Someone please help me

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kikz
kikz Member Posts: 1,345 Member
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
I am barely able to sit at the keyboard because I am weak and lightheaded but I so need someone to help me feel I can get through this. I am sobbing and feel like everything is so futile. I will probably reread this at some point and wish I hadn't posted it but at this moment it is what I need to do. I am having such difficulty getting through my chemo. I was scheduled for the last infusion on Wednesday but it was postponed because I felt too sick. According to my doctor my blood counts were okay to do it, but I just couldn't. I ended up in the hospital with an infection after the first round and the last infusion of the second round had to be postponed because of severe constipation. I have not felt good since sometime in July after I had recuperated from surgery. I want to get through the chemo so I can start to feel good but I can't seem to bounce back. I am so tired of trying to figure out if I am really sick or is it the chemo? If I don't call the doctor she says I should have but when I called this time it's like they're saying nothing's wrong. I know my family gets frustrated. They tell me I should get up. I try to explain that it isn't that it is just hard to get up, I get lightheaded, I feel faint. I don't have any major symptoms going on; loose stool every few days. Is is diarrhea or not? Honestly I feel like if someone could have explained what this whole treatment would really be like at the beginning, if I would have known what I was going to go through, I may have chosen to walk in front of a bus. I having trouble understanding why I am going through all this when at some point I will have to go through it again. I am scared that by the time I get through my treatment and feel good in any way, the cancer will recur. I cannot see going through this over and over. I apologize to all of you who are doing just that. I know ultimately life is what we are all trying to hang onto but at this moment in time it just seems like what is the point? I feel it is all about suffering and I am so tired of it. I tell myself that I am well but this is just all part of the treatment but I feel so much time is going by, precious time. I am going back to bed. I hope someone can give me encouragement to continue the process.

Thank you,
Karen

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  • Cafewoman53
    Cafewoman53 Member Posts: 735 Member
    #2
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    IT is tough
    Karen I'm sorry you are feeling so bad ! I am dreading my next infusion next week because the last one was hard to take. We will get through this and maybe just maybe you or I will be one of the lucky ones who stay in remission for a very long period of time.
    Chemo is not fun or easy but it is the tool we use to defeat this awful cancer. Stay in bed all the time if it makes it better. Your body needs rest to deal with the effects of the chemo. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. How long do your worst symptoms last? Mine were about a week with the 3rd infusion. It was a very long week but knowing that it gets better with time helps a little. I'm lucky my dr gives me my infusion every four weeks so I get to feel better longer between treatments. Talk to your dr again and let them know what a hard time you are having maybe there is something they could do differently.
    I am hear to listen if you need to talk
    Colleen
  • leesag
    leesag Member Posts: 621 Member
    #3
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    Keep on Keeping On
    Hi Karen,

    I know exactly how you are feeling. I finished chemo in June and, as I get closer to my three month appointment, I worry about finding out that the cancer has returned already. However, every time I think about that, I think about the wonderful days that I've had. Chemo IS hard, but when I look at the balance sheet, every hug from my daughter, or kiss from my husband, or smile from a student, makes every nauseous night, every blood draw, every ache and pain worthwhile. So if it comes back, I'll do whatever I have to do. I have to much to do to give up.

    Sending you hugs and prayers honey. I know it's rough, but you'll get through it. And remember, focus on the positives... You and I are not statistics, we're living breathing people with a lot going for us!

    Hugs and prayers!

    Leesa
  • lindaprocopio
    lindaprocopio Member Posts: 1,980
    #4
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    leesag said:

    Keep on Keeping On
    Hi Karen,

    I know exactly how you are feeling. I finished chemo in June and, as I get closer to my three month appointment, I worry about finding out that the cancer has returned already. However, every time I think about that, I think about the wonderful days that I've had. Chemo IS hard, but when I look at the balance sheet, every hug from my daughter, or kiss from my husband, or smile from a student, makes every nauseous night, every blood draw, every ache and pain worthwhile. So if it comes back, I'll do whatever I have to do. I have to much to do to give up.

    Sending you hugs and prayers honey. I know it's rough, but you'll get through it. And remember, focus on the positives... You and I are not statistics, we're living breathing people with a lot going for us!

    Hugs and prayers!

