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Here we go again

eric38's picture
eric38
Posts: 588
Joined: May 2009

In the process of getting screened for my new clinical trial they discovered that I have new liver lesions and in addition, metastasis to the lungs. I have 3 new liver lesions for a total of seven and I have 4 small lung lesions that are on both sides. I always try to have an upbeat attitude and my mood has been pretty good but sometimes it just gets so hard. This one has just knocked the wind out of my sails. I'm also starting to feel sicker and that effects your attitude too. There is still hope for me and I know many people here have it in their lungs but I haven't had any treatments for 2 months while they decided what to do with me and this just proves that the cancer is growing fast. I hope this new treatment can stop this mess or at least hold it off for a while. I'd like to have some time to feel better again even if it's a short while but this may be as good as it is going to get for me. I still believe in God and miracles but I am discouraged and wondering if a my miracle is going to come. I have to be prepared for the probable outcome but sometimes people beat the odds. Lots of prayers or good vibes would be well appreciated. New treatment on Mon. Pray that it works.

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

The day I was diagnosed with cancer, was the day I got back in touch with the Supreme Being. It had been a while since I had a good long talk with Him.
Saying that, I want you to know, that I once again believe in the power of prayer, and I will be saying some might strong ones for you!!!!
Holding your cyber hand and patting you on the back, we're standing with you, praying for the best.
Winter Marie

kathybd
Posts: 126
Joined: Jul 2009

Just wanted to tell you, I will be praying for you. My husband has Stage 4 colon cancer with mets to liver and lungs and I just finished chemo last Nov for stage 1 endometrial cancer. Life is such a rollercoaster. You sound like such a strong person. Keep in mind all the people on this board that care for you and will help you get through this. I wish you strength, peace and fortitude as you face this next challenge in your life.

Thoughts and positive vibes, as well as prayers will be coming your way!
Kathy

kathybd
Posts: 126
Joined: Jul 2009

Just wanted to tell you, I will be praying for you. My husband has Stage 4 colon cancer with mets to liver and lungs and I just finished chemo last Nov for stage 1 endometrial cancer. Life is such a rollercoaster. You sound like such a strong person. Keep in mind all the people on this board that care for you and will help you get through this. I wish you strength, peace and fortitude as you face this next challenge in your life.

Thoughts and positive vibes, as well as prayers will be coming your way!
Kathy

amyb15's picture
amyb15
Posts: 109
Joined: Jun 2009

ERIC:
I am sorry to hear that your news wasn't what you'd hoped it would be. My sister Brenda3_16 has cc with mets to liver and lungs. She was dx in 3/09. She has been on chemo the whole time/ Surgery is not an option for her at this point, but she continues to work full time, exercise and do all of things she has always. Of course we are hoping and praying that there might be surgery or even a procedure available to her one day. Try not to get too discouraged. There are always new treatments and trials coming out. You never know what can happen. My sisters PA told her that Avastan has only been FDA approved for a few years and now it is one of the most effective and most widely used drugs for cc. Never lose hope. You still might get your mircle. You will be in my prayers.
Amy

thready's picture
thready
Posts: 475
Joined: Sep 2009

Eric
Just wanted you to know that Dan and I are praying etc for you. If you need anything just pm and we will be there.

Jan

AnneCan
Posts: 3692
Joined: Oct 2009

Eric,

I am so sorry that this news isn't what you wanted to hear. You are a strong person, + this next treatment may be just the ticket you need for the NED train. My thoughts + hopes for good results are with you.

Brenda3.16
Posts: 211
Joined: May 2009

Eric, I am sorry to hear about your news. Like you I try to be upbeat most of the time and live my life as normally as possible, but at times it is really hard not to get discouraged. As my sister posted above amyb15, I have had liver ane lung mets since dx in march of 2009. I still feel really good most of the time. I am saying a pray for you right now. Brenda

anneacres
Posts: 16
Joined: Jun 2010

Eric I am sorry about the news you received-you are in my prayers sending positive thoughts your way.

Annie

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

Oh, Eric.

I don't know if you realize it or not, but you are one of my favorite people on this board. You are such a positive and happy person, and it hurts my heart very much to know this news about you. I pray all the time, and you have been in my prayers, but I'll step it up a bit.

I know you're discouraged right now. Who wouldn't be? But miracles do happen, and you are just as much entitled to one as anyone else. Don't give up!

*hugs*
Gail

Kathleen808's picture
Kathleen808
Posts: 2361
Joined: Jan 2009

Eric,
Sorry about this news. Prayers are coming your way. I hope and prayer this new treatment stops and shrinks the cancer. Praying for peace for you too.

