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1/2 Way of Protocol Nearly Completed - Here's Where I'm At - Sundance Update

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Well, I’m just about at the end of my rope now, I’m swinging by a thread here. This radiation has beaten me and has me on the ropes – combined with the 5fu pump, I’ve begun to really take a whippin’.

I’m breathing very hard right now, gasping for breath sometimes…and there is pain in the front and back of my lung (pleurisy). Also a tightness and spasming in the back of my lung as well. Not to mention, the fatigue, which has gotten much worse in Week #5 and now Week #6. Nice little burns on the front of back of my body where the radiation beams are reaching. I'm using an emollient called "PRU Tect" which is a generic cream used to soothe the radiation burns.

I’ve done 27 of 30 treatments of what is called IMRT. Here is a quick explanation of what that is:

“IMRT is short for Intensity Modulated Radiation Therapy. The intensity of the radiation in IMRT can be changed during treatment to spare more adjoining normal tissue than is spared during conventional radiation therapy. Because of this an increased dose of radiation can be delivered to the tumor using IMRT. Intensity modulated radiation therapy is a type of conformal radiation, which shapes radiation beams to closely approximate the shape of the tumor.”

So, basically, they “customize” a program for you in which they can “contour” the wave shape of the radiation to match that of the tumor. Think in terms of a “crescent moon” or a “dip in the road.” The radiation would wave shape and go down in the dips to attack that area of the tumor and not just pass over it.

I met with my rad onc today and he said for the first 4-weeks, I was doing well and going strong, but the start of the 5th week, they could see changes.

I’m reminded of a story a few weeks ago in the waiting room. A lady started talking to us and I told her some of my story before they called me back. Kim talked to her during treatment and when I came out, she said the lady called me a “CLYDESDALE.” And also remarked, “That it must take something pretty big to knock a guy like this down.”

I don’t feel like that today….I feel beaten and battered and will have to dig deeply to finish these last 3 treatments. I’ve also been carrying the 5fu pump 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for the entire treatment – the theory is that the “5fu by pump” combined with the radiation gives it a good 1-2 punch and complements the treatment.

The theory behind the 30-treatments is to catch the cancer cells in various stages of it’s life cycle, so that we get a better chance at knocking down as many cancer cells during various stages of their cell growth as we can.

Ok, I can buy off on that, but what a price to pay. The linear accelerator rotates 360 degrees and the table you lie on, can be rotated 180 degrees, so they can get to you from many positions. Currently, they are radiating me in 7 different directions.

You know, the thing I’ve got against radiation is it takes you down, down, and down to the ground. Even when you are feeling your lowest, you still have to merrily get your a$$ up on the treatment table and suck it up. You feel so badly already, like the “living dead” and yet you know you are only going to get worse, before things begin to get better. It’s a cruel, medieval treatment, even with all the advances we’ve made. To destroy the good and hoping to get the bad. “Thank you, sir, can I have another?”

I’ve literally felt the life ebbing out of me each day. There’s not much to do but take it and then get home and go to bed and rest. The waking hours are so painful, that I find my mind wishing for “unconsciousness” or even death sometimes.

Trying to pass 24 hours at this point, is so hard to do with how badly I’ve been feeling. I know I’ve got several weeks after rads are over to begin to feel human again – and there will be many more months of recovery as my lung is a complete mess right now with all of the scar tissue from the DaVinci surgery and the subsequent open thoracotomy and all of this inflammation from the rads treatments.

I’ve found that as the years march on, I find it is getting much harder to do all of these treatments and surgeries – they just keep ringin’ you up – you take as much as they’ll give you, and then some.

Sometimes, I think the radiation is the hardest treatment, because it does not give you any kind of break. Once it gets it’s claws and tentacles into you, it is merciless and continues to take you down, until you have nothing left to give.

I've done 3 different kinds of radiation now in my battle:

1. External Beam Radiation
2. Stereotactic Radiation (CyberKnife)
3. IMRT Conformal Radiation

I think that radiation differs with chemo, because at least with chemo, you can get “some good days” on your weeks of your "off cycle." But radiation puts you down - and keeps you down - and doesn’t let up….and that’s the big difference.

