Cancer crisis?
a cancer crisis. Le me explain.I have now lived in AZ for over 3 years and
have really tried hard to like it here. But since my diagnosis, this has really
changed. I am an outdoors loving person, and look for stress relief in any
kind of outdoors activity but the landscape in AZ just didn't do it for me.
I MISS TREES, tall, old, green trees. So I couldn't get relief during my biggest
time of need, during my treatment.
Then I asked myself, let's say I have 10 years to live, would I want to spend
it in AZ and the answer was a big fat NO. Now I am considering to move, and
for the first time in my life, I am scared. Scared that I won't make it, scared
that I will be stranded on the coast by myself... this is all so new to me. I have
always been courageous. I keep questioning myself, do I really want to do is
or am I doing this because of my diagnosis...
Have you made significant changes to your life? Is there such a thing as a
cancer crisis?
Hugs,
Ayse
Comments
-
Dear sweet Ayse...I never
Dear sweet Ayse...I never moved more than 20 miles one way or the other for 56 years...then my mother died of cancer and I had been told my cancer was inoperable... moved to the other side of the US, as far as I could possibly go ...then moved away, then moved back. What you want should be what you pursue, maybe not today but with some thought and order to it...it is scary, with no certainties...I moved because cancer took everything financially and emotionally which led to total chaos and desperation. I hated where I was and my life was full of self righteous emtionally draining individuals...As four of us traveled across country in a small needed repairs no air conditioning car in summer ... With only what fit in the trunk ... Oh and our 30 lb cat...everything sadly began to look the same...but on the good side chains of always doing what we had done before fell away...nowhere is perfect...will we stay in Florida? Who knows...not sure. But that change has taught me much about myself and I have had experiences not thought of before I moved... would I call it a cancer crisis, no I would not, but rather a spiritual calling for a redirection on your journey with life, cancer merely a stepping stone...love, shy0 -
Ah, dearheart, you know MY story, I think....
After battling stage III rectal cancer (was told I had 6 months to live, 6 years ago Thanksgiving) and stage II breast cancer six months later.
And, watching my beau's parents pass. And my daughter and ex-hubby (we were still friends) passing 3 weeks after each other. And my beau having 3 minutes of death in the hospital after a heart procedure went terribly wrong....
I had a 'crisis', as well.
I sold my business of 18 years. I now live in America for 6 months of the year, and The Netherlands (Holland) for the other six, switching every 3 months. Because of my rectal surgery, I had to COMPLETELY change my eating habits (otherwise, I spent HOURS on the pot...).
BUT, it's VERY exciting, this new life!!!! I have seen Alaska, Italy, Spain, Germany, Belgium, Switzerland, Luxemborg, and the Chek Republic. I have sailed by tall ships (4, 3, and 2-masters) in a small, sturdy tug boat. I have seen my first (and probably last) polo match. I have followed a river from it's beginnings as a spring, to it's ending, spilling into the great river Rhine. We are planning to cruise thru the Panama Canal in November.
I know my 'someday' has come sooner than expected. With both cancers being in the lymph system, there is a fair chance that that is what I will die from...
I just posted on FB a picture I keep in my mind:
When it's my turn to pass, I hope I slide into the pearly gates, my body scraped and spent, a glass of wine in one hand, a piece of chocolate in the other, and am heard to exclaim "WHEW! What a ride!!!!!"
Hugs, Kathi0 -
I think any life changing
I think any life changing event makes you think about what you want out of life. I also think it is ok to change direction, or move, as long as you keep the core (read your values and morals) of you steady.
If you want a less drastic approach, take a break for a few days and go visit the mountains and trees. See how that makes you feel, does it give you a sense of peace? It may be a way to help you decide what you really want.
As for being scared, I know I am at times. And I think you and I and everyone else have every right to be scared, but I also think I can't let that take control of my decisions or my life. But how to manage that fear is different for each of us. For me, I look at my kids and my husband, I look at what we all have together, and that gives me the peace I need to think straight.
No I haven't made any major changes yet. But I'm thinking about it, and if I do make changes, they will likely come as I get closer to the end of my treatment.
