HARDEST
Any decisions will be greatly appreicated.
Thomas
Comments
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Very sorry that you are
Very sorry that you are going through this. I have been there too. But you really must keep her included as to all the information you receive from the doctors since this is her life and she is the patient and the decisions will be hers. Once we discovered what was wrong with my wife the scans revealed she already had numerous large tumors throughout her brain that were basically untreatable except for whole brain radiation. If your wife has only a couple of spots on the brain there may be very many more treatment options which she could take advantage of. It all depends on whether her doctors are saying they have treatments that can meaningful extend her life.0 -
Thomas, It is just so
Thomas, It is just so heartwrenching. I don't have words. My mom would not agree to a dnr or hospice. It was so traumatic for my granddaughter and we were constantly in crisis, emotional roller coaster...what I do feel now is it was my mom's right to decide what was right for her. As difficult as it was, she wanted the say so...but the doctors really pushed me so hard to let her go...but that was not what she wanted. I pray your family will find a way to get through this. Love, shy0 -
Thomas, my heart is breaking
Thomas, my heart is breaking for you, Lesley and your family. I can only speak for me, but I would want to know the extent of the disease. I would also want to be involved in making the decision for or against treatment. Many people are afraid of Hospice because to them it means death. I had Hospice involved with my husband who died many years ago from mesothelioma. They were not only wonderful for him but helped his parents and me deal with the progression. It is a tough call but you have been by her side throughout and I'm certain you will make the decision appropriate for your family. We are here and ready to help in anyway we can. Sending strength to you along with a big ((((hug))).0 -
It is hard
Thomas,
I am so sorry. My primary care mother had her brain radiated 7 years ago at the age of 56 (stage iV breasr cancer) She was doing well for 6 years after that. Please use both references for consultation including with radiation oncology I gave you yesterday.
Praying for your wife and your family.
New Flower0 -
So sorryMyTurnNow said:Thomas, my heart is breaking
Thomas, my heart is breaking for you, Lesley and your family. I can only speak for me, but I would want to know the extent of the disease. I would also want to be involved in making the decision for or against treatment. Many people are afraid of Hospice because to them it means death. I had Hospice involved with my husband who died many years ago from mesothelioma. They were not only wonderful for him but helped his parents and me deal with the progression. It is a tough call but you have been by her side throughout and I'm certain you will make the decision appropriate for your family. We are here and ready to help in anyway we can. Sending strength to you along with a big ((((hug))).
I wish I had the magic answer for you Thomas, but, I don't. I have to say that if I were your wife, that I would want to know everything. She should know, I think, and, have a say as to what treatment she will have or not have, and, if she needs to go to Hospice.
I am offering my support, encouragement and prayers to you and your wife.
Hugs, Leeza0 -
I do not agree with her doctorshy violet said:Thomas, It is just so
Thomas, It is just so heartwrenching. I don't have words. My mom would not agree to a dnr or hospice. It was so traumatic for my granddaughter and we were constantly in crisis, emotional roller coaster...what I do feel now is it was my mom's right to decide what was right for her. As difficult as it was, she wanted the say so...but the doctors really pushed me so hard to let her go...but that was not what she wanted. I pray your family will find a way to get through this. Love, shy
surprised by the doctor advising a hospice0 -
Thomas
I'm sorry I can't be of any real help. I can only say that if it were me, I'd want to be in on all decisions, as long as possible.
I have no words to make you feel better, to take this thing away. I'm sorry you're all going through this and you and your family have all the love and support I can give.
Know that prayers and angels are there for you all.
marge0 -
Thomasmwallace1325 said:Thomas
I'm sorry I can't be of any real help. I can only say that if it were me, I'd want to be in on all decisions, as long as possible.
I have no words to make you feel better, to take this thing away. I'm sorry you're all going through this and you and your family have all the love and support I can give.
Know that prayers and angels are there for you all.
marge
So sorry for this
Thomas
So sorry for this news. The decision is ultimately yours and your wife's. And you need to share with her the news about the cancer being in the brain. You both need to consider if these treatments will meaningfully extend her life. She needs to be the one to make that final decision but you need to convince her that hospice does not mean that you are giving up or giving in. What it will allow you is so many things that you may not have now. They can provide physical therapy at home, medical supplies including a hospital bed when and if needed, nurses that do home visits and support for the entire family. There is another consideration that she must look at, if this is end stage does she want to stay at home or end up hospitalized. My mom was much older than you wife so the circumstances are different. But having hospice allowed us to have her in home and when she died we called them and they had the funeral home that we had chosen come and pick her up. My best friend's mom did not have hospice, she died at home and they had to have the paramedics come and they tried to resisitate her. It was very traumatic. The other choice would be being in the hospital and I thought from another post that this was not something that your wife wanted. All the choices suck because they all end the same way but how we get there changes. I cannot even fathom facing this and I honestly don't know what to say. I think that she should at least talk with someone from hospice as well as her doctor's and weighing their recommendations based on quality of life etc. decide which road she and you should now take. I sincerely think that hospice can offer her much and again, it does not mean that she or you must give up the fight. Hospice is like adding one more thing to your arsenal in this battle. Whatever decision you make, my prayers are with you.