I’ve wanted to quit – I’ve wanted to stop – yet there is that part of me that continues to soldier on. I made myself a promise that I would attack this 3rd recurrence with all of the fire and fury that I can muster. I know it’s a critical battle in the fight for my life, so my attitude has been good and I’ve been a good patient and done what is necessary….but if this continues on much longer…well, we’ll talk about that another time.

You know, if Cancer is not careful, it’s gonna’ start to really Pi$$ me off!

Right now, I score this round of the fight as CANCER=1 vs CRAIG=0

I knew I’d lose this round, the odds are all in the House’s favor here. But I have not shrunk down and I’ll continue to swing away and finish up these last few treatments. I finish up on the 30th – and as a bonus, I’m unloading the PUMP a day before on the 29th. So, say goodbye to “tethering.” I’m always reaching for the durn thing, but I’ll be so thankful to be dropping that off for a few days.

I’ll get an 8-day break and then start back in again with Folfiri – 2 rounds scheduled for December, and then 8 more to start the new year. That’s going to put my 3rd Tour of Duty at 10-months of pretty hard battling. I try not to look too far down the road, as it can sometimes look so overwhelming.

I’ve got more things I want to talk about, but there is not enough room on this post – I’ve been pretty quiet and introspective during this time, just fighting my battle and trying to lend support to the community, if I have something to contribute that might help.

Cancer has certainly got the upper hand with me right now, but it’s a long race – and the race is not always won by the swiftest. Right now, he is throwing his big punches and I’m doing like Ali used to, I’m doing the “Rope-A-Dope” and just taking those blows, until he gets tired of swinging – and then I’m going to throw mine.

So, my Thanksgiving Message to My Cancer is…

“When I get back up – I’m Comin’ – and He11’s Comin’ With Me!”

-Craig

Lori-S's picture
Lori-S
Posts: 1287
Joined: Sep 2010

HUGS to you. I'm so sorry that you are feeling down for the count. Thank goodness you are nearly the end of the IMRT. It's got to be a double punch with the rad and the pump. Yuck. I am so proud of you for sticking it out. I can't even imagine. I really should stop complaining bout my chemo. All I can do send you some cyber HUGS and let you know that I am in your corner and thinking of you.

pepebcn's picture
pepebcn
Posts: 6352
Joined: Aug 2010

I'm in panic right now!LOL.
Hugs!

tina dasilva's picture
tina dasilva
Posts: 644
Joined: Sep 2010

all my paryers are with you .thank god you are at the end of the IMRT we are so proud of you . my family are all thinkinng of you at this time. lots of hugs for you Tina

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 3327
Joined: Jan 2010

Dear Craig,

Your ability to keep on keeping on through all this boggles the mind. Your so very strong in your determination. I wish there was some way that we here could pass on some healing and strenght to you to help make these last treatment days easier.

We do miss seeing you here as much as you used to post, but continue to be amazed that you still show up for our party here when you are so beaten up by the treatment.

I hope that your cancer is getting the message loud and clear that you are not one to give up and it may as well be gone.

Hugs to you and Kim

Marie

462lt's picture
462lt
Posts: 118
Joined: Jun 2010

You are superman. I feel so bad for you. I will be praying for you.

pepebcn's picture
pepebcn
Posts: 6352
Joined: Aug 2010

Did doctors say anything about?.
Hugs!

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

It will take several weeks to begin to recover from the fatigue and general bad feeling - after the LAST treatment.

Internal healing of the lung will take many, many months - it's going to be hard to gauge. There is a huge amount of inflammation up there from the treatments.

CT scan in about 3 months to get a new baseline of what the lungs look like, but he told me it will really be hard to determine if the area treated has any remaining cancer cells left.

Just watch and wait....just tryin' to kee it real for you, man. I don't believe in sugar coating things all the time - from time to time, I "bring it."

I know you are going to hurt as I do, none of us are strong enough to resist the rads effects - just goes with the territory. Time will help us recover. Hope for the best for you.

