Getting tired

ketziah35
ketziah35 Member Posts: 1,145
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
ok. i need to have a confessional.

I am tired. My vacation time is being taken up by caring for my mother and her illness. I can't clean my own house becuase i am tired from cleaning my mothers. My mother lives in a different state and my suitcase hasn't been put up since May. So you see my mother is new to this cancer journey and we have a long way to go and I am tired.


Thanks for listening

Comments

  • david54
    david54 Member Posts: 164 Member
    #2
    I know the feeling. It
    I know the feeling. It likely makes it much more difficult that she lives in another state. Is there anyone in her proximity that can cover for you? I never knew what to say when people would ask me "What can I do to help?" I could not give a specific answer. Had they said "When your wife has chemotherapy April 4th, I will take her and have her there by 0900. I will then bring her home after she is finished." That would have taken the burden of trying to delegate when I could barely open my eyes - but in all fairness they are not mind readers either.

    All I can really say is that your rest is priority or you cannot take care of your mother. You have to think of yourself and even spoil yourself once in awhile. I like to run, so I went out and bought new running shoes and attire. It felt good to focus on myself for a change.

    Another cue for me is when I say I am “Tired” it means much more than physical. It means I am tired of the stress of taking care of a family member, tired of problem solving, tired of hospital bills. Tired of feeling tired.

    David
  • lilli1020
    lilli1020 Member Posts: 114
    #3
    make a list
    Think of things that are really a pain for you to have to do, but have to get done. Make a list of these things and the next time someone tells you "if there is anything I can do" then pick one from the list and ask them that if it's really no trouble, you need help with __________! Say "that would help me so much" and see what happens. I started taking people up on their offers and got shopping done, casseroles delivered, friends that could just come over and sit around in case the patient needed something. Then I got a chance to take a walk, just drive, shop for ME....anything to get away from the situation. You may not think you can do it, but after the first time, it's easy and 99% of the time these people are very glad to help out! Try it....you'll be glad you did!

    Best of luck, Gayle
  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #4
    I know I know
    K, I know you didn't mean it that way, because your post made me laugh. I've been caring for my mother for year and a half, and my suitcase stays half packed all the time. I stopped counting after trip 22, it's 750 miles one way or two flights to get here.

    I am far far from rich (kid finishing college this month hoooray!) but I've found someone to clean my house before I come home. My wonderful man does not really get the constancy of housework, and I don't think people should be forced to do things they're bad at. My housekeeper has made a HUGE difference in the quality of my life. This morning at dawn just before I pulled out for the long ride south, I emailed her and asked her to be ready to save my broken home next week.

    I come home exhausted from caregiving and from detailing my mother's large house and yard, doing things the way she like them. I know how you feel, but take heart. Probably after your mother finishes first line chemo, there will be some open time for you when you won't be needed so much.
  • zinniemay
    zinniemay Member Posts: 522
    #5
    lilli1020 said:

    make a list
    Think of things that are really a pain for you to have to do, but have to get done. Make a list of these things and the next time someone tells you "if there is anything I can do" then pick one from the list and ask them that if it's really no trouble, you need help with __________! Say "that would help me so much" and see what happens. I started taking people up on their offers and got shopping done, casseroles delivered, friends that could just come over and sit around in case the patient needed something. Then I got a chance to take a walk, just drive, shop for ME....anything to get away from the situation. You may not think you can do it, but after the first time, it's easy and 99% of the time these people are very glad to help out! Try it....you'll be glad you did!

    Best of luck, Gayle

    Thanks Gayle
    I think this is great, I am very bad at asking for help and I so need it. My husband is still able to do allot for himself. But I sometimes think I can't do it anymore. Not him just all the little things. So thanks for this good tip!
  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111 Member
    #6
    Ket
    Hey its Tina from the colorectal board where we both post.

    I can sympathize, as caregivers, we so unselfishly do what we know needs doing but during George's therapy it all fell on my back, housework, laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, working, well, you get the gist of it and it is so ok to be just sick and tired of being so dang tired. I had a day off work and George walked in and said so, what did you do all day, your kidding me right, instead, I just mumbled a**hole to myself and put on a great big smile and said cooking you a great meal, which I did.

    It is ok to be sick and tired of being so dang tired. Come here and vent anytime you need to.

    Tina
  • kimmygarland
    kimmygarland Member Posts: 312
    #7
    geotina said:

    Ket
    Hey its Tina from the colorectal board where we both post.

    I can sympathize, as caregivers, we so unselfishly do what we know needs doing but during George's therapy it all fell on my back, housework, laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, working, well, you get the gist of it and it is so ok to be just sick and tired of being so dang tired. I had a day off work and George walked in and said so, what did you do all day, your kidding me right, instead, I just mumbled a**hole to myself and put on a great big smile and said cooking you a great meal, which I did.

    It is ok to be sick and tired of being so dang tired. Come here and vent anytime you need to.

    Tina

    DAVID54
    I relate to everything you said. I am new to the Caregiver board, have posted a few times on the Head and Neck board. My husband was treated with chemo/rads from July - November 2009, and then it was recovery and tests, etc.... then a couple of weeks ago they found what they think is a recurrence at original tumor spot. Now it looks like we will do it all over again. Biopsy is 8/23, but doc says he thinks it has recurred. Ugh.

    Like you, during his treatment, I wished someone would have just said I'LL DO THIS... instead of asking me what they could do. I was exhausted and barely putting one foot in front of the other. All the meds, constant surveillance, watching for fever, did you sleep?, did you poop?, is your skin too dry?, neck burning? - well you all know - there is SO much.

    I am just tired of being tired. Tired of worrying about cancer, tired of seeing my once strong husband get beat down by first treatment, turning the corner & feeling better, now to be beat down again with the recurrence. Tired of seeing the fear and worry in my son's eyes.

    I hate cancer.

    But I am glad I found this group.

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