My wife was just diagnosed with cancer. What do I do? (I posted this a few minutes ago before seeing

Kimmy_FL
Kimmy_FL Member Posts: 15
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
My wife Kim (Kimmy) has had blood in her bathroom visits for awhile and major cramping and diarrhea for awhile. First verbal diagnosis was stomach infection possibly before doing a throat and anal test. Sorry if at this point I am not up to par with medical terms. I dropped her off and upon returning with my 7 year old son and expecting a prescription we were greeted with our best friend crying and awaiting a return from the doctor to discuss what's going on and how we can cope. Her doctor seems great. She showed me photos of the results which showed a tumor. She said without a doubt it was cancerous. Takes two days to get the official results though. Mention of polyps in the stomach, which she said were not a concern at this time were also mentioned. She said we (my wife) was lucky to have discovered this at the right time. She mentioned treatment is a ""scopy procedure without surgery and probably chemo. She and her assistant gave her a hug and said once our primary care doctor has been contacted that we will schedule a full scan and go from there.

I am heart broken, scared, confused and for the first time in the forty years of my life and about one month away from my 20th anniversary with my wife just plain worried.

I appreciate any and all replies and suggestions.

Ron

Comments

  • mp327
    mp327 Member Posts: 4,440 Member
    #2
    Hi Ron
    I'm sorry to hear about Kim. The first thing that needs to happen if it hasn't been done already is for your wife to have a biopsy to confirm that it is cancer and what type of cancer cells. Were the photos of her tumor that you mentioned done during a colonoscopy? If so, did they take some tissue samples for biopsy? Is her tumor in her rectum or anal canal? It's location will have bearing on the type of treatment she receives. I was treated for anal cancer 28 months ago with 2 rounds of chemo and 30 radiation treatments. I'm not sure about your statement that treatment would be a scope procedure and chemo. I'm not all that familiar with treatment for rectal cancer, but anal cancer protocol is typically the same as what I had. So, first the type of cancer must be identified along with it's location (rectum or anal canal). Then a scan is usually done (CT or PET) to determine staging (size of tumor and if it is localized or if there are lymph nodes or other organs involved). Once that information is all in, then a treatment plan will be set in place.

    I will tell you that anal cancer has a very high success rate for treatment when caught at an early stage. Her symptoms sound somewhat familiar to some of mine prior to diagnosis. It sounds like she has a good doctor, but be sure to ask him/her how many cases of anal or rectal cancer, whichever it turns out to be, that he/she has treated. Anal cancer is quite rare, with just over 5,000 cases estimated in 2010 (the final tally will not be in for some time). If it's anal cancer, you need to find a doctor for her who is familiar with it, or at the very least, will consult with a doctor who is.

    Please let us know what progresses. I know this is a scary time, but you will have friends here who know first hand what this treatment is like, so let us know how we can help you both get through this. I wish Kim the very best.
  • Kimmy_FL
    Kimmy_FL Member Posts: 15
    #3
    mp327 said:

    Hi Ron
    I'm sorry to hear about Kim. The first thing that needs to happen if it hasn't been done already is for your wife to have a biopsy to confirm that it is cancer and what type of cancer cells. Were the photos of her tumor that you mentioned done during a colonoscopy? If so, did they take some tissue samples for biopsy? Is her tumor in her rectum or anal canal? It's location will have bearing on the type of treatment she receives. I was treated for anal cancer 28 months ago with 2 rounds of chemo and 30 radiation treatments. I'm not sure about your statement that treatment would be a scope procedure and chemo. I'm not all that familiar with treatment for rectal cancer, but anal cancer protocol is typically the same as what I had. So, first the type of cancer must be identified along with it's location (rectum or anal canal). Then a scan is usually done (CT or PET) to determine staging (size of tumor and if it is localized or if there are lymph nodes or other organs involved). Once that information is all in, then a treatment plan will be set in place.