-Craig

C Dixon
Posts: 202
Joined: Jan 2010

Hi Craig,

That last week is really hard and I found the first week off to be the worst. It will be nice for you not to have the pump. I hate the pump. Why didn't they give you Xeloda? I suppose that is a moot point now.

I know you can do it. You are strong. I hope you are really resting for the 23 hours you are not there. I had the same thing you are having. The machine wurrs all around. I only got six shots though, not sure there is much difference. My table didn't move around but I had a mold I had to lay in. Mine was to the liver not lung and I can still feel the inflammation on it. I didn't get any burns though.

3 more.........you will make it........you will feel better.

Fondly,

Catherine

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

I am so sorry your having such a rough time. I remember my radiation days, and till this day I say it was way worse than my two separate rounds of chemo. I can hear the hurt, pain and fear in your words, I truly wish I had some great words of wisdom to say at this point, but I can say is I love you, and I am here if there is anything I can do for you or Kim. Even if you just want to vent or cry, give me a call I believe you have my number, if not I will PM it to you. Yes this beast can hit pretty hard but its not the one that hits the hardest that wins, its the one left standing and I just know it will be you my friend standing when this is all over! Stay strong, know we all love you, and are there for you...God Bless you my friend...

HUGS
Beth

colonblender
Posts: 12
Joined: Nov 2010

hi,my husband had colon cancer recection for stage 1 colon cancer about 15 months ago evry thing went well and we thought we were done with it having just to do follow ups but cea started rising ang a month and half ago they found one lesion in his liver and it took us really down he had liver surgery and started chemo since(1st round doone last week end)he is really down and i have been telling him all about you to give him the strengh( been reading the blog )we need you strong to keep going .

thank you

colonblender
Posts: 12
Joined: Nov 2010

hi,my husband had colon cancer recection for stage 1 colon cancer about 15 months ago evry thing went well and we thought we were done with it having just to do follow ups but cea started rising ang a month and half ago they found one lesion in his liver and it took us really down he had liver surgery and started chemo since(1st round doone last week end)he is really down and i have been telling him all about you to give him the strengh( been reading the blog )we need you strong to keep going .

thank you

AnneCan
Posts: 3692
Joined: Oct 2009

I am so sorry you are feeling so crummy. You will win the WAR. I am so proud of you! You have gone places where no one has gone before, + continue to be a huge inspiration for me + so many others. I am glad you are almost done the radiation. Hang on to that thread; it will get better.

bruins1971's picture
bruins1971
Posts: 227
Joined: Nov 2010

Where to start except to say that I am sorry that your are going through such a tough time. It makes what I am going through seem small. I have stage 4 but I have not had to have any radiation just colon surgery followed by 5 rounds of chemo then liver surgery followed by another 7 rounds of chemo of which I only have 3 left. Then it's the million dollar question... Am I cancer free and if so for how long. I hope and pray it's forever but there is no way of knowing this. Right now I am just enjoying each and every day I am given. I pray that you will see some easier times come your way soon as you have already lived your hell here on Earth. Take care and thank you very much for sharing your story it's so wonderful to see people helping one another on this site.

CanadaSue's picture
CanadaSue
Posts: 340
Joined: Apr 2006

Craig,

So sorry to hear yu are having a rough time, but remember the end is in sight!
I know you can make it! You have such a fighting spirit, and you can beat this!

You have picked everyone of us up at one time or another, now sit back and feel
the energy that everyone is sending your way!

Take care my friend, you and Kim are always in my thoughts!

Hugs,

Sue

Jaylo969
Posts: 827
Joined: Jan 2010

Thank you for posting this and keeping it real. I admire your strength and endurance. You have fought like he11 for a long time and knowing you, that is still your plan. It is okay to feel weak and tired sometimes.Who wouldn't, having gone through what you have gone through?

I was at the onc's office yesterday and the monthly hospital magazine was sitting on a chair. I picked it up and the first thing I saw on it was the proud message that my hospital now has 3 DaVinci's. The only hospital is this state that has access to that many.Well, of course I thought of my friend Craig immediately!

Rest for now Craig. And when you get back up have he11 ready & waitin' to come with you.