Hugs back to you,
Linda0 -
Ayse, I think like one of
Ayse, I think like one of our other sister said, our priorities change once we have a "life-altering" situation. I know when my father was dx with colon cancer back in 1980, I was living in Atlanta, GA while my family was living in Jacksonville, FL. Well, my father passed away 3 months after his dx. At that time, I reevaluated my priorities and also realized that life, or the amount of time we have here, cannot be taken for granted. I felt that I was losing time with my family by living so far away and I made the decision to move back home. I have never regreted it and that was 30 years ago. Only you can answer the question as to whether or not you would be happier elsewhere. I am a firm believer that quality of life is just as important as quantity of life. Take some time to think about this and I know you will come to the right decision for YOU! Good luck.0 -
Gestalt theory really applies to this
Thank you for your responses and It was so nice to learn more about each of you.
You really are amazing women and interesting.
in the end, the heart wants what the heart wants...
And I want NYC and the ocean to feel whole again.
I heard this really cool theory, the gestalt theory and I wanted to share it. We all have
thoughts that are in foreground and thoughts that are in the background on a daily basis.
Thoughts like, hmm I would really like a Latte (foreground), hope I can hit the gym tonight,
then there are the ones in the background like, something may happen to me, I am
vulnerable (background). But with a diagnosis there's a shift in our perception and foreground
and background ideas change places. Eventually they rotate slowly back but it takes time.
I like this analysis.
Hugs,
Ayse0 -
I have certainly made
I have certainly made significant changes in my life in the midst of or soon after a major crisis. At 17 I made the choice to pack up & leave everything I'd ever known & move north to be with my then fiancé (now hubby). Thus I did within a few months of my mother's sudden & devastating death. Many people felt the need to tell me what a mistake I was making. Their hearts were in the right place, but the fact is no one knows what's best for us but us! That was over 20 years ago & I have never regretted my choice.
I can totally understand how you feel about missing trees & such. I have felt the same way before. As for your unrest & dissatisfaction being some kind of "cancer crisis" I'd say it's more likely that your dx has just encouraged you to do some reevaluating & you're seeing that you want/need to make some changes.
Facing any major change (say making a move to a new place) is scary, but you're a brave, strong warrior & survivor! You can do anything! I think you will be just fine whatever you decide to do.
I'll keep you in my thoughts & prayers pink sister!
Jenn0 -
"We may never pass this way again" Seals and Croft
A few things occurred to me, sweet Ayse. One, unlike many people, those of us who have waged war with the Beast realize that our own mortality has tapped up on the shoulder. In the abstract every one of us has known since we had a reasoning thought, that eventually everybody dies. We may have seen our parents or grandparents pass..
That (IMHO) has almost nothing to do with the fear we have about our own futures! I will go so far as to say even those with a strong faith, and a certain confidence that they have a heavenly calling, are in treatment and fighting to stay alive for as long as they possibly can! It is a natural desire to want to be above ground making a significant impact on the world around us and to experience as much happiness and fullfillment as we can!
A few years ago I told my sister that as long as I was able, I would not turn down the opportunities to do something , as long as it wouldn't put my life in danger. Some things I did were silly, some important. I swam with dolphins, I ziplined over a beach, I went to the Obama inaguration with 2 million others in the freeeezing cold, I was in a ping-pong tournament, I sang Karaoke in a gay bar, I have done 2 half marathons and countless 5 and 10Ks, I cook Thanksgiving dinner for a big group of Native Americans who call the holiday ThanksTaking, and I decorate the table with 2 rag doll Pilgrims which I have run through with toy arrows,I cook frybread at an annual Pow Wow, I get up and dance in public! I even got married 4 months ago! I say, why not? Do I always feel confidant? Hell No! Do I sometimes look foolish? Oh Yeah! Am I scared at night at the end of the day when I can't sleep and the "what if's" try and invade my psyche? You better believe it, sister.
That having been said, I also know that the old phrase "nothing ventured, nothing gained" is sooooo true. Fear and excitement feel pretty much the same~ the adrenilin surge, the rapid heartbeat, it's all the same ! So, if you see yourself with trees and foliage, and things other than 100+ degrees of desert living~ you have my permission ( as if you needed it! LOL) to move! Be where you need to be, be where you want to be! You are your own future, you know...it isn't going to wait for you to catch up to it. You have to grab hold of it and make it yours.
Peace and blessings , Kindred Spirit!
Chen♥0 -
Which brings up another sidechenheart said:"We may never pass this way again" Seals and Croft
A few things occurred to me, sweet Ayse. One, unlike many people, those of us who have waged war with the Beast realize that our own mortality has tapped up on the shoulder. In the abstract every one of us has known since we had a reasoning thought, that eventually everybody dies. We may have seen our parents or grandparents pass..
