flatulence!
I am still on low residue diet, but dealing with a lot gas and it is noisy, not smelly just noisy so is a bit embarassing. Does anyone have advice or suggestions, I did search the topic and found some info on yogurt ~ which I do eat daily but limited. How do you deal with the noise. I told my hubby he has to learn to say excuse me so they think its him. :-) LOL
I keep hoping it gets less and less as your body goes back to normal. Thanks for the help
Hugs ♥ Prayers Bonnie
Comments
-
Phil offered this sage advice....
January 18, 2010 - 7:47pm
How to Poop at Work
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all
kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing
down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise,
the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at
work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at
work.
*CROP DUSTING* When farting, you walk really fast around the
office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets
a whiff, but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when
you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled.
Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your
pants.
*FLY BY* The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.
Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the
bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a
FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you
constantly going into the bathroom.
*ESCAPEE* A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a
poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave
of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge
it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are a man and are
standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not
hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all
involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel
uneasy.
*JAILBREAK* When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a
machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or
a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the
stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone
the awkwardness of what just occurred.
*COURTESY FLUSH* The act of flushing the toilet the instant the
poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the
poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid
being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
*WALK OF SHAME* Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the
door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a
very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As
with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not
exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
*OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER* A colleague who poops at work and is
Doggone proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet
Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under
their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The
Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
*THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)* A group of co-workers who
band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without
incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of
Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
*SAFE HAVENS* A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building
where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are
predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of
a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
*TURD BURGLAR* Someone who does not realize that you are in
the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the
most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking
a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the
Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable
eye contact.
*CAMO-COUGH* A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into
the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to
cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars.
Very effective when used in conjunction with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.
*SHIRLEY TEMPLE* A subtle toe-tapping that is used to alert
potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This
will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear a
SHIRLEY TEMPLE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper
can poop in peace.
*WATERMELON* A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the
toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you
feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See
CAMO-COUGH.
*HAVANA-OMELET* A case of diarrhea that creates a series of
loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an
Escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.
*AUNT BETTY* A bathroom user who seems to linger around
forever...Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the
mirror or sitting on the pot. An AUNT BETTY makes it difficult
to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to
poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as
the other bathroom attendees.
SOME VARIETIES OF POOP YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF~
The King Poop = This kind is the kind of poop that killed
Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from
straining so hard.
Bali Belly Poop = You poop so much you lose 5 lbs.
Cement Block = You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you
poop.
Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) = Even after the third
flush, it's still floating in there. How do I get rid of it?
This poop usually happens at someone else's house.
The Bungee Poop = The kind of poop that just hangs off your
rear before it falls into the water.
The Crippler = The kind of poop where you have to sit on the
toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang = The kind of poop that hits you
when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
The Party Pooper = The giant poop you take at a party. And when
you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts
to rise.
NOW EVERYONE TRY TO GO POOP IN PEACE
QUIT LAUGHING... POOPING IS A NATURAL PROCESS1 -
I just wish I had a recording of it
I have told my entire family and friends that I might just fart in front of them. That is just part of the “cancer card” you can play.
Speaking of farts, when I had my colonoscopy last month, I came out of it with pain that was unbearable. My surgeon was even thinking of doing an x-ray to make sure nothing got messed up. He told me that some people have the valve from the small intestine to the colon open up allowing the air into the small intestine.
They had me lay on my stomach. Now my butt cheeks are close together. All of a sudden I let loose with the mother of all farts. It was the longest and loudest I have ever heard much less produced. My butt cheeks resonated with a beautiful tone as they modulated the air passing through them. It seemed to go on forever.
It actually drew applause from the entire room and brought tears of joy to my eyes.
It was truly a work of art. I just wish I had a recording of it.0 -
My husband read this to usdianetavegia said:Phil offered this sage advice....
January 18, 2010 - 7:47pm
How to Poop at Work
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all
kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing
down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise,
the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at
work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at
work.
*CROP DUSTING* When farting, you walk really fast around the
office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets
a whiff, but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when
you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled.
Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your
pants.
