Fear

LynnKT
LynnKT Member Posts: 47
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I was diagnosed with BC on 10/7/09. Had double mast. with reconstruction (just to be sure of no recurrence) in 11/09 and finished chemo 3/10. I start precautionary rad in a few weeks. My tumor was very near my chest wall but was very small. No lymph nodes were involved. Overall, I am doing well. My hair is slowly growing back and right now I am feeling well. A little anxious about fatigue from rad. I went through a period of extreme paranoia last month about the cancer coming back. Right now I am fine, but does anyone else battle this fear? I know that probably what I went through in July was fairly normal after going through such trauma to my body -- kind of like post traumatic shock syndrome. Thanks. You are all such troopers!

Comments

  • survives
    survives Member Posts: 254 Member
    Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome
    We all have it to a certain degree. I am four years out, and really get anxious every 6 months when it's time for counts or just regular check ups. I don't know that the fear ever leaves, but it does get easier to manage. Remember, it's a long journey, and all you need to do is take it a day at a time. And if that's too much...then a moment at a time.

    Best wishes as you start your rads treatments.
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    Lynn
    I think anyone who has bc has some fear of it coming back anywhere in their body. I had a bilateral mastectomy in June 2010, no lymph node involvement but I did have 6.1cm ILC. This past Monday my oncologist sent me for a PET scan as a precaution. I have 2 sisters who are bc survivors, one is 8 years out and the other 9 years. And yes, they do think about it coming back. {{hugs}}
    Char
  • teresa41
    teresa41 Member Posts: 471
    cahjah75 said:

    Lynn
    I think anyone who has bc has some fear of it coming back anywhere in their body. I had a bilateral mastectomy in June 2010, no lymph node involvement but I did have 6.1cm ILC. This past Monday my oncologist sent me for a PET scan as a precaution. I have 2 sisters who are bc survivors, one is 8 years out and the other 9 years. And yes, they do think about it coming back. {{hugs}}
    Char

    fear
    i was diagnosed in april 2009 and i worried about it a lot i guess at that time i had good reason to one year later i was diagnosed again on the opposite side. sometimes i do think about it but i try to take one day at a time and live in the now. keeping active and busy helps me also.


    teresa
  • TraciInLA
    TraciInLA Member Posts: 1,994 Member
    teresa41 said:

    fear
    i was diagnosed in april 2009 and i worried about it a lot i guess at that time i had good reason to one year later i was diagnosed again on the opposite side. sometimes i do think about it but i try to take one day at a time and live in the now. keeping active and busy helps me also.


    teresa

    I think Laurissa said it best
    Hi, Lynn -

    I think it was Laurissa on this board who said recently how she's gone through periods since finishing treatment where she gets a headache -- must be brain cancer. Tummy hurts -- must be stomach cancer.

    We know in our heads that it's completely irrational, but it's also completely normal and human, after what we've all been through. I had a week not long ago where -- in my head -- I had ovarian cancer and bone mets all in the span of a few days, all because of a minor pain that my oncologist has since reassured me was neither and nothing to worry about.

    I think some level of fear is just part of our lives now. Be gentle with yourself, don't be shy about voicing your fears to relevant professionals (your doctors, social workers, etc.) who can reassure you, and give yourself more time than you think you'll need to heal emotionally after your treatment is all over.

    Traci
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    survives said:

    Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome
    We all have it to a certain degree. I am four years out, and really get anxious every 6 months when it's time for counts or just regular check ups. I don't know that the fear ever leaves, but it does get easier to manage. Remember, it's a long journey, and all you need to do is take it a day at a time. And if that's too much...then a moment at a time.

    Best wishes as you start your rads treatments.

    Yep...many of us know that
    Yep...many of us know that fear. My onc appointment is tomorrow and anxiety is nibbling at me. But it is more in the background. Like survives says, it gets easier. xoxoxoxo Lynn
  • LynnKT
    LynnKT Member Posts: 47
    TraciInLA said:

    I think Laurissa said it best
    Hi, Lynn -

    I think it was Laurissa on this board who said recently how she's gone through periods since finishing treatment where she gets a headache -- must be brain cancer. Tummy hurts -- must be stomach cancer.

    We know in our heads that it's completely irrational, but it's also completely normal and human, after what we've all been through. I had a week not long ago where -- in my head -- I had ovarian cancer and bone mets all in the span of a few days, all because of a minor pain that my oncologist has since reassured me was neither and nothing to worry about.