    I will tell you that anal cancer has a very high success rate for treatment when caught at an early stage. Her symptoms sound somewhat familiar to some of mine prior to diagnosis. It sounds like she has a good doctor, but be sure to ask him/her how many cases of anal or rectal cancer, whichever it turns out to be, that he/she has treated. Anal cancer is quite rare, with just over 5,000 cases estimated in 2010 (the final tally will not be in for some time). If it's anal cancer, you need to find a doctor for her who is familiar with it, or at the very least, will consult with a doctor who is.

    Please let us know what progresses. I know this is a scary time, but you will have friends here who know first hand what this treatment is like, so let us know how we can help you both get through this. I wish Kim the very best.

    Thank you so much for your

    Thank you so much for your reply!! First off, I am glad to hear of your success and wish you and your family all the best!

    I am just in such a tail spin that I don't know what's going on. I can't honestly say whether it rectal or anal. This was just such a shock and I only saw the pictures and a wall diagram of the human body when she pointed at it.

    I think since we were not expecting this at all that we both were kinda like ok and just soaking it all in. I just put my son to bed, my wife was exhausted and she also went to bed and I am on the internet overwhelmed by what the reality of this is and what lies ahead.

    Again I apologize for the lack of information. At this point i just feel like i ran into a brick wall and need to get back up to support her and my son.

    Thanks to you and all that can reply and assist. I wish you, your families and all involved the best!!!

    Ron
  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
    #4
    Ron
    Don't worry if they DON'T get a biopsy, in my case a biopsy wasn't done right away, they knew from the CEA count and from the CT scan what it was in the emergency room.
    They gave me an APPOINTMENT with an Oncologist the very next Monday,they also got me an appointment with a primary care doc as well, as I hadn't had one, the next Monday as well. (My cancer was discovered on a Friday, very long weekend).
    I had my first colonoscopy (the scopy thingie) done in October 9 months after my diagnosis, in preparation for surgery.
    The first thing you need to do is of course see an Oncologist, this is your cancer doctor, find one you have faith in and are comfortable with, this is most important, your wife's life is in this person's hands.
    So take long deep breathes, settle down (I know easy for me to say a year later after my cancer diagnosis)enjoy each other's company this weekend, before officially having cancer, then on Monday the planning to kill off the cancer comes.
    It isn't an easy world, this cancer world, but you can live through it, love through it, laugh through it and be there for each other through it.
    Much caring sent both your ways,
    Winter Marie
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #5
    Hi
    Hi, Ron.

    I'm so sorry about Kimmy's diagnosis. You sound like you're in a lot of shock right now, which is to be expected. We all remember the day that we or a loved one got that unwanted news. Since you are in such a state right now, it might be good to take a notepad or notebook with you to doctor visits, so you can write down all pertinent data. That will help you remember what has been said. I know when I came home from my first oncology visit, I just sat down and immediately became hysterical. That's when it really hit me that I had cancer.

    Praying for a great prognosis.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    #6
    Hi Ron
    Your feeling overwhelmed and that is natural. It is hard to take everything in all at once when you/loved one get this diagnosis.

    I suggest that you take some notes from here and put together questions for Kimmy's doctor who gave you the diagnosis, explaining that neither of you were able to fully understand before due to the shock. Then take that list and if the doc has email, send it that way. If has a fax, send it that way. Don't relegate it to a phone call. If the other two ways aren't an option, make another appointment for information only.

    You didn't mention the 'type' of doctor who gave you the news...was it a gastro? Not sure what kinda test gave picture of the tumor unless it was a CT scan.

    If we can help in any way to interpret any info don't hesitate to ask.

    Now most of all...take a deep breath...there are lots of folks here with lots of first hand knowledge and lots of support that they gladly share...you are not alone in this journey.