*FLY BY* The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.
Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the
bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a
FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you
constantly going into the bathroom.
*ESCAPEE* A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a
poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave
of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge
it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are a man and are
standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not
hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all
involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel
uneasy.
*JAILBREAK* When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a
machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or
a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the
stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone
the awkwardness of what just occurred.
*COURTESY FLUSH* The act of flushing the toilet the instant the
poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the
poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid
being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
*WALK OF SHAME* Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the
door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a
very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As
with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not
exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
*OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER* A colleague who poops at work and is
Doggone proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet
Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under
their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The
Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
*THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)* A group of co-workers who
band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without
incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of
Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
*SAFE HAVENS* A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building
where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are
predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of
a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
*TURD BURGLAR* Someone who does not realize that you are in
the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the
most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking
a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the
Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable
eye contact.
*CAMO-COUGH* A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into
the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to
cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars.
Very effective when used in conjunction with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.
*SHIRLEY TEMPLE* A subtle toe-tapping that is used to alert
potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This
will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear a
SHIRLEY TEMPLE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper
can poop in peace.
*WATERMELON* A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the
toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you
feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See
CAMO-COUGH.
*HAVANA-OMELET* A case of diarrhea that creates a series of
loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an
Escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.
*AUNT BETTY* A bathroom user who seems to linger around
forever...Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the
mirror or sitting on the pot. An AUNT BETTY makes it difficult
to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to
poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as
the other bathroom attendees.
SOME VARIETIES OF POOP YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF~
The King Poop = This kind is the kind of poop that killed
Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from
straining so hard.
Bali Belly Poop = You poop so much you lose 5 lbs.
Cement Block = You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you
poop.
Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) = Even after the third
flush, it's still floating in there. How do I get rid of it?
This poop usually happens at someone else's house.
The Bungee Poop = The kind of poop that just hangs off your
rear before it falls into the water.
The Crippler = The kind of poop where you have to sit on the
toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang = The kind of poop that hits you
when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
The Party Pooper = The giant poop you take at a party. And when
you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts
to rise.
NOW EVERYONE TRY TO GO POOP IN PEACE
QUIT LAUGHING... POOPING IS A NATURAL PROCESS
My husband read this to us all when we were in the car traveling. We hooted and hollered! So funny.
Right after my surgery, I would take gas pills if I was going somewhere and they helped so much.
Catherine0 -
Never again!dianetavegia said:Phil offered this sage advice....
January 18, 2010 - 7:47pm
How to Poop at Work
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all
kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing
down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise,
the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at
work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at
work.
*CROP DUSTING* When farting, you walk really fast around the
office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets
a whiff, but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when
you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled.
Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your
pants.
*FLY BY* The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.
Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the
bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a
FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you
constantly going into the bathroom.
*ESCAPEE* A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a
poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave
of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge
it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are a man and are
standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not
hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all
involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel
uneasy.
*JAILBREAK* When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a
machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or
a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the
stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone
the awkwardness of what just occurred.
*COURTESY FLUSH* The act of flushing the toilet the instant the
poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the
poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid
being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
*WALK OF SHAME* Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the
door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a
very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As
with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not
exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
*OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER* A colleague who poops at work and is
Doggone proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet
Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under
their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The
Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
*THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)* A group of co-workers who
band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without
incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of
Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
*SAFE HAVENS* A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building
where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are
predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of
a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
*TURD BURGLAR* Someone who does not realize that you are in
the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the
most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking
a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the
Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable
eye contact.
*CAMO-COUGH* A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into
the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to
cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars.
Very effective when used in conjunction with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.
*SHIRLEY TEMPLE* A subtle toe-tapping that is used to alert
potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This
will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear a
SHIRLEY TEMPLE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper
can poop in peace.
*WATERMELON* A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the
toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you
feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See
CAMO-COUGH.
*HAVANA-OMELET* A case of diarrhea that creates a series of
loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an
Escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.