    I think some level of fear is just part of our lives now. Be gentle with yourself, don't be shy about voicing your fears to relevant professionals (your doctors, social workers, etc.) who can reassure you, and give yourself more time than you think you'll need to heal emotionally after your treatment is all over.

    Traci

    Thank you all for your
    Thank you all for your responses! Yes, I was having abdominal pain & my mind took over. I thought for sure I either had gastric or liver cancer. Turns out I had a virus that just hung on for a few weeks and now I'm good as new (well, almost!). I guess I just don't want to be blindsided by every ache and pain. God bless!
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    SAME BOAT
    I think most of us are in a similar boat, fear is a part of the human make up then you add the threat of cancer returning and it is only normal for fear to raise it's ugly head. The best we can do is not to allow it to overtake us on a daily basis. I always say we should not let cancer steal our joy and I truly believe that. Once we have battled this beast we have a right to some happiness. Wishing you all the best!

    RE
  • jo jo
    jo jo Member Posts: 1,175
    Hi Lynn nice to meet
    Hi Lynn nice to meet you...we are pretty close in our bc process. I was diagnosed 10/14/09, mastectomy & reconstruction 11/24, finished chemo 4/26/10, with no rads, implant surgery 7/14/10.
    I think the fear is always going to be there but its up to us if we let it consume us or not...i think it always being in the back of our minds is normal.
    Congrads on finishing chemo...sorry you have to do the rads.
  • Betsy13
    Betsy13 Member Posts: 185
    yep...
    I know the feeling. I was diagnosed with DCIS in 2/10 and had 33 rads. Terrified it's going to come back. They did an MRI before I began rads and saw something on the other side. I have to wait 6 months for follow-up. My next MRI and Mammogram is 9/27. Gotta trust my rad. onc. Counting the days...
  • Pinkpower
    Pinkpower Member Posts: 437
    Hi Lynn, I too am no
    Hi Lynn, I too am no stranger to anxiety and fear of the cancer coming back, especially since on Monday the 30th I get my 1st Mammo and MRI. September will be my 1yr since I was dx. Im very nervous but praying for the best.
    Lupe
  • ms.sunshine
    ms.sunshine Member Posts: 707 Member
    Pinkpower said:

    Hi Lynn, I too am no
    Hi Lynn, I too am no stranger to anxiety and fear of the cancer coming back, especially since on Monday the 30th I get my 1st Mammo and MRI. September will be my 1yr since I was dx. Im very nervous but praying for the best.
    Lupe

    This is my problem
    I don't want to be paranoid about every pain and run to dr., but I also don't want to dismiss a pain that needs to be checked out. When do you know to let it go or see ole doc? I have bone/joint pain, headache every day. Dr. said it's after treatment side effects. I wonder if she knows this for sure.
  • survives
    survives Member Posts: 254 Member

    This is my problem
    I don't want to be paranoid about every pain and run to dr., but I also don't want to dismiss a pain that needs to be checked out. When do you know to let it go or see ole doc? I have bone/joint pain, headache every day. Dr. said it's after treatment side effects. I wonder if she knows this for sure.

    Trust--
    You just gotta trust, Ms. Sunshine. The general rule of thumb is that IF a pain lasts longer than two weeks, gets worse rather than better, and wakes you up at night, it is time to see the doctor. But then, doesn't that seem logical with any pain???? Don't know, but I'm not logical anymore. ;-)

    If you doctor is telling you "se's", I'd try and trust this to be true. IF it doesn't go away, I would demand testing. No one wants pains all the time.

    Hope you feel better.
  • sal314
    sal314 Member Posts: 599 Member
    Totally Normal!
    I had very similar experiences after I ended my treatment. I handled (at least I thought I did) everything so well. It wasn't till the day after my last radiation treatment that I kinda of hit a wall and broke down.

    You are so busy with "getting through" all the treatments, you really don't have time to stop and process everything until it's done. I found myself extremely anxious about recurrence and was just really scared about the future. I sought out a support group and that was extremely helpful! I also started an anti-depressant to help me "cope" with the anxiety and shock that I had to work through.

