An Open Letter...

I think
I think we are here to help support each other,help with advice ,opinions.Each person does it in their own way.

Hatshepsut
Great post. You so often post information that is so incredibly useful and supportive to the members of this forum. I thank you for all of the time you invest on informing us of advances in cancer.
I wish you and your husband.
-phil

Losing sight
It never ceases to amaze me how people can get their panties in such a wad over GOOD intentions.

If someone wants to pray, how is that going to hurt you or anyone else, or their cancer? It is sad to see what starts as a very warming post turn out to actually be for a totally different reason - to tell everyone what they can and can't talk about on this board, just because of your own beliefs or non beliefs. Or maybe I've missed a lot while I've been busy battling my cancer this week, and not on the board. If someone has attacked you in any way due to your religion or lack of religion, or insinuated that he has cancer because of any religious reason, I apologize for my reaction. Maybe I just haven't seen those posts.

If they put you down because you don't practice their religion, that is a whole different situation. That is NOT to be tolerated.

I personally will take any good wishes, positive energy, good vibes, or prayers, or anything positive someone wants to send my way. It sure isn't going to hurt me or my cancer!

If they want to talk about unconventional cures - fine with me. Complimentary medicines, standard Western medicine, serious studies or quacks - bring it on. I have a brain and I can filter what I read and take what I can use, and leave the rest.

And if some people want to talk religion because it IS part of their healing - sprititually or otherwise - if I am not interested, I can stay out of it. I will not take offense, and will not presume that I can set the rules for what can and can't be talked about when people are crying out for support to get through a very hard thing.

We are ALL battling cancer, or caregivers or relatives of those battling cancer. I would expect a little more support for each other due to our common ground, and a little less bickering over something so trivial!

There is too much hate and negativity in this world as it is. Why try to stir up more? I just don't understand.

Kathryn_in_MN said:

Losing sight
It never ceases to amaze me how people can get their panties in such a wad over GOOD intentions.

If someone wants to pray, how is that going to hurt you or anyone else, or their cancer? It is sad to see what starts as a very warming post turn out to actually be for a totally different reason - to tell everyone what they can and can't talk about on this board, just because of your own beliefs or non beliefs. Or maybe I've missed a lot while I've been busy battling my cancer this week, and not on the board. If someone has attacked you in any way due to your religion or lack of religion, or insinuated that he has cancer because of any religious reason, I apologize for my reaction. Maybe I just haven't seen those posts.

If they put you down because you don't practice their religion, that is a whole different situation. That is NOT to be tolerated.

I personally will take any good wishes, positive energy, good vibes, or prayers, or anything positive someone wants to send my way. It sure isn't going to hurt me or my cancer!

If they want to talk about unconventional cures - fine with me. Complimentary medicines, standard Western medicine, serious studies or quacks - bring it on. I have a brain and I can filter what I read and take what I can use, and leave the rest.

And if some people want to talk religion because it IS part of their healing - sprititually or otherwise - if I am not interested, I can stay out of it. I will not take offense, and will not presume that I can set the rules for what can and can't be talked about when people are crying out for support to get through a very hard thing.

We are ALL battling cancer, or caregivers or relatives of those battling cancer. I would expect a little more support for each other due to our common ground, and a little less bickering over something so trivial!

There is too much hate and negativity in this world as it is. Why try to stir up more? I just don't understand.

phew.................ishhhhhhhhhhh
My ONC was very worried that the stress from me possibly losing my job would create havoc with my immune system, causing my cancer to resurface. I don't think any of us need any more stress, especially not from this site. Why can't we just get along it may be the best cure......


Believe or not believe.....I am here to share this journey with you.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atBg9zLI2bA

John23 said:

To the religious well meaning...
Two sides to every Hectogon?

It bothered me, that my suggestion to have a board dedicated
to alternative medicine was denied by the administrators.

Their reasoning was that the forums are for cancer survivors
and their peers, concerning their chemotherapy and radiation.

It was difficult for me to understand....... There are many of us
that are fighting the very same cancer using alternative medicine;
why are we being cast aside?

What adds to the insult, is that there is a board for spiritual and
religious topics concerning cancer, as if prayer tops any alternative
to chemotherapy and radiation.