That (IMHO) has almost nothing to do with the fear we have about our own futures! I will go so far as to say even those with a strong faith, and a certain confidence that they have a heavenly calling, are in treatment and fighting to stay alive for as long as they possibly can! It is a natural desire to want to be above ground making a significant impact on the world around us and to experience as much happiness and fullfillment as we can!
A few years ago I told my sister that as long as I was able, I would not turn down the opportunities to do something , as long as it wouldn't put my life in danger. Some things I did were silly, some important. I swam with dolphins, I ziplined over a beach, I went to the Obama inaguration with 2 million others in the freeeezing cold, I was in a ping-pong tournament, I sang Karaoke in a gay bar, I have done 2 half marathons and countless 5 and 10Ks, I cook Thanksgiving dinner for a big group of Native Americans who call the holiday ThanksTaking, and I decorate the table with 2 rag doll Pilgrims which I have run through with toy arrows,I cook frybread at an annual Pow Wow, I get up and dance in public! I even got married 4 months ago! I say, why not? Do I always feel confidant? Hell No! Do I sometimes look foolish? Oh Yeah! Am I scared at night at the end of the day when I can't sleep and the "what if's" try and invade my psyche? You better believe it, sister.
That having been said, I also know that the old phrase "nothing ventured, nothing gained" is sooooo true. Fear and excitement feel pretty much the same~ the adrenilin surge, the rapid heartbeat, it's all the same ! So, if you see yourself with trees and foliage, and things other than 100+ degrees of desert living~ you have my permission ( as if you needed it! LOL) to move! Be where you need to be, be where you want to be! You are your own future, you know...it isn't going to wait for you to catch up to it. You have to grab hold of it and make it yours.
Peace and blessings , Kindred Spirit!
Chen♥
Which brings up another side I have been kicking around like an old tin can...what about those of us who didn't come out of this with an overwhelming urge to save the world...I don't mean that negatively...just some come out totally driven like lance armstrong, etc...others in my Calif community were financially able to set up organizations, and raise huge amounts of money, and went on speaking tours, etc. I did not have that in me spiritually or financially. It started to seem like they were competitive to see who could have the biggest and best. Don't get me wrong, that is a huge win for everybody. And I have not been motivated to do the bucket list or such. A lot of that is because I know I may not fend so well with Battle 3 looming ahead and am preparing mentally. I also am needed here with my daughter and grandbabies...she would like total independence, but financially not happening yet. So not complaining, guess just sometimes it feels weird having a different road to walk...love, shy0 -
It is great Ayse that youchenheart said:"We may never pass this way again" Seals and Croft
A few things occurred to me, sweet Ayse. One, unlike many people, those of us who have waged war with the Beast realize that our own mortality has tapped up on the shoulder. In the abstract every one of us has known since we had a reasoning thought, that eventually everybody dies. We may have seen our parents or grandparents pass..
That (IMHO) has almost nothing to do with the fear we have about our own futures! I will go so far as to say even those with a strong faith, and a certain confidence that they have a heavenly calling, are in treatment and fighting to stay alive for as long as they possibly can! It is a natural desire to want to be above ground making a significant impact on the world around us and to experience as much happiness and fullfillment as we can!
A few years ago I told my sister that as long as I was able, I would not turn down the opportunities to do something , as long as it wouldn't put my life in danger. Some things I did were silly, some important. I swam with dolphins, I ziplined over a beach, I went to the Obama inaguration with 2 million others in the freeeezing cold, I was in a ping-pong tournament, I sang Karaoke in a gay bar, I have done 2 half marathons and countless 5 and 10Ks, I cook Thanksgiving dinner for a big group of Native Americans who call the holiday ThanksTaking, and I decorate the table with 2 rag doll Pilgrims which I have run through with toy arrows,I cook frybread at an annual Pow Wow, I get up and dance in public! I even got married 4 months ago! I say, why not? Do I always feel confidant? Hell No! Do I sometimes look foolish? Oh Yeah! Am I scared at night at the end of the day when I can't sleep and the "what if's" try and invade my psyche? You better believe it, sister.
