ok i gave up ************* update******************

tina dasilva
tina dasilva Member Posts: 641
edited March 2011 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Ok I gave up I can't do this anymore to night at 1230 my son jorge was in bed and had the biggest seizure ever now its 145am I'm sitting in the hospital my sons face is all bloodshot even his eyes and in about 8hours from now I need to go to the cancer center with my husband Jorge to see the chemo doctor and hopefully he will be telling us about the tumor broad meeting I'm so tried of all of this and I don't know what to do or how to stay strong I'm so sick .Tina **********update********* First i would love to say thank you from the of my heart for your support and prayers for myself and for my son Jorge we were at the hospital for 35hours and i stay by his side the hole time .i should tell you a little bit about my son was 3 years old when he started have seizures and at 11years old he had brain surgery and at the age of 16 the doctors took him off the meds for his seizures .and as i post the update about him . my son is sitting here beside me and just ask me to tell you guys thank you from him.and as for asking for help when i was at the cancer center i asked the chemo doctor if he could get someone for me to talk too.so i hope some time next week i will get a phone call.and again THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART i love you guys hugs to you all Tina
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Comments

  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    Dear Tina
    You absolutely MUST get someone to help you!

    Do you have close friends or family who can take some of the load from your shoulders? If not, then you need to speak to the doctor and see if there is some help to be had through some agency.

    How about some local church? There must be some group or organizaiton who can help you through this.

    You must reach out and ask for the help you need. There is no reason for you to beleive that you should be able to handle this all on your own. If you were only closer I am sure that there are lots of folks here who would gladly lend a hand.

    I know you have so much on your mind, but dear you must take care of you too.

    Hugs and keep us posted on how things are for your son and husband.

    Marie who loves kitties
  • tina dasilva
    tina dasilva Member Posts: 641

    Dear Tina
    You absolutely MUST get someone to help you!

    Do you have close friends or family who can take some of the load from your shoulders? If not, then you need to speak to the doctor and see if there is some help to be had through some agency.

    How about some local church? There must be some group or organizaiton who can help you through this.

    You must reach out and ask for the help you need. There is no reason for you to beleive that you should be able to handle this all on your own. If you were only closer I am sure that there are lots of folks here who would gladly lend a hand.

    I know you have so much on your mind, but dear you must take care of you too.

    Hugs and keep us posted on how things are for your son and husband.

    Marie who loves kitties

    Marie
    Thank you Marie my husband has 7brother and 2 sisters and all they do is call me and tell me to do this and do that no one comes to our house to help and its just be . And I just don't know what to do anymore hugs Tina
  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900 Member
    try and get some rest
    tina,

    i am sorry to hear that your son and husband are so needing of medical help at the same time. just do the best you can and try and look after yourself, as you are carer for both.

    prayers,

    pete
  • Nana2
    Nana2 Member Posts: 255
    Tina, You are much stronger
    Tina, You are much stronger than you think you are dear one. When you feel like you can't possibly go on another moment, a new morning dawns and brings you just the amount of strength you need to put one foot in front of the other to get you through another day. Talk to people as much as you can, and vent, and pray, and cry to release the stress, come here and get it out. You know we care and wish we could help by being there for you. I am a caregiver too and I have a book called "Streams in the Desert" which helps me so much when I'm feeling like I can't take one more thing. If you can possible find 10 minutes to sit quietly somewhere and practice deep breathing it helps. I remember times driving and feeling such stress and the deep breathing and quieting my thoughts would help. The right music can calm my soul too. Ask the medical folks you're seeing for resources and help and don't give up until you get some. I will be praying for you Tina. I'll put your name on a little card in my kitchen this week and remember you each day. Hang in there...
    (((HUGS)))
    April
  • Crow71
    Crow71 Member Posts: 679 Member
    This sounds so hard Tina. I
    This sounds so hard Tina. I wish I could help. I like what April said. If you could carve out just ten minutes to to just breath, deep belly breathing, it might help you move through the rest of the day. This helps me sometimes.

    It's sad that Jorge's family is not more involved.

    Stay strong.