*AUNT BETTY* A bathroom user who seems to linger around
forever...Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the
mirror or sitting on the pot. An AUNT BETTY makes it difficult
to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to
poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as
the other bathroom attendees.
SOME VARIETIES OF POOP YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF~
The King Poop = This kind is the kind of poop that killed
Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from
straining so hard.
Bali Belly Poop = You poop so much you lose 5 lbs.
Cement Block = You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you
poop.
Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) = Even after the third
flush, it's still floating in there. How do I get rid of it?
This poop usually happens at someone else's house.
The Bungee Poop = The kind of poop that just hangs off your
rear before it falls into the water.
The Crippler = The kind of poop where you have to sit on the
toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang = The kind of poop that hits you
when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
The Party Pooper = The giant poop you take at a party. And when
you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts
to rise.
NOW EVERYONE TRY TO GO POOP IN PEACE
QUIT LAUGHING... POOPING IS A NATURAL PROCESS
Too accurate. I think you've stopped me up for life! How will I explain that to my drs?0 -
A variation on a double-reed instrument?Kerry S said:I just wish I had a recording of it
I have told my entire family and friends that I might just fart in front of them. That is just part of the “cancer card” you can play.
Speaking of farts, when I had my colonoscopy last month, I came out of it with pain that was unbearable. My surgeon was even thinking of doing an x-ray to make sure nothing got messed up. He told me that some people have the valve from the small intestine to the colon open up allowing the air into the small intestine.
They had me lay on my stomach. Now my butt cheeks are close together. All of a sudden I let loose with the mother of all farts. It was the longest and loudest I have ever heard much less produced. My butt cheeks resonated with a beautiful tone as they modulated the air passing through them. It seemed to go on forever.
It actually drew applause from the entire room and brought tears of joy to my eyes.
It was truly a work of art. I just wish I had a recording of it.
Hmmm - you could put oboists out of work!0 -
I just spit my coffee out!Kerry S said:I just wish I had a recording of it
I have told my entire family and friends that I might just fart in front of them. That is just part of the “cancer card” you can play.
Speaking of farts, when I had my colonoscopy last month, I came out of it with pain that was unbearable. My surgeon was even thinking of doing an x-ray to make sure nothing got messed up. He told me that some people have the valve from the small intestine to the colon open up allowing the air into the small intestine.
They had me lay on my stomach. Now my butt cheeks are close together. All of a sudden I let loose with the mother of all farts. It was the longest and loudest I have ever heard much less produced. My butt cheeks resonated with a beautiful tone as they modulated the air passing through them. It seemed to go on forever.
It actually drew applause from the entire room and brought tears of joy to my eyes.
It was truly a work of art. I just wish I had a recording of it.
I just spit my coffee out! Awesome!0 -
I just spit my coffee out!Kerry S said:I just wish I had a recording of it
I have told my entire family and friends that I might just fart in front of them. That is just part of the “cancer card” you can play.
Speaking of farts, when I had my colonoscopy last month, I came out of it with pain that was unbearable. My surgeon was even thinking of doing an x-ray to make sure nothing got messed up. He told me that some people have the valve from the small intestine to the colon open up allowing the air into the small intestine.
They had me lay on my stomach. Now my butt cheeks are close together. All of a sudden I let loose with the mother of all farts. It was the longest and loudest I have ever heard much less produced. My butt cheeks resonated with a beautiful tone as they modulated the air passing through them. It seemed to go on forever.
It actually drew applause from the entire room and brought tears of joy to my eyes.
It was truly a work of art. I just wish I had a recording of it.
I just spit my coffee out! Awesome!0 -
suggestions..
I am so thankful that I work outside! On a serious note, when you get a little farther out from surgery you can try doing a low carb diet. I went on the South Beach Diet at one point and during the first 2 weeks of it you are not allowed to eat any bread or fruit..you can have nuts and veggies and you would think those things would cause gas, but I was amazed that I hardly had to fart at all during that time! Another diet I tried is called the "Flat Belly Diet" and there is a week of "anti-bloating" at the beginning of it. That worked too! little to no farts! So I would recommend trying one of those. Also, some things that cause "bloating" i.e. gas, are carbonated drinks, chewing gum, eating really quickly, not drinking enough water....hmm...too much salt...among other things.
