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Too scared to talk...have to be strong...

Akita Lover's picture
Akita Lover
Posts: 14
Joined: Feb 2010

I found out yesterday that the polyps I had removed during a D&C the day before were cancerous. I am to scared to actually talk to anyone about it....don't want to loose my cool. My mother passed away several years ago from breast cancer and now my son is scared that I may be sick like grandma...I'm trying to be strong....I can't talk to my husband about it...he has already told me before the D&C that I need to have been taking better care of myself b/c it "wasn't fair to him" if something is wrong. I have PCOS and was aware of cysts and polyps, had a few removed several years ago, but they were non-cancerous. I had been having problems for several months, but never thought it could be cancer. Has anyone else's husbands blamed them for being sick? My ob/gyn has talked to a gyn-oncologist, but the office staff don't seem to be in a hurry to get my appt. set.

I appreciate anyone who can give me some advice.

Cloud_Lover's picture
Posts: 20
Joined: Dec 2009

Fear runs through all family members. Find your local chapter of the american cancer center, drop by when they are open. They will give you a lot of information and maybe some suggestions. This board has support you will find no where else.

I have a lot of cancer in my family history too, my sister passed away Nov 2,08. She was a different person then me, just like your Mom was a different person then you.

When I first got my diagnosis I could barely talk about it without crying. Now, I'm more open about it then I ever dreamed possible, it becomes part of your life experience.

My suggestion is drop the guilt, you don't plan getting cancer and no one does it for spite. Find a way to tell your husband, take him to the doctor visit with you. My husband has gone with me for almost everything.

Right now he is stressed out from handling doctor & insurance reply's and trying to pay the bills. So in a way, when someone gets sick it does impact the rest of the family which is not fair but that's why they call it family. I'm trying to figure out how to get support for myself and have my husband get taking care of, don't know if I'm able to do both but I do love him so I'll try.

Akita Lover's picture
Akita Lover
Posts: 14
Joined: Feb 2010

Thank you so much for your kind words. I know in my head that the cancer I have is different from my mothers or any of my other family members, and that the technology and medicine are all different, but in my heart I keep hearing my husband telling me that I should have done something sooner.

My husband travels alot for his job, and so most times it is just me and my son at home. I am trying to keep it together here, I have not talked to any of my friends yet about this because I cry just sitting here talking to ya'll.

As a generally positive person, I know I will get through this, but it would be easier if I knew my husband would be supportive rather than judgemental.

Please take care and thanks so much for your encouragement.

Songflower's picture
Posts: 631
Joined: Apr 2009

I understand you are afraid to talk. Sometimes when you have little children you are afraid to disagree with your husband because it will escalate into a fight. you need to find some time you and your husband can talk. Some spouses blame the other for giving themselves cancer, (you didn't get your mammogram, etc). But with all of this polyp stuff you did all you could do. Cancer is very stressful, trust me there is not one of us out here who hasn't had some type of arguement or disagreement with our spouses during this whole thing. It is stressful on all of us. You need to find someone to talk to. A friend, a therapist. I really think you need to find some time away from the kids and talk out your frustrations. He needs to hear that you are frightened already and being blamed when he should he should be giving support is making it harder for you. He needs some therapy too. Cancer treatment stops everybody's life in their tracks for a while until you learn to re-balance.

Usually if cancer is confined to a polyp womenthey do very well. So hang tough, you're going to make it!


Akita Lover's picture
Akita Lover
Posts: 14
Joined: Feb 2010

Thanks so much for your encouragement. The unknown is harder to deal with than I thought it would be. If I could stop crying everytime I got on here to read something, I might be able to talk to someone.

I have been thinking though that therapy might not be a bad thing. My son is really not so little(he's a teen now), but he was little when Grandma passed and so carries this fear that anyone who gets sick(cancer) will not make it. He had some therapy for awhile after my mother passed, but I think he will need even more now.

I guess it would be easier to talk to my husband about this if he didn't travel all the time with his job. I'm not sure this is a conversation I want to have with him over the phone...........

Posts: 572
Joined: Oct 2009

I am sorry to hear that you have cancer. It affects everyone in the family in a different way. Please don't let anyone suggest that you indulge in the "should of, could of, would of..." head game. My mother died of uterine cancer 5 years ago at the age of 72yrs. I was diagnosed in May of 2009 with the exact same type and stage of cancer at the age of 53yrs. Please don't let ANYONE suggest that you indulge in the "should of, could of, would of..." head game. Your husband is likely acting out of his own fear. Taking better care of yourself wouldn't necessarily change your risk of cancer. You have it in your family and the PCOS doesn't help you any either. The only person it isn't fair to is YOU!!!
Be prepared for people to say things that may not seem rational to you. They don't know what to say so they sometimes say things that are inappropriate.
Keep us posted of your journey. Also push to get the appointment with the gyn-oncologist sooner rather than later. There is only one you!

Akita Lover's picture
Akita Lover
Posts: 14
Joined: Feb 2010

Thank you so much for your kind words of wisdom....Everyone on here is so much help. I know I can come here and "talk" to ya'll without having to explain every emotion. I still haven't said anything to my hubby.....YOU are probably right that it is out of his own fear that is making him unkind, but I can't take that chance yet. I have to be prepared myself, before I can ever hope to help my family understand. I don't want to cause my son especially any undue stress....he has cyclic vomiting syndrome(he can start vomiting over nothing for days or weeks at a time) and too much stress can cause an episode, he also has migraines and to much stress can bring on one of those as well. I know I won't be able to keep it from him completely, but I would like to minimize the fear and stress that he has to endure.

I am calling my ob/gyn this am to tell her that the girl at the gyn-oncologist seems to be dragging her feet...why does it seem to take so long to get an appointment when one doctor talks to another directly? Retorical question I know, but its hard to be sane right now.

Thanks again to everyone for helping me this weekend....it is nice to know that I am not an island in this storm, but part of a chain of islands sticking together to make the best of the damage created by cancer.

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