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Separation Anxiety

DrMary's picture
Posts: 522
Joined: Nov 2010

I put this off for a few days, as I felt so many others had much more important issues:

Doug went back to work full-time last week and I went back a bit before that. That went OK, but then he needed to travel for the job. The doctor OK'd it as long as the flights were not long (he had blood clots from the chemo and is still on Lovenox). Packing was a nightmare - who knew that all of his supplements, etc. could weigh more than 30 lbs?

I was a wreck the first day - I didn't hear from him after the first leg of his trip. Finally, I he posted something on the H&N discussion list. Phew.

I am trying hard not to fret - I'm sure he'll keep up on his meds and will make his supplements drinks, etc. He'll be fine. Really.

This is worse than sending my oldest off to college. I almost took the week off and went with him, except that we start final exams on Friday. Even if I didn't care about my own students, I know my middle daughter will be stressed enough without having to run the house in our absence. Besides, I have no more time off and a plane ticket costs.

I have to let go sometime. It's just such a shock, after so much time where we literally were not more than yards away from each other for weeks on end.

I know - this is not such a bad problem to have; I should be glad he felt good enough to go. I'd still rather have him home. Now.

Pennymac02's picture
Posts: 336
Joined: Aug 2010

Please keep posting about the travails of continued recovery from cancer. I hope to have some myself someday and you sharing your experiance is like forging into new, positive territory!

Posts: 1154
Joined: Jun 2010

My mom passed out. My sister and I freak out when we can npot get in touch with my mom. I think the anxiety is natural and it will go away when it is time to go away.

Posts: 1853
Joined: Aug 2010

It's just so hard.

Prayers for peace for you and that you feel joy he is well enough to travel.


Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2010

Please, this kind of post is so good to read especially when things are going so bad (like they are for my husband Mike right now). I don't mean about your anxiety, which I can certainly understand after the battle you two have been through. But the fact that Doug has come this far as a survivor is an inspiration that allows us to feel joy. It's like you guys gave cancer the one two punch for the rest of us.

mswijiknyc's picture
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

You want to climb in the bag and go with him to make sure nothing happens, he takes his meds, nothing happens. I'm like that too. Even when Pat wasn't as bad as he is now I was like that.

I think that is a very "normal" response :)

Keep posting! It's good to hear of someone who's moving forward in a good way. Let's me know that not everyone shares the hand that Pat was dealt.

Take a deep breath, count to 10, have some tea, and text him again. He's gotta check his messages sometime :)

DrMary's picture
Posts: 522
Joined: Nov 2010

I like the card analogy - you have no control about the hand you are dealt, but you do get to decide how you play it. You and Pat have certainly been making the most of what you were dealt (my hats off to anyone who is still doing "happy meals" after what you've been through).

Doug knew that the trip would be a challenge, but he said he needed a goal to work towards. He did just write - they are working long days and he is tired, but he does sound fairly happy. He was probably at least as anxious about this as I was. He also gets a break from the daily grind - it is amazing how the little things can wear you down.

I am starting to enjoy not having to fret about whether he got his 5:00 pills. I really don't miss giving him his Lovanox shots. That stuff is out of my hands right now. Back to worrying about the teenagers (I have 4 in the house right now).

skipper85's picture
Posts: 231
Joined: Sep 2010

So happy that Doug is able to go back to work and travel. This is an inspiration to everyone. However you may need to find another support group to deal with 4 teenagers in the house LOL

Doug sounds like a real survivor (and so do you). Kudos and hugs to both of you.


DrMary's picture
Posts: 522
Joined: Nov 2010

2 of the teenagers are really my 21-year-old daughter and her 22-year-old boyfriend, on winter break. I include them as teenagers with my 17-year-old daughter and 13-year-old son because they mostly sleep, eat, complain and sometimes work.

Around the 4 of them, I really feel like grandma. I'm also getting cranky like grandma. . . I'm about to start leaving post-it notes along the lines of: "anyone who is NOT working full time or NOT recovering from cancer might just want to take out the trash. . . "

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1566
Joined: Nov 2009

Hello DrMary
Thank you for your posts. I do enjoy reading them, and get to laugh and smile as well! You and Doug are truly an inspiration for all. Cancer patients and caregivers alike. I love the post it notes for the "kids." Keep up your good work and keep posting, we look forward to seeing you!
Tina in Va

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