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caregiver--now it is my turn...prayers, please

dash4
Posts: 304
Joined: Dec 2005

Hello all,
Many of you don't know me, but I am an oldie...My husband was diagnosed October, 2004 Stage IV. We still had 5 wonderful years together, but he went through so much and this board was my strength. He passed away on September 25, 2009...I am still trying to adjust to life on my own-everything is so difficult. As his caregiver, I knew I needed to start to care for me and had all my regular yearly checkups. On 1/20/10 they found a mass in my right breast. All the tests are done now - it is cancerous...my surgery is scheduled for 2/16/10. I believe I am with great doctors (when they first asked what surgeon I wanted to see-I had absolutely no idea - I know the best colon and liver surgeons, but just now learning about the "breast" world). Anyhow, I know the power of prayer and am asking for your prayers.
Thank you for listening..keeping all of you in my prayers daily..
Mary Kay

AnneCan
Posts: 3692
Joined: Oct 2009

I am sorry for the loss of your husband and that you have to go through this.

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3045
Joined: May 2009

Remember everything you did for hubby and do it for yourself! Hugs!

lcarper2
Posts: 638
Joined: Dec 2009

So sorry for your loss and sorry you are here now as a patient please know we will pray for you and help in anyway we can...

Louann

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4907
Joined: May 2005

My thoughts are with you. You've certainly have been through a lot.
-phil

MelanieT's picture
MelanieT
Posts: 188
Joined: Nov 2009

I am so sorry for all that you have been through and for your loss...As everyone was your strength through your husband I know we all will be the same for you! This site and everyone on it is truly a life line!!

Loves,
Mel

betina61's picture
betina61
Posts: 644
Joined: Aug 2006

I am very sorry for your loss,but be sure that your husband will be watching you from heaven and he is closer to God than we are and he will be asking God for your health everyday.And for sure you can count on my prayers too.

dash4
Posts: 304
Joined: Dec 2005

Thank you all...you have touched my soul...your strength and your belief inspires me..I will keep in touch.
Mary Kay

sharpy102's picture
sharpy102
Posts: 370
Joined: Apr 2009

@Mary Kay: a wonderful person like you who was "so there" for her hubby deserves to make it all fine! Now, my advice: pull a chair close to a window on a late night when it's pitch dark outside already...look up the sky, and choose the brightest star. It will take a while, but you'll find the brightest one! Yes, that's him! And just look at him and whisper him for advice! He'll be there, and will give you advice, and support you! He'll make you live long and happy and let this upcoming surgery be just a nightmare in the past!
I'll be thinking of you! My stars are shining for me, and I spending a lot of time with them....

dash4
Posts: 304
Joined: Dec 2005

Thank you for the thought...right now I miss John so much, but I am so wrapped up in my "fight" that I barely have time to think or grieve...but I will look for that star. Thanks for reminding me that I still can find comfort through my husband. I feel so alone right now -even though there are so many good family and friends-it is just not the same... so I will do some star gazing and try to find my peace...
Mary Kay

jillpls's picture
jillpls
Posts: 241
Joined: Mar 2008

Hi Mary Kay
I am so sorry you have to go through this. I hope you have a good care giver to help you as you helped your husband. I will keep you in prayers and just know that God is there for you
JIll

victory10's picture
victory10
Posts: 75
Joined: Dec 2009

My husband went through an emangiopericytoma 22 yrs ago and while he is still alive, I am going through this journey now. What I would like to share with you is that everyone has a different journey and just because your husband passed away doesn't mean that it is your time to leave this earth. I am believing that this is just a mountain that you will climb in order to share your story to give others hope. We all know people who have passed on from this evil invader but we have to know that cancer is not an automatic death sentence so now is your time to take that Sabattical and care for yourself and allow others to care and love on you!!!!! (That's what I find is happening to me and I'm finding this time to be an excuse to just take time to strengthen myself and take a breather before going back out there... I pray for you that God will give you a peace that will overcome all the fears that are floating out there.

dash4
Posts: 304
Joined: Dec 2005

It was an impromptu moment that had me posting on this site again....I am so glad that I did. Thank you for your words of strength. I did not even realize that I do need to be reminded that my journey can be different from my husband's. My head knows that, but my heart has to catch up...I keep being told that this is "about me" now...such a hard concept to grasp and to live...I will remember your words..thanks for taking the time to share them.......my prayers are with you also..
Mary Kay

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Kathleen808
Posts: 2361
Joined: Jan 2009

Mary Kay,
You have been through so much. I hope and pray there is someone to help you through. I have said a prayer for you.

