Roller Coaster from H*** continues for my dad

An update on my dad.

We thought last weekend after his party was going to be the end. He had all the signs, the preist came, and dad was ready too. No words had gone unspoken. He made it through the night, but on Sunday he was a mess, falling, not making sense, ect. We were afraid because it was not safe for him to be at home. Dad refused to go to the hospital.

Monday came and mom got him to the doctor. His BP was 80/40, O2 sats of 82%, Hgb 7.1, severe dehydration, and mental status change. Off to the hospital he went. Since his change happens so rapidly the dr and us wanted to find out what was going on. Oh if we only would have known.......

This is the part of knowing when "Enough is Enough". They pumped him up with fluids, 2 units of blood, antibiotics, and O2 thinking all the action from the parties coupled with the dehydration and crappy blood counts where the cause of the delirum. He got CT scans which showed mets in both lungs now, more liver, the primary tumor is pressing on his trachea and voice box (dad can only whisper) and the dreaded BRAIN METS!

That's a game changer. "my dad" isn't coming back. He was relesed from the hospital now but is suffering with delirium, aggitation, anxiety with moments of being totally lucid. It is scary. We were not prepared at all for this. The fluids and blood perked him up so he can walk around confused and scared. Shame on us for prolonging this for him. He wouldn't have wanted this in a million years. It is a different kind of losing of the dignity. He is angry at us for putting him in the hospital to "get rid of him". He insists he isn't dying and wants to make all these plans for next summer. I could go on with all the other mean and koo koo things he says but won't. I have to believe this is the brain mets talking not my dad. He wants us to promise him all these things that we can't so we lie to him just to keep him calm. I hate that. I feel like we are betraying him in some way. We are sticking to all the plans concerning how my dad wanted to die and live out the rest of his life, that he made weeks ago. That was my real dad, this isn't. I hope we are doing the right thing by honoring his before brain mets wishes, instead of these crazy wishes he talks of right now.

Please pray we can keep him calm and comfortable. Pray that God speaks him name soon and we can all be at peace.

Words can't describe this part of the journey but I will say it is tourture! There will be no more iv's, or blood, ect. I don't think it is fair to try and prolong his dying process. Enough is Enough. His body knows what to do from here, it always has, we need to honor it.

Sorry to be so negitive, but I want everyone to be aware of what can happen if we try to interfer too much with the process. The hospice nurse gave us great advice when she said, dying is not a medical event but too often we make it one.

Peace my friends,
Deb in NE