Tough week and getting worse

junklady
junklady Member Posts: 88 Member
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
It's been a bad week. Hospice care started last Friday. On Sunday Dale said it's the best he's felt in a long time, but since that day he has declined rapidly. He has slept constantly all week, not getting out of bed at all. He is not eating and drinking anymore. Hospice thinks maybe a week or two. The pain is being managed, but I see the misery on his face. He looks like he is ready to leave this earth. He is skin and bones, not the man he once was, just breaks my heart so. The days have been spent crying. Thursday night one of the tumors behind his trach ruptured and it was a bloody mess all over the bed. I've never seen so much blood. Hospice came on Friday morning and we managed to clean him and the bed. The social worker came to comfort me and also discuss final details. I just keep wondering how much longer will he suffer. I hate to see this happening to the man I love. All I pray for is a peaceful passing. The days are filled with pain, tears,and sleeplessness, just wondering about everything. I hope I have the strength to get through all of this. We have all been there or will be. Thanks for letting me share.
Cynthia

Comments

  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #2
    Sad
    Cynthia, I can feel your sadness. It is so hard to watch our loved ones as they make that final approach to heaven. We would willingly take their place. I know you will be able to face this with a strong heart. All you can do at this point is make Dale as comfortable asmpossible and love him. He knows you are there even when he sleeps. He knows your love. Prayers and hugs to you. Fay
  • kimmygarland
    kimmygarland Member Posts: 312
    #3
    grandmafay said:

    Sad
    Cynthia, I can feel your sadness. It is so hard to watch our loved ones as they make that final approach to heaven. We would willingly take their place. I know you will be able to face this with a strong heart. All you can do at this point is make Dale as comfortable asmpossible and love him. He knows you are there even when he sleeps. He knows your love. Prayers and hugs to you. Fay

    Sending you Strength
    Sending you strength to get through the next phase of this journey.
    Prayers to you and your family.
  • Pennymac02
    Pennymac02 Member Posts: 332 Member
    #4
    Prayers
    Cynthia, I will remember you and your husband in my prayers tonight. There's not much anyone can say to make your situation easier, but my experiance with my mothers passing in Hospice last Christmas was very positive. They made a very difficult situation a little easier. Sending positive thoughts your way,
    Penny
  • miccmill
    miccmill Member Posts: 248
    #5
    Pennymac02 said:

    Prayers
    Cynthia, I will remember you and your husband in my prayers tonight. There's not much anyone can say to make your situation easier, but my experiance with my mothers passing in Hospice last Christmas was very positive. They made a very difficult situation a little easier. Sending positive thoughts your way,
    Penny

    Prayers
    Cynthia, I'm thinking of you and Dale. You're in my prayers. My heart goes out to you as you do the toughest job on this earth.

    Lisa
  • ms.sunshine
    ms.sunshine Member Posts: 707 Member
    #6
    Cynthia
    My heart hurts for you and Dale. I too will pray for a peaceful passing. Prayers for you and family. Take care
    Jennifer
  • junklady
    junklady Member Posts: 88 Member
    #7
    Another tough week
    I'm living through another though week. I'm constantly looking to see if he is still breathing. Trying to do things with the baby monitor in hand. I just jump at every little noise. His adult children are coming on Friday for a few hours. I imagine it is to say their final goodbye, and it will be a very emotional day. Dale keeps asking me what day it is. I think he is clinging to life just for that reason. The social worker told me to call him if I need support that day. I just might do so. It's hard to bear watching him like this and I wonder what is on his mind. The tears are non stop. I find myself going thru my closet, trying to find the perfect little black dress. How sad is that. I actually ordered some mini glass bottles to put the ashes in for friends at the memorial. What is wrong with me? I think I'm over preparing for the end. My mind is in overload with all that is going on. I would also like say to all here, thank you for your support, prayers, and thoughts. It is so comforting to have friends here, although I don't know you personally.
    Cynthia
  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #8
    junklady said:

    Another tough week
    I'm living through another though week. I'm constantly looking to see if he is still breathing. Trying to do things with the baby monitor in hand. I just jump at every little noise. His adult children are coming on Friday for a few hours. I imagine it is to say their final goodbye, and it will be a very emotional day. Dale keeps asking me what day it is. I think he is clinging to life just for that reason. The social worker told me to call him if I need support that day. I just might do so. It's hard to bear watching him like this and I wonder what is on his mind. The tears are non stop. I find myself going thru my closet, trying to find the perfect little black dress. How sad is that. I actually ordered some mini glass bottles to put the ashes in for friends at the memorial. What is wrong with me? I think I'm over preparing for the end. My mind is in overload with all that is going on. I would also like say to all here, thank you for your support, prayers, and thoughts. It is so comforting to have friends here, although I don't know you personally.
    Cynthia

    the tough week
    Cynthia,

    Stop for a minute and exhale. You'll breathe, anyway, it's the exhaling that you need to do right now. Physically exhale.

    God knew before Dale was born the minute he would leave this earth and is waiting for him with open arms. He will not be alone, not even for a second.

    Overpreparing - no, you are not. You are only too aware life here on this earth will go on and you are just doing what you have, no doubt, always done - taking care of the details.

    If a person has ever walked this walk before, we know all too well what you are feeling - you just need to understand you are not alone in the walk. We are with you.