    Long story short, I'll celebrate 9 years as a survivor on Sept. 26th. I'm ending my 5 year Tamoxifen hell in 4 days and I can tell you, your worry and anxiety about having the cancer come back will lesson over time. About the only time a have a little "freak-out" session is once a year when I have to get a mammogram. But...they aren't as bad and I recover fairly quickly! LOL. You will get to a point where "breast cancer" isn't in the front of your mind everyday! It just takes some time.

    Hope this helps a bit.

    Blessings,
    Sally
  • LynnKT
    LynnKT Member Posts: 47
    sal314 said:

    Totally Normal!
    I had very similar experiences after I ended my treatment. I handled (at least I thought I did) everything so well. It wasn't till the day after my last radiation treatment that I kinda of hit a wall and broke down.

    You are so busy with "getting through" all the treatments, you really don't have time to stop and process everything until it's done. I found myself extremely anxious about recurrence and was just really scared about the future. I sought out a support group and that was extremely helpful! I also started an anti-depressant to help me "cope" with the anxiety and shock that I had to work through.

    Long story short, I'll celebrate 9 years as a survivor on Sept. 26th. I'm ending my 5 year Tamoxifen hell in 4 days and I can tell you, your worry and anxiety about having the cancer come back will lesson over time. About the only time a have a little "freak-out" session is once a year when I have to get a mammogram. But...they aren't as bad and I recover fairly quickly! LOL. You will get to a point where "breast cancer" isn't in the front of your mind everyday! It just takes some time.

    Hope this helps a bit.

    Blessings,
    Sally

    Fear
    Thanks again for all of your insights. Doing well today. I actually got a compliment on my "cute short hair"! I didn't mention that it was a very expensive journey to this "haircut".
    HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND! Lynn
  • TraciInLA
    TraciInLA Member Posts: 1,994 Member
    LynnKT said:

    Fear
    Thanks again for all of your insights. Doing well today. I actually got a compliment on my "cute short hair"! I didn't mention that it was a very expensive journey to this "haircut".
    HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND! Lynn

    Side note for Lynn,
    Lynn, I have a t-shirt from CafePress that reads, "I PAY MY ONCOLOGIST BIG BUCKS FOR THIS HAIRSTYLE." I got so many laughs from it while I was still rockin' the bald --> baby chick --> punk band --> strange religious cult hair looks.

    :-) Traci
  • Betsy13
    Betsy13 Member Posts: 185
    TraciInLA said:

    Side note for Lynn,
    Lynn, I have a t-shirt from CafePress that reads, "I PAY MY ONCOLOGIST BIG BUCKS FOR THIS HAIRSTYLE." I got so many laughs from it while I was still rockin' the bald --> baby chick --> punk band --> strange religious cult hair looks.

    :-) Traci

    t-shirt
    Traci ~

    I absolutely love it!
  • LynnKT
    LynnKT Member Posts: 47
    Betsy13 said:

    t-shirt
    Traci ~

    I absolutely love it!

    I love the tee shirt idea,
    I love the tee shirt idea, Traci! I do get some strange looks. Today I went to my son's first soccer game of the season, and I don't know if I was imagining it, but people kept giving me double-takes. Not sure if I look really bad to them or really good. I try to think positive! Some people say that I've got the sassy look. Okay . . . so a few months ago I was bald and now I'm sassy. Funny how time changes things!
  • Lighthouse_7
    Lighthouse_7 Member Posts: 1,566 Member
    LynnKT said:

    I love the tee shirt idea,
    I love the tee shirt idea, Traci! I do get some strange looks. Today I went to my son's first soccer game of the season, and I don't know if I was imagining it, but people kept giving me double-takes. Not sure if I look really bad to them or really good. I try to think positive! Some people say that I've got the sassy look. Okay . . . so a few months ago I was bald and now I'm sassy. Funny how time changes things!

    Yes the fear is always
    Yes the fear is always there. Just some days it rears it's ugly head. Most of the time, it's just underlying and I deal with it.
    The best piece of advise that I ever had on this subject was to always remember that no matter how bad one day is, just get through it because tomorrow or maybe even the next day, it will be much better.
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631

    Yes the fear is always
    Yes the fear is always there. Just some days it rears it's ugly head. Most of the time, it's just underlying and I deal with it.
    The best piece of advise that I ever had on this subject was to always remember that no matter how bad one day is, just get through it because tomorrow or maybe even the next day, it will be much better.

    Traci once again
    you made me laugh out loud. The t-shirt sounds marvelous! Is it pink????
    Char