    Leesa

    It sounds like more than the chemo, more like depression.
    Maybe you need to take something to lift your spirits or talk to someone. You sound depressed, clinically depressed. Cancer IS depressing, for SURE. But you clearly don't have your game face on, and if you give up now, in the beginning of your journey and during your initial treatment protocol, you will miss out on all the GOOD things that will happen also. I've been in almost continuous treatment for 2 years now, with 6 carbo/taxol chemo infusions, 28 rounds of pelvic radiation and 3 internal radiation sessions, 17 infusions of single agent taxol chemo, and last week: my 1st infusion of Doxil chemo. & you know what? That all sounds horrible typed out like that. But it isn't horrible. I am symptom free, and have fun every day of my life, even if the joy is something as small as an ice cream cone with my grandkids. If you can't shake off this sadness, you need to get some help. ((((hugs))) I did my share of hard crying through this. (If we lose Bonnie this week, I have some hard crying to so in my very NEAR future!!) But the laughter I've enjoyed has FAR (FAR!) exceeded the tears; and I think most of the ladies here will say the same. Please don't give up with your last carbo/taxol to get in you and then possibly a long long remission! The worst is over, honey. You're almost there. You can do this.
  • Sandy10
    Sandy10 Member Posts: 80
    #5
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    Karen,
    Chemo is
    Karen,

    Chemo is ROUGH!! I also got very sick during my treatments. I was in the hospital several times from the chemo. There were times I was so weak that i couldn't even stand on my own. DO NOT GIVE UP!!!! I finished chemo 2 1/2 months ago and STILL have some days that I am exhausted and weak BUT i also have days that are good. You will feel better a little each day after the chemo is done. You have fought hard, keep on going!!!! Your family doesn't get frustrated toward you, they are frustrated because some one they love is sick and they can't make it better. Your fight is NOT FUTILE!!! You are loved and you are not alone!!! We are all here fighting along side you!!!

    Sandy
  • kayandok
    kayandok Member Posts: 1,202 Member
    #6
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    Dear Karen,
    I know it was hard for you to type out your message, as down as you are. I agree with LInda, that you may be experiencing more than just the chemo symptoms. It might help you to be able to talk to someone in person who can help you through this. Ask one of the chemo nurses about this. Meanwhile, I will send you a PM, so we can connect on the phone/skype if you would like.

    I am a 3 year survivor, 3C, grade three. I did experience some NED after my first surgery/treatment and then have been on chemo for more than 2 years, with some breaks in between. There have been some rough spots, but I do have a good quality of life, enjoy my family and friends and do some free lance work too.

    There is hope, you can get through this, but you have to take it one day at a time, and not think too far ahead.

    Praying fo you today.
    Warm hugs❤
    kathleen
  • nancy591
    nancy591 Member Posts: 1,027 Member
    #7
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    fatigue/depression
    I remember nearing the end of my inital treatment and feeling like I couldn't go on. The carbo/taxol regimen is TOUGH plus you are still healing from surgery. Like the other posters mentioned there might be some underlying depression as well.

    I am currently fighting a recurrence and have been on chemo since January. I can tell you the two different chemos I have been on are no where near as taxing as the initial regimen. I don't know if that is because I have now recovered from my initial surgery. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel and you WILL feel better. Hang on and hold strong!!!
  • newhopechurchli
    newhopechurchli Member Posts: 126
    #8
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    nancy591 said:

    fatigue/depression
    I remember nearing the end of my inital treatment and feeling like I couldn't go on. The carbo/taxol regimen is TOUGH plus you are still healing from surgery. Like the other posters mentioned there might be some underlying depression as well.

    I am currently fighting a recurrence and have been on chemo since January. I can tell you the two different chemos I have been on are no where near as taxing as the initial regimen. I don't know if that is because I have now recovered from my initial surgery. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel and you WILL feel better. Hang on and hold strong!!!