    Hugs. Bunches of them.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #9
    junklady said:

    Another tough week
    I'm living through another though week. I'm constantly looking to see if he is still breathing. Trying to do things with the baby monitor in hand. I just jump at every little noise. His adult children are coming on Friday for a few hours. I imagine it is to say their final goodbye, and it will be a very emotional day. Dale keeps asking me what day it is. I think he is clinging to life just for that reason. The social worker told me to call him if I need support that day. I just might do so. It's hard to bear watching him like this and I wonder what is on his mind. The tears are non stop. I find myself going thru my closet, trying to find the perfect little black dress. How sad is that. I actually ordered some mini glass bottles to put the ashes in for friends at the memorial. What is wrong with me? I think I'm over preparing for the end. My mind is in overload with all that is going on. I would also like say to all here, thank you for your support, prayers, and thoughts. It is so comforting to have friends here, although I don't know you personally.
    Cynthia

    Over Preparing
    No, you are not over preparing. You are just trying to think ahead. One warning, even though you think you are prepared, you cannot ever be truly prepared. I think those of us who watch cancer take our loved ones, do have some time to accept that death is coming. Yet we still are not totally ready for the end. Our lives change dramatically from caregiver to widow. I hate that word, but there isn't another one. For now, don't beat yourself up over your thoughts and preparations. Thinking ahead is just acceptance of reality. I am sure Dale is proud of you. I know my Doug appreciated how hard it was to be the caregiver and worried about be being a widow. He wanted me to think ahead. It gave him confidence to know that I would be ok. The thoughts are going to come whether you want them to or not. Just be sure you take the time to sit with Dale, hold his hand, and tell him you love him. Although these are hard times, they are also precious times. The family good byes are also precious times. I remember and cherish watching my oldest granddaughter (16) sitting quietly next to my husband's bed, holding his hand. Yes, they are difficult at the time, but some make wonderful memories. The tears show how much we love and will miss our loved ones. Having the chance to say good bye is a blessing. Try to get some rest. Prayers and hugs for you both. Fay
  • zinniemay
    zinniemay Member Posts: 522
    #10
    junklady said:

    Another tough week
    I'm living through another though week. I'm constantly looking to see if he is still breathing. Trying to do things with the baby monitor in hand. I just jump at every little noise. His adult children are coming on Friday for a few hours. I imagine it is to say their final goodbye, and it will be a very emotional day. Dale keeps asking me what day it is. I think he is clinging to life just for that reason. The social worker told me to call him if I need support that day. I just might do so. It's hard to bear watching him like this and I wonder what is on his mind. The tears are non stop. I find myself going thru my closet, trying to find the perfect little black dress. How sad is that. I actually ordered some mini glass bottles to put the ashes in for friends at the memorial. What is wrong with me? I think I'm over preparing for the end. My mind is in overload with all that is going on. I would also like say to all here, thank you for your support, prayers, and thoughts. It is so comforting to have friends here, although I don't know you personally.
    Cynthia

    with
    Cynthia,
    I think you are trying so hard to please everyone and do the right thing . There is no right thing. Do in your heart the best for you and Dale. I never know what to say to people but I am learning to say something is better than to not say anything. My heatr is with you. There is no words that can say what is the right thing to do.
    I wish you peace
    Jennie
  • AnnaLeigh
    AnnaLeigh Member Posts: 187 Member
    #11
    junklady said:

    Another tough week
    I'm living through another though week. I'm constantly looking to see if he is still breathing. Trying to do things with the baby monitor in hand. I just jump at every little noise. His adult children are coming on Friday for a few hours. I imagine it is to say their final goodbye, and it will be a very emotional day. Dale keeps asking me what day it is. I think he is clinging to life just for that reason. The social worker told me to call him if I need support that day. I just might do so. It's hard to bear watching him like this and I wonder what is on his mind. The tears are non stop. I find myself going thru my closet, trying to find the perfect little black dress. How sad is that. I actually ordered some mini glass bottles to put the ashes in for friends at the memorial. What is wrong with me? I think I'm over preparing for the end. My mind is in overload with all that is going on. I would also like say to all here, thank you for your support, prayers, and thoughts. It is so comforting to have friends here, although I don't know you personally.
    Cynthia

    We are here for support - Always !!
    Cynthia,

    My heart goes out to you and Dale for all that both of you have endured. Please know that there is no such thing as "the right way" or "the wrong way" to handle any of this. There is no such thing as too little tears or too many tears. Let those tears wash away all of the stress and give you some relief from having to be so strong for so long.

    Having the social worker there is a wonderful idea. Just knowing you have someone to lean on will help during this time. It is understandable that your thoughts will be scattered because you have dealt with so much responsibility along with the emotional upheaval of it all.

    Sending you and your wonderful husband wishes for peace and loving arms to hold you and comfort you.

    We are here to support you at any time you need. Grief comes in many forms and shouldn't be held back. Post and let it out if you need to.
  • kimmygarland
    kimmygarland Member Posts: 312
    #12
    AnnaLeigh said:

    We are here for support - Always !!
    Cynthia,

    My heart goes out to you and Dale for all that both of you have endured. Please know that there is no such thing as "the right way" or "the wrong way" to handle any of this. There is no such thing as too little tears or too many tears. Let those tears wash away all of the stress and give you some relief from having to be so strong for so long.

    Having the social worker there is a wonderful idea. Just knowing you have someone to lean on will help during this time. It is understandable that your thoughts will be scattered because you have dealt with so much responsibility along with the emotional upheaval of it all.

    Sending you and your wonderful husband wishes for peace and loving arms to hold you and comfort you.

    We are here to support you at any time you need. Grief comes in many forms and shouldn't be held back. Post and let it out if you need to.

    No Advice Here
    only prayers and wishing you a calm, and peace as you go through this. I am a planner, and find myself planning things in my mind that I have no business even thinking about at this stage of the game... so I understand.

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