It doesn't matter what religion any of us believe in, if at all; and it
matters less if we "say a prayer" or not. What does matter, is that
we are able to share what we find is helping us stay alive, regardless
of what that might be.

Priests, nuns, members of clergy get cancer and die from it;
murderers die from cancer, mothers, sons, fathers and daughters
have died from it, gays, lesbians, straights, married, divorced,
single, and animals of all kinds, have died from cancer.

Religion does not matter. One's belief or lack thereof, does not matter.

Finding a way to beat cancer; a way to stop cancer from taking
over our bodies without having the "cure" kill us instead, is what is
absolutely most important.

So, "bless" us all, if you must, but please don't ask for "everyone to pray".

I would take a person's "best wishes" and "best hopes" as dearly and
as genuine, as "prayers".

Personally, I think that's the real message that's being screamed so silently here.



John

NOW YOU KNOW WHY I LEFT
To John 23 and the rest of the people on what was once a board filled with support and caring and has now become a forum for the left and right to do cyber battle:

I have been a dedicated member of this board since 2002. I have supported complete strangers through their worst times, shared their victories over cancer, and cried when they lost their fight. We became a close-knot, non-judgmental, supportive family. I looked forward to logging on, sharing experiences and information, giving empathy, and communicating with my "family". We became so close that we decided to finally meet. It was such a joyous experience that we decided to do it regularly and christened the event ColonPalooza.

Now... I have little interest in coming to the board. Some will argue that it's because I am NED and have been for years. To those people I reply that I have a genetic form of cancer and I have little illusion that it won't be back - it has revisited my mother four times - and I will once again face the dragon. No, the reason I don't come back here anymore is precisely because of the rude, snarky, "if you don't subscribe to my beliefs then you're wrong", elietist, entitled, GFY attitude that comes out when someone shares their religious values.

Folks this is a SUPPORT board. I agree, it isn't a religious forum. Did you ever stop to think that the only reason it "becomes" a religious forum is because YOU (the anti-religious people) MAKE it one? You MAKE it one the moment you open a dialogue about how religion doesn't belong here. If you don't want to read about religion, just SKIP THE ****ing POSTS by people you know tend to have a religious bent to their posts. For crying out loud. Frankly, it isn't that difficult. There are certain people who post here whose opinions I do not agree with - the uber-left leaning people who bash religion and pushpolitical rhetoric (yes, I know that my own wife sometimes falls into this category on the right-leaning side, but at least her views are supported by FACTS that are CITED in her posts - I haven't seen that in the posts of the people I am referring to. Give me facts not your half-baked political "opinions" and you might win me over to your political views).

You know, I just spent 10 days anchored in Port au Prince, Haiti treating people who have crushed limbs, have literally had their face ripped off by falling debris, and who have lost EVERYTHING. The smell of death hung in the air. 120,000 people dead - and counting. There are a lot more important things in this world to get your panties in a bunch over than whether or not someone asks for your prayers. If you don't want to do it or if you don't believe in it, then DON'T DO IT. The fact of the matter is, though, that, no matter how much you don't believe in it, there are people in this world who DO pray. GET OVER IT.

Quit being so **** self-righteous, pompus, and narrow-minded. I don't go to church on Sunday either, but I RESPECT people's opinions. If I disagree, I either let it go or RESPECTFULLY reply with FACTS. Yeah, this wasn't a particularly respectful post, but I figure someone will report this as "offensive" and Gretta will be asked to pull it down within a day or so. I suspect it will be one of the people who know that I am speaking directly to them. And that's OK.

In the immortal words of one of my favorite songs: It's better to burn out than just fade away.

To my friends here; you know my e-mail address - drop me a note when you get a chance. I love you all and I DO pray so know that I will pray for all of you. I will pray for your good health, you to find peace, and - most of all - I will pray that you will start to treat each other with the respect that each and every member of this board deserves.

Be well - I'm outta here.

