should I feel this way??

Options
mikesmom01
mikesmom01 Member Posts: 27
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Hello everyone,

I'm a caregiver for my son who has gastro esophageal stage 4 cancer. I'm not the only caregiver but certainly am doing all I can do for my son. The thing is, sometimes in the midst of work, home life, being around MY friends, I tend to .....not forget, but I guess it just looses power over me, like it's really not real. Then, sometimes if I find myself laughing or "too" happy about something, it will hit me, really hard and I feel so very heavily guilty that I was laughing or whatever. He was diagnosed the very last of March, and been thru the gammet of treatment, infections, medications, weight loss, irritibility, so forth. When "he's" feeling good, so do I.....I forget because he doesn't appear sick. I think this might be God's way of carrying us thru this, like he's giving me Grace or something. If anyone else has experienced these feelings I'd like to hear from you. I think in my mind I DO NOT WANT TO BELIEVE IT, so I don't.
Thanks for letting me get that out here, didn't really know where else to do it.
Martha (Mike's Mom)

Comments

  • zinniemay
    zinniemay Member Posts: 522
    #2
    Options
    we all do
    We laugh in place of the fear of the unknown. Laughter is the best thing we can do, Even your son will tell you, for a moment when he laughts him mind is at ease For a moment Life is good.
    Take all the moments you can get. If it was you what would you want for your son to do? I find jokes and tell to my husband and we laught together and in that moment life is normal.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #3
    Options
    Feelings
    First, there are no right ways to feel when faced with this disease. My husband fought colon cancer for 6 years before loosing his battle in October. How sad that time would have been if we had not laughed often. He had this great sense of humor and even found ways to joke about his cancer. He didn't look sick until the last few months, at least not when he was out in public. People regularly told me how good he looked, sometimes almost as if they were accusing us of making up how illl he was. What I am saying is that you can't put your life on hold. You have a right to enjoy being with friends, laughing, even singing and dancing. There will be enough times of frustration and sadness going forward. Your live is and probably will continue to be a roller coaster. Just hang on for the ride. Cherish the good times. Faye
  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #4
    Options
    Of course you should feel this way...
    While my current concern is my husband who has stage IV hypopharyngeal cancer, I have been a caregiver for many terminally ill relatives, most recently my sweet brother who passed away in May 2010. The human mind is a unique thing: whenever possible, and when functioning well, it finds a way to give us "mini-vacations" from the unrelenting stress under which we sometimes find ourselves. Be glad you "forget" because you know, you don't truly forget. It may not be at the front of your consciousness but it is always there.
    I'm hoping you get these moments more and more often as you come to accept the reality of your son's situation.
    Gentle hugs coming your way.
  • kimmygarland
    kimmygarland Member Posts: 312
    #5
    Options
    Noellesmom said:

    Of course you should feel this way...
    While my current concern is my husband who has stage IV hypopharyngeal cancer, I have been a caregiver for many terminally ill relatives, most recently my sweet brother who passed away in May 2010. The human mind is a unique thing: whenever possible, and when functioning well, it finds a way to give us "mini-vacations" from the unrelenting stress under which we sometimes find ourselves. Be glad you "forget" because you know, you don't truly forget. It may not be at the front of your consciousness but it is always there.
    I'm hoping you get these moments more and more often as you come to accept the reality of your son's situation.
    Gentle hugs coming your way.

    No Right or Wrong
    I am convinced there is no right or wrong way to feel, never the right thing to say, etc... it's such an individual journey that all of us handle differently, and yet uniquely the same? (I don't know if that makes sense). It's like we as caregivers are all in the same boat, but each row a little differently.

    NOELLESMOM - my husband also had/has hypopharyngeal cancer. Thought they had it (chemo/rads), then two weeks ago he had hot pet scan, bad MRI and we are waiting on bipsy 8/23. Doc says it appears to be back. Ugh.... very scary. How is your husband doing?
  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #6
    Options
    kimmygarland said:

    No Right or Wrong
    I am convinced there is no right or wrong way to feel, never the right thing to say, etc... it's such an individual journey that all of us handle differently, and yet uniquely the same? (I don't know if that makes sense). It's like we as caregivers are all in the same boat, but each row a little differently.

    NOELLESMOM - my husband also had/has hypopharyngeal cancer. Thought they had it (chemo/rads), then two weeks ago he had hot pet scan, bad MRI and we are waiting on bipsy 8/23. Doc says it appears to be back. Ugh.... very scary. How is your husband doing?

    I agree with kimmygarland
    You are right - we are all paddling furiously but with our own, required-for-our-situation rhythm.
    Jim has about two weeks of radiation left and a chemotherapy this Wednesday. While he has done very well with the treatments (still eating anything he wants as long as it is in small enough pieces), he is very tired.
    From reading, we know this cancer has a propensity for recurring, although I know it is something we all pray will not happen. When was your husband's cancer? Was this the follow-up PET to the chemo/radiation? I agree, it is a frightening disease. I will be praying for your and your husband.
  • Tina Blondek
    Tina Blondek Member Posts: 1,500 Member
    #7
    Options
    Hello Mikes Mom
    Hello Mikes Mom (Martha)!!
    So nice to see you posting. I have been wondering about you and your son. Of course you should all laugh whenever you get the urge to! Live each day. Enjoy every moment of laughter. Do not feel guilty at all! How is your son doing? Have you heard any updates from Ian's mom? Keep in touch.....more often :)
    Tina

Discussion Boards