Anybody Else Awake?
My quest. is, why can't i stop all this torture, & try to die gracefully? My onc think it's now in my lungs. I have brought all my family members back together, & back to God. I've prepared my grown children to the fact that they might lose me to the most beautiful place possible, being with God. What will happen to me pain wise to stop my chemo completely? Thanks for anybody on this board's opinion?
Comments
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Good morning Nat
I am not a Dr, and can only speak for myself. I was DX about three months ago. I am in chemo. This coming Tues will be my forth treatment. My tumor has shrunk and the Dr, can't find it anymore either. And I am ecstatic about that. I still have to have surgery and rads. I am 52. I don't care how old I get I do not want to die. I want to live and be with my family as long as I can be here. I will fight this with everything I have for as long as it takes. Life is a gift that God gives us and we have to do everything we can to make it worth living. Why do you think that the Dr thinks it is in your lungs?? Your Dr should know. And lung cancer is treatable and curable. I know people that have had it and are fine now. Please don't give up on your life. Fight for it you are only 60!! That is to young to give up. You brought all your family back together right. It sounds like you are the anchor of the family. They need you here. It sounds like you may be depressed. Have you talked to your Dr about it? There are things that will help you with this. Please get some help. Let us know how you are doing. You have your family and you have us here. You are not alone. We will help you through this. Your sister in pink Kay Take care of yourself.0 -
Pain and cancer
There are many different doctors out there. If you are contemplating giving up chemo because of the pain of the side effects, it is time to find a more compassionate doctor that believes in treating the side effects aggressively. Sometimes, mind you, it is the nurses and nurse practioners that know more about treating those side effects, but they need to be paired with your doctors and give you a hand. My dad always told me to look for a new job and find it before I quit the old one. You might consider taking the same advice and keep up with your current treatment (it is working on shrinking the tumor) but on the side look diligently for a doctor and staff that can help with the side effects better. Some doctors are considerably more aggressive about pain relief than motrin. There are also mouth rinses that I've read about here that will treat those mouth sores and rid you of pain by treating the source. Have you gotten that much help?0 -
chemosmalldoggroomer said:Good morning Nat
I am not a Dr, and can only speak for myself. I was DX about three months ago. I am in chemo. This coming Tues will be my forth treatment. My tumor has shrunk and the Dr, can't find it anymore either. And I am ecstatic about that. I still have to have surgery and rads. I am 52. I don't care how old I get I do not want to die. I want to live and be with my family as long as I can be here. I will fight this with everything I have for as long as it takes. Life is a gift that God gives us and we have to do everything we can to make it worth living. Why do you think that the Dr thinks it is in your lungs?? Your Dr should know. And lung cancer is treatable and curable. I know people that have had it and are fine now. Please don't give up on your life. Fight for it you are only 60!! That is to young to give up. You brought all your family back together right. It sounds like you are the anchor of the family. They need you here. It sounds like you may be depressed. Have you talked to your Dr about it? There are things that will help you with this. Please get some help. Let us know how you are doing. You have your family and you have us here. You are not alone. We will help you through this. Your sister in pink Kay Take care of yourself.
Thank you for ans. me so soon, nobody has ever been awake but me. I haven't slept more then 3hrs. since being diagnosed. It sounds like you and i are at about the same place in the chemo dept.? did you get terrible mouth sores? The were hurting me for 3days,& nights so bad that I was on the floor begging God to take me. It was the WORST pain in my life! I know you'll think I'm crazy, but 1yr. ago I new that I'd get cancer, & I know I'm going to die this yr. I can't explain it, it's just that all my life I've known certain things. I didn't mean to sound like I'm giving up. I only got the treatment to appease my scared **** family.
