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Attention Former Smokers...

leesag's picture
leesag
Posts: 625
Joined: Jan 2010

(Commence whine)

I've had an awful week. I have a cold, an awful back ache, my husband is whining about his TOE surgery, and I have my first 3 month checkup/blood work next week.

I WANT A CIGARRETTE!

(Cease whine)

Thank you for listening, have a good night.

MK_4Dani
Posts: 318
Joined: Sep 2009

Thinking of you Leesa. COLDS SUCK....Husband whinning sucks more! My finger are crossed for a clean check-up. Whine away girl...we are here to listen.
No smoking it can cause cancer;)

Hissy_Fitz's picture
Hissy_Fitz
Posts: 1869
Joined: Sep 2009

I always said that if I were diagnosed with Cancer, I would go out first thing and buy a carton of cigarettes, sit down and smoke every last one of them. Of course, I didn't do that. But I wanted to. I figure with my luck, as soon as I started smoking again, the OC would stay NED but I would develop terminal lung cancer.

leesag's picture
leesag
Posts: 625
Joined: Jan 2010

Thank you ladies, I knew I could count on you. On top of all the crap, I had a counseling session today. It was my fourth session and I broke down in tears. I think it's the first time that I admitted that I'm terrified, not for me but for my daughter. I lost my mom to suicide when I was 20 and I really REALLY want to be there for her through all of the landmarks, celbrations and heartaches (big and small) for most of her life.

I was diagnosed when my daughter was exactly 20 years and 6 months. Almost the same point in my life that I lost my mom. I didn't realize how much that coincidence affected me until tonight.

Hugs,

Leesa

kayandok
Posts: 1223
Joined: Jun 2008

love that you are facing this head on, love that you are being so open about it, and I love you!
kathleen

Hissy_Fitz's picture
Hissy_Fitz
Posts: 1869
Joined: Sep 2009

I so know what you mean. My kids' dad died of liver cancer in 1999. Even though they aren't young children, I can't help but feel that my death would leave them orphans. I have no regrets and am no afraid of dying, except for leaving them "rudderless". I am the glue that holds it all together. And, having watched them grieve their dad's untimely death, it breaks my heart to think of them grieving mine.

That mother thing is really a double-edge sword, isn't it?

Carlene

PS....you are going to be as NED as NED can be when they do your test next week. Just you wait and see.

Mwee's picture
Mwee
Posts: 1341
Joined: Nov 2009

Oh, baby... those first few three month checkups would throw me for a loop! Just when I'd thought I could exhale...... I'm not suprised you want a cigarette. How bout kicking up your heels this weekend to relieve some of that internal stress. Maybe a Margarita? OLE
(((HUGS))) Maria

LPack's picture
LPack
Posts: 658
Joined: Oct 2008

Leesa,

You always make me laugh!

Love,
Libby

zinaida's picture
zinaida
Posts: 223
Joined: Oct 2007

Leesa!I did my checkup/blood work yesterday (3month after my last chimo).Was good news. CA125-20, dropped 5 points. Next check up in three month again. I wish you the same.I know what mean amful week before the test. I even take off 1 week from work. Every thing irritated me, and I become nippy. My husband did take me fishing 3 times that week. 2 hours drive up to the lake and 2 hours back home. 6 hours fishinng. It is only place where I can forget about every thing. I did smoke about 33 years. And you know, You and Me are to strong now not to start smoke again. Think about some thing else you can enjoy, like I do fishing.I wish you the best, Zina.

Disneynutt's picture
Disneynutt
Posts: 135
Joined: Aug 2009

Leesa,
I sure know how you feel about the cigarettes. Although I quit before I was diagnosed I started up again after that and am having a lot trouble quitting for good. I smoke and then quit, and then smoke and then quit. Tomorrow I quit again for good. :-) Even during my weak moments I have only 2 or 3 a day but that is still too much. It is tough, tough, tough.

I'm sorry life is so irritating right now but I'm confident things will get better for you soon. Have a martini instead of a cigarette. :-) Grey Goose and dirty.

I am thinking about starting therapy too. It sounds like it is helpful for you? I wish you luck with it.

-Kate

nancy591's picture
nancy591
Posts: 1057
Joined: Sep 2009

Did you recently visit Disney world? How was the visit?

Disneynutt's picture
Disneynutt
Posts: 135
Joined: Aug 2009

Yes I did Nancy. I was fortunate enough to go to the Food & Wine Festival this year. The day before it opened officially. It was so much fun, for 3 days I forgot everything and just inhaled all that pixie dust. :-) Thanks for asking.
I think of you often and wish you the best of luck with your new treatment. After over a year on chemo I am getting a 2 month break. I am very excited.

Take care,
Kate

msfanciful's picture
msfanciful
Posts: 581
Joined: Nov 2009

Hey Lady,

Don't let life get to you and that strong spirit.

I know exactly how you feel on those days when everything from traffic to family to household concerns just finally get to you.

Have faith that this too will pass.

Love,

Sharon

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