Aloha,
Kathleen

Aud's picture
Aud
Posts: 480
Joined: Oct 2009

...you are in my thoughts and prayers. Holding you in the Light for hope, healing, strength, and peace.
~Audrey

idlehunters's picture
idlehunters
Posts: 1792
Joined: Apr 2009

Dude...you know my case but I'm gonna give ya a quick refresher...... 4 LIVER mets and 15+ LUNG mets.. all shapes and sizes..... treatment (with the man upstairs leading) killed em all... NED 7 months. YES...OH YES... it can and DOES happen. YOU keep the faith and I will keep the vibes flowin your way. You know I just had a recurrance..2 active mets in lungs.BUT...NOW (and I am screaming that word) I am have many other options available because surgery is NOW an additional treatment. Please don't get discouraged. You will be fine

Love ya my friend

Jen

coolvdub's picture
coolvdub
Posts: 410
Joined: Aug 2009

Eric,

Wow, what a set back. But as others have already said. Miracles do happen, and a positive outlook can work wonders. I know it can be rough dealing with all of this when it seems to go from bad to worse. Just try and regroup so you can battle this unforgiving beast. I know you can beat this, and am praying for you. I wish you well and am sending good vibes your way.

Don

eric38's picture
eric38
Posts: 588
Joined: May 2009

Thanks to all for the support. Tootsie - I am so glad you think highly of me. I think you are pretty darn cool too.
Jen - you are the first person I thought about when I saw my report today. You are an inspiration. You went from being a blubbering mess when you were diagnosed to being an inspiration for others. I sure hope I feel better before colonpalooza so we can tear the roof off that place. Of course, with all the people there that have colon problems, it wouldn't take much effort to BLOW the roof off the place. They thought the oil spill was a crisis. Wait until colonpalooza hits Ft. Worth!

eric38's picture
eric38
Posts: 588
Joined: May 2009

Thanks to all for the support. Tootsie - I am so glad you think highly of me. I think you are pretty darn cool too.
Jen - you are the first person I thought about when I saw my report today. You are an inspiration. You went from being a blubbering mess when you were diagnosed to being an inspiration for others. I sure hope I feel better before colonpalooza so we can tear the roof off that place. Of course, with all the people there that have colon problems, it wouldn't take much effort to BLOW the roof off the place. They thought the oil spill was a crisis. Wait until colonpalooza hits Ft. Worth!

lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008

Hi Eric,

Man, oh, man. Yes, getting news like this does knock the wind out the sails. I'm sorry. BUT you are starting the trial, so that will hopefully knock it all back down. I went through a time back in Feb and March when I went without any treatment for a while after I had already had a bad scan, so I was really scared waiting that additional time. I started on it & my first follow up scan after starting on the new treatment (Gemzar (gemcitabine), Xeloda, & Avastin) showed things as stable- basically the same as my scan before. I was hoping for better, but at least it had stopped any new growth. That was the beg. of May & now my next scan will be in August. Meanwhile, my CEA (which has been reliable for me) has been dropping. It was 44 last time it was checked 3 wks ago & I get it checked again Wed. I'm counting on the dropping CEA as a good sign & that my scan will show reduction in tumors- we shall see.
I just want to encourage you that there still could be something out there for you that will knock it back!
Keep Gemzar as something to consider, as it does seem to be doing ok w/ me & the side effects are pretty minimal (at least compared to oxy and irinotecan). What is the clinical trial you're starting?

Eric, knowing you're a believer- you can believe I'm praying for you!

Take care,
Lisa

eric38's picture
eric38
Posts: 588
Joined: May 2009

Thank you for the prayers and encouragement. I hope that your next scan blows yours and the doctors socks off! i hope it will exceed even your most positive hopes.

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

The special names...every night!!!

Hugs, Kathi

Anonymous user (not verified)

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eric38's picture
eric38
Posts: 588
Joined: May 2009

they did put me back on erbitux. It worked like a charm the first time and was virtually useless the second time. I hope this is not a sign that he cancer has decided to grow no matter what.

Sonia32's picture
Sonia32
Posts: 1078
Joined: Mar 2009

You and everyone on this board are such an inspiration to me. I was talking to big brother Craig yesterday, and we were talking about our online family. I was telling him how unique it is, and there is none other like it out there in cyber world. There might be but I haven't come across it. What am I trying to say is, you have the support and prayers from me and all your online family, and I will be praying that the new drugs work on you fast! So as you know already, you are not on your own.

Hugs

eric38's picture
eric38
Posts: 588
Joined: May 2009

I do appreciate the care and support here and the concern for one another even though the person trying to console you might be having the same problems or worse. This is the first place I ran to when I found out because noone can understand what we go through except for the ones who are going through it too and there is always someone here to make you feel better with their warm heart and support or a story about beating the odds.

love you guys,
Eric

Jaylo969
Posts: 827
Joined: Jan 2010

I do believe in miracles and I will be praying that your new treatment works. Lots of good vibes being sent your way.