-Pat

LOUSWIFT
Posts: 372
Joined: Aug 2006

Craig find something important to you more important than cancer or the damage to you its done or the why; the how much can I take; the why should I not give up? For me its my Grand daughters 3 yrs old; 18 months and one four months away from being born and me seeing her. I focus on them to draw my strength from them and away from cancer. True cancer sucks and the treatments are worst but there is nothing in this world like the hug of a grand daughter who doesn't even know why she loves you but unconditionally does anyway! I hope you have something like that to grab onto. Cancer can kill me but I still win because when I get worn down I take the count and I get back up and I will until I can't anymore. I know why I do it. I do this like so many before us and those yet to come who may through their suffering lead to a vaccine or a cure so that my grand daughters may know about cancer only by reading about it in a history book. You have been knocked down many more times than most. Yet when the dust clears there you are still standing and clinching your fists. Cancer must be craping its pants facing people like you! Lou

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

My dear Craig,

It hurts me so much to read of your pain. You're always the big, strong teddy bear for all of us here, and I know you feel the "responsibility" of trying to be the strong one for us all the time. I just want you to lie down quietly and rest and think about all the good things in life. And know that we love you, we admire you, we pray for you, and we give you permission to scream or cry when you need to. Be strong when you can, and when you can't, here's my hand. Please take it and know that you mean the world to all of us.

*hugs*
Gail

Crow71's picture
Crow71
Posts: 681
Joined: Jan 2010

Dude - quit yer bichin'
Seriously - You may be swinging by a thread, but that rope ain't around your neck. This treatment is brutal, and carrying that ******* pump around is awful. But you can take it. You can do it. You know you can. And when you come out swinging, you will be victorious.

I was going to write a post tonight about how messed up the skin around my stoma has gotten and how much it stings. But after reading this I think I'll skip it.

You are tough as nails. Stay strong and focussed.

I hope you have some Thanksgiving happiness.

Roger

Kerry S's picture
Kerry S
Posts: 607
Joined: Dec 2009

The worst for me when I had the chemo/rad was being on the john late at night and while in the pain zone, then hearing the damn pump push more of that crap into me. It really does do the job on the old body. They burned most of the skin right off my tail bone.

Be prepared for a lot of good old percocet. (get the 500s not the 320s) I learned to let it dissolve in water first then swig it down after swishing it in your mouth. I does not taste bad and works on you faster that way. Hang in there. If an old SOB like me can survive it, you sure as hell can. I dropped from 185 to 155 thru that hell.

Now when it is all over, go into the woods and cut 5 cords of firewood. It will build you right back up. I really hated that damn pump.

Kerry

soccermom13's picture
soccermom13
Posts: 226
Joined: Feb 2010

Craig - you are one amazing person. You have given me so much encouragement and took the time to send words of joy to me when you were feeling so crappy. I hate this disease and what it does to all our friends on this board and more. Please know that you are included in my prayers. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. Shanna

msccolon's picture
msccolon
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2004

This post really hits home just how much cancer SUCKS!!!!!!! You are strong and have battled hard, and I don't doubt will continue to battle hard. However, that doesn't change the fact that sometimes we just want to cry UNCLE!!!!! When we are in pain and feeling like crap, we can't help but wonder if it really is worth it all. When you've been in the fight as long as we have and have put on the battle gear as many times as we have, it gets harder and harder to do. I agree with the post about finding something to focus on that makes it worth the fight. That's all we can do; fight until the battle is no longer worth the collateral damage. I'm facing radiation for the first time, and I won't lie; I'm nervous. I don't doubt that I will enter that fight, and I'm sure I will find the strength somewhere to battle on, but it still scares me. You WILL get back up, and heaven help your cancer when you do. Until then, remember that you have a bunch of people rooting for you.
mary

Aud's picture
Aud
Posts: 480
Joined: Oct 2009

I am so sorry you have to go through all this. You can do it though. You ARE doing it. 3 more rad treatments. I know you have chemo after that but don't think about that now. Just get through this battle and rest when you can. -- Damn this cancer.
Holding you in the Light, Craig, for strength, healing, and fortitude.
love,
Aud

christinecarl's picture
christinecarl
Posts: 545
Joined: Sep 2009

It pains me to read your post, yet when I feel like I will cry your next sentence reminds me of the strength of the human spirit. You are such a rock to so many of us, you have been through so much and yet can still dig down and find more. I would be lucky to have 1/4 of your strength. Thank you for the update, I hope if I ever need to, I could find such strength to fight like you have. Be well my friend.

