Depressed and feel so alone!!!

anniem123
anniem123 Member Posts: 19
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
My name is Annie, am 44 years old and was diagnosed with type 2B BC in March of this year. I have had 3 surgerys and went through 4 months of chemo. Have not started radiation yet. I was doing okay with my depression. On anti-depressants. I started college in August and was so excited. Within the last two weeks I just start crying over nothing. I don't know whats wrong. Maybe because I am single and don't have a man to lean on and hold me and tell me everything is ok. Maybe because between college and all the dr appointments I am getting overwelmed, maybe I am a baby. I don't Know. AAAAAWWWWWWWWW.
«1

Comments

  • padee6339
    padee6339 Member Posts: 763
    Welcome Anniem
    We are so glad you found us. There is nothing wrong with the way you feel. Of course you are overwhelmed. You are going through a horrific time in your life, when things should be going so great - starting college and all. You are not a baby - we have all been there - crying great gobs of tears and feeling the depression. I do not have a guy to hold me during the rough times and long nights either, but I have a great family and the support of good friends. Is there anyone you can talk to? Some family member? You will find a group of wonderful women on this site who you can talk to and who will be there right along side you to hold you up when you are falling down, who will be the shoulder you need to cry on, and who will be your strongest ally when you need a friend. We are all survivors here, including you and you are a strong wonderful woman who has already fought the beast with chemo. Radiation is a lot easier once chemo is done. Please keep coming back to the board, we are all here for you.
    Hugs - Pat
  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398
    padee6339 said:

    Welcome Anniem
    We are so glad you found us. There is nothing wrong with the way you feel. Of course you are overwhelmed. You are going through a horrific time in your life, when things should be going so great - starting college and all. You are not a baby - we have all been there - crying great gobs of tears and feeling the depression. I do not have a guy to hold me during the rough times and long nights either, but I have a great family and the support of good friends. Is there anyone you can talk to? Some family member? You will find a group of wonderful women on this site who you can talk to and who will be there right along side you to hold you up when you are falling down, who will be the shoulder you need to cry on, and who will be your strongest ally when you need a friend. We are all survivors here, including you and you are a strong wonderful woman who has already fought the beast with chemo. Radiation is a lot easier once chemo is done. Please keep coming back to the board, we are all here for you.
    Hugs - Pat

    Welcome
    You have found a place to lay your fears and your tears. Most of us have been where you are and found our way through it. I was fortunate to have a partner but not everyone is that lucky and often the big C has brought relationships to an end that probably should of ended long before the Cancer occurred.
    I think simplifying things can go along way to ending the constant turmoil we find ourselve's in. WOW and school to boot something than can add to the complication. Facing our fears and doing it anyways is often the case when facing cancer and the rest of our lives. I just simply believe the decisions we make are based on LOVE or FEAR and that makes it allot easier to face the things we go through in the now.
    I am 13 almost 14 year survivor of stage 3 with 11 out of 21 pos. nodes and HER triple negative. I didn't get very good odds when first started my battle but just knew if I was going to anything I would do all the treatments I could get and had to fight for a few since my cancer didn't fit most of the criteria set out for treatments way back then. Allot has changed with all they have learned.
    Survival is a roller coaster and sometimes still is for me with new problems rearing their ugly head but no cancer which is another blessing. I hope that you can find that school is a place you can look forward to and in. One step at a time is all we can do and trying to find ways to calm the voices that scream in our heads. I will be thinking of you and keeping you close at heart.
    Tara
  • webbwife50
    webbwife50 Member Posts: 394
    Welcome Anniem
    Sounds like Aunty Emm from wizard of oz!lol Welcome, you are not alone! Here you can express you feeling, ask questions, vent, and get lots of great advice from the pink warriors. It's really hard in the begining, I turned 50, the same month I was dx'ed, June 09, I really had to "regroup" what my life was about. This is a safe place where you can surround yourself with hugs and prayers and support and top-notch advice. We look forward to getting to know you. love...Alison
  • Heatherbelle
    Heatherbelle Member Posts: 1,226 Member
    Hi Annie - of course you're
    Hi Annie - of course you're overwhelmed sister! Im also on anti depressants and sometimes it feels like they just dont help. Im at the tail end of my chemo & have more bad days than good. Hang in there & lean on us for support!
    *hugs*
    Heather
    ps-i love your pic, my husband has a motorcycle & we like to ride - i got to go on the bike with him 1 time this year :(
  • anniem123
    anniem123 Member Posts: 19
    Thank you
    Thank you all. It does make me feel better just to talk to someone who is/has going through the same thing I am. Non-cancer people just don't seem to understand the feelings I am going through. I will be on this site more often. It's good to know that you all are here for me and hopefully I can do the same for you all when I am not so down. P.S. Thats my son in the picture with me. He has been my rock.
  • cookie97
    cookie97 Member Posts: 200
    anniem123 said:

    Thank you
    Thank you all. It does make me feel better just to talk to someone who is/has going through the same thing I am. Non-cancer people just don't seem to understand the feelings I am going through. I will be on this site more often. It's good to know that you all are here for me and hopefully I can do the same for you all when I am not so down. P.S. Thats my son in the picture with me. He has been my rock.