    Roger
  • pepebcn
    pepebcn Member Posts: 6,331 Member
    Nana2 said:

    Tina, You are much stronger
    Tina, You are much stronger than you think you are dear one. When you feel like you can't possibly go on another moment, a new morning dawns and brings you just the amount of strength you need to put one foot in front of the other to get you through another day. Talk to people as much as you can, and vent, and pray, and cry to release the stress, come here and get it out. You know we care and wish we could help by being there for you. I am a caregiver too and I have a book called "Streams in the Desert" which helps me so much when I'm feeling like I can't take one more thing. If you can possible find 10 minutes to sit quietly somewhere and practice deep breathing it helps. I remember times driving and feeling such stress and the deep breathing and quieting my thoughts would help. The right music can calm my soul too. Ask the medical folks you're seeing for resources and help and don't give up until you get some. I will be praying for you Tina. I'll put your name on a little card in my kitchen this week and remember you each day. Hang in there...
    (((HUGS)))
    April

    Hi Tina i feel so sorry about your problems !
    Hang there we all will be here to help and support to you!.
    Hugs!
  • luvmum
    luvmum Member Posts: 457 Member
    Don't give up
    Hi Tina,

    I am also a sole caregiver and I know your frustrations and worries. I had my very down moment but I never hesitate to seek help! I will go to church and talk to the Father, I will call my friends when I am out doing grocery shopping myself, vent and cry as much as I like. I usually feel better afterwards.

    As caregiver, we all have different types of problems to handle and to solve! I remember my friend from another church told me, God will only give you the hardship and difficulties that you can handle. I also find prayers help me a lot!

    May God give you an your family peace!
    Love Dora
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    Tina
    I am so sorry to hear of your son's seizure. You really do have your hands full right now - husband George, son George, daughter, grandchildren, foster children...you need some help. Are any of Jorge's siblings more likely to help if asked? If not are there friends to lean on? It might help to talk to a counsellor too. I am looking for ways to deal with stress better; if I come up with anything else good I will let you know. Remember how much we all care about you. Also Tina, we don't live that far from each other; if a visit or phone call would ever help, let me know.
  • colon no more
    colon no more Member Posts: 12
    ok i gave up
    you can't give up. They need you to be strong right now. God doesn't give us more than we can handle. I know it doesn't seem like it sometimes, but He is by our side to help us through our difficult time. I will be praying for you and your family
  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
    Tina
    I feel your pain I really do, and I understand fully as I have been on both sides of the fence. As Marie, Roger etc have said you need to get support from family/friends/ any organisation who can send a helper in. And you do need to take 20 mins or so, maybe more once you feel secure to yourself. You are stronger then you think and you will get through this.

    Hugsss
  • sasjourney
    sasjourney Member Posts: 395 Member
    I am thinking of you
    Tina,

    I feel your pain and I wish I could do something for you. There are so many times that I get overwhelmed with stress and fear that I think I can't go on. All you can do is pray to God for the strength to go on and know that He is with you. We can't understand the pain and suffering we go through during this lifetime, but someday we will. Put it all in His hands and trust Him. It's not easy to do, but it is the only thing I can do to make sense of it all. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Hugs, Sara
  • I am thinking of you
    Tina,

    I feel your pain and I wish I could do something for you. There are so many times that I get overwhelmed with stress and fear that I think I can't go on. All you can do is pray to God for the strength to go on and know that He is with you. We can't understand the pain and suffering we go through during this lifetime, but someday we will. Put it all in His hands and trust Him. It's not easy to do, but it is the only thing I can do to make sense of it all. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Hugs, Sara

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111 Member
    Tina:
    You poor dear, your plate is truly overflowing. One thing I have learned is people do want to help, they just don't know what to do or what you need. Pick up the phone, ask if they have a few hours to come and sit in the hospital with your son. When Jorge has chemo, ask if they can deliver him to chemo and pick him up when he is done giving you a much needed break, you can only be in one place at a time and still have a household to keep running. Tell your daughter that she needs to step up, she is now in charge of keeping the house clean or making sure the laundry is done, etc.

    Please let us know what the tumor board says.