That having been said, I also know that the old phrase "nothing ventured, nothing gained" is sooooo true. Fear and excitement feel pretty much the same~ the adrenilin surge, the rapid heartbeat, it's all the same ! So, if you see yourself with trees and foliage, and things other than 100+ degrees of desert living~ you have my permission ( as if you needed it! LOL) to move! Be where you need to be, be where you want to be! You are your own future, you know...it isn't going to wait for you to catch up to it. You have to grab hold of it and make it yours.
Peace and blessings , Kindred Spirit!
Chen♥
It is great Ayse that you are asking our opinion and sharing with us your fears and wants in moving. I can certainly understand how you feel.
I think the main thing that I would say, and, this is just my opinion, is the same thing I have told some friends when they were thinking of a divorce or other life changing experience. Don't do anything drastic too quickly, as having bc, being divorced, losing a loved one can sometimes make you do something that perhaps you really, really need to think about and to give it some time before you actually do it.
I had a girlfriend awhile back that just got divorced. She was so insistent on getting away from this town and having a new start. I told her she should just wait maybe a year, until some time had passed, as she was leaving all of her family and friends. She didn't listen and bought a home in a town where she knew no one and is miserable. She wants to be back here with her friends and family, as she is getting over the pain of her ex, and, it wouldn't bother her anymore.
I have had remarkable ventures in my life, like climbing mountains, swimming with dolphins and so many other things, but, I don't think your post is about any of that. You are wanting to just change your living situation, your location and start new. You have been through hell and back with your bc, as all of us sisters in pink have. Please just think for awhile if this is what will put a smile on your face and put some peace in your life. If the answer is yes, then, by all means, you should move Ayse.
I wish you the best and pray you will make the best choice for you, and, you only.
Big hugs, Jan0 -
Well, sweet shy~ did youshy violet said:Which brings up another side
Which brings up another side I have been kicking around like an old tin can...what about those of us who didn't come out of this with an overwhelming urge to save the world...I don't mean that negatively...just some come out totally driven like lance armstrong, etc...others in my Calif community were financially able to set up organizations, and raise huge amounts of money, and went on speaking tours, etc. I did not have that in me spiritually or financially. It started to seem like they were competitive to see who could have the biggest and best. Don't get me wrong, that is a huge win for everybody. And I have not been motivated to do the bucket list or such. A lot of that is because I know I may not fend so well with Battle 3 looming ahead and am preparing mentally. I also am needed here with my daughter and grandbabies...she would like total independence, but financially not happening yet. So not complaining, guess just sometimes it feels weird having a different road to walk...love, shy
Well, sweet shy~ did you notice any earth-shaking events or activities I was involved in? No!!!! Just an awareness...and hopefully not wasting too much of my time. However long it may be. I didn't do any of those activities as part of a bucket list~ I also don't have one. I simply try not to pass up opportunities when they come my way just because I may look foolish. Foolish be damned!
I am in the fight for my life~ mets after an almost 8 year remission has truly pulled the emotional rug out from under me. Lining of the lung, spine, nodes and liver involvement are really NOT what I had in mind~ but I cannot change the what is, can I? Sigh...right?
We do what we can, and I think, at the end of the day LITERALLY, if our hearts and consciences are clean when our heads touch the pillow~we havetruly done all we can to contribute goodness to our planet and thouse whos lives we are involved with. Giving all of your money and resources to Lance, or writing the best book ever, or doing the Boston marathon would be worth less if your daughter and grandbabies were suffering without you living with them. You are giving of yourself in the most important way...
Peace to you!
Claudia0 -
I love what you wrote Ayse,aysemari said:Gestalt theory really applies to this
Thank you for your responses and It was so nice to learn more about each of you.
You really are amazing women and interesting.
in the end, the heart wants what the heart wants...
And I want NYC and the ocean to feel whole again.
I heard this really cool theory, the gestalt theory and I wanted to share it. We all have
thoughts that are in foreground and thoughts that are in the background on a daily basis.
Thoughts like, hmm I would really like a Latte (foreground), hope I can hit the gym tonight,
then there are the ones in the background like, something may happen to me, I am
vulnerable (background). But with a diagnosis there's a shift in our perception and foreground
and background ideas change places. Eventually they rotate slowly back but it takes time.
I like this analysis.
Hugs,
Ayse
I love what you wrote Ayse, the heart wants what the heart wants.