    Sorry to hear you're so down
    Same thing happened to me last week. I was diagnosed in May and thought I was doing really well with managing se's etc.. well last week I just had a huge melt down that totally shocked everybody in my little world. I've always been kind of a Scarlett O'Hara type, you know the one I'm talking about "Oh fiddle dee dee I'll worry about that tomorrow!" Not last week no ma'am puddle with a capital P in the floor all day! So anyway I know where you are coming from and I do empathize. Sometimes it's okay to have these days we just can't let it drag us down too far. We've got people rooting for us.

    Welcome to this site come and share anything any time.

    Peace and Love,
    Edie
  • jo jo
    jo jo Member Posts: 1,175
    anniem123 said:

    Thank you
    Thank you all. It does make me feel better just to talk to someone who is/has going through the same thing I am. Non-cancer people just don't seem to understand the feelings I am going through. I will be on this site more often. It's good to know that you all are here for me and hopefully I can do the same for you all when I am not so down. P.S. Thats my son in the picture with me. He has been my rock.

    Hi Annie and welcome. It
    Hi Annie and welcome. It does make a big difference when you have people that can relate to what your going thru...i think most of us on here have felt exactly what your feeling...your not alone, you have us and it sounds like you also have your son.
    Besides it takes a special kind of man to handle what we go thru...and we have a few of them here on this board. Which is also nice to see their veiw points of things.
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    Annie
    so glad you found us. We are here for your tears and fears. We've been there, done that! We listen, encourage and share our own experiences. Vent all you want, you are not alone! I hope you post often. I know antidepressants can help since I was on them for almost 9 years. Try to take it one day at a time and I wish you better days :-)
    {{hugs}} Char
  • SDickerson
    SDickerson Member Posts: 44
    24242 said:

    Welcome
    You have found a place to lay your fears and your tears. Most of us have been where you are and found our way through it. I was fortunate to have a partner but not everyone is that lucky and often the big C has brought relationships to an end that probably should of ended long before the Cancer occurred.
    I think simplifying things can go along way to ending the constant turmoil we find ourselve's in. WOW and school to boot something than can add to the complication. Facing our fears and doing it anyways is often the case when facing cancer and the rest of our lives. I just simply believe the decisions we make are based on LOVE or FEAR and that makes it allot easier to face the things we go through in the now.
    I am 13 almost 14 year survivor of stage 3 with 11 out of 21 pos. nodes and HER triple negative. I didn't get very good odds when first started my battle but just knew if I was going to anything I would do all the treatments I could get and had to fight for a few since my cancer didn't fit most of the criteria set out for treatments way back then. Allot has changed with all they have learned.
    Survival is a roller coaster and sometimes still is for me with new problems rearing their ugly head but no cancer which is another blessing. I hope that you can find that school is a place you can look forward to and in. One step at a time is all we can do and trying to find ways to calm the voices that scream in our heads. I will be thinking of you and keeping you close at heart.
    Tara

    thank you
    Hi Tara:

    Thank you so much for your post. It gives me hope. I two was dx as triple negative this past April. The picture painted for me was not very encouraging, even though my surgery was successful, clear margins. I am now in the PARPH study for us triple neg gals. You are right this board is a great place. I have read so many post from long time survivors including triple negative.

    God Bless
    Shannon
  • carriesoup
    carriesoup Member Posts: 144
    welcome :)
    i have to say i've only been on this board for a week, and i already feel better! you're not alone. we all have our good and bad days. this is a great place to release any emotions; good, bad or indifferent. :)

    you've come so far already!! anyone who is going through this, knows how strong you have to be. it's not easy!

    a man doesn't always make things better. lol. sometimes they make things worse ;)

    hang in there!

    *hugs*
    carrie :)
  • shelbyhome
    shelbyhome Member Posts: 145
    I am new to all of this too
    I am new to all of this too and all of our sisters here are wonderful! Our as you say non cancer family and friends just say things like oh dont cry it will be ok you have done so good or you have to think positive and things like that..... I say sometimes a good melt down makes you feel so much better! Yes we can all look around and find someone worst than us but when we are having our feelings it is nice to not feel guilty about how we feel and so don't! I lived in denial for the first 6 months and it was a great place to be so when I woke to reality all I can say is WOW !!! Hang in there and get on here as often as you need to someone is always here to listen..... Hugs
  • sea60
    sea60 Member Posts: 2,613
    You are not alone
    Look at ALL we've gone through! I would bet we've all been "basket cases" from time to time.

    It's truly a tough thing to go through. And no one understands but God and people who have gone through it.

