Annie. The beginning is always the most difficult as it's all new. Think about anything in life that's new you have no clue how it works, but you know to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. If you stop, nothing happens, and you really won't want this route, would you?

I remember hearing the words "you have cancer" as I was shaking in my boots. After I started moving down the path and seeing the oncologist for plan of action, then starting chemo, etc, I felt in control in a way. Now 2 years post treatments I'm still a bit scared, but don't thrive on it every day and hour as did at the beginning.

One thing I didn't have was this site with lots of wonderful, experienced people to hold my hand. These ladies on here are "gems" who give me courage to fight for my life. Try to take time to smell the roses as you need a break from the cancer journey. It can be wearing, therefore, positives and alternative paths in your life help you endure.

Come back here, lots and lots of times and ask for help, we're all here for you. Everyone was here for me and I'd love nothing but help you.

Be strong and remember to take those baby steps and learn each part in the journey.

((( hugs )))
Jan

jazzy1's picture
jazzy1
Posts: 1385
Joined: Mar 2010

You're hearing what I agree with from Norma and Annie. The beginning is always the most difficult as it's all new. Think about anything in life that's new you have no clue how it works, but you know to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. If you stop, nothing happens, and you really won't want this route, would you?

I remember hearing the words "you have cancer" as I was shaking in my boots. After I started moving down the path and seeing the oncologist for plan of action, then starting chemo, etc, I felt in control in a way. Now 2 years post treatments I'm still a bit scared, but don't thrive on it every day and hour as did at the beginning.

One thing I didn't have was this site with lots of wonderful, experienced people to hold my hand. These ladies on here are "gems" who give me courage to fight for my life. Try to take time to smell the roses as you need a break from the cancer journey. It can be wearing, therefore, positives and alternative paths in your life help you endure.

COme back lots and lots and ask for help, we're all here for you. Everyone was here for me and I'd love nothing but help you.

Be strong and remember to take those baby steps and learn each part in the journey.

((( hugs )))
Jan

Chestnut51
Posts: 16
Joined: Jul 2011

This afternoon I am meeting with my gynocologist. We are going to talk about the next steps. She has brought in a gyno oncologist who is from Rush downtown Chicago. I have not met him yet but she is consulting with him now. I know my next step is to have a hysterectomy. I will keep all of you informed of what happens this afternoon. Please say your prayers.
Sandy

Kaleena's picture
Kaleena
Posts: 2064
Joined: Nov 2009

July 26, 2011 - 10:32am

You will get through this

Sandy, like Norma said, this is the hard part. You have to make sometime positive out of everything or you will go crazy. If you listen to music or the radio, isn't funny how all the sad songs come up or is it that we just notice them more. (My husband and I would joke about this). If I got a pouty face on (like I was going to cry), my husband would make the same face and then we would laugh (still tears in my eyes). Sometimes you feel all alone, but in reality there are sooooo many people facing the same problems or more.

I think that the hardest thing is that we don't like to see our family members worry about us. When I was diagnosed my three sons were ages 13 14 and 15. I didn't want them to worry about me. I kept a lot of feelings in and always kept a happy face on. Same with my husband. I continued to work the best I could during treatment. Most people around me didn't even realize what I was going through.

The week I was first told, I couldn't sleep. I would have what I call a "silent scream". Scream into my pillow. But this too passes and we realize that just because the doctor says you have cancer, doesn't mean dilly! How long did you have it before you went to the doctor and your life seemed realitively normal then, right? So go back to that state of mind. The best part is that the cancer has been or will be removed or zapped. Very positive thought.

So Sandy, I am sending you a hug and comforting thoughts your way to help you through this. Hang in there!

Kathy

lindaprocopio's picture
lindaprocopio
Posts: 2022
Joined: Oct 2008

I think I really started getting my head on straight about all this when I went for my first infusion at the chemo lounge. All around me were brave people hooked up for chemo, laughing & eating & playing cards & LIVING with JOY, even there!! And I saw young parents and teenagers getting chemo or radiation, and I thought, "THAT'S the real heartbreaking tragedy; not what is happening to ME." And I saw very sick people wheeled in, when I was able to walk in with my Kindle and my snacks, symptom-free,...and that's when the "Why me? Poor me!" attitude seemed so inappropriate, so WRONG,.... that I let it go forever.

I've been on this journey since 2008, and am at peace with it. All of us, not just those of us with cancer but ALL of us, are marching closer to death every single day. The only difference between "us" and "them" is the KNOWING. There is power and strength in the KNOWING of this universal inevitable truth. Look for the joy in each day. It's there. Make your peace with this and you will be one of those shining examples in the chemo lounge that yank the next 'newbie' up to the place they need to be to travel this path with grace.

Chestnut51
Posts: 16
Joined: Jul 2011

Hi to all!