    I think a lot of us felt the same way.
    I think a lot of us felt the same way, I know I did. Even though my Doctor never told me I would die from this... I believed I was dying. I felt so sick and my body was in so much pain that even when people tried to encourage me and tell me I would be okay - I didn't believe them. Only God knows what is going to happen - don't see yourself gone like I did, because 2 1/2 years later I am feeling better then ever. Life has continued and I am still here! I will pray for you that you will have peace and that fear would not overtake you. Don't give up :)
  • mopar
    mopar Member Posts: 1,972 Member
    #9
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    CHECK YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE
    Karen:
    So sorry to hear how you're feeling. It sounds so much like what I experienced while on chemo the first time, and even more-so the second time. Those particular symptoms, for me were low blood pressure. I have low BP under normal circumstances (106/65), and one of the side effects of the chemo is low BP so you can imagine how low it got - 82/75 to be exact! Anyway, I had a difficult time getting oxygen to my head, which resulted in dizziness, rapid heart rate, extreme fatigue, and a feeling that I was 'going away'. I really thought it was the end for me. And although the on-call doctor at the time wasn't too concerned, I would think that a BP that low is cause for concern.

    Anway, once I knew why I was feeling that way I was prepared for future infusions. The first couple days after treatments, I would have some salty snacks on hand. Even the leftover potato chips at the bottom of the bag was enough to nibble on. The salt and pottasium helped. I also had a cup of coffee from time to time (not too close to bedtime), which can also bring up BP. And, I walked around extremely slowly, little by little to get my blood going. All these measures truly, truly helped.

    Don't look too far ahead - it creates anxiety. But it helps to keep a journal to be prepared for what's coming up. Once you know how you react to the treatments you can get everything together to have on hand and make it easier for you. So sorry you're going through this. But we all understand and are here to listen and help. I hope my suggestions are helpful. Please let us know.

    Till then. . .
    (((HUGS)))
    Monika
  • Mwee
    Mwee Member Posts: 1,338
    #10
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    Chemo is a b*tch!
    Dear Karen,
    I'm so glad that you were able to write your post. Carbo/taxol is very, very rough... I didn't think I was going to make it through. You are not alone feeling the way you do. You may be experiencing depression, but hey, who wouldn't? I found that I wasn't drinking enough water and that it made all of the complications of chemo much worse. You have come to the right place. We've all been there or are where you are now. My family gets frustrated also, but I think it is because they just don't know how to help me. How bout inviting your family to read some posts here? As for chemo wasting your precious time... I had 3 1/2 years of dancing with NED after that series of carbo/taxol. During that time I played, traveled and enjoyed myself. I'm back into the chemo thing now, but I'm looking forward to good results and that makes it oh so worthwhile.
    (((HUGS))) Maria
  • vj1
    vj1 Member Posts: 150
    #11
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    Mwee said:

    Chemo is a b*tch!
    Dear Karen,
    I'm so glad that you were able to write your post. Carbo/taxol is very, very rough... I didn't think I was going to make it through. You are not alone feeling the way you do. You may be experiencing depression, but hey, who wouldn't? I found that I wasn't drinking enough water and that it made all of the complications of chemo much worse. You have come to the right place. We've all been there or are where you are now. My family gets frustrated also, but I think it is because they just don't know how to help me. How bout inviting your family to read some posts here? As for chemo wasting your precious time... I had 3 1/2 years of dancing with NED after that series of carbo/taxol. During that time I played, traveled and enjoyed myself. I'm back into the chemo thing now, but I'm looking forward to good results and that makes it oh so worthwhile.
    (((HUGS))) Maria

    Karen
    Well you did the best by getting on this site. Support, love and understanding is always available. It helps sooooo much to talk to other women who have this dreaded monster. Keep positive thoughts, eat right, drink a lot of water and find room to laugh.
    It is the best medicine after all--things will improve. Be sure you stay in touch.
    You are in my thoughts and prayers.
    Verna
  • groundeffect
    groundeffect Member Posts: 639 Member
    #12
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    Local Support Group
    Hi Karen,

    I think you are feeling really down about your surgery and chemo. I think you should find out if there is a local ovarian cancer support group in your area, and see if you can talk to someone who belongs to it. It really does help to speak with a fellow survivor! I was out on a limb and feeling pretty bad about my chemo until I got up the nerve to find out about our local group. Once I spoke with the leader and then went to a meeting, I realized the women there knew exactly what I was dealing with.

    You can call the nearest American Cancer Society to see if they have a number for a support group, or ask where you're having treatment if they have a number to refer you to.

    You've made a big step by coming to this board to tell us what's going on with you, and I hope you'll take another step to someone nearby.

    Good luck, and please come back and let us know how you're doing!

    Sue

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