    It is very overwhelming so it's absolutely okay to vent and cry.

    I found comfort in just trying as best as I could to try and keep my normal routine. It was hard at times. Try and walk 3-4 times a week for about 30 minutes as that helps. And for me, I really clung on to God's comforting words in the Bible. I would focus on his promises and He really helped me get through the tough times...and He still does.

    I hope and pray you feel better.

    Hugs,

    Sylvia
  • lauri67
    lauri67 Member Posts: 15
    Overwhelmed
    Annie, I know how you feel with the uncontrollable crying spells. I'm 43, diagnosed in June, had a lumpectomy 9/24, supposed to start chemo then bi-lateral with reconstruction in about 6 months. Most of the time I feel numb, people who know what I'm going through (also begining a nasty divorce) ask me how I stay so calm. I feel like a robot, a functioning robot. Then out of nowhere I break down and sob uncontrollably. It comes without warning and I can't stop it until I'm done. I am lucky to have a wonderful boyfriend who holds me but I still cry and cant stop. I think being hit with everything then just when you get over one part getting hit again is the factor in my case. I'm always going to keep my mind busy. Maybe you need a mini-break of some sort? I went away for a few days and it was wonderful! Of course I came back and it started up again but the break was so needed.
    I don't take anti-depressants but I do take Adderall and Lexapro, I think they help with depression.
    I wish you well and NO you're not a baby!!
    Lauri
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    Maybe it's because you are in the fight of your life....
    It DOES overwhelm at times!!!!

    We are here for you, dearheart, and have walked the road before you. Cancer is a lonely walk, even with loved ones close at hand, it's still you that is suffering the wounds of battle.

    Hugs, Kathi
  • Hi Annie
    Welcome to you, Annie. I, too, and 44 years old. My birthday is March 7 and I suffer from some depression also. It has nothing to do with not having a man around. My husband was beside me the whole time and still I became depressed. It does probably have a little to do with being overwhelmed. I would just cry for no reason. Please talk to your dr. about upping your anti-depressants or talking to a therapist or psychiatrist. I did perfectly fine emotionally until treatment was over and then I just lost it. That's when I went on something for it. I hope everything goes well for you. Please keep us posted as to how you're doing.

    Take care and many, many hugs,

    Reese
  • skipper85
    skipper85 Member Posts: 229
    Depressed and feel so alone

    Hi Annie:

    I am not a bc patient, but I am a caregiver and a Mom. Have you thought about asking if your college has a breast cancer support group? If not there is certainly one in your city. Sisters in pink are everywhere. They can be a great comfort for you and although we can give you cyberhugs they can give you the real deal.

    You need to have a meltdown every so often. Depression is understandable but talk with your doctor if it becomes overwhelming. Sometimes you need to change your medication if the one you have isn't working for you. You're going through a tough time - but you will get through it and you'll be okay. About the man thing - you just haven't found the right guy yet. You'll find him in good time and he will give you the support and love you need.

    Please locate a support group at your school or in your city. If your college doesn't have one maybe you can get one started or maybe someone at the college can organize one. I know you have a lot to handle right now.

    HUGS - HUGS & MORE HUGS to you.

    Skipper
  • anniem123
    anniem123 Member Posts: 19
    update
    Thank you all again. Today seems to be going better. I haven't had a crying spell yet. Almost but reading your posts makes me feel so much better. Thank you all for your advice. Love you all!

    Annie
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    anniem123 said:

    update
    Thank you all again. Today seems to be going better. I haven't had a crying spell yet. Almost but reading your posts makes me feel so much better. Thank you all for your advice. Love you all!

    Annie

    Annie .. I am so happy that you are feeling better -
    you have the right to cry, kick and scream .. We have 'Breast Cancer' a beast that no Women or Man should deal with.!!!

    44 and in College, You ROCK!!! Keep riding that 'Harley' with the cool wind breezing! Life gets better, little by little.

    Strength and Courage:

    Vicki Sam
  • heidijez
    heidijez Member Posts: 441
    you found the right place!
    we are here to care, to share, and to vent! i found this site the day before my last chemo treatment - how i wish i had found it sooner! as it turns out i was a chemo failure and went through another three months of chemo. the second time around was harder on me physically, but much easier emotionally because i had my sisters in pink on my side! just reading about other's experiences made me understand more about this beast! my family is of absolutely no help and the so-called love of my life walked away when i started the second round of chemo in june. i found out that i am a tough cookie and have dealt with everything on my own, managed to continue to work full-time through all this!

    one point i want to make is that crying is not a bad thing and does not mean you are depressed. yes. sometimes the two go hand in hand, but not always. crying is a release that can help immensely.

    so hang in there, anniem, and know we are right there beside you.

    sending you positive thoughts and lots of hugs, heidi
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    so much to get through
    so sorry you feel alone...try writing in journal....I did..thought crazy at start and happy I did...i look through on occassion now..

    can't hurt...! good luck