Thanks for sharing that!0 -
Hey Ms. Chen...I know fromchenheart said:Well, sweet shy~ did you
Well, sweet shy~ did you notice any earth-shaking events or activities I was involved in? No!!!! Just an awareness...and hopefully not wasting too much of my time. However long it may be. I didn't do any of those activities as part of a bucket list~ I also don't have one. I simply try not to pass up opportunities when they come my way just because I may look foolish. Foolish be damned!
I am in the fight for my life~ mets after an almost 8 year remission has truly pulled the emotional rug out from under me. Lining of the lung, spine, nodes and liver involvement are really NOT what I had in mind~ but I cannot change the what is, can I? Sigh...right?
We do what we can, and I think, at the end of the day LITERALLY, if our hearts and consciences are clean when our heads touch the pillow~we havetruly done all we can to contribute goodness to our planet and thouse whos lives we are involved with. Giving all of your money and resources to Lance, or writing the best book ever, or doing the Boston marathon would be worth less if your daughter and grandbabies were suffering without you living with them. You are giving of yourself in the most important way...
Peace to you!
Claudia
Hey Ms. Chen...I know from your posts that you have a wonderful outlook on life...a bucket list would definitely not be you...I think it is awesome that you are able to see an opportunity and live it. Thank you for helping me realize that I have as much dedication and drive as the more visible people have...just mine is personal and encompasses my family...and you are right, I take every opportunity...for us it is to go to Disneyworld...that is our world and our happy place...so moral is your happy place is where you make it happy...However, major withdrawal...Small World down until late Oct for refurb...lol...and as mets goes, it is indeed a heartache...they keep promising that bc will change to chronic from life ending...lets hope it's soon...love, shy0 -
Chenchenheart said:"We may never pass this way again" Seals and Croft
A few things occurred to me, sweet Ayse. One, unlike many people, those of us who have waged war with the Beast realize that our own mortality has tapped up on the shoulder. In the abstract every one of us has known since we had a reasoning thought, that eventually everybody dies. We may have seen our parents or grandparents pass..
That (IMHO) has almost nothing to do with the fear we have about our own futures! I will go so far as to say even those with a strong faith, and a certain confidence that they have a heavenly calling, are in treatment and fighting to stay alive for as long as they possibly can! It is a natural desire to want to be above ground making a significant impact on the world around us and to experience as much happiness and fullfillment as we can!
A few years ago I told my sister that as long as I was able, I would not turn down the opportunities to do something , as long as it wouldn't put my life in danger. Some things I did were silly, some important. I swam with dolphins, I ziplined over a beach, I went to the Obama inaguration with 2 million others in the freeeezing cold, I was in a ping-pong tournament, I sang Karaoke in a gay bar, I have done 2 half marathons and countless 5 and 10Ks, I cook Thanksgiving dinner for a big group of Native Americans who call the holiday ThanksTaking, and I decorate the table with 2 rag doll Pilgrims which I have run through with toy arrows,I cook frybread at an annual Pow Wow, I get up and dance in public! I even got married 4 months ago! I say, why not? Do I always feel confidant? Hell No! Do I sometimes look foolish? Oh Yeah! Am I scared at night at the end of the day when I can't sleep and the "what if's" try and invade my psyche? You better believe it, sister.
That having been said, I also know that the old phrase "nothing ventured, nothing gained" is sooooo true. Fear and excitement feel pretty much the same~ the adrenilin surge, the rapid heartbeat, it's all the same ! So, if you see yourself with trees and foliage, and things other than 100+ degrees of desert living~ you have my permission ( as if you needed it! LOL) to move! Be where you need to be, be where you want to be! You are your own future, you know...it isn't going to wait for you to catch up to it. You have to grab hold of it and make it yours.
Peace and blessings , Kindred Spirit!
Chen♥
This was so beautifully
Chen
This was so beautifully expressed it brought tears to my eyes. This is the way life should be lived, as fully as possible, savored treasured and celebrated with all the small and large things that give us joy and happiness. Dearheart, this is a lead that I plan to follow. Tomorrow's are never promised all we have for sure is today and I plan to find a way to enjoy each day and hopefully each evening I can say, Gosh that was the best day of my life.
Inspiration comes in many packages, I really like the 50 ft tall one.
Stef0 -
I love, love all your inputsurvivorbc09 said:It is great Ayse that you
It is great Ayse that you are asking our opinion and sharing with us your fears and wants in moving. I can certainly understand how you feel.