    Hugs - Tina
  • soccermom13
    soccermom13 Member Posts: 224
    it is so hard to not be overwhelmed!
    You have a lot on your plate and so little time for you! My heart breaks with your information on your family. I have a really supportive group of women that help/helped take care of me (family not close) so that my husband did not have to take time out of work all the time. I did not want to burden my daughter with any tasks but finally did ask her to pick me up, emotionally the whole ordeal was tough on both of us. I finally got to the point where I would accept her help and it brought us closer. I am wondering if the local American Cancer Society has a list of volunteers who help out? That would take some pressure off you and give them a chance to volunteer. My thoughts and prayers coming your way!
    Hugs
    Shanna
  • ketziah35
    ketziah35 Member Posts: 1,145
    get help!
    Tina,

    I would really recommend that you post on the Caregivers discussion board for this one. There are a lot of old pro's there as far as know how to get support.

    Sometimes our families fail us and you either have to look for friends to help, hire someone to help, or look for help to sit with loved ones through church organizations, the ACS may have recommendations, etc.

    You can't do it alone. No one can fight cancer alone. You will burn out as a caregiver.
  • Kathleen808
    Kathleen808 Member Posts: 2,342 Member
    Tina
    Oh Tina,
    I am so sorry that happened with your son last night. Our daughter also had a Grand Mal seizure last night. I felt the same way..... oh Sh*t! She was up vomiting at 3 am and **** was up with nausea. All I can say is one foot in front of the other. Just keep going my friend. You can do this, we can do this. We can find one thing (or more) to be grateful for today. Maybe it is that we have a roof over our head or a hospital to bring our loved ones to. Whatever it is I know that finding something to be grateful for is often the first step to finding the strength to keep going. I will keep you and your precious family in my prayers today. We, you and I, can do this today. We are strong women.

    Aloha,
    Kathleen
  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030 Member

    Tina
    Oh Tina,
    I am so sorry that happened with your son last night. Our daughter also had a Grand Mal seizure last night. I felt the same way..... oh Sh*t! She was up vomiting at 3 am and **** was up with nausea. All I can say is one foot in front of the other. Just keep going my friend. You can do this, we can do this. We can find one thing (or more) to be grateful for today. Maybe it is that we have a roof over our head or a hospital to bring our loved ones to. Whatever it is I know that finding something to be grateful for is often the first step to finding the strength to keep going. I will keep you and your precious family in my prayers today. We, you and I, can do this today. We are strong women.

    Aloha,
    Kathleen

    Time for a family meeting,
    Time for a family meeting, and soon! Ask for help. The last thing you need is for you to end up sick! I am in awe for your strength, you do have it in you, but we all need help!
  • Lori-S
    Lori-S Member Posts: 1,277 Member
    Tina
    I'm so sorry to hear of your son's seisure. Hang in there and just do what is right in front of you. Worry about the other stuff when it's that time. That's how I manage to get through tough circumstances. And remember to be grateful for the positives. Sometimes it seems we have to look hard for them, but, there is always something to be grateful for.

    HUGS to you and more HUGS too.
  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731 Member
    I agree with NanaB
    Family meeting and ask for help, its a hard thing to do, and if you would have saw me through my 1st round of chemo I didnt ask for help, I was stubborn, but the second round I couldnt do it anymore, nor could my partner (caregiver) I had to ask for help and believe me I am very prideful, so it was hard, but it got easier. Just have a list of things that you need help with, that way you are prepared when they say what can we do, the more prepared the better chance of you getting them committed to help.

    Keeping you in my prayers..

    HUGS
    Beth
  • pscott1
    pscott1 Member Posts: 207 Member
    Tina...first of all, I'm so
    Tina...first of all, I'm so sorry you're going thru this with both your son and husband. I too have been the caregiver and the only thing that saved my sanity and kept me going at times was believe it or not, stepping away for even 20 or 30 minutes to do something what I considered to be my "normal" routine. Run and get a coffee at my favorite place (Starbucks) and sit in a compfy chair to drink it by myself, call or visit a friend and draw strength from them, read a devotional type book, or just sit quietly somewhere. I too, if I were close to you physically, would help however I possibly could. You'd be surprised how much friends and neighbors are willing to help if you just reach out to them. Yesterday on Dress in Blue Day, my entire group of co-workers from 2 locations dressed in blue, had blue ribbons made with my name embroidered on them (and wore them), and took up a collection for me to help me with medical bills. People truly want to help, sometimes they're at a loss as to how to help. I would say reach out to someone you confide in and give them a shot at lending you a hand. I will be praying for you to have strength and peace. Take care.

    Pam