Good luck, unfortunately with one foot less colon to hold the gas in, makes it a bit more challenging.
Take care,
Susan H.0 -
OMG..shmurciakova said:suggestions..
I am so thankful that I work outside! On a serious note, when you get a little farther out from surgery you can try doing a low carb diet. I went on the South Beach Diet at one point and during the first 2 weeks of it you are not allowed to eat any bread or fruit..you can have nuts and veggies and you would think those things would cause gas, but I was amazed that I hardly had to fart at all during that time! Another diet I tried is called the "Flat Belly Diet" and there is a week of "anti-bloating" at the beginning of it. That worked too! little to no farts! So I would recommend trying one of those. Also, some things that cause "bloating" i.e. gas, are carbonated drinks, chewing gum, eating really quickly, not drinking enough water....hmm...too much salt...among other things.
Good luck, unfortunately with one foot less colon to hold the gas in, makes it a bit more challenging.
Take care,
Susan H.
On a funny (gross) note, I work on trails for the US Forest Service, so obviously there are a lot of gross guys (no offense guys!). We have this bathroom down in the basement where we keep all of our camping gear and so forth. There are no windows, and just this old fan that was installed in the 70's or something....So every morning there is this disgusting smell emanating from there because of the "out of the closet poopers". One guy had Celiac's disease and it was soooo gross. NO incense or Febreeze or anything could deal w/ the horrid odor. You just had to leave and come back a couple hours later. Luckily he is in a different department now, thank God!
but when I read about the "out of the closet poopers" I had to laugh, we all know who they are!!
I am a big fan of the "safe havens"! Unfortunately the State Troopers moved into the building where my favorite toilet was..so now I have to find a different safe haven.0 -
LOLdianetavegia said:Phil offered this sage advice....
January 18, 2010 - 7:47pm
How to Poop at Work
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all
kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing
down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise,
the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at
work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at
work.
*CROP DUSTING* When farting, you walk really fast around the
office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets
a whiff, but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when
you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled.
Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your
pants.
*FLY BY* The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.
Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the
bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a
FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you
constantly going into the bathroom.
*ESCAPEE* A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a
poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave
of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge
it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are a man and are
standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not
hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all
involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel
uneasy.
*JAILBREAK* When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a
machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or
a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the
stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone
the awkwardness of what just occurred.
*COURTESY FLUSH* The act of flushing the toilet the instant the
poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the
poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid
being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
*WALK OF SHAME* Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the
door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a
very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As
with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not
exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
*OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER* A colleague who poops at work and is
Doggone proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet
Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under
their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The
Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
*THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)* A group of co-workers who
band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without
incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of
Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
*SAFE HAVENS* A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building
where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are
predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of
a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
*TURD BURGLAR* Someone who does not realize that you are in
the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the
most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking
a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the
Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable
eye contact.
*CAMO-COUGH* A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into
the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to
cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars.
Very effective when used in conjunction with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.
*SHIRLEY TEMPLE* A subtle toe-tapping that is used to alert
potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This
will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear a
SHIRLEY TEMPLE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper
can poop in peace.
*WATERMELON* A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the
toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you
feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See
CAMO-COUGH.
*HAVANA-OMELET* A case of diarrhea that creates a series of
loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an
Escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.
*AUNT BETTY* A bathroom user who seems to linger around
forever...Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the
mirror or sitting on the pot. An AUNT BETTY makes it difficult
to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to
poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as
the other bathroom attendees.
SOME VARIETIES OF POOP YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF~
The King Poop = This kind is the kind of poop that killed
Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from
straining so hard.
Bali Belly Poop = You poop so much you lose 5 lbs.
Cement Block = You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you
poop.
Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) = Even after the third
flush, it's still floating in there. How do I get rid of it?
This poop usually happens at someone else's house.
The Bungee Poop = The kind of poop that just hangs off your
rear before it falls into the water.