- SpongeBob

spongebob said:

NOW YOU KNOW WHY I LEFT
To John 23 and the rest of the people on what was once a board filled with support and caring and has now become a forum for the left and right to do cyber battle:

I have been a dedicated member of this board since 2002. I have supported complete strangers through their worst times, shared their victories over cancer, and cried when they lost their fight. We became a close-knot, non-judgmental, supportive family. I looked forward to logging on, sharing experiences and information, giving empathy, and communicating with my "family". We became so close that we decided to finally meet. It was such a joyous experience that we decided to do it regularly and christened the event ColonPalooza.

Now... I have little interest in coming to the board. Some will argue that it's because I am NED and have been for years. To those people I reply that I have a genetic form of cancer and I have little illusion that it won't be back - it has revisited my mother four times - and I will once again face the dragon. No, the reason I don't come back here anymore is precisely because of the rude, snarky, "if you don't subscribe to my beliefs then you're wrong", elietist, entitled, GFY attitude that comes out when someone shares their religious values.

Folks this is a SUPPORT board. I agree, it isn't a religious forum. Did you ever stop to think that the only reason it "becomes" a religious forum is because YOU (the anti-religious people) MAKE it one? You MAKE it one the moment you open a dialogue about how religion doesn't belong here. If you don't want to read about religion, just SKIP THE ****ing POSTS by people you know tend to have a religious bent to their posts. For crying out loud. Frankly, it isn't that difficult. There are certain people who post here whose opinions I do not agree with - the uber-left leaning people who bash religion and pushpolitical rhetoric (yes, I know that my own wife sometimes falls into this category on the right-leaning side, but at least her views are supported by FACTS that are CITED in her posts - I haven't seen that in the posts of the people I am referring to. Give me facts not your half-baked political "opinions" and you might win me over to your political views).

You know, I just spent 10 days anchored in Port au Prince, Haiti treating people who have crushed limbs, have literally had their face ripped off by falling debris, and who have lost EVERYTHING. The smell of death hung in the air. 120,000 people dead - and counting. There are a lot more important things in this world to get your panties in a bunch over than whether or not someone asks for your prayers. If you don't want to do it or if you don't believe in it, then DON'T DO IT. The fact of the matter is, though, that, no matter how much you don't believe in it, there are people in this world who DO pray. GET OVER IT.

Quit being so **** self-righteous, pompus, and narrow-minded. I don't go to church on Sunday either, but I RESPECT people's opinions. If I disagree, I either let it go or RESPECTFULLY reply with FACTS. Yeah, this wasn't a particularly respectful post, but I figure someone will report this as "offensive" and Gretta will be asked to pull it down within a day or so. I suspect it will be one of the people who know that I am speaking directly to them. And that's OK.

In the immortal words of one of my favorite songs: It's better to burn out than just fade away.

To my friends here; you know my e-mail address - drop me a note when you get a chance. I love you all and I DO pray so know that I will pray for all of you. I will pray for your good health, you to find peace, and - most of all - I will pray that you will start to treat each other with the respect that each and every member of this board deserves.

Be well - I'm outta here.

- SpongeBob

spongebob - et al


I don't like being singled out

Perhaps some sort of inner rage caused you to miss my point,
or perhaps I just did not get my point across properly?

The comment "YOU (the anti-religious people)", -really- bothered me.

This is exactly what was annoying some of us here... it's that
feeling that gets sent, that unless you accept open prayer sessions
and "join in praying", you are less than religious, or lack moral fiber.

Some of us are quietly religious, some disregard religion, and some
very religious; it isn't anyone's business but our own, what we believe in,
if anything at all.

I doubt you've ever heard anyone complain about the simple closing
of a comment, with the words: "You're in my prayers".

What we do see, are complete threads not of offering help with or
from "experiences" of the posters, but simple "I'll say a prayer" statements.

I may be privately saying a prayer, but that's not of concern. If I
have nothing more to offer than a prayer, I'll do it here, behind my
laptop, not shout it from the rooftop.

And why would that be important? Because I don't feel it necessary
to impose my need to say a prayer on anyone that does not subscribe
to my beliefs.

"I'll do a chant". "I'll get into my favorite Yoga position for you"...
Does it really matter?

No-one that's said anything here, including myself, has said that
a simple "you're in my prayers" at the closing of a comment is a "bad thing",
or unacceptable.