Stef0 -
I'm so sorry to hear this..mwallace1325 said:Thomas
I'm sorry I can't be of any real help. I can only say that if it were me, I'd want to be in on all decisions, as long as possible.
I have no words to make you feel better, to take this thing away. I'm sorry you're all going through this and you and your family have all the love and support I can give.
Know that prayers and angels are there for you all.
marge
My heart just breaks for you and your family. I wish there were some wonderful pearls of wisdom that I could give you at this time, but I am at a total loss.
Did you talk to her doctors about the possibilty of the cyberknife? I don't have first hand knowledge of the protocol but surely someone in her group of physicians would know.
Peace and Love to us all,
Edie0 -
I wish I could do more thanmwallace1325 said:Thomas
I'm sorry I can't be of any real help. I can only say that if it were me, I'd want to be in on all decisions, as long as possible.
I have no words to make you feel better, to take this thing away. I'm sorry you're all going through this and you and your family have all the love and support I can give.
Know that prayers and angels are there for you all.
marge
I wish I could do more than just give cyber hugs and prayers, but, I hope that helps some.0 -
Oh, Thomas, I'm at a loss, butDianeBC said:I wish I could do more than
I wish I could do more than just give cyber hugs and prayers, but, I hope that helps some.
I would feel so betrayed if my husband kept anything about my treatment, test results, prognosis, etc. from me. In my opinion, Lesley is the boss. After discussing details with her, you can definitely give her your gentle opinions and thoughts, but she gets to run the show.
Of course, I would discuss with my husband and listen to his views and reasoning, but I would want and need to feel that little bit of control still left for me to decide.
You will be strong enough for both of you right now--after all--you could have never made it in the Marines otherwise.
You have many angels here praying for you, Lesley and your family.
Positive energy and prayers,
Hugs, Renee0 -
OH Thomas, I wish I new what
OH Thomas, I wish I new what to say, If it was me I would want another opinion though. I would not want to give up. And I would want to know everything. I have known people that have had brain cancer and lived for years with management. All of you are in my prayers always, God bless you all. Kay0 -
My heart goes out to you and
My heart goes out to you and your family. From your posts, you are such a strong caring husband and father. Based on that, I'm sure you and your wife will make the decision that is best for your family.
Hugs to all of you,
Linda0 -
Thomas
I'm sorry to hear the latest news about Lesley's cancer. I'm a person who likes to know everything about my condition. You know Lesley better than anyone so if you feel she can comprehend and would want to know tell her exactly what's happening in her body, what treatment is available and what her options are. A dear friend of mine and my sister in law both had hospice. They are trained to help the patient live out their last days in the most compassionate and humane way. My heart goes out to you as you make these decisions.
{{hugs}} Char0 -
Tough Decisions
Thomas, I really feel for you and your family with the tough decisions you have before you. First of all, I would want to make the decisions about my own health care as long as I could and would hope that my family would honor my wishes. I only think I know what I would do if I were in the same place as your wife - I don't think anyone can honestly say what they would do unless they are being faced with what the doctors are saying. So I'm with your wife having whatever info she needs to make her own decisions.
Secondly, I would like to say that my Mom got a Stage 4 terminal lung cancer dx 5 years ago this month. The onc stressed to my mother (who was 84 at the time)that she could do chemo but that she needed to consider her quality of life. My mother did not want to consider Hospice but my sister and I persuaded her to at least talk to them and then make a decision. She did decide in favor of Hospice and I feel that not only did they help my mother in the 5 months she was in their care but our family with their insights and support. Maybe you and your wife could at least talk to the people from Hospice together so that she has more information.
My prayers will be with you and your family. Sally0 -
Praying for you both day and night
Thomas, where you are now is the worst place any adoring husband could ever imagine being. You have been so strong for Lesley and your family all this time, as Lesley has been so strong for all of you. I do think you should let her know what is going on: perhaps bit by bit, so she can stop you if and when she has heard enough. I learned some very frightening information back in the early days of Moopy's treatments, and I thank God every day that I have never had to put this information to use. I am so incredibly sorry that you and Lesley are being subjected to such a nightmare. My prayer is that the Lord gives each of you the strength to endure what you must and do what you must, and that He brings healing to all of you.
God Bless,
Joe0 -
I am so very sorry for what
I am so very sorry for what you are going through. I know how hard it is to battle cancer, but I know very little about being the strong support person. It must be so very, very hard. But I do know that I would want to know the truth--especially if I strongly suspected it anyway and your wife probably does. I would want to be involved in the decisions and I would want to know so that I could savor every minute left with my family. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.0 -
I cry for you.CypressCynthia said:I am so very sorry for what
I am so very sorry for what you are going through. I know how hard it is to battle cancer, but I know very little about being the strong support person. It must be so very, very hard. But I do know that I would want to know the truth--especially if I strongly suspected it anyway and your wife probably does. I would want to be involved in the decisions and I would want to know so that I could savor every minute left with my family. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
I pray for Lesley, you, and children. This should not be happening to such a young loving couple. I'm so sorry.0
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