The Crippler = The kind of poop where you have to sit on the
toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang = The kind of poop that hits you
when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
The Party Pooper = The giant poop you take at a party. And when
you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts
to rise.
NOW EVERYONE TRY TO GO POOP IN PEACE
QUIT LAUGHING... POOPING IS A NATURAL PROCESS
YOu really really made laugh... thanks much0 -
Input on Output from my husband...Kerry S said:I just wish I had a recording of it
I have told my entire family and friends that I might just fart in front of them. That is just part of the “cancer card” you can play.
Speaking of farts, when I had my colonoscopy last month, I came out of it with pain that was unbearable. My surgeon was even thinking of doing an x-ray to make sure nothing got messed up. He told me that some people have the valve from the small intestine to the colon open up allowing the air into the small intestine.
They had me lay on my stomach. Now my butt cheeks are close together. All of a sudden I let loose with the mother of all farts. It was the longest and loudest I have ever heard much less produced. My butt cheeks resonated with a beautiful tone as they modulated the air passing through them. It seemed to go on forever.
It actually drew applause from the entire room and brought tears of joy to my eyes.
It was truly a work of art. I just wish I had a recording of it.
I told my husband about this thread, and his response was that you've invented the "assoon"!
I'm still laughing!0 -
You are all my kind of people!!PhillieG said:Idea
Buy a T-Shirt that says "Life's a Gas and I'm Living it Up!!!"
What A great sense of humor yu all have, so far I just tell people and that is that. Also laugh and say I am trying to get my hubby to say excuse so they think its him. So far not working. I may the T Shirt... or just use the phrase... you know what they say Life is a Gas and I am walking proof!! Again thanks for responding to my post. Hugs ♥ Prayers0 -
Make Us Proud, Fart Out Loud
I made that sign for my colonoscopy clinic in the recovery room. Guess I was finally breaking the sound barrier with gas when a nurse popped her head in and said "Mr. Walker, You Rock.!"
Get a T shirt made if you think that might help!
Also, we don't call them courtesy flushes in our house, my son started calling them mercy flushes. Just seemed more appropriate.
Thanks for the laughs, always need a good one.0 -
Sumbody Help Me!!!trainer said:Make Us Proud, Fart Out Loud
I made that sign for my colonoscopy clinic in the recovery room. Guess I was finally breaking the sound barrier with gas when a nurse popped her head in and said "Mr. Walker, You Rock.!"
Get a T shirt made if you think that might help!
Also, we don't call them courtesy flushes in our house, my son started calling them mercy flushes. Just seemed more appropriate.
Thanks for the laughs, always need a good one.
I am in pain-can not stop laughing-tears are flowing-best I've felt in days. Unfortunately for those I love the most, mine are NOT odorless. Chears0 -
I just had my takedown and have been farting for the first time in about a year! I say embrace the fart, be one with it, it is part of you, celebrate it!0
Discussion Boards
- All Discussion Boards
- 6 CSN Information
- 6 Welcome to CSN
- 121.6K Cancer specific
- 2.8K Anal Cancer
- 446 Bladder Cancer
- 308 Bone Cancers
- 1.6K Brain Cancer
- 28.5K Breast Cancer
- 395 Childhood Cancers
- 27.9K Colorectal Cancer
- 4.6K Esophageal Cancer
- 1.2K Gynecological Cancers (other than ovarian and uterine)
- 13K Head and Neck Cancer
- 6.3K Kidney Cancer
- 671 Leukemia
- 791 Liver Cancer
- 4.1K Lung Cancer
- 5.1K Lymphoma (Hodgkin and Non-Hodgkin)
- 234 Multiple Myeloma
- 7.1K Ovarian Cancer
- 56 Pancreatic Cancer
- 487 Peritoneal Cancer
- 5.4K Prostate Cancer
- 1.2K Rare and Other Cancers
- 534 Sarcoma
- 719 Skin Cancer
- 646 Stomach Cancer
- 190 Testicular Cancer
- 1.5K Thyroid Cancer
- 5.9K Uterine/Endometrial Cancer
- 6.3K Lifestyle Discussion Boards