My family all drifted apart(my 6 siblings)about 10yrs.ago. My mother who has past let me know that I was the only one who could bring them back together, &more importantly back to God. I tried, & tried but it wasn't until I was blessed with cancer that it happened. Cancer Isn't usually called a blessing, but in this case it was. To me it was worth ALL the pain! It's just too bad that it took my illness to get the job done. I'm not depressed at all, I just feel that my work with them is done, & they need to do the rest. And I would like to die with a little dignity if at all possible. I'm not giving up, I new about all this way before any docs or symptoms even showed up. I'm not afraid, and feel stupid trying to fight the inevitable. Does any of this make any sense to you?0 -
Cabbottcabbott said:Pain and cancer
There are many different doctors out there. If you are contemplating giving up chemo because of the pain of the side effects, it is time to find a more compassionate doctor that believes in treating the side effects aggressively. Sometimes, mind you, it is the nurses and nurse practioners that know more about treating those side effects, but they need to be paired with your doctors and give you a hand. My dad always told me to look for a new job and find it before I quit the old one. You might consider taking the same advice and keep up with your current treatment (it is working on shrinking the tumor) but on the side look diligently for a doctor and staff that can help with the side effects better. Some doctors are considerably more aggressive about pain relief than motrin. There are also mouth rinses that I've read about here that will treat those mouth sores and rid you of pain by treating the source. Have you gotten that much help?
That was pretty funny what your Dad said in reference to me! I had all the mouth washes, & coating, but your right about the side effects. I couldn't believe what a heartless B my oncologist was, I felt like slapping the 13yr old doctor, that knew it all.I still know that I'm dying within a yr, it might be my heart, or it could be the cancer. That part wasn't known to me. I am interested in getting help for the pain, like you said. I need to do what ever it takes. Another blessing that's happened since being diagnosed, is the strength, & courage that everybody is getting from me. I thought I was being very brave until my child doc told me to take Motrin, like I was a drug addict. Shame on her!0 -
I am up and down most nightsNat1000 said:chemo
Thank you for ans. me so soon, nobody has ever been awake but me. I haven't slept more then 3hrs. since being diagnosed. It sounds like you and i are at about the same place in the chemo dept.? did you get terrible mouth sores? The were hurting me for 3days,& nights so bad that I was on the floor begging God to take me. It was the WORST pain in my life! I know you'll think I'm crazy, but 1yr. ago I new that I'd get cancer, & I know I'm going to die this yr. I can't explain it, it's just that all my life I've known certain things. I didn't mean to sound like I'm giving up. I only got the treatment to appease my scared **** family.
My family all drifted apart(my 6 siblings)about 10yrs.ago. My mother who has past let me know that I was the only one who could bring them back together, &more importantly back to God. I tried, & tried but it wasn't until I was blessed with cancer that it happened. Cancer Isn't usually called a blessing, but in this case it was. To me it was worth ALL the pain! It's just too bad that it took my illness to get the job done. I'm not depressed at all, I just feel that my work with them is done, & they need to do the rest. And I would like to die with a little dignity if at all possible. I'm not giving up, I new about all this way before any docs or symptoms even showed up. I'm not afraid, and feel stupid trying to fight the inevitable. Does any of this make any sense to you?
I am up and down most nights but that is normal for me anyway. I did get a few mouth sores. Now I use alcohol free mouth wash and I don't get much of them anymore. I think you need another Dr, a caring one. Pain can be managed and dealt with. You don't have to have this much pain. I'm sorry but I don't understand the dieing thing. My life to me is worth fighting for and living for. When God wants you he will take you no matter what. Until then I am fighting for life. You don't have to give up the fight when it is time you will go. It is up to us to make life as positive and happy as possible. I wish you all the best. You sound like a very nice lady. I enjoy talking to you.. Kay0 -
Actually, I had reallyNat1000 said:Cabbott
That was pretty funny what your Dad said in reference to me! I had all the mouth washes, & coating, but your right about the side effects. I couldn't believe what a heartless B my oncologist was, I felt like slapping the 13yr old doctor, that knew it all.I still know that I'm dying within a yr, it might be my heart, or it could be the cancer. That part wasn't known to me. I am interested in getting help for the pain, like you said. I need to do what ever it takes. Another blessing that's happened since being diagnosed, is the strength, & courage that everybody is getting from me. I thought I was being very brave until my child doc told me to take Motrin, like I was a drug addict. Shame on her!
