the cancer aftermath

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webbwife50
webbwife50 Member Posts: 394
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I am really having a difficult time right now. I am one year out of chemo this month. I had a huge surgery after chemo (tram flap), last December, and have had severe neck pain ever since. I was told its a type of arthritis. I'm 51 now, and thought I'd eventually get my old "stuff" back, but it's not happening. I see my onc. at the end of this month so no need to suggest that. I'm tired all the time, I'm in pain, all the time, I'v been crying alot. I am so angry about everything, if I try to talk about it, I just sob! I want my life back. Please pray for me, cause I don't know what else to do. Thanks...love..alison

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  • Chefrox
    Chefrox Member Posts: 32
    #2
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    OH HUN
    I am brand new to all of this so have nothing to go on but I know I'm gonna be 58 and the only reason I'll go through all this is because I want my life back, want to finish my college and enter the Dietary field..There has to be something, someway to have quality of life. Quantity means nothing to me without quality. My work is everything to me and it's a culmination of 30 years in the chef arena but I'll need to be active.

    There are so many wonderful women here that I'm sure they have clues and ideas to help get back your vitality.

    Here are some great huggz ()()()()()....just for you...

    Chef Rox
  • seof
    seof Member Posts: 819 Member
    #3
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    my thoughts
    First, the frustration, anger, impatience I hear in what you are saying are very normal and understandable. It may be time to seek professional help to deal with the feelings if they are interfering with your ability to enjoy life. If it is important to you to go to a Christian counsellor, you can find those in your area online, or check with churches that offer a wide variety of services.
    Second, if you are not already involved in one, maybe it would be good for you to look into finding a cancer survivor support group so that you can talk to folks who have "been there, done that" face-to-face on a regular basis. You could ask your Doc or look up your local American Cancer Society.
    Third, you are doing the right thing by going to the Dr. to see if there's a way he/she can help you feel better.


    For what it's worth, that's what I think of. Get better soon. seof
  • Katz77
    Katz77 Member Posts: 598
    #4
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    Sorry
    I kind of know how you feel, as do alot of us. I just wonder around in a daze sometimes. I sooo very happy about being in remission,esp since I have aggressive cancer with a butt load of nodes that was positive. However dont think the "old" self will ever return. After evaluating the old self, didnt care for her. I was self destructive and didnt care for myself. Always looking out for everyone else. Was unhappy with my old job. Work in surgery and directors and surgeons were a#*holes. Made huge move to another state,love myself slowed down. Smelling the catcus. Live in high desert. Love my mountains and husband of 33yrs. Hike or walk depending on energy. Sit out at night and stare at all the beautiful stars. Milky Way runs right over my house. Thinking about taking a sign lanuage class. Know some signing. Im poor as a church mouse, but work for insurance and co-pays. Have food,roof over my head and shoes on my feet. Can bring home some bread,but can't always afford the meat. Song I just learned. lol Main thing is I turned this beast over to God 6 wks after diagnois.
    Not saying everyday is all rainbows, but have to say havent been this content and satified in many yrs. Weird what cancer has actually done for me. Turned 50 last week and was thrilled. Lol Sorry this is long,but felt good sharing with you. Hope you feel better soon. Love,prayers and hugs,Katz
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #5
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    Katz77 said:

    Sorry
    I kind of know how you feel, as do alot of us. I just wonder around in a daze sometimes. I sooo very happy about being in remission,esp since I have aggressive cancer with a butt load of nodes that was positive. However dont think the "old" self will ever return. After evaluating the old self, didnt care for her. I was self destructive and didnt care for myself. Always looking out for everyone else. Was unhappy with my old job. Work in surgery and directors and surgeons were a#*holes. Made huge move to another state,love myself slowed down. Smelling the catcus. Live in high desert. Love my mountains and husband of 33yrs. Hike or walk depending on energy. Sit out at night and stare at all the beautiful stars. Milky Way runs right over my house. Thinking about taking a sign lanuage class. Know some signing. Im poor as a church mouse, but work for insurance and co-pays. Have food,roof over my head and shoes on my feet. Can bring home some bread,but can't always afford the meat. Song I just learned. lol Main thing is I turned this beast over to God 6 wks after diagnois.
    Not saying everyday is all rainbows, but have to say havent been this content and satified in many yrs. Weird what cancer has actually done for me. Turned 50 last week and was thrilled. Lol Sorry this is long,but felt good sharing with you. Hope you feel better soon. Love,prayers and hugs,Katz

    Sending you a big hug
    You are still coping with your trauma. Please try to do something what you like and enjoy. Or maybe something new you always dreamed of but never had a chance to do or to see.
    Hopefully your financial situation will allow you to do. Go and have fun!
    Speaking from 2 years veteran experience (stage IIIC, 6 Chemo, 40 radiations, and DIEP Flap).
    New Flower
  • roseann4
    roseann4 Member Posts: 992 Member
    #6
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    New Flower said:

    Sending you a big hug
    You are still coping with your trauma. Please try to do something what you like and enjoy. Or maybe something new you always dreamed of but never had a chance to do or to see.
    Hopefully your financial situation will allow you to do. Go and have fun!
    Speaking from 2 years veteran experience (stage IIIC, 6 Chemo, 40 radiations, and DIEP Flap).
    New Flower

    I felt the same way.
    I decided to go to a naturepathic doctor to get my body back in balance. She found out that I was low in several nutrients. What a difference in the way I feel. Our bodies have been put through so much physically and emotionally so it makes sense that we would need help to get back in balance. I also found that exercise...slow at first helped. With your neck issues pool exercise might help. I joined our local Y because they have pool aerobics. Last, you may be suffering from mild depression. Our hormones are all messed up and that can cause a shift in brain chemicals. I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time but it will get better. It has been almost 2 years since my diagnosis and I'm finally feeling like the old me.

    Roseann
  • Jean 0609
    Jean 0609 Member Posts: 2,462
    #7
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    Hi Alison,
    Sorry you are having a hard time right now. Sending you a big cyber hug. Jean
  • smalldoggroomer
    smalldoggroomer Member Posts: 1,184
    #8
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    Oh Sweetheart,
    I'm
    Oh Sweetheart,
    I'm so sorry your feeling so bad. I'm glad your going to the Dr though. Have you been through menopause? Mine lasted 11 years and it can cause emotional problems. What do you like to do? finding some thing you love to do helps tremendously. I have thought about taking up meditation, so far all I know us you have to say Ommmmm LOL. Seriously darlin you have to fight it. Don't let it consume you. We are all here to help you with the fight. We are all with you. What can I do to help? Take care sweetheart I'm here if you need me. Kay, {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}
  • cavediver
    cavediver Member Posts: 607
    #9
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    new life.......
    Alison, I am so sorry you are having a hard time now. This whole cancer thing sucks...and our lives will never be the same again. I am just out of treatment and all my strength is zapped....and I have come to terms that my old life is just that....I cannot have it back. But, I am determined to make a new life with different adventures I can enjoy. I know that sounds so simple....... I am not angry, but very disappointed that I have severe lymphema as a result of this battle.......but it is what it is. I will not let it get me down...you have to fight the feelings of defeat and embrace the success of beating the beast! Hugs, hugs, hugs to you
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #10
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    hug coming your way
    I am so sorry...I am same age...Pain is terriable...does your cancer center have therapist or counseling? Mine did/ does..I DID not use it often but when I needed it...it was the best thing ever!

    good LUCK!
  • Boppy_of_6
    Boppy_of_6 Member Posts: 1,138
    #11
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    disneyfan2008 said:

    hug coming your way
    I am so sorry...I am same age...Pain is terriable...does your cancer center have therapist or counseling? Mine did/ does..I DID not use it often but when I needed it...it was the best thing ever!

    good LUCK!

    So sorry
    I am so sorry that you are going through this Allison. Saying prayers for you. God Bless
    (((Hugs))) Janice
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #12
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    Boppy_of_6 said:

    So sorry
    I am so sorry that you are going through this Allison. Saying prayers for you. God Bless
    (((Hugs))) Janice

    I posted on my FB how I was
    I posted on my FB how I was tired and frustrated. My sister was like "I hear Ya" but she doesnt really, because she doesnt know this persistent draining fatigue. When I get frustrated, I try to focus on how far I have come. Like cave diver I crawled across the finish line, and was quite deconditioned requiring PT just to get back to life. I just started work and am tired and stressed, but my daughter said "remember when you couldnt walk to the mailbox?"
    I also have changed to stop putting myself last. that is an important thing,too bad we learn it when we have no choice.
    Anyway we are not spring chickens, and you have had MAJOR surgery. perhaps you need some PT. I had shoulder and neck pain, and found out it was from the scar tissue around my scapula. I had some deep massage and it got way better. So keep your chin up, it just takes time. (and when I post about the same thing you can remind me of this)
  • sal314
    sal314 Member Posts: 599 Member
    #13
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    I SO Hear You Alison!
    I know how hard it can be. I was in the same boat 9 years ago! Believe me, it does get better. You just have to give it more time. One year is NOT all that long. I too went through a REALLY hard time about a year after my inital diagnosis. I think it's very common. You need to just let yourself grieve, be angry, just let the emotions out. And may I suggest a support group and or counseling. It really does help! I didn't start going until AFTER all my treatment was over. Looking back, I should have gone right after I was diagnosed, but of course I felt I could handle it all by myself! (NOT!) :)

    Are you taking anything for depression? It seems from what you've describe, you have all the classic symptoms. It's VERY common as well. I went on an anti-depressant as it really help, not only with my mood and feeling like my "old self", but it can help with cronic pain as well. You may want to look into it.