I think the main thing that I would say, and, this is just my opinion, is the same thing I have told some friends when they were thinking of a divorce or other life changing experience. Don't do anything drastic too quickly, as having bc, being divorced, losing a loved one can sometimes make you do something that perhaps you really, really need to think about and to give it some time before you actually do it.
I had a girlfriend awhile back that just got divorced. She was so insistent on getting away from this town and having a new start. I told her she should just wait maybe a year, until some time had passed, as she was leaving all of her family and friends. She didn't listen and bought a home in a town where she knew no one and is miserable. She wants to be back here with her friends and family, as she is getting over the pain of her ex, and, it wouldn't bother her anymore.
I have had remarkable ventures in my life, like climbing mountains, swimming with dolphins and so many other things, but, I don't think your post is about any of that. You are wanting to just change your living situation, your location and start new. You have been through hell and back with your bc, as all of us sisters in pink have. Please just think for awhile if this is what will put a smile on your face and put some peace in your life. If the answer is yes, then, by all means, you should move Ayse.
I wish you the best and pray you will make the best choice for you, and, you only.
Big hugs, Jan
Jan who else would I ask, if not my trusted pink sisters?
I guess what it comes down to is that I wonder between what Shy just posted, heaven is
where you make it heaven and the theory that every plant can't thrive in every environment.
And I need trees, ocean, four seasons and NCY nearby to fully thrive.
Chen, I love what you wrote, just take every opportunity. I used to be that way but where
I live now, people are very closed minded and conservative. Their ideas of fun are not mine.
Just the other day I walked away from a dinner when the conversation turned ugly, they said
some very horrible things about gays and blacks and I knew I had no place at that table.
And Shy, since you joined you really brought some fun and insight with all your post, I wanted
to thank you for taking the initiative.
My mind is made up, I need to be in New York where there's so much more acceptance and
curiosity of other cultures. It is my playground and I discover something every time I am
there.
Love you all,
Ayse0 -
I think what everyone wrotefauxma said:Chen
This was so beautifully
Chen
This was so beautifully expressed it brought tears to my eyes. This is the way life should be lived, as fully as possible, savored treasured and celebrated with all the small and large things that give us joy and happiness. Dearheart, this is a lead that I plan to follow. Tomorrow's are never promised all we have for sure is today and I plan to find a way to enjoy each day and hopefully each evening I can say, Gosh that was the best day of my life.
Inspiration comes in many packages, I really like the 50 ft tall one.
Stef
I think what everyone wrote to you Ayse was perfect! And, it all comes down to do what you want to do.
And, if moving is what you feel is best for you, then you pack up and follow that dream.
We all have faced the beast and know that life is precious, so, don't waste a minute on it. Get out there, live your life and follow your dreams.
I think Jan's post was right on, just be sure, and, if you are, then do it.
Wishing you the best of luck Ayse,
Diane0 -
KathiKathiM said:Ah, dearheart, you know MY story, I think....
After battling stage III rectal cancer (was told I had 6 months to live, 6 years ago Thanksgiving) and stage II breast cancer six months later.
And, watching my beau's parents pass. And my daughter and ex-hubby (we were still friends) passing 3 weeks after each other. And my beau having 3 minutes of death in the hospital after a heart procedure went terribly wrong....
I had a 'crisis', as well.
I sold my business of 18 years. I now live in America for 6 months of the year, and The Netherlands (Holland) for the other six, switching every 3 months. Because of my rectal surgery, I had to COMPLETELY change my eating habits (otherwise, I spent HOURS on the pot...).
BUT, it's VERY exciting, this new life!!!! I have seen Alaska, Italy, Spain, Germany, Belgium, Switzerland, Luxemborg, and the Chek Republic. I have sailed by tall ships (4, 3, and 2-masters) in a small, sturdy tug boat. I have seen my first (and probably last) polo match. I have followed a river from it's beginnings as a spring, to it's ending, spilling into the great river Rhine. We are planning to cruise thru the Panama Canal in November.
I know my 'someday' has come sooner than expected. With both cancers being in the lymph system, there is a fair chance that that is what I will die from...
I just posted on FB a picture I keep in my mind:
When it's my turn to pass, I hope I slide into the pearly gates, my body scraped and spent, a glass of wine in one hand, a piece of chocolate in the other, and am heard to exclaim "WHEW! What a ride!!!!!"
