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Feeling unsure unprepared and uncomfortable

sleepy524's picture
Posts: 20
Joined: Oct 2010

So PET scan showed his tumors are barely visible. Still have treatments till March. So many questions in my head that I am afraid to ask the doctors. His CEA numbers spiked to a 66 after we started rads and now down to a 49. This all sounds like good news. Dr keeps telling us we will get there and have a few years of remission but should expect reoccurrences. I am afraid right now and normally feel stronger then this. Not focusing on losing him just terrified to feel optimistic. Scared to think could this really mean we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I read on here that PET scans later reveal tumors popping up elsewhere. I don't understand all this cancer stuff sometimes. With all the tests looking positive does it mean he could still have growth even as we are on chemo? I hate feeling unprepared uneducated. Today feels like an angry day. I want to scream in cancer's face stop taking away my comfort, my plans for our future, stop controlling my thoughts, stop causing my sleepless nights and leave my man alone!

Posts: 1846
Joined: Aug 2010

Let it out. You are still in for a long, bumpy ride. Light at the end of tunnel? Yes.

Try to remember none of us knows how long our own personal light will be on but we embrace life and run with it, nevertheless.

Cancer is just ugly and we have to fight every day to not make it what our life is about.


Carrie King's picture
Carrie King
Posts: 48
Joined: Sep 2010

Wow -- you seem to have read my mind !!

want to scream in cancer's face stop taking away my comfort, my plans for our future, stop controlling my thoughts, stop causing my sleepless nights and leave my man alone!

I have the angry feeling today too.

We go for "our" next MRI on Jan 17 with results Jan 19th. I keep staring at his head thinking is there anything growing in there.

I feel like we have a ticking time bomb with us. How after ALL THESE YEARS, can I find someone so wonderful only to know most likely our time is limited.

I hate hearing the sappy Christmas music in stores. Hearing people complain about meaningless stuff while I know it can be taken from our family at any time.

Luckily my husband is SO SO POSITIVE. I try to keep these feeling of mine hidden. Everyone at work, church and friends thinks I am so positive while inside I am about to snap.

Pennymac02's picture
Posts: 336
Joined: Aug 2010

Ditto, Carrie. Especially the sappy Christmas music and the meaningless complaints.e

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1566
Joined: Nov 2009

Hey Sleepy
The good news is that the pet scan showed that the tumors are barely visible. That is what you have to be happy about. That is a reason to celebrate. Live in the present. Try your best not to look too far ahead into the future. Live for today and have a happy holiday season. You both keep your positive minds, and your wonderful senses of humor, they will help you succeed! Keep in touch.
Tina in Va

Posts: 68
Joined: Dec 2010

One day at a time is what my mom keeps telling me, and I often find myself telling her. Her cancer was "gone" said the dr....... but instead it came back with a vengence attacking her bones. This has been very, very hard. Im thankful that God is letting me have another Cmas with her and Im thankful that her pain killer is mostly working. I am sick to my stomach that my mom is probably not going to live long enough to go on our trip to Alaska in the summer of 2012 where we planned to go with a bunch of rv people in a caravan. I am sick about losing her and not planting gardens with her and a bunch of stuff we planned to do. But I am thankful that I will have her tomorrow and I had her today :)

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