Actually, I had really horrid bone pain from the neupogen shot taken after chemo. Three darvocets in an hour didn't touch it. Onc said to take Motrin. I was skeptical but did and by God it worked! At least try it.
Anyways, I am 62 years young and have a lotta time left. And my Onc said I was too dang young not to fight this CA with everything I could, hence the chemo & rads. 60 is the new 40 don't ya know.
Cindy0 -
KAYsmalldoggroomer said:I am up and down most nights
I am up and down most nights but that is normal for me anyway. I did get a few mouth sores. Now I use alcohol free mouth wash and I don't get much of them anymore. I think you need another Dr, a caring one. Pain can be managed and dealt with. You don't have to have this much pain. I'm sorry but I don't understand the dieing thing. My life to me is worth fighting for and living for. When God wants you he will take you no matter what. Until then I am fighting for life. You don't have to give up the fight when it is time you will go. It is up to us to make life as positive and happy as possible. I wish you all the best. You sound like a very nice lady. I enjoy talking to you.. Kay
I enjoyed all of your info, & output, your very sweet. I'm glad you said that about changing docs, I hope she doesn't make a big to do about it, because Id like to stay where I am, but change to a doctor there. And I agree 100% about God taking or not taking you. There in lies my problem, God is the one who let me know I was dying,& not to be afraid, & kind of what happens when we die. I've had a kind of sixth sense, or what ever you want to call it since I was 6yrs. old. I could feel a presence telling me not to be scared, or what street to go down after school, the safe one,even though that wasn't my normal way home. Oh boy, could I tell you some story's! Anyway, he never lets me know these thing in a subtle way (being that I knew better & wouldn't be his slave) So he practically yelled it to me, & even had other people jerk me out from in front of cars, that i wasn't paying attention to. I don't like Holy Rollers, & hate sounding like one, I'm just trying to explain how I know about the yr. And I'm going to keep up the chemo using a diff. doc. Thanks0 -
MCJMCJ said:about mouth sores, my wife
about mouth sores, my wife chewed on ice chips or popcycles during chemo, she did not get a single sore, something about the cold kept the chemo away from the skin cells, if only it worked on the scalp maybeb we would not lose our hair.
OMG! Thank you for that advise!!!!! Once I have the sores, you can't touch my mouth with anything cold, or even tap water. But I never thought about doing it during, & maybe all day after. It's sure as hell worth a try! Why didn't any of the chemo nurses, or my doctor know that? Thanks sooo much!0 -
MCJMCJ said:about mouth sores, my wife
about mouth sores, my wife chewed on ice chips or popcycles during chemo, she did not get a single sore, something about the cold kept the chemo away from the skin cells, if only it worked on the scalp maybeb we would not lose our hair.
OMG! Thank you for that advise!!!!! Once I have the sores, you can't touch my mouth with anything cold, or even tap water. But I never thought about doing it during, & maybe all day after. It's sure as hell worth a try! Why didn't any of the chemo nurses, or my doctor know that? Thanks sooo much!0 -
KittySnowkitty said:Actually, I had really
Actually, I had really horrid bone pain from the neupogen shot taken after chemo. Three darvocets in an hour didn't touch it. Onc said to take Motrin. I was skeptical but did and by God it worked! At least try it.
Anyways, I am 62 years young and have a lotta time left. And my Onc said I was too dang young not to fight this CA with everything I could, hence the chemo & rads. 60 is the new 40 don't ya know.
Cindy
Thanks for your advise, but I'm also having bone pain, & it's probably worse then the norm, due to the fact that I have arthritis in my spine. Oxycodone keeps me from screaming, but doesn't help my mouth, or head one bit. I would never take them at the same time, & my GP explained to me, that each pain med works on different parts of the brain. One for your head, one for a broken foot..... I also have Hep C, & my doctor knows this, & I'm not suppose to even take motrin. Thank you.0 -
ice chipsNat1000 said:MCJ
OMG! Thank you for that advise!!!!! Once I have the sores, you can't touch my mouth with anything cold, or even tap water. But I never thought about doing it during, & maybe all day after. It's sure as hell worth a try! Why didn't any of the chemo nurses, or my doctor know that? Thanks sooo much!
i also did the ice chips before during and after each chemo treatment i never did get mouth sores.
wishing you the best!
teresa0 -
Mouth Soresteresa41 said:ice chips
i also did the ice chips before during and after each chemo treatment i never did get mouth sores.
wishing you the best!
teresa
Nat,
The onc nurses and PA's told me that there is a medicine for the mouth sores. I think it is something like Nystatin or something like that. It is a liquid you use like mouthwash. They told me to call them immediately if I got them. It is a perscription but it would be worth it. I hope you are feeling better soon.