-Chris

pluckey's picture
pluckey
Posts: 484
Joined: Jul 2009

OK Sweet Craig - It's time for some Semi-colon Cyber -***-kicking on you cancer.
We need to help take some of the emotional burden off you, I am so worried about your fatigue and state of mind.

It takes A LOT to fight, to keep that warrior stance in play. But hell, you know that better than anyone.

As you are lying on the table finishing up your treatments, envision and feel the collective force and will of we, your Semi-colon friends, with you every step of the way.
Feel the hugs of a hundred Semi-Colons softening the aches, the pain and the worry.

And if worse comes to worse - pretend Kerry is next to you telling raunchy jokes!

((HUGS))

Peggy

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2589
Joined: Jun 2006

Peggy I think there is something to be said for Collective Cancer care for Craig.....

ALL of us blasting in care from round the cyber world.

Love you big guy....your pain hurts soo much....thinking of you and joining the cyber hugs and squeeeeezes....

maggie may

idlehunters's picture
idlehunters
Posts: 1792
Joined: Apr 2009

There just don't seem to be words to make those "ouchies" go away. You indeed have been thru the wringer my friend. I am praying for you every day. Please give Craig a much needed vacation from this crap!!!! Please! You have been going from one battle and into another. You say your score is 0........... are you crazy??? You have WON so so so many battles and you continue to win. Cancer is NOT outscoring you.... it may FEEL that way but you are still coming out ahead of the game. In this WAR called cancer.... some fight a few battles...some fight many....YOU have a nasty *** war with lots of battles.....you have won them all. I know you are tired.... cancer is counting on that...hoping you will fold.... But I know you are a "TEXAS HOLD EM" kind of guy..... a winner! Love you Craig...stand strong!

Jen

LivinginNH's picture
LivinginNH
Posts: 1458
Joined: Apr 2010

Hey Craig,

I'm so sorry that you're feeling so horrible right now, but I know you'll get through it - you have such a strong will to beat the beast! And as I've told you before, you're our inspiration! The radiation has pushed you down right now, but you'll beat it back and be up and around in just a few short weeks - I just know it. Hugs and prayers go out to you. Stay strong! Cynthia

geotina's picture
geotina
Posts: 2117
Joined: Oct 2009

Like you, we are getting tired of the race and just not being able to get to that finish line or even see it. It seems like now we are farther back than ever but the sprint will start again next week. I have dried the eyes and ended he pity party here.

Daughter is now here for several days, the kitchen is a disaster mess with all the stuff we are making and looking forward to Thanksgiving.

<----picture from Thanksgiving 2009. This year count is at around 76. George is feeling well so for today and the next few days, gonna be smiles in this house, and we will face next week when we get there.

I think George is getting sick of the whole mess but did express, well, guess we just keep going so I am happy with that.

Take care and say Hi to Kim for me!

Hugs - Tina

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

I wanted to take a minute and just thank everyone for your support and responses. I was just "Raging Against the Machine." I needed someone to talk to and you folks are all that I have to talk to and express how I was feeling - so thanks for hanging in there, on what was a tough read.

I didn't want to have to carry that around for the holidays, was just too much.

My radiation tech gals told me today after treatment, that I was less "talkative" than I've been...and they acknowledged that they could see the difference in me and knew that it has been very hard on me. They said I had a "good attitude."

I suppose I just don't know any other way. They have been taking care of of me and have done a really good job in the radiation chamber - very professional and efficient, so I decided that Santa Craig will visit them on Monday and put my little present in both of their stockings for the holiday.

Last 2 treatments next Monday and Tuesday...

