Don't want to cause a fight!

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teacher9
teacher9 Member Posts: 17
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
So here goes, I'm ready to take my husbands head off. As his caregiver I do A LOT with little help from friends. This week is his good week after chemo, he seems fine. He had promised to do all the cooking this week so I can relax, he has not cooked one meal yet. I have worked in my home office for 4 hours today, been to 2 doctors for myself, and now I am leaving to conduct a skin care class. He has been sitting at home playing video games in his man cave, which BTW I have been asking him to clean up even before the cancer. I think that the reason I am really noticing it today is that my beauty business is my part time job and I have off this week from my full time job. So I am home all day, working.
What is the nicest way I can ask him to do something!!

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  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #2
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    Some things
    Some things never change :)

    Ask him the same way you did before he got sick!
  • zinniemay
    zinniemay Member Posts: 522
    #3
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    nice way
    I just say to my husband if you feel like it tomorrow lets clean that room. Some times he feels like and so times he don't.
    Women or most of us see things different then men. We see the dust on the furniture , they think we put poder on it. We see the dirty dished and they se hey one more clean plate, then I will have a load for the dish washer.
    I just look at my husband's big brown eyes and think God am I lucky lady. Then I clean up after him. I know if I were sick he would do these things for me in a heart beat.
    He is sick and I want for him to not worry and sweat these things.
    I think you are just so tired and over worked. Maybe if you asked him what he is making for supper? Say is there anything you need to fix it?
    I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better, I just don't know How to help you. The feeling you are having are fair so no one should be mad.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #4
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    Ask Him
    Just ask him what's for dinner. Are you cooking or are you taking me out to a nice dinner? Maybe that will remind him that he is supposed to be cooking. If not, call the pizza place or go get a hamburger. You need some rest. As for his room, do what we did with one of our sons when he was a teenager. Make a toxic waste sign for the door and tell him to keep the door closed. Pick your fights or as my husband used to tell me, "Let it go, dear. Just let it go."
  • zinniemay
    zinniemay Member Posts: 522
    #5
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    grandmafay said:

    Ask Him
    Just ask him what's for dinner. Are you cooking or are you taking me out to a nice dinner? Maybe that will remind him that he is supposed to be cooking. If not, call the pizza place or go get a hamburger. You need some rest. As for his room, do what we did with one of our sons when he was a teenager. Make a toxic waste sign for the door and tell him to keep the door closed. Pick your fights or as my husband used to tell me, "Let it go, dear. Just let it go."

    had to
    My husband has said that to me too"Just Let it go" So that was sweet to see that your husband had said it too.
  • 1231kath
    1231kath Member Posts: 7
    #6
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    I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU
    I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN, WHEN THINGD GET OUT OF CONTROL, I WILL SAY TO MY HUSBAND " WE NEED TO TALK". HE JUST FINSHED THE WINDOW SILL IN MY BATHROOM, WE LIVED IN THE HOUSE FOR 4YEARS NOW. IT TOOK HIM 2 WEEKS TO DO THEM, HE WORKED ON THEM A HR A DAY, THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL, HE GOT DESCOURGED , HE SAID ANYOTHER TIME THIS WOULD HAVE ONLY TAKEN ME 2 DAYS TO DO. I PRASIED HIM FOR JOB WELL DONE.I KNOW THERE ARE DAYS WHEN THEY FELL BAD, BUT ON GOOD DAYS I ASK HIM TO DO THINGS, I JUST SAY WELL TOMORROW MAY NOT BE A GOOD DAY, SO LETS MAKE THE BEST OUT OF OUR GOOD DAYS, HIS DOCTOR SAYS TO KEEP HIM BUSY, EVEN IF ITS FOLDING CLOTHES FROM HIS BED, GOOD LUCK HON, I FEEL FOR U.
  • teacher9
    teacher9 Member Posts: 17
    #7
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    1231kath said:

    I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU
    I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN, WHEN THINGD GET OUT OF CONTROL, I WILL SAY TO MY HUSBAND " WE NEED TO TALK". HE JUST FINSHED THE WINDOW SILL IN MY BATHROOM, WE LIVED IN THE HOUSE FOR 4YEARS NOW. IT TOOK HIM 2 WEEKS TO DO THEM, HE WORKED ON THEM A HR A DAY, THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL, HE GOT DESCOURGED , HE SAID ANYOTHER TIME THIS WOULD HAVE ONLY TAKEN ME 2 DAYS TO DO. I PRASIED HIM FOR JOB WELL DONE.I KNOW THERE ARE DAYS WHEN THEY FELL BAD, BUT ON GOOD DAYS I ASK HIM TO DO THINGS, I JUST SAY WELL TOMORROW MAY NOT BE A GOOD DAY, SO LETS MAKE THE BEST OUT OF OUR GOOD DAYS, HIS DOCTOR SAYS TO KEEP HIM BUSY, EVEN IF ITS FOLDING CLOTHES FROM HIS BED, GOOD LUCK HON, I FEEL FOR U.

    Thank you everyone
    Thanks everyone for the encouragement. What is so funny was that a few hours later he started cleaning on his own, and he made a wonderful dinner tonight.
  • zinniemay
    zinniemay Member Posts: 522
    #8
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    teacher9 said:

    Thank you everyone
    Thanks everyone for the encouragement. What is so funny was that a few hours later he started cleaning on his own, and he made a wonderful dinner tonight.

    glad
    I am so glad that he was able to do that for you. I bet you were beaming! Made me happy at the thought of the smile he gave you!
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #9
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    teacher9 said:

    Thank you everyone
    Thanks everyone for the encouragement. What is so funny was that a few hours later he started cleaning on his own, and he made a wonderful dinner tonight.

    See
    See, little miracles happen all the time. Celebrate those moments. They add up and help you through the rough times. Fay
  • kimmygarland
    kimmygarland Member Posts: 312
    #10
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    grandmafay said:

    See
    See, little miracles happen all the time. Celebrate those moments. They add up and help you through the rough times. Fay

    Good for Him!
    And for you.... and I really do think they appreciate us, even if they don't always act like it.

    My husband is very unaffectionate, and does not like crying, or dealing with emotional stuff, etc. I am used to it after 27 years and know that's just how he is. And I know he loves me, have no insecurities about that whatsoever. So... a couple of weeks ago I come home and find a sweet card and a dozen roses sitting on the counter. The card said, although he doesn't tell me very often he loves me dearly and appreciates all I do for him. There it was - totally out of the blue... I almost fainted, LOL!

    So what's he cooking for dinner tonight??!!! :)
  • zinniemay
    zinniemay Member Posts: 522
    #11
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    kimmygarland said:

    Good for Him!
    And for you.... and I really do think they appreciate us, even if they don't always act like it.

    My husband is very unaffectionate, and does not like crying, or dealing with emotional stuff, etc. I am used to it after 27 years and know that's just how he is. And I know he loves me, have no insecurities about that whatsoever. So... a couple of weeks ago I come home and find a sweet card and a dozen roses sitting on the counter. The card said, although he doesn't tell me very often he loves me dearly and appreciates all I do for him. There it was - totally out of the blue... I almost fainted, LOL!

    So what's he cooking for dinner tonight??!!! :)

    So sweet
    Kimmy, that was so sweet, my husband is like that too. But surpises me all the time. These are the things that we have to hang on it. Let the rest go. I know my husband loves me and I love him!. I would like him to put the toliet seat down but I am so glad I have him with me . Now days I am glad to see the seat up.
  • junklady
    junklady Member Posts: 88 Member
    #12
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    Take things as they come
    Just take things as they are. I wish Dale could BBQ for us, leave the toilet seat up, stop cluttering the table with papers, give me flowers or write me a note, track mud in the house, but these things will never happen again. All I can do is remember them. You never know when life changes. At the beginning of August, he asked me to buy a blank card so he could write to me. Well, that never happened. I can only imagine what he wanted to say. My heart is aching so, knowing that the end is near. Just love your man while he is with you. Life's too short to argue. Take care.
    Cynthia

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