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Stirring Up Memories

Caregiver1963's picture
Posts: 46
Joined: Jan 2010

A close family member of mine had elective surgery last week. He developed confusion and had to be transferred to intensive care for monitoring for a few days. Although the cause of his confusion was determined and it was known that it would resolve eventually, I was somewhat surpised how it affected me. I was calm and collected when at the hospital, but totally exhausted. My siblings don't live close by so the updates etc were dependant on me. My husband was confused the last month or so of his life and being with my family member stirred up feelings of how I felt when my husband was confused. I did end up sharing my feelings with my other family members and they seemed a bit surpised that this was difficult for me. I thought my reaction wasn't too off base considering what I have gone though with my husband?

grandmafay's picture
Posts: 1639
Joined: Aug 2009

No, it was not off base. We are affected by many memories. Besides you are entitled to your feelings and reactions. We just never know what will hit us wrong these days. Both good and bad memories have sent me reeling. Fay

Pennymac02's picture
Posts: 336
Joined: Aug 2010

We lost our mom to breast cancer last Christmas. She came and sat with me in the surgical waiting room when my husband had his cancer surgery last month and had a really hard time with just being in the hospital. The smells, sights, and sounds triggered a lot of negative memories for her. They do for me as well, but I have to do my best to get past them. Hubby's family is all out of state, I am the only one who can be present for him, so I just have to move past it. It's very uncomfortable, though. I think your response was normal.

Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2009

I really don't think people "get it" until they go through it themselves. I'm not sure I really did either until my husband developed brain cancer. You have a right to your feelings and reaction to this situation. You don't owe anyone an explanation for what you are feeling.

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