-Pat

pluckey's picture
pluckey
Posts: 484
Joined: Jul 2009

Eric - echoing all the other beautiful posts by our semi-colon family: praying for good outcomes for you. I am a miracle and you can be too!!!

((HUGS))

Peggy

geotina's picture
geotina
Posts: 2118
Joined: Oct 2009

I am so sorry for the disappointing news you received. I sure hope the clinical trial will stop the progression and growth. George has mets to the liver and lungs so I know how hard it is, you just want this stuff to disappear, but the worry, I don't know if that will ever disappear although we try.

Take care and put all your positive energy into the new treatment. You are way too young to be dealing with this crap and I'm so sorry for that. It is just not fair.

Tina and George

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

I wish the very best outcome for you. and pray for a miracle.

michelle

coloCan
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2009

at times a retreat is in order to recover,regain your strength, clear your mind, seek other options, get pissed and divert that energy to this insidious parasite we have in us......Spontaneous remission, positive thinking, clinical trials, new discoveries or approaches to fighting this beast....A little over a year at this and I'm learning to take nothing for granted as there are so many things that can send you back to the hospital or back to the drawing board....Hoping your new treatment proves successful and you regain your fighting spirit......steve

lmliess's picture
lmliess
Posts: 331
Joined: Dec 2008

Eric – this actually brought tears to my eyes because I know how you feel and it is so darn tiring!

I just completed my 3rd round of Folfori and Avastin and I am tired of it. I am tired of the achy feeling and nauseasness for about 5 days after chemo and not being able to play and enjoy this summer everyday. I KNOW I AM BEING WHINY!! I know I should be happy because they found these ‘areas of concern’ as early as they could and we are on it with the chemo, but I feel too like maybe this is just going to go on and on and on, and at some point my ‘spirit’ may not stay up.

Chemo makes you feel like crap and that wears you out and really does affect your mood. BUT – WE HAVE TO KEEP THE FAITH! Not that I am losing mine, but I am starting to ask a lot of questions to the man above as to what exactly am I supposed to get out of this and can you please send me a sign because I am jus not seeing it!! Is it my diet? Is it my genes? Why am I the ONLY one under 50 in my family that had this DX’d. I really am a good person! Why do I get, in my eyes, my perfect little family, for me to turn around and put them through this stress?
I turn 40 this year and I planned on being in the best shape ever, but it is hard when you are doing a round of chemo!

I am not sure I am being very uplifting for you here but I want you to know I am praying and thinking of you. And you are not in this alone. We have to keep a positive attitude because I truly believe it does help. But honestly, if cancer is a ‘gift’, where the heck can we return it?? 

A big HUG your way!

Linda

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Well, you've got the whole army behind you, Eric.

I know you always try to paint a portrait of being rough and tough and then you shade it with a sense of humor - I know this is done to hide some of your real feelings on what's going on deep inside you.

I think it also helps you to come to grips with this and deal with it better - and by doing this, you give yourself the strength to continue your fight.

See, I know a little bit about how Eric ticks. I know you're feeling a sense of hopelessness and helplessness right about now, but by coming here, you are trying to wrap your arms and mind around it - and that's a good thing to do.

I'll be following your progress when I get out of the hospital - you know I wish you all the best going forward. Ours is never an easy road to walk down - but with so many of us on the road, it is well-traveled and there is safety in numbers.

Wish I could say something more - I like to think I can talk my way out of anything, but I don't have any magic words this time, just hang in there and keep swingin'.

-Craig

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

Eric, I am so very sorry to hear this news...but I to believe in God and miracles, it could happen, but in the mean time I sure hope this new trial works for you, sometimes miracles (in my opinion) come from God just giving some one the knowledge or skill to help someone else. Stay strong, and keep the faith...Praying for you my friend..

HUGS
Beth

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vchildbeloved
Posts: 133
Joined: May 2008

Eric as I was reading your post, I immediately began to pray; for I do believe in the power of God to heal. Whether it be through this clinical trial or His ability to just "touch" us where we are. That's my prayer for you.

Such regard,
Valerie

Patteee's picture
Patteee
Posts: 950
Joined: Jul 2009

here I am! On the sidelines of your journey, cheering you on NO MATTER WHAT

for- the clinic trial to beat this beast down, down, down
for- stable times to feel better so the motions of life and living take on new and great meaning
for- family, friends, loved ones and yes this community of semi-colons to surround you with love, hope and strength

Always here Eric- your battle will always be my (and all of ours) war

hugs and prayers from Minnesota

Patteee

SueRelays
Posts: 489
Joined: Dec 2009

Hey Eric
Chiming in from the anal board! One can NEVER have too many prayers....so YOU will be added to mine!!!!

taipei
Posts: 33
Joined: Aug 2008

Hi Eric: I am glad to pray for you, knowing you believe in God, miracles does happen, it is understandable you feel discourage now, just keep hoping, it will get better, and clinical trial will work for you.