    Hugs,

    Marie who loves kitties
  • Kimmy_FL
    Kimmy_FL Member Posts: 15
    #7
    herdizziness said:

    Ron
    Don't worry if they DON'T get a biopsy, in my case a biopsy wasn't done right away, they knew from the CEA count and from the CT scan what it was in the emergency room.
    They gave me an APPOINTMENT with an Oncologist the very next Monday,they also got me an appointment with a primary care doc as well, as I hadn't had one, the next Monday as well. (My cancer was discovered on a Friday, very long weekend).
    I had my first colonoscopy (the scopy thingie) done in October 9 months after my diagnosis, in preparation for surgery.
    The first thing you need to do is of course see an Oncologist, this is your cancer doctor, find one you have faith in and are comfortable with, this is most important, your wife's life is in this person's hands.
    So take long deep breathes, settle down (I know easy for me to say a year later after my cancer diagnosis)enjoy each other's company this weekend, before officially having cancer, then on Monday the planning to kill off the cancer comes.
    It isn't an easy world, this cancer world, but you can live through it, love through it, laugh through it and be there for each other through it.
    Much caring sent both your ways,
    Winter Marie

    Thank you so much. I hope we
    Thank you so much. I hope we too can live through it, love through it and be there for each other after we are through it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I am just trying to ease her mind at this point and get through the weekend without answers.

    I am sorry to to all here on this website when I say "I can't believe this is happening to us".

    We went through a very unexpected dose of this with her mom years ago. Totally different type but ended in her passing.

    Kimmy has always been the on the white line of doing what is right, fun filled yet not pushing the envelope. I just don't get it.

    It breaks my heart to see her like this and my son by her side.


    Thank you to all and I am so glad and inspired by each of your replies. Please don't get annoyed by my questions or lack of terminology. I am just dealing with this one second at a time.

    Ron
  • Kimmy_FL
    Kimmy_FL Member Posts: 15
    #8
    tootsie1 said:

    Hi
    Hi, Ron.

    I'm so sorry about Kimmy's diagnosis. You sound like you're in a lot of shock right now, which is to be expected. We all remember the day that we or a loved one got that unwanted news. Since you are in such a state right now, it might be good to take a notepad or notebook with you to doctor visits, so you can write down all pertinent data. That will help you remember what has been said. I know when I came home from my first oncology visit, I just sat down and immediately became hysterical. That's when it really hit me that I had cancer.

    Praying for a great prognosis.

    *hugs*
    Gail

    Thank you Gail. I will

    Thank you Gail. I will definitely follow your advice. I just replied a second ago to another reply to my post. I hope you can read it. It was intended for all that responded to my original post when I signed up.

    I can't even see my screen at certain points because I am just tearing like a baby. I am 40 years old, just celebrated Kimmy's 40th birthday and was planning our "20th year together party" and now this.

    Your right I am in shock and look forward to all the help and support I can get so i can pass it along to her.

    Thank you and I pray you have a good prognosis Gail!!!
    Ron
  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
    #9
    Kimmy_FL said:

    Thank you so much. I hope we
    Thank you so much. I hope we too can live through it, love through it and be there for each other after we are through it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I am just trying to ease her mind at this point and get through the weekend without answers.

    I am sorry to to all here on this website when I say "I can't believe this is happening to us".

    We went through a very unexpected dose of this with her mom years ago. Totally different type but ended in her passing.

    Kimmy has always been the on the white line of doing what is right, fun filled yet not pushing the envelope. I just don't get it.

    It breaks my heart to see her like this and my son by her side.


    Thank you to all and I am so glad and inspired by each of your replies. Please don't get annoyed by my questions or lack of terminology. I am just dealing with this one second at a time.

    Ron

    Ron
    Oh my gosh, you are so allowed to say "I can't believe this is happening to us", we've all said it, many times.
    Winter Marie
  • Kimmy_FL
    Kimmy_FL Member Posts: 15
    #10
    Lovekitties said:

    Hi Ron
    Your feeling overwhelmed and that is natural. It is hard to take everything in all at once when you/loved one get this diagnosis.

    I suggest that you take some notes from here and put together questions for Kimmy's doctor who gave you the diagnosis, explaining that neither of you were able to fully understand before due to the shock. Then take that list and if the doc has email, send it that way. If has a fax, send it that way. Don't relegate it to a phone call. If the other two ways aren't an option, make another appointment for information only.

    You didn't mention the 'type' of doctor who gave you the news...was it a gastro? Not sure what kinda test gave picture of the tumor unless it was a CT scan.

    If we can help in any way to interpret any info don't hesitate to ask.