Thank you for all of the support. I went for my Cat scan yesterday and Dr. We got the results back from the scan, and they all looked good. No visual abnormalities that jumped out at them except for the uterus, which we knew about. I have been scheduled for surgery on Aug 8th. I know that's the really big hurdle, but I feel like I'm moving forward to getting better.
Thanks for all of your hugs, I really need them.
Sandy

jazzy1's picture
jazzy1
Posts: 1385
Joined: Mar 2010

Keep moving and it will all start to fall into place. Not easy, but very doable as you've been reading from others here.

I only had D&C which detected 2 small fibroid tumors in uterus and they found thru pathology it was cancer. Next was total hysterectomy where doc pulled out lymph nodes and all the "girlie parts" they took out went to pathology. Two weeks later pathology report showed where cancer was in each of the parts, plus lymph nodes, washings, etc. This is the part that tells us our stage and grade of cancer.

You're doing great...plse keep us posted on your progress.

Jan

Fayard's picture
Fayard
Posts: 438
Joined: May 2011

I am glad you are schedule for surgery on August 8.
I remember I wanted the tumor out of my body "yesterday."

Are you having DaVincci? If so, the only little thing I had was pain on my shoulder. This comes from the gas they had to inject into to body to enhance the area (abdomen).
Pain medicine will not alleviate the pain. The only remedy is to walk. Yes, even on the first day. Make sure to walk before taking any strong pain medicine that might make you drowsy, because you will not be able to stand if dizzy.

I had mine on December 23, and went home on the 24th.
I wasn't even put in special diet!

Keep us posted, please!

Songflower's picture
Songflower
Posts: 631
Joined: Apr 2009

Wow, a clean pet scan is a big hurdle. That is great! Your first step is pretty damn good. The surgery comes next. If you still feel like you are falling apart you might want to try an antidepressant to get through this. Just remember when you go off them you have to go slowly because there are symptoms when you stop them. Seeing a therapist is always good too; you don't feel like you are squeezing your frightened feelings so no one will hear them. Crying is good; I used the shower method and saw a therapist. It helps. I am impressed with your great scan.

love, Diane

Bluebird Bush
Posts: 28
Joined: May 2011

Hi Sandy,
I have just read your post dated July 26, 2011, and all the wonderful responses. Thank you all so much. I have taken this into my own heart to use as my beginning instructions for the first leg of my new journey. It is comforting embarking on this trip with you ladies as guides. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Genni

kkstef's picture
kkstef
Posts: 706
Joined: May 2008

I am sorry that you have a need to join this site, but am happy that you have found us! A truly wonderful group of gals that are more than willing to share our experiences and and offer support.

Where are you in your cancer journey? Do you know what type of uterine cancer you have, the Grade and Stage yet? That is the starting point.

Please keep us posted and let us know how we can be of help!

Best to you! Karen

Bluebird Bush
Posts: 28
Joined: May 2011

Hi Karen, I just found your welcoming note to me that you posted on July 28, 2011. Thank you. If you don't mind, please read my post under the heading "what are some of the general questions I should be asking- - - " because it tells quite a bit about what is happening with me so far. It is endometrial adenocarcinoma Grade I, and Stage 3c because it was in 2 lymph nodes but the surgeon said didn't see any on bladder or bowels. After surgery I asked for and got a CT scan and the only abnormality was a new small node in lung. I asked for and got CAl25 and result was 216. I also asked for a PET to see where anything lights up since the CA125 is up, plus the new node in lung, and she was not sure she could order one since they are so expensive but found out I can have one and it is scheduled for this coming Tuesday. I told her it would be interesting to compare what shows up now with a PET after the chemo treatments to see if anything "goes away". It is certainly a good, not so all alone feeling, to be able to come here to this site and share with you ladies. Thank you very much. My best wishes to you - Geni

missbabsonmars's picture
missbabsonmars
Posts: 29
Joined: Jun 2010

It is vital to have a support system, whether that consists of family members, friends, co-workers, or others. Learn who can help with what...and let them help you. Being a hugely independent person, one of my biggest gifts in having cancer has been to allow the people in my life to help me...even when I don't want them to, I have to recognize that sometimes help is essential.

I am extremely fortunate in that I already had a huge support networt in place as a member of Alcoholics Anonymous for 27 years; I also have close friends and a wonderful husband and sister.

It is helpful if you have a person (or two) who is willing to help you do research now and again, so that you understand what the medical staff are doing and recommending.

Babs in Sacramento

Songflower's picture
Songflower
Posts: 631
Joined: Apr 2009

I also get two magazines that really help me. "Cure," and "Coping with Cancer." It also use to be just "coping." I find them very helpful and really is worth ordering them. One step at a time and you're doing really well now. Pat yourself on the back and don't forget to ask for help when you need it. I always find that is the hardest part for me.

Keep Going Warrior!
Diane

Subscribe to Comments for "How do you learn to live with this?"