Winnie

Fight for my love
Posts: 1530
Joined: Jun 2009

You are in my prayers as always.I hope the next treatment will be working well.Best wishes and best luck to you.Take care.

sfmarie's picture
sfmarie
Posts: 605
Joined: Aug 2009

Like mad. It means being your own advocate as you know but leave no stone unturned.
Praying that the new treatment on Monday works.
Blessings,

Marie

GOOFYLADIE's picture
GOOFYLADIE
Posts: 233
Joined: Aug 2009

Sounds like you have had a few days for the pity pot. Reach down and pull those big boy shorts up. God, this board and your doctors have your back. Keep asking questions and push to get started on something now, as moving forward and in motion keeps us from frivolas thought. Right now what matters, is your health, family and happiness. You can't get there with that stick in your crawl. I am not being mean.I am giving you a ginormous hug hug right now and whispering in your ear hold on,and breathe. I don't know why you were handed this ordeal but you have made it a great ride just ask all these board members. Honey you can do this, that and the other. Don't fill your plate, take on only what matters for today, and what floats your boat. Each day will get easier again as you were once comfortable in who and what is going on in your life. You are one jammin Sunshine!
Make it a great day, Ps sorry I haven't been on the board, been dealing with own health issues and awaiting surgery again.
Lots of huge warm hugs
Goofyladie (Cass)
p,s,s, you have the right to be pissed, angry, sad, and everything, but I can't stand to see, or read your words and feel how down you are. You are better than that sugar.!!

HollyID's picture
HollyID
Posts: 951
Joined: Dec 2009

Eric, I have to echo the others. There is nothing new I can say to you, but my prayers, good vibes and whatever else I can think of is coming your way!

Love and Hugs,

Holly

nudgie's picture
nudgie
Posts: 1483
Joined: Sep 2006

has been answered. I will pray and continue to pray for you daily

Paula G.'s picture
Paula G.
Posts: 596
Joined: Apr 2009

You got it...Good vibes and prayers from me. I was bummed out when I read this post. I haven't been on for a while. Good luck Eric. My thoughts are with you and you always need hope. Love Paula

atrue
Posts: 29
Joined: Jul 2010

prayers work keep the faith even tho it may be hard dont give up on god, he's not given up on you...best wishes

eric38's picture
eric38
Posts: 588
Joined: May 2009

You people are amazing.

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

eric......... no more.......I am not hearing the eric I know...this is someone else talking and someone stole your avatar also......We want the ole Eric we knew before back and we're not taking no for an answer.....you know Im on your side bud and praying and hoping for the best in this, we got a lot of people that look up to you in here, we look in the eyes and see a man that will not fail or falter, a man that never says uncle, a man that makes us very very proud to be part of his family, and I will be damned if Im gonna let you quit now. Thats not what we do for ourselves, thats not what we do for others, and thats certainly something that I have never seen you even entertain, tired, hell me too and Im not going through near anything that you and others are, but you and all the rest in here are my family, as close as my immediate family believe it or not, and Im gonna tell you like I would tell my other sisters and brother because you are my brother that I wanna see the "piss and vinegar" that I used to see in you in this next battle, I know its in you. So with vent over and things that needed to be said said, now get mad at what is trying to take over your body and show em that it ain't gonna be that damn easy to do...Lots of Love here Brother.....give em hell buddy !!!........Buzz

eric38's picture
eric38
Posts: 588
Joined: May 2009

Leave it to you to give me the kick in the butt I needed. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself the other day but I am over it. I still got plenty of fight left in me. I am going to kick cancer in the groin so hard that it is going to have to open it's mouth to pee! Does that sound like something an upstanding young man would say? Oh well, forget propriety. This is a good old fashioned, down in the dirt street brawl we are talking about. I hate what this disease does to us but it cannot kill our spirit. I quote from the last Rocky movie " It's not about how hard you can hit, it's about how many times you can get hit and still keep moving forward." or in the immortal words of Rowdy Roddy Piper " I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick butt and I am all out of bubble gum! "

I'm back in the fight,
Eric

Erinb
Posts: 295
Joined: Apr 2010

Eric,
Clinical trials can be the best treatment you can get. Keep your upbeat attitude; you can do this. Hope your treatment goes well on Monday! I'll be thinking about you and praying for you. Shrink to nothingness you cancer &$%!#.

Aud's picture
Aud
Posts: 480
Joined: Oct 2009

just thinking about you again and hope that the new treatment on Monday starts working for you. We're all here behind you, with you.
love and hope,
Audrey

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