    Now most of all...take a deep breath...there are lots of folks here with lots of first hand knowledge and lots of support that they gladly share...you are not alone in this journey.

    Hugs,

    Marie who loves kitties

    Thank you Marie. Yes it was

    Thank you Marie. Yes it was a gastro as you mentioned. She had a test with a camera down her throat and one in her "butt". It showed a yellowish black looking cyst type of growth. They are scheduling a CT scan with our primary doctor and trying to find a specialiast in out local area.

    I truely appreciate all of your help and offerings to to interpet the medical things thrown at me. I am a computer guy and this is ALL new to me.

    I just want to do anything and everything I can for my wife.

    Going to take a deep breath as you suggested and get more tissues :)

    I only wish I was on here to support and assist you and the others like I have gotten so far.

    Have a good evening
    Ron
  • Kimmy_FL
    Kimmy_FL Member Posts: 15
    #11
    herdizziness said:

    Ron
    Oh my gosh, you are so allowed to say "I can't believe this is happening to us", we've all said it, many times.
    Winter Marie

    Thank you! I just keep

    Thank you! I just keep looking over at a picture of my wife son and I, and all I hear are those words in my head.

    I am sorry to seem so pathetic when there are so many others that are suffering. I am just searching for a way to get my wife and best friend back to where we were a day ago before finding all of this out. Sounds mean to say but only yesterday we joking about her stomach and the bathroom time. We both laughed. At this point that is the last laugh I remember.
  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
    #12
    Kimmy_FL said:

    Thank you! I just keep

    Thank you! I just keep looking over at a picture of my wife son and I, and all I hear are those words in my head.

    I am sorry to seem so pathetic when there are so many others that are suffering. I am just searching for a way to get my wife and best friend back to where we were a day ago before finding all of this out. Sounds mean to say but only yesterday we joking about her stomach and the bathroom time. We both laughed. At this point that is the last laugh I remember.

    Pathetic?
    Honestly, don't worry about such words. The times I spent sobbing my heart out, telling God, No, over and over again, that this could not be real. The times I spent crying myself sick while looking in the mirror, holding my hair, inconsolable at the thought of the loss of it (didn't loose it by the way), wrenching at my chest, sure I would die of heartache at the thought of losing my children, my husband through my death.
    You and your wife will suffer through so much, because this thing "cancer" does so much mentally to you.
    I went through so many emotions, now I can be calm, but believe me, ask anyone on this board, I was so damn "pathetic" as you put it.
    But eventually I came to realize, it's what you make it, and I'm just busy making my life as enjoyable a day at a time to me.
    So while you go through these emotions, don't apologize, sob your heart out, we've all been there, some are still there, but we'll be here for you, because so many others had been here for us.
    You WILL laugh again.
    Winter Marie
  • Kimmy_FL
    Kimmy_FL Member Posts: 15
    #13
    herdizziness said:

    Pathetic?
    Honestly, don't worry about such words. The times I spent sobbing my heart out, telling God, No, over and over again, that this could not be real. The times I spent crying myself sick while looking in the mirror, holding my hair, inconsolable at the thought of the loss of it (didn't loose it by the way), wrenching at my chest, sure I would die of heartache at the thought of losing my children, my husband through my death.
    You and your wife will suffer through so much, because this thing "cancer" does so much mentally to you.
    I went through so many emotions, now I can be calm, but believe me, ask anyone on this board, I was so damn "pathetic" as you put it.
    But eventually I came to realize, it's what you make it, and I'm just busy making my life as enjoyable a day at a time to me.
    So while you go through these emotions, don't apologize, sob your heart out, we've all been there, some are still there, but we'll be here for you, because so many others had been here for us.
    You WILL laugh again.
    Winter Marie

    Thank you, thank you AND

    Thank you, thank you AND thank you!!!!!!!!!!!! I intend to make each and every day as it was when we first met. I won't let the light in her eyes that has shown me the way for so many years dim.

    I am just an ordinary guy who loves his wife and son so much that I have taken it for granted to know what it is to wake up to them and say good night to them and expect the same the next day only to have it all pulled out from beneath our feet.