Aloha,
Kathleen

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

Mary Kay,

I am so sorry you're going through this, especially after you've already experienced such a loss. I will be praying for complete healing for you. Let us know how everything goes!

*hugs*
Gail

dash4
Posts: 304
Joined: Dec 2005

Thank you...After reading all the posts, it is so hard to explain how much it means. The support and belief I feel from all of you will be carrying me through my journey....even after all this time, I still feel a bond with this site and your words have meant so much..
with love,
Mary Kay

kmygil
Posts: 881
Joined: Feb 2007

Mary Kay,

I am so sorry you have to get this news while you are still in the initial stages of grief for your husband. You were an awesome care giver (yes, I remember you), and I pray that you have a care giver as great as you were.

You do have a fight on your hands, but remember, it is a winnable one! My sister was Stage 3 breast cancer a year and a half ago and almost everyone wrote her off, but she hung in there and fought, because I kept emphasizing that we are individuals, not statistics. She is cancer free at this time.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, stay with it, stay strong, and come here often. We all care about you!

Hugs,
Kirsten

dash4
Posts: 304
Joined: Dec 2005

Kirsten,
Thank you for sharing your sisters story..those are the stories that keep us strong....and thanks for caring and letting me know...
Keeping you and your sister in my prayers...
Hugs to you too,
Mary Kay

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Hi MK

I'm sorry you lost your husband - he went a very long way in his battle.

Now, in your time of grieving, you are facing Cancer yourself - I don't know why these things happen at the time they do - when it all seems so tough and then new challenges get heaped upon us.

There probably is no definitive answer - life throws things at us and we have to endure and overcome it seems - we wonder how we will have the strength.

I hope that you will have all the strength that you can draw on to fight your new battle and to go on without your husband. That just has to be one of the toughest things to have to go through...I cannot imagine what you are feeling.

I'm glad you came back - "things happen for a reason" and your impromptu decision to post again, was probably "no accident."

Sending good thoughts for your 2-16 surgery :)

-Craig

dash4
Posts: 304
Joined: Dec 2005

Craig,
You are so right that losing my husband has been the hardest thing I have ever had to live with...many thought it was so difficult being the caregiver-but that was my privelege and my blessing that life allowed me to juggle my world and always be with him. Now, I feel like I have to put my grieving to the side so I can fight for me and that is a hard feeling to explain...so I keep him in my heart and just go on...but all of you are so strong and carry so much to keep going too. It reminds me to do the same. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me-I believe you are right-my posting did have a "reason for happening"....
Keeping you in my prayers,
Mary Kay

lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008

Hi Mary Kay,

I'm sorry to hear of your breast cancer diagnosis. You've been through a lot with your husband's care and death. I'm so sorry.
I guess you're probably already perusing the breast cancer board- hope folks there are as supportive as they are here.
I'm sending you a PM- please check for it.

Lisa

dash4
Posts: 304
Joined: Dec 2005

Lisa,
Actually, I have not gone to the breast cancer board yet..I first thought of this board-it is like coming home and getting the emotional support I need. I am so grateful for all the responses and kind words.... you have all lifted my spirits.
With love,
Mary Kay

mom_2_3
Posts: 965
Joined: Nov 2008

Mary Kay,

You have been given some very good advice and thoughtful words here. I am glad that the responses give you courage. I think that someone's advice about this being a different story than your husband's was very intuitive and insightful. The way I think about my own journey is by using a line I read somewhere else and that is that I am "a study of one." Regardless of statistics, of what happens to others I know with the same diagnosis, etc., at the end of the day all that counts to my own story is that I am an individual, not a statistic. I am my own study.

I am sorry you are going through this, especially after the recent loss of your husband. Rest assured that he looking down upon you and wishing for you all the fight that he had during his own illness. I will keep you in my prayers...

Amy

mom_2_3
Posts: 965
Joined: Nov 2008

Mary Kay,

You have been given some very good advice and thoughtful words here. I am glad that the responses give you courage. I think that someone's advice about this being a different story than your husband's was very intuitive and insightful. The way I think about my own journey is by using a line I read somewhere else and that is that I am "a study of one." Regardless of statistics, of what happens to others I know with the same diagnosis, etc., at the end of the day all that counts to my own story is that I am an individual, not a statistic. I am my own study.