    To be totally honest, you will never get your "old" life back, but it does get more and more like it as time goes by. One can't help but change and grow from the cancer experience. As far as the fatigue and pain, the fatigue will get better, but your body just needs more time to recover! And you have to take care of yourself. Get plenty of rest, eat healthy, avoid major stressers and do things that give you joy! Your body has been put hell, it's gonna need some time to recover. As for your pain...have you tried accupuncture? Or thought of seeing a pain specialist? There are so many thing out there now days, you shouldn't have to live in pain "all the time".

    Blessings,

    Sally
  • Rague
    Rague Member Posts: 3,653 Member
    #14
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    Have you asked
    Have you asked about/investigated a TENS Unit for your arthritis pain in your neck? I have arthritis in my upper back (it's been there for at least 15 years but seldom bothered me unless I took a fall over a fence or hit the ground hard for some other reason - until after the chemo, surgery, chemo, rads, and burns). I've had my TENS for about 10 years and it's been great. Even with the increased pain after all that's gone on in the last year +, it does a great job with the increased pain and I very seldom have to take any meds for it. Worth investigating/looking into/asking about.

    How is your Vit. D level? Heading into winter, throughout winter and into spring low Vit. D can cause a lot of problems. I have SAD bad and would be basically un-funtional during winter if not for my Light Box and mega doses of Vit. D (per my PA's orders). Low K (potassium) and B complex can also cause problems. Easy to check in blood test.

    Perhaps menopause?

    Exercise helps with feeling better.

    About all I can think of now as things you might want to explore for help. You will be in my prayers that you find the strenght you need.

    Susan
  • Gabe N Abby Mom
    Gabe N Abby Mom Member Posts: 2,413
    #15
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    I don't have any advice to
    I don't have any advice to add...just lots of positive energy to send your way. I hope you're feeling stronger soon.

    Hugs,

    Linda
  • webbwife50
    webbwife50 Member Posts: 394
    #16
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    Gabe N Abby Mom said:

    I don't have any advice to
    I don't have any advice to add...just lots of positive energy to send your way. I hope you're feeling stronger soon.

    Hugs,

    Linda

    THANK YOU!!
    Thank you all for your responses! I started to get proactive this morning, talked to my pharmasist, put a call into my prim. doc., and giving carefull consideration to all of the suggestions you made. I have menopaused and know thats part of the problem, but I have fought antideppressents and am now changing my mind. Thank you again..and again...love and hugs, alison
  • Kylez
    Kylez Member Posts: 3,761 Member
    #17
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    Boppy_of_6 said:

    So sorry
    I am so sorry that you are going through this Allison. Saying prayers for you. God Bless
    (((Hugs))) Janice

    Sending cyber hugs and
    Sending cyber hugs and prayers!
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    #18
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    Alison
    I feel for you. I had to find a new normal after breaking both shoulders 4 years ago. I have one more chemo (next week) and I'm sure I'll have to find another new "normal". Of course, I had to adapt (I had bilateral mastectomy) regarding my body image. Boobs are perkier but artificial. It can be depressing but I try not to go there. I think what bothers me the most is the lack of energy or stamina. Yes, I'm 61 but not ready to roll over just yet. I just have to accept that I my body has limitations.
    {{hugs}} Char
  • webbwife50
    webbwife50 Member Posts: 394
    #19
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    cahjah75 said:

    Alison
    I feel for you. I had to find a new normal after breaking both shoulders 4 years ago. I have one more chemo (next week) and I'm sure I'll have to find another new "normal". Of course, I had to adapt (I had bilateral mastectomy) regarding my body image. Boobs are perkier but artificial. It can be depressing but I try not to go there. I think what bothers me the most is the lack of energy or stamina. Yes, I'm 61 but not ready to roll over just yet. I just have to accept that I my body has limitations.
    {{hugs}} Char

    The hardest part
    Thanks char, you are right, I think the lack of stamina and sometimes overwhelming ffatigue is one of the most depressing elements of all this. I was always healthy, and energetic. Now I fall asleep sitting up, it's crazy! I hate it! People who don't understand make lots of suggestions and I can hardly muster the energy to cook dinner. Oh well..This too shall pass...I hope. God bless alison
  • QuiltingMama123
    QuiltingMama123 Member Posts: 124
    #20
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    I'm so sorry...
    I am so sorry you are going through this. I just finished chemlo and started rads on Monday, so I can't say I know what you are experiencing. My onc just gave me his warning that the 1-2 years after chemo are harder psychologically and emotionally than the chemo. His comment was that its the people that don't express anger, frustration, sadness, DEPRESSION in all its forms are the ones he worries about because they have either taken up residence in the state of denial or they just don't get it. His comment scared me, but maybe it will help you where you are. You are and will be in my prayers.
    Anna

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