    I am sitting here tonight anxious after reading replies to posts and especially replies to mine tonight to wake up tomorrow morning and help her to enjoy each and every second we can.
  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
    #14
    Kimmy_FL said:

    Thank you, thank you AND

    Thank you, thank you AND thank you!!!!!!!!!!!! I intend to make each and every day as it was when we first met. I won't let the light in her eyes that has shown me the way for so many years dim.

    I am just an ordinary guy who loves his wife and son so much that I have taken it for granted to know what it is to wake up to them and say good night to them and expect the same the next day only to have it all pulled out from beneath our feet.

    I am sitting here tonight anxious after reading replies to posts and especially replies to mine tonight to wake up tomorrow morning and help her to enjoy each and every second we can.

    Oh and Ron
    BTW I'm stage IV colon cancer, and I don't figure on dying for quite a few years yet, their coming up with some great and new stuff nowadays. And so far it's been working fantastic for me. Sometimes you just have to tell yourself it'll be okay. And I plan on saying that for years.
    Winter Marie
  • Kimmy_FL
    Kimmy_FL Member Posts: 15
    #15
    herdizziness said:

    Oh and Ron
    BTW I'm stage IV colon cancer, and I don't figure on dying for quite a few years yet, their coming up with some great and new stuff nowadays. And so far it's been working fantastic for me. Sometimes you just have to tell yourself it'll be okay. And I plan on saying that for years.
    Winter Marie

    I was just about to say "you

    I was just about to say "you don't know how good your reply sounds" and wanted to kick myself in the butt because i know you do. Thank you for the positive feedback and I can only hope that you and everyone else has the drive and desire to keep going. My wife is a trooper. My son and I aren't ready to let her give in whether she wants to or not :) (that's a joke because she is the motivating one in our family). We always play possum ans let her do her thing. :) Thank you again, all the best to you and your family.

    Ron
  • lizdeli
    lizdeli Member Posts: 569 Member
    #16
    Kimmy_FL said:

    Thank you Marie. Yes it was

    Thank you Marie. Yes it was a gastro as you mentioned. She had a test with a camera down her throat and one in her "butt". It showed a yellowish black looking cyst type of growth. They are scheduling a CT scan with our primary doctor and trying to find a specialiast in out local area.

    I truely appreciate all of your help and offerings to to interpet the medical things thrown at me. I am a computer guy and this is ALL new to me.

    I just want to do anything and everything I can for my wife.

    Going to take a deep breath as you suggested and get more tissues :)

    I only wish I was on here to support and assist you and the others like I have gotten so far.

    Have a good evening
    Ron

    Ron
    The emotions you are expriencing are not unusual and everyone on these forums had exprienced them, so you are not alone in your emotional tailspin right now. There are many that understand. Sounds like there is still a lot of information to find about your wife's diagonsis - the first thing of which is to deternmine if it's even cancer. Based on the info you provided it sounds like they are testing for rectal or anal cancer. As another memember mentioned, anal is rare and the treatment between the two is very different. So try to find a way to jot down your questions and answers when meeting with the doctors. I turned into a total wreck the day I found out I had cancer. All I did was cry and talk about what my husband should do when I die. The shock is overwhleming. But then we go into fight mode. One day at a time. So glad you reached out to this forum. People will be here for you and your wife.

    God bless and grant you strength.
    Liz
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #17
    And now a message from the 'old guard'....lol
    Ron, welcome to the family no one wants to join...but we're glad it's here!!!

    6 years ago, I was told I had 6 MONTHS to live (rectal cancer)! Not only did I ignore this (I was, in my opinion, part of the 37% survivors), but at the 'magic' 6 months, I started testing and treatment for my second cancer, breast cancer. I am now cancer free.

    A caregiver's part is the hardest, I think. We, as warriors, are very busy listening to whatever the doctors say, and get MAJOR support. Caregivers get the 'whole story' (my beau was told that if he went to his mom's side after his dad died, he 'may come home to another funeral'...sigh...I told him my oncologist was NUTS!).