I am sorry you are going through this, especially after the recent loss of your husband. Rest assured that he looking down upon you and wishing for you all the fight that he had during his own illness. I will keep you in my prayers...

Amy

dash4
Posts: 304
Joined: Dec 2005

Amy,
Thank you for sharing your "study of one"...I do need to keep reminding myself that this is my journey-my own study. You are so right that everyone's advice to me has been so intuitive and insightful. I will be holding onto all the responses when I am feeling alone and need to find my courage...
Keeping you in my prayers,
Mary Kay

Fight for my love
Posts: 1530
Joined: Jun 2009

You are in my prayers and I have prayed a successful surgery for you on 2/16.Take good care of yourself and best luck with everything.

dash4
Posts: 304
Joined: Dec 2005

Thank you for your prayers....they give me strength and hope to hold onto. Take care of yourself too and I will keep you in my prayers.
Hugs,
Mary Kay

scouty's picture
scouty
Posts: 1976
Joined: Apr 2004

I remember you and I really sorry to hear about your husband and now your diagnosis. That just stinks but I think you will find lots more info and help with your breast cancer than you got with your hubby's colon cancer. Sad but true, pink rules cancer funding by leaps and bounds.

Keep us posted and I will be thinking of you daily!!!

Lisa P.

dash4
Posts: 304
Joined: Dec 2005

Lisa,
It is crazy, but I feel so educated about colon cancer-it is exhausting to start all over again. But then I look at survivors like you with all your strength and the power you have gained from your knowledge and it helps to keep me going at a time that I am feeling very tired. I have always admired your energy and spirit...thank you for your support.
As always, I will keep you in my prayers.
Mary Kay

Crow71's picture
Crow71
Posts: 681
Joined: Jan 2010

Hi Mary Kay - I'm fairly new to the board; so we haven'y met. I'm so sorry that you lost your husband, and I'm sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I wanted to say that I hope you'll stay with us as you fight your battle. We won't be able to answer many questions about breast cancer, but we know all about scansiety, surgery, success and failure; and HOPE. Plus, you've got a wealth of cc info that folks like me rely on. So please don't be a stranger.
Roger

dash4
Posts: 304
Joined: Dec 2005

Roger,
Thanks for helping me feel needed and offering me hope...I will hold onto that. Keeping you in my prayers too.
Mary Kay

HollyID's picture
HollyID
Posts: 951
Joined: Dec 2009

Mary Kay,

I'm pretty new here as well. My deepest condolences about your husband and I'm so sorry that you're facing this beast now, as well.

Wishing and praying for a speedy and uneventful recovery. I also pray for your physicians and caregivers, that they know how to care for you and your cancer.

God Bless,

Holly

dash4
Posts: 304
Joined: Dec 2005

Holly,
Thank you for letting me know you will keep me in your prayers--that is the main reason I decided to post--I was hoping for prayers-I believe in the power of prayer and everyone here has humbled me with their responses. I am gaining my peace through all of you...thank you.
May God Bless you too,
Mary Kay

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

for you, that you recover fast, and that you dont have to do to much treatment, and that you find some peace, with all that you are going to have to go through.

God Bless
Beth

LVal
Posts: 1
Joined: Feb 2010

My prayers are with you. You are an exceptional individual - stay strong.

ann2008's picture
ann2008
Posts: 119
Joined: Nov 2009

Please know that you are in my prayers and thoughts. You have been through so much but you do need to remember to let others help you at this time. It will help you mentally and physically to let others help so that you can heal. Keep in touch. Ann

dash4
Posts: 304
Joined: Dec 2005

Ann,
Your photo reminds me of my sons over 20 years ago...they too keep reminding me what you are saying about accepting help. It is hard for me to accept help in the first place and I am beginning to realize that it is doubly hard because my wish is that my husband was the one here to give me my "help" I need. All of you from this site are helping me to remember that he is "helping" me and is with me--maybe even in a stronger sense from where he is now than his physical form here could do. I understand it all in my head and now I am trying to get my heart to understand too.
Thank you for your kind thoughts.
Keeping you in my prayers,
Mary Kay

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