You all remember that I mentioned that I may "Waver" or I might "Bend" some during this latest fight - but that I would not "Break." So far, so good. They could break me if they wanted to though, but this felt pretty close - it was a stark reminder to the first time I ever did radiation.

This is probably as close to "crying out in pain" as I've done since I've been here - I apologize for that. Sometimes, I should just hit the "delete" button and not post this, but then I remember what we're all here for.

We need to hear the truth - we need to hear the "real" reality. As I've said so many times, "How are we going to learn from one another, if we don't tell each other the truth?"

I came to this board seeking the truth and I want to hear the truth from you as well...that's how I learn and gather new perspectives as well. I've got a book to write, remember? (LOL)

It's when we peel back the layer of vulnerability, that we get to the crux of where our real emotions reside - and when we expose ourselves in that light, we all grow as people and as cancer patients...and that's called "The Journey."

You know I will always "keep it real" as long as I'm here and breathing.

Have yourselves a happy holiday!

-Craig

sfmarie's picture
sfmarie
Posts: 605
Joined: Aug 2009

Craig,

Reading your post brings tears to my eyes. I visit this site daily, but feel like I do not have much to contribute. I check-in and pray for everyone here.

Now, I cannot imagine the battle you wage and what you go through. But I do know, you have options and that is a good thing. My sister ran out of options. If she had some, even a one percent chance of any treatment, she would be delighted.

So, yes, tough love here. But I know you can do it! Hang tough keep fighting and know I think of you often.

If I lived near you I would walk over to your house and hold you up. But I don't, so the best I can do is send some positive vibes your way.

Marie

coolvdub's picture
coolvdub
Posts: 410
Joined: Aug 2009

Craig,

Thanks for the update and information on your treatment. I'm so sorry you are really being whooped up on. I think of you often and hope that things get better for you. I like Marie wish I could be there physically for you. I have even asked God to share some of your pain with me so as to spare you some of it, I hope it's working.

You will get better and beat this, you have too. Why because we have yet to meet face to face. I hope someday that we can meet at one of the Palooza events. Hope you are feeling as good as you can and Happy Thanksgiving to you and Kim.

Don

serrana
Posts: 163
Joined: Apr 2009

Craig I know you are tough and thank you for sharing your hard time now and inner thoughts( or some of them) with us, your writings really help me since I am in the same place as you are. Yep there are two or more of us in this swamp. Lets not let the alligators get us but try to remember the shores are filled with lovely flowers and birds\\

I can't recall why you are having the rad, why wasn't the thoracotomy enough?

Bless your wife for being with you during this time. Lean on the spirit of your wonderful golden retriever who I am sure is speaking to you alot now and is your soul journey walker.

Please keep posting if you can. Great admiration and many cyber hugs for a true warrior.
Serrana

abmb's picture
abmb
Posts: 311
Joined: Sep 2009

Sorry to hear you are in so much pain and not feeling well at all at this time. I will keep you in my Prayers. God Bless you. Margaret

Sonia32's picture
Sonia32
Posts: 1078
Joined: Mar 2009

right 2am in the uk,cant sleep as its so cold.came to check on my family,firstly not sure how i missed your post but im replying.ok you are entitled to get down about your treatments you wouldnt be human if you didnt.but that is all you are allowed to do! Dar gone it!but i know my bro as we all do this was just a temporary glitch and you are back on your feet fighting cant keep a texan down for long no sirey.you are our craig and we love you so only one time cancer is allowed to knock you back but that is it,so there:p

Kathleen808's picture
Kathleen808
Posts: 2361
Joined: Jan 2009

Craig,
Ohhh gosh you've been through so da*n much! You are an incredible fighter. I admire your amazing strength. I will pray for you and your wife. Praying you get to feel better sooner, much sooner rather than later.

With prayers and aloha,

Kathleen

Hatshepsut's picture
Hatshepsut
Posts: 340
Joined: Nov 2006

Craig:

I’m so sorry to read about your suffering.

I’ve always been impressed by your genuine honesty, gentlemanly kindness and your strength. I continue to be so. (I like your dog, too.)