Janie0 -
Teresa & JanieAMomNETN said:Mouth Sores
Nat,
The onc nurses and PA's told me that there is a medicine for the mouth sores. I think it is something like Nystatin or something like that. It is a liquid you use like mouthwash. They told me to call them immediately if I got them. It is a perscription but it would be worth it. I hope you are feeling better soon.
Janie
Thanks for the ice chip info ( you better believe I am taking some with me Tues.)& that medicine you mentioned. I skipped my 5th chemo last Tues., so my mouth could heal some, even though my oncologist tried to blackmail me. So right now I only have one blister on the edge of my tongue, & that's a piece of cake. My onc told me that if I didn't get chemo that day she wouldn't prescribe any pain pills for me. I was shocked and so disappointed in her, because I thought she was nice. So I told her to keep her pain meds, I was leaving,& that's when she said to take Motrin. In my head, I wrote her off that day. Thinking what kind of way is that for a doctor to act? So this Tues. I'm having the chemo, & getting a new oncologist. Thank you both.0 -
daughter
I just wanted to thank everybody for being soooo supportive, & to say that the picture of the cutie pie by my name, is a picture of my 39yr. old daughter when she was little. She has been so brave, & sometimes gives me advice that's as wise as your mother would give. Anyway, I love that picture so much I've plastered it all over the cancer board. Thanks everybody.
Nat0 -
I just love this picture! INat1000 said:daughter
I just wanted to thank everybody for being soooo supportive, & to say that the picture of the cutie pie by my name, is a picture of my 39yr. old daughter when she was little. She has been so brave, & sometimes gives me advice that's as wise as your mother would give. Anyway, I love that picture so much I've plastered it all over the cancer board. Thanks everybody.
Nat
I just love this picture! I thought it must be you Nat and was just about to compliment you until I just read your last post. The smile and laughter on your daughters' face just says it all about her personality! She must have a zest for life and sounds like she is great to her mother too!
All I can say is do what is best for you but I would like to see you keep fighting. It may not be the right thing to say, but I believe we all know what's best for us and no one can make that decision or judge us, if we choose to stop treatment or anything else. I'm very glad that you're getting a new Dr because her last comment to you sure sounded downright mean and totally lacking of compassion. Someone else just posted that nurses and nurse practioners know our pain better and I just had this experience. I am now going to see my Onc.'s NP on my next appointment because she totally got my pain from Arimidex when he all but dismissed it.
Hugs,
Wanda0 -
Nat
you are only 60! I'm 61 and plan on fighting through whatever God intended. I have a husband of 35 years, 2 married children, 5 beautiful grandchildren and one on the way. I have a lot to live for. We can handle it. I did not get any mouth sores. I started using Biotene toothpaste and mouthwash the day before my first chemo. I brush my teeth 3 x/day. I also drink a lot of water. I'll be having my 2nd round of chemo on Tuesday. It sounds as if you and your oncologist don't communicate well on anything. Please consider talking to her or finding a dr that you have confidence in. It could make a difference. Hoping you find relief for your pain.
BTW I was dx with osteoarthritis 10 years ago. Since 2007 I've had 11 surgeries not counting my bilateral mastectomy. I fell 6 times breaking both shoulders because 3 discs had collapsed in my neck. I have no left humeral head and a prosthesis in my right shoulder. I had 3 disc fusion in my neck and a torn meniscus repaired in my knee. Because I'm bone on bone I wear an unloading brace for my left knee. I also have lumbar spinal stenosis. 3 days after having the Neulasta shot my whole body aches! Extra strength Tylenol helped me get to sleep. So now I'm bald, my face has pimples, I have no boobs and my body hurts.... But, I'm alive and fighting bc to the end whenever that might be.