Hugs, Kathi
I really had no idea about all that you have been through, you're quiet the hellion!
It's women like you I look up to. And if you don't mind, I am stealing your saying for
my Facebook. That is a fabulous phrase to live by.
Hugs,
Ayse0 -
Shy Violet,shy violet said:Which brings up another side
Which brings up another side I have been kicking around like an old tin can...what about those of us who didn't come out of this with an overwhelming urge to save the world...I don't mean that negatively...just some come out totally driven like lance armstrong, etc...others in my Calif community were financially able to set up organizations, and raise huge amounts of money, and went on speaking tours, etc. I did not have that in me spiritually or financially. It started to seem like they were competitive to see who could have the biggest and best. Don't get me wrong, that is a huge win for everybody. And I have not been motivated to do the bucket list or such. A lot of that is because I know I may not fend so well with Battle 3 looming ahead and am preparing mentally. I also am needed here with my daughter and grandbabies...she would like total independence, but financially not happening yet. So not complaining, guess just sometimes it feels weird having a different road to walk...love, shy
You are such a
Shy Violet,
You are such a sweetie. You bring so much to our board. You give us topics to ponder that make us laugh, think and move beyond our cancers. That is so important to us. I think that most people here and in our personal worlds contribute to life in their own way. Some are large and garner much attention, some are so small that they are often overlooked. Even those that might appear to only be negative contribute if only that when we see this we want to do the opposite. I could list each person on this board and find something wonderful and enduring that I have learned from them. It's what I truly love about our board. We are caring, loving people who want to support and nuture our friends. We are all so very different and yet we are all the same and I don't mean only our cancer. I mean that we are the same in that we wish to give comfort and aid to those that have this disease. To share the burdens of treatments and remissions and mets and all that this beast brings. We celebrate the NEDS, we cry for those that are gone, we walk, we run, we laugh, we tell stories that bring humor as well as information to each other. I value each and every one of you and what you bring to this board. And I love you all. We learn so much from each other. I will never be glad that I have had cancer but I am glad that I have all of you.
Stef0 -
Ayse~ I absolutely adoreaysemari said:I love, love all your input
Jan who else would I ask, if not my trusted pink sisters?
I guess what it comes down to is that I wonder between what Shy just posted, heaven is
where you make it heaven and the theory that every plant can't thrive in every environment.
And I need trees, ocean, four seasons and NCY nearby to fully thrive.
Chen, I love what you wrote, just take every opportunity. I used to be that way but where
I live now, people are very closed minded and conservative. Their ideas of fun are not mine.
Just the other day I walked away from a dinner when the conversation turned ugly, they said
some very horrible things about gays and blacks and I knew I had no place at that table.
And Shy, since you joined you really brought some fun and insight with all your post, I wanted
to thank you for taking the initiative.
My mind is made up, I need to be in New York where there's so much more acceptance and
curiosity of other cultures. It is my playground and I discover something every time I am
there.
Love you all,
Ayse
Ayse~ I absolutely adore you!!! I knew I already did, but you have topped it! You got up from dinner and walked away when the conversation turned ugly, homophobic and racist???? Hats off to you!!! I am so proud of you~ many squirm privately, ignore, or otherwise pretend things are just not important. Way, way, way back in the day, there was a great movie made about that very subject. It is called Gentlemen's Agreement and it starred Gregory Peck. It was a "gentlemen's agreement" to let things slide in public and not make waves in the face of intolerance and prejudice.
You are my new heroine! Oh yeah...pack your bags sister! You need to be back among the ethnically diverse, the sights and smells of "foreign" restaurants, subways, baseball of the NY variety, and all things NYC! Go see the leaves change, see the seasons morph into a winter wonderland,and renew your already amazing spirit! I see ice skating in Central Park in your future! :-)
Hugs,
Chen♥0 -
New York!fauxma said:Ayse,
There is so much good
Ayse,
There is so much good advice here. I think that you must do what it is that will give you happiness and a sense of peace. This is so difficult and the decisions are ultimately up to you. Follow your heart.
Stef
Here comes Ayse! LOL I know that you are doing what you want and what will work for you. That is all that is important here Ayse!
We have never been to New York, but, it sure seems and looks like an amazing city.
I just have a feeling that this is the RIGHT move for YOU!
Keep your dreams alive,
Megan0
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