There was a common counsel to the weary during the struggle for civil rights in the 1960s: “Keep your eyes on the prize.” The message then was to persevere-- whatever the provocation, whatever the suffering, whatever the distraction. Then, the “prize” was equal rights. For you, now, the prize is survival and recovery.

Keep your eyes on the prize, my friend.

Hatshepsut

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

I just wanted to follow up with the other folks who have posted here as well. Thank you all for filling up this post with your thoughts and feelings. It does make a world of difference when you are in the throes of battle and need something to hang onto:)

SFMarie
1st, let me tell you, that you always have much to offer anyone that you touch. I'm so sorry for your sister still and know that is a big hole to fill. I lost my sister to a horrible tragedy many years ago (not cancer) and I think of her often and wish she were with me. Wished you lived near by too - I need someone to help me with Harley LOL:)

Big Don
I'm moved by your sentiments. How touching you want to remove pain from me and transfer it over to you. I've got a better idea. You've got quite alot going, so you get well and let me shoulder my burden, I can take it. And I'm sure we will meet one day:) You've been a great friend.

Serrana
Finally got you out of hiding, huh? LOL:) Glad my writings can be of help. This last thoracotomy was a doozy. Tumor was 6cm and had embedded itself into my rib cage and chest wall. It was situated right up next to my spine. So the doctor removed most of it, but we did not get clear margins, thus forcing my hand at accepting radiation and more chemo. It's so nice seeing you around again, don't stay away so long:)

Margaret
Thank you so much for your continued support! I always appreciate your kind words and thoughts.

Sonia
You weren't supposed to read that post, LOL:) Thought I could sneak it past you...thank you for your post. It's been tough going and I can't wait to pull out of this. There's just gotta' be life on the other side of the hill.

Kathleen
It just seem like one hurdle after another - and then another, doesn't it? I guess I should have payed more attention in school - I'm just not passing these tests:) Thank you for your support and well wishes as well. Aloha to you and Dick.

Hatshepsut
It does my heart good to see you on one of my posts again. How I miss your introspection as we all fight this disease. You are never too far away in my thoughts as well and I hope you are doing better, but know that things are difficult. Give Misty a great big ol' hug from me. I could probably use her to settle down Harley - he's just full of himself these days. Totally health and full of life, all of his parts are keen and working. I get jealous sometimes at just watching how he can bend and stretch and move. Ah, to be young again.

Thank you everyone! Back to reality on Monday but only 2 more treatments and we finally remove the pump. Can we get a big "He11 Yeah?"

-Craig

mommyof2kds's picture
mommyof2kds
Posts: 522
Joined: Mar 2009

Craig, you are doing great, give your body the rest it needs.Think of you often, you are one strong amazing person. God Bless...

Erinb
Posts: 295
Joined: Apr 2010

You're almost done and the radiation will kill those nasty little tumors! I can't imagine being strong enough to go through the treatment. The 5fu pump that my husband wore every other weekend was awful enough. I hope you begin to feel better soon.
Erin

plh4gail's picture
plh4gail
Posts: 1238
Joined: Oct 2010

Craig, I know you are probably still feeling weak and in pain. I did the radiation and chemo pump last July. I remember thinking on my last day that I could not go on any longer and ended up getting very weak and sick while with the Dr.I couldn't believe how that radiation kicked my ***. The two weeks after treatment was even worse,so much pain. I didn't leave my house.......You may feel this also, but in reading your post you show your strength in rough times. By Christmas, you should be feeling so much better. Rest, rest,rest. I hope you feel better soon.

Gail

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6220
Joined: Feb 2009

So sorry that this treatment is getting you down. You have always been such a trooper but you can't always do it. Radiation does wear you down and it seems like it just builds up in you and like you said wears you down, down and down. You are almost at your 30 so I'm very proud of you. You are such an inspiration to this board. Hope you get some of your energy back soon. Thank you for the update.

Kim

impactzone's picture
impactzone
Posts: 531
Joined: Aug 2006

Just so honest and real.. wow...you are an inspiration and true hero to so many. I kinda took a break after my last thoracotomy but still read everything. I just don't have the words...
You are tougher than the rest.
Chip

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