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arceeprimus99
arceeprimus99 Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
hello..my name is janie, i am 31, and my mother has small cell mastastized lung cancer ( think)..its at stage four and i have already done some research on it to find out the survival rate is 10 percent in the long term, as well as being allowed to speak with both her doctors that confirmed her survival rate is 5 percent, according to one, over a five year peroid. The other told me pretty much the same thing, that her chances were not good. I know based on the info the cancer kind is treatable, which is what she is going thru now, but my question is, what can i do to help her mental outlook and be more supportive? It tears me up inside knowing i cant fix this, as i am a mechanic by trade, and all of us at home care for her. But is there a way I might find to help her discharge her negative feelings in a postive manner? I know i can listen and acknowledge, but is there more i can do that might work? I am just trying to find anyway i can that might help increase her rate of survival, as to helping her mind becoming more empowered through positive interaction and encouragement. So here I am reaching out and my ears are eagerly open to any and all information or suggestions.

my email is arceeprimus99@yahoo.com, so please if you can, drop a word to me...i could certainly use the contact of fellow caregivers, survivors, ect.

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  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #2
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    I'm Sorry
    I am sorry that you are now a part of the cancer family. I will drop you an email. Fay
  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #3
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    sorry you're here
    So sorry to welcome you to planet cancer, where everything changes. One thing that you will soon see is different is that it's always one-day-at-a-time. You'll struggle with your ideas of how things should be, but now all that is up to God, with your mother making decisions about her treatment. We caregivers are pretty much along for the ride.

    Is your mother undergoing chemo? Where is she with that? If she's going to lose her hair, get her a nice wig that looks like her old hair on a great hair day. Help her feel decent even when she feels like crap. Those are the kinds of things she needs now.

    Yes, your mother needs positive people around, but there is also value in being the one who your mom can talk with if she needs to. You'll have to walk a fine line between medical honesty (which she might not want to hear at all) and simply being around with a positive, loving attitude. Do not get hung up on outcomes, and reassure your mom that no matter what happens, you will be there. Tomorrow, and then the next day.
  • AKAngel
    AKAngel Member Posts: 74 Member
    #4
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    I'm new too
    Hi,I'm Angel, 32, and am sorry to hear about your mom. My mom was diagnosed last June with liver cancer. She has always been the pillar stone that all us 6 kids have relied on all these years and so now it's hard for her to stop being strong all the time for everyone else and her main issue is being angry. As far as trying to keep things positive, I try to get her to laugh as much as possible, even if it is at herself. She's on a pain medicine that causes her to hallucinate some, and there's some funny things that get reported. So we laugh about that, and we play with the dog, who's a shih-tzu and knows his 'momma' isn't feeling well. She isn't the type to go to groups to talk with other cancer patients so it's been hard to motivate her any other way, so my main focus is trying to relieve her of any other burden that I can, since I can't take her cancer away. She is a woman of faith, but she feels her faith sometimes isn't enough, especially when she's mad and frustrated at her lack of control of her body. But maybe your mom is religious? Perhaps she'd be open to talking to other people, even here, or just maybe reading some of their postings, so she knows that she's not alone out there. I also did a survival rate check when my mom was diagnosed...I think that did me more harm than good, which they say can happen when you're doing research, just trying to get yourself informed. If your mom likes doing any activity, whether it's Scrabble or golf or anything that makes her happy, I'd say that's your outlet to get her to drop off the negative and just keep herself in the now and the positive for as long as she can. If she feels low about how she may look, offer to treat her to a spa, or buy a new outfit, especially if she starts losing weight and her clothes don't fit as well. Make it a memory that you both can look back on and smile at. Also, sometimes just listening to her is enough. Even all of us here can't stop the cancer, but we all have a heart and ear to listen. Sometimes you just have to tell yourself it's enough that you love her and want to be there for her, even as you are crying inside. I don't know if that helps at all, but advice only goes so far....follow your heart.
    blessings and prayers for you and your mom and all the family.........

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