What -was- said (if time is actually taken to read), is that complete
threads consisting of nothing but: "you are in our prayers", is uncalled for.
It will appear to any new reader, that this is some sort of a religious
forum for people of some particular religious belief.

It isn't, and it never should become that. And those that are "complaining",
aren't "complaining", they are just stating what they feel should not
be taking place in such a predominant manner.

I'm sorry if that can't be understood better.

We are all here due to cancer. We all would like to go the right path to
stay alive. And we all need the input and experiences of others that are
doing battle with the same affliction.

I actually pray that you will understand that.


John

MIND + BODY + SOUL = Human
The connection of MIND BODY SOUL is undeniable. The connection is inescapable. We can choose to ignore the connection, ignore one aspect over another, but at what cost?

All of us come here for our own individual and personal reasons, be it for information, for support, to learn about colon cancer, to share our stories, among many other reasons, for different things on different days, and we all hope that what we give and what we take away is meaningful to our own individual experiences. It certainly is comforting to know when a thought or question comes to mind, or a problem or angst arises, there is at least one person or even a couple of people we KNOW will respond with wise words to give us the boost we so need to help us move beyond that immovable moment.

All of us must forge our own way through the cancer experience and each of us must carry our own tool box with the items that are necessary to ourselves. For me, together with my Western medical protocols, I had my faith (not religion), my family, and my friends in my tool box.

For me my faith was vital to my treatment plan. For different reasons my faith was just as vital as my Oxaliplatin. Why? The Oxaliplatin was to treat my body. Learning as much as I could about cancer, colon cancer, inherited cancers and various protocols treated my mind. My faith was treatment for my soul. For me it was a three pronged approach to dealing with my cancer and to be without one or another would have put me at a disadvantage.

So you see, for us to exclude any conversation about faith, be it prayers, sharing of biblical verses, mantras, chants, quotes from philosophers, music/songs/psalms, etc., etc... leaves many of us without one of our most powerful tools to confront our cancers.

I do not recall that anyone here suggested that any person or people who do not include faith, or religion, or any manifestation thereto, in their tool box is any less or any more of anything than any other person here. What has been suggested, okay implored, is that in this PUBLIC forum there should be no rules for what people can or cannot say if it is done so respectfully (of course any kind of "hate speech" cannot be tolerated...not here or anywhere).

For some of us Hatshepsut, faith and religion are very much a part of our community and our cures. My faith may not be relevant to you, but it certainly is very relevant to me, and I know there are others who understand that. No one is asking you or anyone else to change your mind or your beliefs - we're just asking you and others to let everyone freely be who they are, so ALL people may openly express themselves without having to carry a heavy and confusing load of mindless political correctness.

"The only way to make sure people you agree with can speak is to support the rights of people you don't agree with." Elenor Holmes Norton

Hatshepsut said:

Family...
Fellow CSN Members:

Many post here about the sense of family that pervades our site. Some of today’s posts, however, belie that description.

I have reread my post (at the top of this thread) again and again to determine my level of culpability in this disaster of a day.

I believe I did the honest and honorable thing by posting my concerns. I believe that I wrote a cogent and respectful dissent about what I believe to be a divisive issue relating to our board. A number of people have posted their similar concerns, so apparently I am not alone in my thoughts.

I don’t believe I was rude. I didn’t call anyone names, nor did I call for censorship as some have claimed. Free speech is, I think, a two-way street allowing for both the expression of ideas and the criticism of those ideas and/or their effect on the larger community in a given setting.

As a caregiver facing serious issues with my husband’s health, I made it very clear in my post that I need this board. Now, in at least one post, it has been suggested that I leave.

Families don’t always agree or get along; I know that. But, to be very honest with you, I had hoped that our forum “family” was more like the Huxtables than the Osbournes.

Hatshepsut

Leave?
Did someone suggest you leave? I sincerely hope not. If someone wants to leave, including my husband, that is their choice to make. As I said several months ago, I hope no one who comes here to give and receive freely is not encouraged to go elsewhere by another member or feels they should not join the group because of any kind of discouragement. This isn't an exclusive "club"....oh, no....ALL are welcome here. There is no secret handshake, no password, no oath to make...although, an open mind and an open heart would be really cool.