My Dad Was Admitted to Hospice Yesterday

lindadanis said:

So sorry to hear what you are going through
Deb, although we haven't spoken in a while, I was reading your post and just had to write.
Yes, I do understand what you are going through, not only as a daughter, but myself, as a wife.

I went through the same ordeal with Eddie, as you know, he had brain mets and he changed too.
We don't know how long he had the brain mets because he refused a scan all along but one day in June he couldn't walk and the er did a scan and there it was, a big mass sitting in the back of his head. The doctors told me it was probably there for a long time because of the size of it. That day changed our lives forever too, he was never the same man. He would undress himself, get angry, not know who we were, yelling and thrashing all over the bed until we put him in the hospital, he died there three days later, still doing the same behavior. None of the med's that hospice put him on helped him, they didn't even tough the behavior. He died in the same manner. I prayed and prayed the last week of his life that God would take him out of his misery, out of all of our misery., and he did on September 15th. I was so sad when Ed died but Deb, there was also relief that the man I was married to was now at peace, my mother died nine days later after Ed and I feel that they are both together, laughing and being able to be at peace with themselves. I know how Diana felt, as a daughter, to watch her dad become this man that we barely recognized. it was hurtful, painful to watch my daughter see this right before her eyes. I would go to bed crying that maybe tomorrow would be different, that the med's would help and the next day would be the same or worse. I am praying that God answers your prayers and that you can begin your journey down the road like us. it has not been an easy road Deb, I miss Ed and my Mom every single day, I cry for them still but deep in my heart, I know that both of them are at peace now with God and that they are looking down on us, smiling that their terrible quest is over for them.
The holidays are tough, I am not going to lie about that, Diana's birthday is next week, she will be turning 23 and then we have Christmas the following week. I did put up a christmas tree, with alot of my ornaments that Ed and I bought together over the years as well as ornaments of my mom's. I have my days of sadness but also each day is a little better as well. No one wants to watch someone we love suffer, it is just so unfair. This horrible cancer is like fire, that's the word that comes to my mind so often. It came into our lives like a storm and left the same. I am attending grief counseling, we are both doing well, I smile sometimes now when I think back to the past of things that Ed and I did as a family.
I don't know what else to tell you but just wanted you to know that I read your post and wanted to say " I'm sorry" for what you and your family are going through. Yes, I know too well what it is like. Please keep all of us updated.

Also, Mr. Marshall, I will be getting back to you soon. Thank you so much for your letter.

Sincerely,

Linda