Char0 -
Just sending you a hug and aLighthouse_7 said:I just love this picture! I
I just love this picture! I thought it must be you Nat and was just about to compliment you until I just read your last post. The smile and laughter on your daughters' face just says it all about her personality! She must have a zest for life and sounds like she is great to her mother too!
All I can say is do what is best for you but I would like to see you keep fighting. It may not be the right thing to say, but I believe we all know what's best for us and no one can make that decision or judge us, if we choose to stop treatment or anything else. I'm very glad that you're getting a new Dr because her last comment to you sure sounded downright mean and totally lacking of compassion. Someone else just posted that nurses and nurse practioners know our pain better and I just had this experience. I am now going to see my Onc.'s NP on my next appointment because she totally got my pain from Arimidex when he all but dismissed it.
Hugs,
Wanda
Just sending you a hug and a prayer. I pray that I live a long, long time. There is so much to enjoy in life and I love my husband, my family and friends and don't want to lose a minute with them if I can.
Hugs, Jan0 -
I did not get mouth sores.Icahjah75 said:Nat
you are only 60! I'm 61 and plan on fighting through whatever God intended. I have a husband of 35 years, 2 married children, 5 beautiful grandchildren and one on the way. I have a lot to live for. We can handle it. I did not get any mouth sores. I started using Biotene toothpaste and mouthwash the day before my first chemo. I brush my teeth 3 x/day. I also drink a lot of water. I'll be having my 2nd round of chemo on Tuesday. It sounds as if you and your oncologist don't communicate well on anything. Please consider talking to her or finding a dr that you have confidence in. It could make a difference. Hoping you find relief for your pain.
BTW I was dx with osteoarthritis 10 years ago. Since 2007 I've had 11 surgeries not counting my bilateral mastectomy. I fell 6 times breaking both shoulders because 3 discs had collapsed in my neck. I have no left humeral head and a prosthesis in my right shoulder. I had 3 disc fusion in my neck and a torn meniscus repaired in my knee. Because I'm bone on bone I wear an unloading brace for my left knee. I also have lumbar spinal stenosis. 3 days after having the Neulasta shot my whole body aches! Extra strength Tylenol helped me get to sleep. So now I'm bald, my face has pimples, I have no boobs and my body hurts.... But, I'm alive and fighting bc to the end whenever that might be.
Char
I did not get mouth sores.I used biotene becuase my mouth was so dry. I also used peridex mouth rinse around my chemo. I did get thrush which is a mouth infection from yeast. usually you see a white coating on your tongue. Nystatin treats that. I used that every cycle of AC. I did not have this issue with taxol at all. many people swear by the eating ice during chemo. thank goodness I didnt need it as I was always FREEZING during my infusions. I think its because they gave me extra fluid and that infusion made me cold. Anyway i am sorry you are having such a tough time, but you are young and have lots to live for, people to be with, and perhaps help and inspire. I am so glad you have such a strong faith.0 -
Hi Natcarkris said:I did not get mouth sores.I
I did not get mouth sores.I used biotene becuase my mouth was so dry. I also used peridex mouth rinse around my chemo. I did get thrush which is a mouth infection from yeast. usually you see a white coating on your tongue. Nystatin treats that. I used that every cycle of AC. I did not have this issue with taxol at all. many people swear by the eating ice during chemo. thank goodness I didnt need it as I was always FREEZING during my infusions. I think its because they gave me extra fluid and that infusion made me cold. Anyway i am sorry you are having such a tough time, but you are young and have lots to live for, people to be with, and perhaps help and inspire. I am so glad you have such a strong faith.
I read your post about your son and it did break my heart. I hope you have had a better day today. Everybody here is very supportive and caring. Please talk to your son , raise your concerns and ask for specific help around the house, fix something or drive you to the chemo or grocery shopping. Give him a specific task it will help to deal with your diagnosis. It is very common reaction for mals.
Hugs,
New Flower0
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