    My first piece of advice is to know that you WILL be overwhelmed! Start a notebook. Write things down both before (questions to ask), during, and after a doctor visit. Know your 'enemy' (cancer), but don't get overwhelmed by the bad stories that are rampant on the internet...EVERYONE is different.

    Dutch hugs (I live in Holland), Kathi
  • Kimmy_FL
    Kimmy_FL Member Posts: 15
    #18
    KathiM said:

    And now a message from the 'old guard'....lol
    Ron, welcome to the family no one wants to join...but we're glad it's here!!!

    6 years ago, I was told I had 6 MONTHS to live (rectal cancer)! Not only did I ignore this (I was, in my opinion, part of the 37% survivors), but at the 'magic' 6 months, I started testing and treatment for my second cancer, breast cancer. I am now cancer free.

    A caregiver's part is the hardest, I think. We, as warriors, are very busy listening to whatever the doctors say, and get MAJOR support. Caregivers get the 'whole story' (my beau was told that if he went to his mom's side after his dad died, he 'may come home to another funeral'...sigh...I told him my oncologist was NUTS!).

    My first piece of advice is to know that you WILL be overwhelmed! Start a notebook. Write things down both before (questions to ask), during, and after a doctor visit. Know your 'enemy' (cancer), but don't get overwhelmed by the bad stories that are rampant on the internet...EVERYONE is different.

    Dutch hugs (I live in Holland), Kathi

    Thank you! I am so pleased

    Thank you! I am so pleased to hear of your success. With all of the help from you and th others on this site I feel a vit of relief. First day has passed and I got to wake up next to my wife so I am taking it minute by minute. Minday will be our "official" first day once we get all the results and doctor talks. So expect quite a few more posts.

    Thanks again to you and everyone here!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I only wish somehow I could help each of you like you have me so far.

    Ron
  • LivinginNH
    LivinginNH Member Posts: 1,456 Member
    #19
    Hi Ron,
    I just wanted you to

    Hi Ron,

    I just wanted you to know that you've found the right place for support and answers. I'm also a caregiver and have experienced the entire range of emotions that you are now feeling. I don't think that I could have made it through many days if it were not for the love and caring of the people out here. Not to mention that their experience is worth its weight in gold! If you find that you need to talk, from one caregiver to another, please feel free to send me a note via the "CSN Email" - look to the left of the screen in the pink block. To send a note to anyone on the board, simply put in their CSN name, mine is "LivinginNH", for example. Now, take a deep breath, it's going to be a long journey, but you can do it. Hugs, Cynthia
  • JoyceSteele
    JoyceSteele Member Posts: 145
    #20
    think
    Hi Ron, have read all the posts from you and our family here on the board. You have come to the right place, for sure. It's going to take a little while for things to sink in, so don't worry about the way you are feeling now, or any time. Things will get better and some days I actually forget I have Stage IV cancer. I always have been in awe of my oldest daughter who has been my primary caregiver for 14 mos now. As time has gone by, I have learned how devastated she was when we got the diagnosis. She has cheered me on, cheered me up and been with me almost every day for over a year. Our relationship which was wonderful got even closer and we share a very special bond now. You and Kimmy will most likely find out the same thing happens, it's part of the "good" that comes from having stinking cancer! And there will be good and you will smile again. So will she. Take one day at a time, keep in close touch with people that build you up and are a comfort. I wish you the very best there can be on Monday. You both will be in my prayers starting tonight. Take care, Joyce
  • thxmiker
    thxmiker Member Posts: 1,278 Member
    #21
    Oncologist
    First, Sorry to hear about Kimmy's diagnosis.

    Find out what type of cancer she has. Find out the exact location. With this information one can read and find different treatments and their success.

    One wants to be as involved with their doctor has possible. We ask our Oncologist questions about different treatment options. I am in my second time with cancer and 8 of 12 Chemo treatments. We have learned a lot! Everyone reacts a little different to the Chemo and the surgery. If we had not read as much I would be in worse shape. I had a complication from surgery and with all of our reading suggested to the doc that I had a bacterial infection. It is from information from this site and others that I had enough information to help myself.

    Best Always! mike

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